from the bottom of a bottle.

[aiden jacobs.]

i do it for the drugs, i do it
just to feel alive. i do it
for the love that i get from
the bottom of a bottle.

Aiden sat perched almost elegantly on one of the abandoned benches, his back pressed against the wooden back, sit-standing with his knees drawn up to his chest and his feet supporting his slender frame, keeping him upright and at least halfway balanced. He didn’t know how he was managing this position, but he had been for nearly a half an hour now, and he’d already lost feeling in his legs—but he was fine; he wasn’t worried about it. One arm was settled in his lap, across his stomach—the other perched on his knee and lightly cupping his chin within his palm with his fingers barely covering his lips and cheek. He was merely people watching, although not many had come across this solemn looking, gargoyle-esque boy, but that was okay with Aiden—he was fine with sitting in solitude. For the moment, at least, because he knew that he was bound to crave conversation with someone who would actually talk back, instead of having a one on one talk with Monroe the Cat, who was contentedly snuggled within Aiden’s jacket at this moment. He also knew that he wouldn’t be able to go into a place because of his dear little pet, but that was okay, too—he didn't feel like going anywhere. But if he did, maybe he could use Monroe as an excuse, rather than a burden, and say that she was a seeing eye cat? Hah, fuck, what a dumb idea. It happened, I suppose, though it happened to Aiden more than others. Oh well, though, it would be okay eventually.

Inhaling the bitingly cool air, Aiden let his hazel eyes cast a glance around the park again. He was bored. But, when was that new? He always was, nowadays, except for when he got drunk and entertained himself with trying to read a book with his (already horrible) vision as impaired as it was. Although that wasn’t really fun, per se, more like just a way of keeping himself in the house—which was quite easy, since he didn’t really know anyone in this seemingly empty town. It wasn’t empty, of course, but it was winter, and who else but either a jackass or an idiot went out in the winter? Especially in Seattle? Well, Aiden wasn’t a jackass and he didn’t really think that he was much of an idiot, but he must have been, since look where he was. Freezing his ass off on a park bench. Moving his hand to push the long, silky fringe from out of his eyes, Aiden sighed, the small burst of warm carbon dioxide crystallizing in front of his face. He watched the brief episode, somewhat intrigued, before shaking his head a bit and shifting himself on the bench, his ass actually on the seat although his knees were still drawn up. Feeling inside his jacket pockets as he felt something shift, Aiden furrowed his eyebrows and pulled out a beaten up silver iPod, his mouth dropping open as he turned it around and around. It had to be Michael’s. Yeah, it had to be—he’d watched the other boy run around with it and remembered when the douchebag had stolen his hoodie. Hmm.

Biting lightly at his bottom lip, he looked down at the iPod before letting out a frustrated sigh and chucking the device as far as he could throw it, wishing he would’ve stayed in Maine. Burying his face into his knees, he covered his head with his hands and took several slow breaths, barely calming himself down. Pfft, it would’ve been so nice if he went off into an amazingly rage-filled tantrum, wouldn’t it? Not really. A soft mew slipped from inside his jacket, and he looked up, his gaze cast downward as a creamy grey coloured head poked itself out of the zipped confines of the kitten’s warm little spot against his chest. Aiden cracked a small smile, gently rubbing the kitten’s ears as a small group of people shuffled by and glancing up only to make a face. A bunch of weirdos. Like usual. Monroe meowed and Aiden looked back down, the smile that had crossed his lips just a moment before returning as he continued to rub the soft fur of the cat’s head. She was totally adorable, although she still had claws and new cuts and scars littered his arms from those tiny little daggers of hers—but Aiden couldn’t resist the cuteness, and plus, the tiny cuts didn’t bother him. Honestly, he’d nearly slit his throat three times throughout his life already, do you think a couple of kitten claw scratches would make him wince? Aiden rubbed at the back of his neck as he bit his lip and looked up, wondering why he was even in the park in the first place. He hated parks! Who could blame him when he’d slept on park benches nearly his whole life? He heaved a small sigh and yelped a bit as he felt four tiny daggers of pain seeping through his chin, looking down with widened eyes as Monroe snuggled herself back into the depths of his jacket against his chest, pleased that she’d gotten his attention again.

“You little hooker!” He said in a voice that sounded genuinely angry, although he was just being a bit dramatic—he could never be angry for long, at anyone, unless they’d done something horribly stupid to him or something. He tipped his head to the side lightly and gave an absent giggle, crossing his arms across his stomach under the surprisingly unmoveable kitten and standing from the bench. He hated the pins and needles feeling, and, as soon as he stood, it started—but he ignored it as he started to walk, his hair clouding his vision because of the lightly snow-ridden wind and making it hard to see. He loved the snow—it was cold, and made everything serenely beautiful. Aiden passed the group of weirdos and made it nearly halfway down the sidewalk from where they were and slammed nearly head on into someone—oh fuck. “Holy shit! I’m so fucking sorry..” He said softly, a red blush covering his cheeks. The person shrugged it off and pushed past him, nearly knocking him down—Aiden pulled a face and shook his head, beginning to walk again. “Fucking assholes.. God I should’ve stayed in Maine.” He said to Monroe in a voice that could’ve made a prisoner cry. He continued down the sidewalk, trying to dodge whatever people happened to be walking in his path, since he didn’t want a repeat of what had just happened—but, Aiden was a clumsy fuck, so it was hard to tell if it was going to happen or not.

Well, if it did, might as well get it the fuck over with now.



[ ooc. ermmm. yeahh. it's oddddd. but i had to find a way to end it somehow, and i said i wanted to post something, so here it is. x3 it sucks, andd it's shitty, but meh, it's heree. ]

[seth matthews.]

i’ll hide amongst the trees,
and breathe so quietly,
until the sun comes out;
until the morning comes.
so many things scare me...
like when shadows dance amongst the trees.

Dawn had already arisen with its usual grace and was sent spiraling into mid-morning like a car crash, the once brilliantly blue Seattle sky was faded and washed out into an even tempered slate, although the sun cast dazzling paisley blue, pink, purple, and periwinkle shades against the foreboding clouds that seemingly covered up ever speck of the rather pretty washed out blue sky that once hovered above. The promises of rain– or snow, rather– had become quite apparent during the long, tiresome hours Seth had spent curled insecurely in the well used playground equipment tunnel. The once brilliant electric blue of the plastic was now washed out and littered with scratches, carvings, and marker scribbled notes, but that suited Seth just fine; he looked no better himself. His arms were heavily littered in newly acquired scars, needle pricks and cut marks, against his left forearm lay a series of words written in a girlish, good-girl-trying-to-go-bad, I-wanna-be-badass scrawl, courtesy of a recent and rather short meeting with Wil in which the boy insisted in at least making Seth look halfway badass with a sharpied tattoo, the black of the ink reading 'WORTHLESS IN YOUR EYES' stood out blaringly against his pale skin. He needed to go home; needed to call Oliver; needed to get away from his every troubling thought. But there was no chance in hell for that to happen. Ever since his admittance to the hospital Seth had become unbearably distant with himself, he couldn't even stand the thought of catching a glimpse of his own reflection; he was utterly repulsed with himself. It had been a mere twenty-four hours without Oliver and Seth already missed him like hell but after nearly twenty calls to the boy, Seth figured that Oliver wanted nothing to do with him at the moment; and so here he was, sleeping in park playthings and almost wishing to get admitted back to the hospital.

And at the moment you're probably wondering why our dear little Seth keeps recalling his grand entrance to the hospital and my dear I will tell you. After several weeks of practically living with Oliver Seth finally decided he needed to go home and get a few things together and possibly spend the night at his own home, having rarely set foot in his own apartment since his second week of arrival in Seattle. That was bad decision number one. After only a few hours Seth was so hammered on roofies and vodka that he only recalled the vaguest memory of what happened next. Apparently vodka and roofies aren't such a good combination, especially when your home alone in the place you least want to be; it seemed that Seth dearest was so fed up with himself that he decided it was time to do away with himself, no one was going to miss him anyway. Shortly thereafter coming to this decision, Seth attempted to slit his throat; it was a horrible hack job performed with a small razor that had previously been restricted to forearm use only. It was lucky for him that Wil had decided to drop by his apartment for a surprise visit and found Seth lying in the bathroom floor, his phone buzzing impatiently with calls from his recent lover Oliver. Rushed into the emergency room doctors worked quickly to stitch him back up and pump blood back into his system for the large amounts lost. Apparently he was one lucky little boy, the doctors said that most cases of this severity wouldn't live, but that Wil had amazingly brought him in just in time to be saved. Joy to the fucking world, right? Seth was then admitted into the ICU to be closely monitored and kept away for the dangers of wandering away to attempt any more of these suicidal antics; like that was even going to happen. Seth deary learned his lesson: slit throats hurt like a mother fucker and obviously did no good.

As late morning drug into early afternoon Seth stretched luxuriously in his small hell hole of a haven from the flurries of a snowstorm came tumbling from the swollen and bruised clouds. Little kids would be arriving soon, seeing as the beginning of them began to trickle in although they steered clear of the jungle gym and rather filed nearly orderly towards the monkey bars and swing sets. Oh fuck, they couldn't tell he was head in the clouds high off of pain killers could they? Pfft, of course not. How silly of him to believe that little kids didn't know it was perfectly normal for twenty-one year old idiots to camp out in the playground equipment because they were secretly terrified of being home alone with themselves.

Snow was not

[/i] going to melt you, Seth had learned this quite some time ago; it only decreased your body heat, and forced you into relentless bone rattling, teeth clacking shivers. But he had enough body heat to spare, if not then our little boy could live with a cold for decidedly being an idiot and wanting to come camp out in the park and explore during a snow storm, couldn't he? Seth gazed around the park curiously, hoping for some sign of some, anyone that he might have known that would be brilliant enough to come out and play on a day like this; needless to say, there didn't seem to be much of a crowd other than a few kids who looked like they might have been his age and hordes of children clinging to their parents' hands. Suddenly a boy caught his attention, god, he looked so much like Aiden. No, he wasn't going to fuck up this kid's day just because he looked vaguely like the boy who'd weathered so much shit with Seth; he needed to just fucking leave everyone alone. He was sick of ruining every one else's lives with his own pathetic problems. Slender fingers curled shakily about the abused iPod, varnished nails futilely pushing at the dented, metallic surface of the rear of the device. After placing the device's earbuds into his ears Seth turned the worn iPod on, his ears suddenly filled with the trademark song of Armor For Sleep, Car Underwater. Slowly the song began melting into one of Seth’s favorite songs by the blazingly upbeat group Scary Kids Scaring Kids, Just A Taste. The male smiled softly and allowed his thumb to rotate the dial until the music was blaring deafeningly into his eardrums, the iPod stashed away in the pocket of his jacket. Worn Converse thudding rhythmically against the cracked cement pathway that wound its way gracefully through the snow-laden area of the haven of the park, a hand reaching up and self consciously tugging at the brim of the hood that had pulled up to hide the disastrous mop of hair that had been tousled and mused by the invisible fingers of the freezing winds.

Seth really hadn't been paying much attention to where he had been going, much more interested in counting cracks in the cement that he had been wandering along, half mindedly humming along to the shuffled songs that blared into his head one after another. A soft sigh was heaved into the frigid Seattle air, Seth's gaze flickering upwards momentarily to watch as his breath materialized before his eyes, a faint giggle given as his hand snuck from his pocket to swipe playfully at the shroud of mist. As Seth reached up to readjust the brim of his hood an earbud fell from his ear, a soft curse given as his hand attempted to catch the pendulum-like earphone, his gaze flickering up as he heard Aiden's heartbreaking voice, his eyes widening as if he'd seen a ghost. And there he was, standing not two feet away from Aiden Mikhail Jacobs, the boy who'd helped him through so much shit; the boy he'd abandonded in fear of hurting him and driving him away. Seth desperately wanted to turn and run, to pretend he hadn't seen him. But those words. Oh, those heartbreaking words. Suddenly Seth stepped forward before his mind had time to oppose, his arms thrown about the boy's shoulders and his face nuzzled into Aiden's neck quietly before allowing his chin to rest absently against the boy's shoulder. "Why Maine, darling?"


ooc; it's blahh, but it'll work rightt? if you want me to edit it or something just tell meee. [/blockquote][/size][/font]

[aiden jacobs.]

and i know that it’s over,
and there’s nothing left to say.
and we all pay the prices
of the games that we play;
i don’t know how to love you
but i can’t walk away.

Aiden’s steps were slow, trying absently to keep from bumping into anyone else—that would’ve been just his luck, and he really didn’t need that. He wasn’t exactly going to be able to keep his ass from getting kicked if he did it again. He was tired—not physically, but mentally, and the hours of sleep that had accumulated over the past few weeks left his body feeling rested, but his mind was in overdrive. It wasn’t exactly new—it happened a lot, actually—but he was tired of it. Hah, what irony. His eyes locked momentarily on his worn chuck taylors, nibbling on the inside of his lip as he saw the sharpie markings dotting the off-white surface and giving a soft sigh. Even though he’d said it, he really did wish he would’ve stayed in Maine. Sometimes. It was okay in Seattle, but he missed the beautiful Maine scenery, and, of course, Brendin. He’d heard Michael talking to him earlier this morning, truth be told, but he was in too much of a hurry to get out of the apartment to bother with trying to talk to Brendin. Which was horrible to say, but it was true—he tried to spend as little time as possible in that hell hole, even if it meant missing talking to his best friend. Fun, fun, right? Yeah. Sure.

It was rare for Aiden to sing, both without music and with people around him, but he didn’t care today—he really didn’t. “…Son of a bitch. Sorry for ruining your pretty little ears, Monroe.” He sighed after he realized he’d been murmuring the words to Never Gonna Change by Saliva, a song off the CD he’d jacked from Michael. He would never know—he didn’t listen to it—and it was one of those things that didn’t really matter. And plus, Josey Scott’s voice was amazing. Aiden’s wasn’t bad, either, but compared to the singer, he sucked. Well, in his eyes, he did; he didn’t have other peoples’ opinions, since he wouldn’t sing in front of anyone—but it didn’t matter anyway. Raising a hand from the small lump in his Breaking Benjamin jacket momentarily, he rubbed his jaw line softly, wincing a bit and jumping as he touched the small knot and barely covered-up bruise. Aiden could’ve fixed anyone’s makeup but his own. He sighed, returning back to his thoughts as his hand returned to rest under the ball of fuzz snuggled within his jacket. The cat was going to be the death of him, but it was so goddamn cute.

Aiden’s thoughts shattered as his steps faltered due to a body blocking his path, surprise etching across his face as he felt arms going around his shoulder and a face being pressed into his neck. His eyebrows furrowed and as he heard the familiar vocals he shut his eyes, another ragged sigh leaving his lungs as he removed one hand from under the cat and placed it lightly, cautiously, on the other boy’s rib cage for a second before withdrawing his hand. Monroe may have been a small cat, but she was a bitch whenever she was in his jacket and he moved one of his hands. That, and he wasn’t sure if Seth would flip out or not. Most signs pointed to no, but Aiden was never sure about things like that. He took a moment after he’d registered that he’d been asked a question and shrugged a bit, licking his lips and shivering a bit at the feeling of the cold metal rings against his tongue. “I don’t know.. I guess because I left everything there.” He said softly, furrowing his eyebrows again before adding, “Well, nearly everything.” He shrugged a bit again, his breath hitched in his chest. He hadn’t seen the boy for at least two weeks—maybe more, maybe less: the days had meshed together, and he wasn’t even sure what day it was today. Classy, huh?

“Uhm. This is weird, but.. Do you know what day it is?” Way to sound like a goddamn druggie, asshole. He thought to himself, rubbing his eyes and wincing as his fingers rubbed against the knot on his jaw again—asshole, complete fucking asshole. “…never mind. I’ll figure it out. Well, uhm.” Aiden furrowed his brows as he stuttered like an idiot, not exactly sure what to say. As Monroe clawed his chest through the Three Days Grace shirt clinging to his torso, he moved, looking down at the kitten as she decided to make herself known upon being squished. As Aiden had figured quickly, she didn’t like being squished. “Monroe, god dammit. I’ll drop you in the snow, you little furball.” He said absently, rubbing the animal’s head before glancing back up at Seth. He still didn’t know what to say without making it seem as if he was pissed at the other boy. He wasn’t, but he wasn’t sure what he’d say. “So.. I haven’t seen you around much lately? How have you been?” Aiden questioned softly, shrugging a bit and biting his lip as he looked at the other boy quietly. Seth looked a little.. weird, but Aiden wasn’t going to say that. Not weird, per se, but off. But it wasn’t his business, so he didn’t try to think on it.




[ ooc. finishedd! and it sucks balls. i sorry. v.v i'll try to edit if you need me too, aha. x3 ]

[seth matthews.]

i never thought i'd come back around;
i never thought i'd see you again.
and it took one night when i packed my life,
and one to take it out again

Seth's arms encircled Aiden's shoulders only half using the warm gesture as a welcoming embrace, having missed the other boy dearly over the past two or two and a half weeks and partly used because he stupidly tripped over his own feet and nearly went headfirst into the snow littered sidewalk; not a good idea, I must say. As he buried his face into Aiden's neck he placed a soft kiss the boy's skin, noting the small bruising knot that lay against the boy's jawbone, a soft frown given as he reached up to cup Aiden's chin although he jerked his hand back as a second thought. It'd be best not to ask what had happened, surely Aiden would tell him if he wanted Seth to know. Or at least cared to let Seth know; Seth was done with prying into everyone's life trying to make everything all better only to end up fucking things up in the end. But hey, that's what he did best. A soft pout lace itself across Seth's lower lip as Aiden pulled his arm away form Seth's rib cage; he'd missed hugging the boy, although maybe it was for the best because Seth could have sworn that he heard Aiden's coat meow. A surprised look was well hidden behind elation for having seen the long lost boy, a warm smile splayed across his lips. Seth's hands sought the enveloping warmth of the thin jacket he was adorned in, his shoulders hunched lightly against the wind, his head tipped to the side as he listened quietly to Aiden, his gaze having been adverted to his worn Chuck Taylor's, the bright, multi-colored, rainbow-y laces not fitting in with the shoes' worn appearance, but hell, he didn't really care they had looked pretty so he had bought them. "Yeah... I kind of miss being back in Maine too, sweetie. That was probably one of the best times of my life; sad, huh?" A soft shrug was given as Seth glanced back to Aiden, meeting the boy's own matching hazel gaze, it was so different from Oli's shocking blue eyes he'd grown so accustomed to seeing; he was sure that Aiden probably realized that his pupils were the size of pinpricks at the moment, a soft flush of shame washing over his jaw.

Seth's brows were furrowed perplexedly as he thought for a moment– fuck, what day was it?– before he shook his head and glanced down, his thumb absent mindedly rotating over the thumb dial of his iPod both to turn down the blaring music and to get the screen to light up once more. The italicized words proudly displaying the date and time pronounced it to be Tuesday, so Tuesday it would be; wether or not that day was actually correct or not Seth had no idea, god only knows if he'd even set the iPod's date correctly or if he'd been too drugged out of his mind to do that. A soft shake of his head and a shrug of his shoulders was all Seth needed to push the thoughts away, glancing back up at Aiden curiously, his attention captured on the squirming lump residing in Aiden's coat. Okay, so maybe he had heard the boy's coat meow when he hugged Aiden; maybe his doped little mind wasn't playing tricks on him. Fuck, the doctor had warned him about taking those goddamn pills without eating anything; but then again he also said they'd make Seth hella trippy and that sounded just peachy to him. Seth's attention quickly snapped back into place as he heard Aiden stammering once more, a soft frown given. Woah, how long had he not been paying attention? I guess ADHD and narcotics weren't good for letting Seth's fickle little mind keep from wandering, now were they? "No no, it's uhm... Tuesday." He stammered quickly, having to glance back down at the iPod's scuffed and scratched screen to reassure himself of the day. That squirming little lump in Aiden's coat had once more caught Seth's attention, his wide-eyes traveling to the boy's chest as he watched the lump slowly claw it's way up to the opening of the jacket and appear in the form of a small kitten. A soft 'awh' slipped past Seth's wind chapped lips as he stepped forward to stroke the small cat's head absently, the kitten surprisingly closing it's eyes in what seemed to be enjoyment before gathering Seth's finger brutally into it's mouth as he moved to pull his hand away. Well son of a bitch, that was going to hurt later... "Awh, Aide, she's fuckin' adorablee!" He added with a playful whine, most likely sounding more than idiotic; but at the time being Seth was so out of it that he really didn't give a shit. The only thing he was worried about was Aiden finding out what he'd done, not like that would matter. He wasn't expecting Aiden to be as caring and concerned as he used to be, not with Seth having abandoned him and all, but then again it was entirely Seth's fault; he'd come to visit him after three or four days of not seeing the boy around the city, but Michael had bluntly told him no, that Aiden wanted nothing to do with him, something about Aiden having found someone else to replace him or some shit. As Aiden stammered for something to say Seth smiled lightly, finding it adorable how Aiden searched for words, a faint giggle attempted to make it's self known although because Seth had stupidly been talking as if nothing had happened to him, his voice had quickly grown hoarse, the giggles only rasping faintly into the snowy Seattle air. "Yeah, I know... I'm sorry about disappearing on you like that, it's just that Michael told me you didn't want anything to do with me anymore or something like that." His words were choked out strangely, the last bit of his sentence wavering on the brink of cracking. "Uhm, a little fucked up– okay that's a lie, a lot fucked up, but I'm getting over it. I tried to slit my throat like last week, but it's no big deal, the doctor said I should be fine..." He whispered, his throat aching and throbbing with the strain of having tried to talk normally, he should have known better; a soft shrug was given as he tugged at the scarf that wrapped about his neck to hide the stitching although he dared not pull it down far enough for Aiden to see, the boy had other things on his mind, Seth could tell, and he didn't feel like bothering Aiden with his fickle little problems. "How about you, babe?"

Whimpering quietly Seth reached for Aiden's belt loops, his fingers sliding through the small space between the thin strip of denim and the nearly freezing cold metal of the pyramid studded belt that snaked through the belt loops Seth's fingers sought. As soon as Seth had laced his fingers through the boy's belt loops he pulled Aiden's hips flush against his playfully, his upper body lent backwards slightly so that Monroe could rest easily between their bodies. A soft shudder raced up and down Seth's spine at the soft offer of warmth that Aiden's small frame offered, a warm smile was plastered across his lips as he leaned his face in so that his lips pressed against Aiden's jawbone, opposite the small knot, a soft frown creasing his features as he pulled his lips away shaking his head quietly. "Aide what happened?" Seth's voice was laced with concern for the small boy, a frown still twisting the corners of his lips downwards; Seth's fingers were detangled from the boy's belt loop, his hand rising so that his fingers could quietly sweep over Aiden's pale cheek. "I've missed you sweetie, you don't know how much has gone on..."

ooc; sorry it's so damn shortt. i can probably edit it if you need me to... idk, maybe you can use something out of it.

[aiden jacobs.]

after this i feel as empty as the
night before, feel the pain and
yet i’m still begging for more.

Taking notice as the boy nearly fell against him, Aiden tipped his head to the side curiously, wondering if the hug was a mere coverup of the boy’s nearly falling. No, probably not, I mean honestly. Aiden did the exact same thing sometimes, although he usually landed flat on his face—he couldn’t do that now, though, since Monroe probably would’ve scratched the fuck out of him in his sleep, if she was in his jacket, of course. Otherwise, she’d probably be scratching the fuck out of him because he didn’t take her with him. Either way, he was going to get torn up, yeah? After he’d touched the other boy’s side just secondarily before tugging his hand back to support the cat, he felt the soft kiss placing itself into the skin of his neck, beginning to chew absently at the inside of his lower lip as the other boy must have caught sight of the poorly covered bruise. The story behind that was pretty stupid, but, of course, the stupid one was always made out to be Aiden whenever Michael was around. He forced a small smile as Seth jerked his hand away from his chin, giving a soft shrug and looking down slightly to the meowing bundle in his jacket as he saw a trace of surprise across the other boy’s face. He couldn’t help but bite back a laugh, knowing that many people thought they were hearing things when Monroe meowed her presence from his jacket, and kept a straight face for the most part, until he was questioned about why he wished he would’ve stayed in Maine. As he gave his answer he shrugged a bit, biting his lip and listening when Seth spoke, himself. “No, not sad. I know where you’re coming from. Nice shoelaces, by the way. I’m jealous.” Aiden said with a small smile, having spotted the rainbow coloured shoelaces—Aiden’s were still the boring white one’s, but now they were pretty much light brown from the continued wear. Oh well, they’d be okay. He raised his gaze back from his jacket and bit his lip lightly as he saw Seth’s barely there pupils, although he wouldn’t say anything about it—he’d witnessed Brendin the same way, and he knew it was easier to just let it slide. Plus, it wasn’t his business.

Aiden felt so stupid as he asked what day it was, although he really wanted to know—the days had meshed together quickly, and he wasn’t quite used to that. He was glad for it, though, since he only went back to Michael’s apartment to sleep and shower—well, actually, he barely even slept there anymore, unless it was below zero outside. He couldn’t stand the younger boy, Brendin’s cousin or not. As he spoke a second time, he shook his head, not even realizing he’d spoken—but it was true, he’d figure it out eventually, right? More than likely not, but oh well. He saw Seth fidgeting with the iPod in his hands, his head tipped to the side as he realized it looked something like the one of Michael’s he’d thrown barely fifteen minutes earlier. Well, duh, they’re both iPods, dumbass, he thought to himself, shaking his head a bit and biting his lip as Monroe clawed at his chest without bringing herself up to be seen. Little freakin’ hooker! “Tuesday? Fuck, I’m losing my mind.” He said to himself, running his hand lightly over his face although he was careful not to touch his bruised jaw line. When he looked back down, he saw Monroe’s creamy grey coloured head poked out of his jacket, and winced slightly as her claws dug once more into his chest. Okay, he was going to have to do something about that. Aiden giggled a bit as Seth began to pet the kitten’s head, although he lightly tapped her on the nose after she’d bitten him. She could be a bitch to Aiden, but not to friends. That would be mean. Although, it was kind of funny. “A bitch, too.” He chimed softly, ruffling the fur atop her head and receiving a meow that he interpreted as ‘Okay fucker, you pissed me off! YOU DIE NOW’ and giving a soft laugh. He’d probably die in his sleep do to fuzzball-over-the-face-smotheration, but it was okay. Aiden glanced up as he heard Seth giggle—well, more like try, to be honest—and furrowed his eyebrows slightly, his head tipped to the side as he heard the other boy speak and catching on only then that the boy’s voice was hoarse. “No, it’s okay.. Wait, what?” He said after a moment, looking toward the cemented sidewalk and shaking his head almost sadly. “He’s a stupid fucker. Well, a stupid lying fucker.” Aiden added softly, shaking his head and giving a sigh. He’d known that Michael was trying to dominate his life, but he hadn’t known that he’d sink that low just to do it. Well, he hadn’t won just yet. “Why’d you go and do something like that, Sethy?” He asked softly, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at the other boy quietly, not trying to sound like a mother disciplining her children although he was sure it probably sounded that way. Everyone took his tones either too seriously, or misinterpreted them, so he barely tried anymore. He watched as Seth fixed his scarf closer around his neck, chewing lightly at the inside of his bottom lip once more as he refrained from taking a look and instead petting Monroe. As the other boy spoke he shrugged, glancing at the sidewalk again before speaking in a barely-there tone of voice. “Back to my old habits.” After a second, he hesitantly added, “That’s about it.”

As Seth laced his fingers through his belt loops, Aiden gave a small smile, a bit of surprise etching across his pale face as the other boy pulled his hips forward quite easily to touch his own, an absent burst of giggles leaving his throat pleasantly. Monroe gave a sort of confused meow and popped her head back out of Aiden’s jacket, having returned to the warm depths after biting at Seth’s fingers for ceasing to pet her, and tried to paw at the boy’s face to no avail. So she settled for trying to paw at Aiden’s, although she failed, miserably—she was still small, which was good for Aiden. He didn’t need bruises and claw marks scarring the pale skin of his face, now did he? Not today, anyway. He bit his bottom lip lightly, an absent giggle leaving his throat every once in awhile, although they had, for the most part, stopped, as Seth pressed his lips lightly to the uninjured side of his jaw, giving a light sigh at the other boy’s frown and shrugging at his question. Did he really want to know? “Uhm.. Michael wouldn’t leave me alone about Monroe a few days ago, since he has an allergy to cats, and I told him to shut the fuck up because it’s not like he’s taking care of her or getting the fuck scratched out of him. Well, truthfully, long story short, he just flipped out and punched me a couple of times.” Aiden said softly, shrugging a bit and licking his lips. “No big deal.” He added, although he couldn’t help but flinch a bit as he felt the other boy’s palm flutter softly over his cheek after he’d let go of one of his belt loops. Or maybe both, Aiden couldn’t tell. Right at the moment, though, he was wishing that he’d stop flinching whenever someone tried to touch him, but that was a long shot. That would probably be another one of his many defects he’d have to live with, but it was okay, it didn’t really matter. He was dealing. Somehow. “I missed you too, kiddo. Do inform me, if you want. Hopefully it’s better than my stupid horror stories about Michael.” Aiden said softly, shrugging a bit and leaning forward to press a soft kiss to the boy’s cheek. It was sort of habit, but, then again, he hadn’t been thinking; when did he think, though?



[ ooc. mehh. this reply suckss. i sorry. >.< i'll edit if you need me too, just tell mehh. rawrrawr. ]

[seth matthews.]

he took the days for pageant,
became as mad as rabbits,
with bushels of bad habits.
who could ask for anymore?
yeah who could have more?

Seth was still half-heartedly wondering if Aiden could tell that his seemingly warm embrace was just a cover-up for his own klutziness, although Seth had meant well by the ‘life saving’ gesture that he had forced upon Aiden. He really had missed Aiden, there was no denying that, Aiden had to have been the only person that had stayed by Seth’s no matter how badly he fucked up; but now Seth had Oliver for that, and he had nearly worried himself sick over how he was going to tell Aiden the heartbreaking news. Seth had more than an inkling that Aiden would be heart broken and confused and more than likely very much so pissed at Seth for so heartlessly abandoning him to hook up with other boys and fall head-over-heels in love with them. But it wasn’t Seth’s fault. Okay, maybe just a little. A rough shake of his head was given as he fought back all of those fickle little thoughts, much more interested in listening to what Aiden had to say than overanalyzing things. A teasing face was made playfully as Seth listed to Aiden quietly, his eyes rolling in feigned exasperation. “I just need to figure out that’s in the past, things can’t always be like they used to, can they? I guess it’ll don on me sometime or another. I just don’t know, I actually really miss what it was like back in Maine despite all of the wonderful shit that’s gone down here.” He murmured almost absently before shaking his head softly and turning his attention back to Aiden. “Ohmigod, I know. Cute, huh? Some fat girl in Hot Topic gave them to me. She really creeps me out because she’s like always hitting on me. Ugh, it sucks like a goldfish.” Seth giggled quietly as he heard Aiden’s comment about his shoelaces, immediately dropping to one knee to begin the daunting task of unlacing and pulling the string from his converse, although at the sudden changes in altitude Seth’s head began to swim dizzily, the reaction coaxing drunken laughter to slip from his chest. Seth worked quickly on stripping Aiden’s own shoe of the original lace, the rainbow-y colored one quickly threaded back through the holes bulleting each side of the shoe and tied with a cutesy bow before Seth hurriedly slipped the newly acquired shoelace into the grommets of his own shoe and managed to find his way back to his feet. Seth’s brows furrowed quietly as he watched Aiden’s teeth bite into his lower lip quietly and his gaze divert away; oh god, what had Seth done now? It took him a moment to realize that Aiden had more than likely noticed his pinpricked pupils, his head shaken softly as a faint shrug rolled his shoulder, hell even if Aiden hadn’t noticed his eyes Seth was sure it wouldn’t take him long. “I just don’t like being sober by myself anymore. It freaks me out…” He admitted quietly before shrugging and glancing down at his now mismatched shoelaces, he liked them better this way, anything actually matching was so not cool.

Seth could only shrug to Aiden’s question although he knew exactly why he’d tried to do away with himself, too much booze, too many roofies, and too many worries about losing either Oliver or Aiden. Hell, he couldn’t bear to part with either of them, much less lose them both, so he thought it best to take himself entirely out of the picture, to take the stress he created out of both of the boys’ lives; hell he wasn’t worth their worry. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” He mumbled softly, probably sounding like the most self pitying boy alive at the moment, and at that thought he could only manage a small sigh.Fuck, he’d slit his wrists, taken up drinking, found a solstice in popping as many pills as he could possibly get his little fingers on. Well, wasn't he just the perfect role model for kids of today? Seth's slender fingers nervously slid over the worn clicker wheel of the iPod, watching the names of bands flash a bright blue as they were highlighted, his gaze held on the device's captivating bright screen, Seth could still hear the quiet murmur of music from the one ear bud that was still planted firmly in his ear before reaching up to remove it quietly, his gaze flickering up to meet with Aiden's as he stashed the iPod into his jacket pocket. A soft smirk tugged at his lips as Seth reached up, his fingers curling about a small section of Aiden's black fringe as he tugged affectionately at the swatch of hair; a soft pout decorated his lower lip absently as he noticed for the first time that Aiden had done away with the thick chunks of hot pink. "Oh Aiden, what mind are you talking about? You lost that a long time ago, dearr." He purred teasingly before beginning to giggle absently, his head shaken as he reached up to fix the boy's hair absent mindedly although his attention was promptly directed to that adorable creamy, gray colored kitten who decidedly made her appearance into the world outside of Aiden's jacket. Absent giggles continued to leave Seth's throat as he began to pet the soft kitten, an absent sort of dazed smile lingering across his lips as he allowed his index finger to scratch beneath the small kitty's chin, a soft whimper was given as he attempted to pull his hand away only to be greeted by sharp teeth and a warm mouth, a delicate frown tugging at his lips before he broke into a playful pout. A warm smile was given as he watched Aiden lightly tap the kitten's nose, his mind flickering back to the day at the park when he'd discovered that Aiden had moved to Seattle, beginning to giggle absently before shaking his head in agreement. "She's a mean little hookerface, that's for sure darling."He added quietly, feeling his voice begin to give way to the stress of forcing his voice to sound normal, not the best idea, let me tell you that, his throat hurt like a motherfucker.

Seth anxiously began to chew at the inside of his lip as he heard Aiden talking, his head bent downwards and his gaze captured on his mismatching shoelaces. Maybe he should have just taken the blame, told Aiden that it was all his fault, that it didn't matter what Michael had told him, he should have found a way to see Aiden. Now there was that ever nagging chance that told Seth Aiden might be in trouble, that if he told Michael what Seth had told him the boy might just flip out. It wouldn't have been so unlike him from what Seth had heard. Seth glanced back up at Aiden as he heard the other boy speaking, the ghost of a smile playing at his lips as he nodded wordlessly in agreement, quietly trying to find his voice. "Yeah, I'm so sorry that you have to put up with that shit...." He murmured quietly before heaving a quiet sigh and anxiously beginning to pull at the ends of the striped scarf that encased his neck like a noose, feeling the soft fabric begin to tighten against his skin. Seth flinched softly when the pressure of the fabric began to drive sharp daggers of pain into the stitched up wound against his neck, glancing shamefully down at the cement as he heard Aiden's concerned words, a soft roll of his shoulders the only thing he could manage. "I–I don't know... Too much vodka, too many roofies, and too much time to think about how I'm fucking everyone's lives up nowadays, I guess. I've just been so disgusted with myself lately, I just can't hardly stand to be alone anymore; every time I'm alone I can't do anything but drink. My life's just gotten so fucked up." He managed quietly, his teeth nervously sinking into his lower lip. What was Aiden going to say about that; how was he going to react to Seth's own quiet little pity party, although honestly he didn't even pity himself, he deserved everything he'd done to himself. The only thing he could come to tell Aiden was that the only time even felt normal anymore was when he was with Oliver, but he couldn't bear the thought of telling that to Aiden, especially not with the risk of breaking the poor boy's heart. Seth's pale fingers quietly tugged at the scarf, his eyes slipping closed as he listened to Aiden's faint voice, a delicate little frown playing at his lips as he glanced back up at Aiden, his eyes filled with concern for the other boy. "It hasn't gotten that bad, has it?"

A warm, bright grin surface against Seth’s lips at the sight of Aiden’s own smile; it had been so long since he’d seen Aiden actually smile, genuinely at least, and he realized just how mooch he’d missed the other boy. He was actually kind of ashamed at the way being with Oliver had made every last loving memory he had ever made with Aiden flee from his pretty little head, but oh they were coming back now; the nights at the Grant Mansion falling asleep on that little sofa so happily, the days spent listlessly in Seth’s cramped little apartment, long afternoons in the park making fun of uppity women toting fake Gucci or Louis Vuitton or Dolce and Gabbana whatever purses they happened to have, but those memories had been long since replaced with the wonderful ones he had made with Oliver. There was nothing in the world that could replace that boy. Nothing. No one, not even Aiden as much as Seth hated to admit it; but there was just something that Seth and Oli had, something so amazingly wonderful that Seth couldn’t imagine his life without his spunky little heroin addicted boyfriend. Seth wasn’t quite so sure that Oli knew that he had caught onto his drug usage, but that was just fine with him, he loved every little flaw and imperfection there was to possibly love in Oli. Seth snapped back to reality when the pleasant sound of laughter flooded the air around him, the corners of his lips curled into a divine little smile, his own barely there giggles slipping past the dam of his lips as his head was shaken softly, his lips moving to brush against the corner of Aiden’s lips. Fuck, he really needed to quit it with the kissing already, he couldn’t risk losing Oli; not now, not ever. A crooked little smile graced Seth’s lips quietly as he glanced down at the small kitten who was decidedly swatting at him with each little futile sweep of her paw, a whispered ‘awh’ breathed quietly. She was so goddamn cute, even if she did try to hurt him in every way imaginable, although her attention was soon directed back to Aiden, Seth’s head shaken softly as he reached up to stroke the soft fur adorning her little head before his gaze flickered up to Aiden. As the boy spoke, Seth’s lips continued to graze over his jaw; he had some delicious flavor to him, something along the lines of vanilla and tequila with maybe a hint of candy although as Aiden summed up his story Seth’s head snapped back, a small little frown resting against his lips. “No big deal? Aiden baby, he fucking punched you.” He murmured quietly, his voice injected with concern and holding a slight edge of hatred for Michael as he hand flitted quietly over Aiden’s cheek; how dare he punch Aiden? That was one step too far, and the next time Seth saw that sorry bastard he was in for it, Seth would be on his ass so fast he wouldn’t know what hit him. Pulling away Seth began to dig in his pants pocket before pulling out a small key ring and glancing it over quietly before quietly allowing himself to put it into Aiden’s own front pocket, his gaze flickering back upwards to meet with Aiden’s own, a faint grin bobbing to his lips. “Those are the keys to my apartment, I don’t go there much anymore… It’s too empty, I can’t sand it. Feel free to got here and crash or whatever you need to do, knowing you you’ve probably been sleeping here, huh?” He asked playfully, his eyes rolled lightly as he moved once more to slip his fingers through Aiden’s belt loops and rocking the boy’s hips absently. “I’ve got everything you’d need there, and if I don’t just tell me. I don’t want to see you so beat up because of some prick roommate, and I definitely don’t want to find you out here crashing on a park bench, yeah?” Seth attempted quietly, his voice still wavering on the brink of cracking and leaving him completely wordless, but that just wouldn’t do. A soft sigh was heaved as his arms were quietly slung about Aiden’s waist­ wary of Monroe, mind you as he felt Aiden’s lips pressing to his cheek, his lips planted briefly to Aiden’s own. “I want the best for you, Aide.”

A soft sigh fell from Seth’s lips as he shrugged and only nuzzled closer into Aiden, his head absently dipped so that his chin could rest on the boy’s shoulder as his free hand arose to stroke over the creamy gray colored kitten’s head half-mindedly. He honestly didn’t know what to say; I mean, how do you go about telling the boy you’ve loved for what, a year, two, that you’d fallen head-over-heels in love with another boy and somehow you managed to end up as a couple after only hours of meeting the interrogation hell of the mall? This definitely was not going to go well, of that, Seth knew certainly. Fuck, he never wanted to hurt Aiden, not after all of the shit the poor boy put up with; all of Seth’s emotional little mood swings, his stupid clingy antics, everything. But here they were, Seth having huddled as physically possible to Aiden without having to fear for his life by warding off that satanic little kitty of Aiden’s, trying to find the words to say so that he could keep from driving the other boy away, his lips curled in a displeasured little frown. “Aiden I think I might have done something really stupid, and I’m just so afraid telling you because I don’t want you to think that I don’t care about you because it’s not true; you mean the world to me and I hope that I don’t break your heart.” He mumbled hoarsely as he shifted his weight to the backs of his heels so that he had a better view of the boy’s pasty skin, a soft frown laced quietly against his lips as he nearly went tumbling backwards into the snow littered sidewalk; fuck, his balance was totally off. “But I kind of met a boy when I got arrested, and well, I pretty much absolutely love him.” He murmured quietly, his gaze diverted to the sidewalk and his teeth clashing against the cold metal of his piercings. God he hoped Aiden wouldn’t be too upset, he just didn’t know if he could have handled the extra stress of knowing that he shattered his best friend in the world, and former lover’s, heart. He hated to see Aiden upset and right about now he was almost wishing that he hadn’t doped himself up on painkillers and crashed in nearly freezing weather at the park; but there had been so many warm memories at the park that the night before it had been the only place Seth’s bombed out little brain could think of where to go, well that and back to Mansonville, but that sure as hell wasn’t happening. “Please don’t hate me Aiden, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you… You’ve always been there for me, I just wish I could say the same about me.” He whimpered hoarsely, his head shaken roughly as he pulled away and shook his head roughly, his hands fleeing up to pull irritably at the itching scarf that insisted upon attempting to choke the life out of him. Carefully unwrapping the scarf from about his neck, he let a hand flutter across the stitching before reaching up to rub over his face quietly. “God, I’m such a fuck up. I didn’t mean to fuck up your life, I promise. If there’s one stupid thing that I can say that wouldn’t be a fucked up lie, it’s that I’m sorry.”

Suddenly the world was pushing down on him with so much more than gravity, he could feel the tension in the air, that inescapable suffering mood that told him he should just rip those itchy fucking stitches out and watch himself bleed. A suffocated whimper fell past his lip as his hazel gaze darted about the park, looking, searching for an escape. Seth could feel his breath shortening, his lungs tightening in his chest; that nervous, jittery, twitching feeling; his head was beginning to spin, the park’s surroundings were just a anxious blur. Oh god, please don’t let this happen, not now, not here. A faint whimper spilt from his pale lips as a trembling hand rose to rest against Aiden’s chest softly, his fingers shivering violently as he lent in to press a brief kiss to the boy’s lips. “I­–I have to go.” He stammered quietly against Aiden’s lips, nearly bursting into tears as he wrenched himself from Aiden. Seth stumbled along the cracked cement pathway of the park, tripping blindly through crowds of people. He had to get away, to keep himself from hurting Aiden any more than he already had, but somewhere in the backs of his sick and twisted mind he wished that Aiden would follow him, wrap Seth up in a warm hug and tell him that it was okay. After his short lived escape Seth found himself nearly sprawled out over a weathered park bench, with a trembling body he flopped down heavily into the cold grasps of the bench and curled his knees to his chest to cope with his fickle little anxiety attack. Burying his face into his arms he began to sob quietly; god, couldn’t he go a single day without fucking someone’s life up? Obviously not.

ooc; sorry this took so longggg, but i had it on my old computer because this one went insane and yeahhh. i would have had it up like a longgg time ago. but meh, yeah, it's not the best but yeah. and sorry for the weird endinggg, i couldn't think of anything else. aha.

[aiden jacobs.]

some will learn; many do.
cover up or spread it out.
turn around, had enough,
pick and choose or pass it
on. buying in, heading for,
suffer now or suffer then.

Aiden glanced at the other boy with a slightly curious look as the extra strength Excedrin Back & Body started to fade. Shit. That was just fucking great. He still had a bit of a hangover, and his jaw and head were killing him. He’d be alright, though, he always got over it. It wasn’t like it was going to actually die, though, hell, who was he to know? Maybe he was going to die and he just didn’t know it yet. Well, he should probably be on the lookout for semis, yeah? It would probably be within his best interest. Mental note—watch the fuck out for semis, you fucking dumbass, he thought absently, shaking his head lightly and looking at Seth after he’d gotten over his spaztastic mentally-demeaning-mental note. He made a face as he closed his eyes for a second, absently rubbing his jaw line gently as he spoke with barely any mental effort, barely aware of what he was saying. He’d registered what Seth had spoken, and he’d registered what he’d wanted to say, and all he could hope was that he was saying what he’d intended instead of some dumbass psychobabble bullshit. Like usual. But there were no promises, of course, and he shook his head lightly, trying to keep himself focused. Geez, he really needed to start paying more attention, both to where he was going, and to what he was saying. Did that mean he was going to? Probably not, but he’d try. “No, I suppose they can’t. Things change, I guess, but I’m not going to go all philosophical on you, since I don’t think either of us are up to that bullshit, hah.” He said with a soft laugh, shaking his head lightly and scratching his cheek. “I do, too, kind of. I dunno, it’s just that a lot of things have changed and I’m afraid though some of it was bad, I guess it was probably for the better, yeah?” Aiden added with a shrug, not being able to hold back a laugh as Seth told him how he’d acquired the shoelaces that were so brightly blaring with the worn white on the shoes, though it did go with the black canvas. Well, rainbow went with almost anything! “Oh godd. That reminds me of tankass. Eww,” he said with a shudder, laughing and covering his mouth with his hand. “She hasn’t tried to chase after you, has she? God, that would be something to watch. Or see on the news. Godzilla Girl Chases Boy Ten Times Skinnier Than She Is Into Parking Lot.” Aiden joked with a small smile, although, as Seth’s slender body almost immediately disappeared from view, he shook his head wildly before looking down. Yeah, he probably would’ve done a complete three-sixty turn before thinking about looking down. Confusion etched across his slightly ashen features, his head tipped to the side as he watched Seth with sort of timid curiosity. Honestly, what the hell? He couldn’t help but yelp a bit as he felt his shoelace being tugged from it’s original place, nearly falling backward. Okay, yeah, he was really spaztastic. “What the hellll. I liked that shoelace, thank you very much! You’re totally more spaztastic than I am, right now, at least.” Aiden said with a mildly confused giggle, watching as the other boy nearly struggled to stand and tipping his head to the side lightly. As Seth spoke, he blinked quietly, licking his lips as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his Breaking Benjamin hoodie until eight sharp pinpricks of pain started up his chest. Alright, so Monroe was even more of a bitch today. Great. “To tell the truth, I don’t blame you.” He said as he made a slightly unsure face, chewing on the inside of his lip after adding, “I’m hardly ever without a bottle of alcohol anymore.”

As Seth spoke, Aiden furrowed his eyebrows lightly, casting his glance to the ground for a moment as he thought, his teeth gnawing at the inside of his lower lip. The middle ring had been ditched a long time ago, although the two snakebites remained, which made it a bit hard, but it was habit, and habits always broke through. For Aiden, at least, although he didn’t even stop when he felt pain and tasted copper. He opened his mouth to speak, although no words came—he wasn’t exactly sure what the other boy meant. Well, he knew what he meant, but he didn’t exactly know why he as saying it now. Sure, after seeing him nearly three weeks ago and all of a sudden being cut off from the other boy was a shock to his system, and he was kind of hurt, yeah, but hadn’t he hurt the other boy countless more times than that? It seemed only fair. Although, Michael had played a part in it. But hey, it happened; there was no escaping it. But that didn’t give him anything to really go on in means of saying anything. He tried to think of a response to that, but it did no good—his mind was clouded, anyway, and, even if he could have thought of something to say, it probably would’ve been horribly.. horrible, in one of those ‘It’s not meant to hurt but I think it’ll hurt anyways, so kill me if you want, I won’t mind’ kind of ways. He’d been in a situation like that more than once, and not just with Brendin. As Aiden watched the small device in Seth’s hands he continued to chew on his lower lip, nearly lost in thought although he was, strangely, fully conscious. It was weird how that happened to him, and yet, even though he was paying attention, he’d end up forgetting everything whoever he was talking to had just said. It was sad, but he had no idea why it happened. Probably all those years of listening to his mother bitch about his father and countless other things, and, basically, being a mute child until he got around friends. Well, that only lasted eight years, pretty much, and after he’d turned.. oh, fourteen? after Aaron, anyway, was when he finally had gotten over that nasty thing called separation anxiety. He’d hated it more than anything, and I guess he was used to being alone now since he’d finally beaten that ugly thing. He shook his head a bit and raised his gaze as he felt strands of his darkly hued fringe being pulled almost teasingly, giggling softly and shaking his head again. “Well that’s tr—HEYY. That may be true, but I still have a little bit of my mind leftt! …okay, maybe not, but still!” Aiden said with a laugh, giving a soft huff and a little whine as Monroe scratched too hard and drew blood. Or at least, he thought she did, but either way, it’d hurt like a bitch. As Seth began to pet the cat, Aiden felt—and heard—he start purring, rolling his eyes a bit and giving a soft smile. That cat was probably his lifeline right about now, if he was asked, since he had nothing else to do, and it was such a loveable kitten once you got past the fact that she’d scratch the shit out of you if you stopped giving her attention. “Yeeeah, I probably should’ve warned you that she’s a little attention whore. So beware of sharp claws and little vampire fangs.” He giggled lightly as he tapped her on the nose as a sort of punishment, although she just stared up at him with bright blue eyes saying “What the FUCK was that about?!” He nodded a bit as Seth spoke again, another absent giggle leaving his throat although he heard the strain in the other boy’s voice.

"It's not your fault, Seth. It's mine. I mean, I'm the one who wanted to get away from Maine, because of all the memories, and Brendin gave me the money and told me that Michael was here. So I guess I just figured it was going to be the best thing for me, but.. I guess not. I'll live with it, though, Seth, please don't worry. You've put up with enough from me, I don't want you to have to go through any more." Aiden said softly, a small batch of tears lining his kohl-rimmed hazel eyes. The other boy had put up with him through so much, and he didn't want him to have to do it anymore. It wasn't his job. It never had been, to tell the truth, although the younger boy may have felt like it was, then and now. But it wasn't, and Aiden desperately wanted him to know that. He nodded softly at Seth's words, knowing almost exactly how the other boy felt, minus the drugs, and wanting to burst into tears. The feeling wasn't a good one, and he knew it had to be killing Seth inside. "I know how that feels, kid. More often than not, nowadays." Aiden sighed as his eyes met the cold concrete, reaching up with his long fingers tipped in chipping black varnish to rub at the centre of his forehead feebly. He couldn't take much more of this. He needed the alcohol, needed the burning at the back of his throat that was the only comfort he could feel during this horribly long days, needed the hangover that became worse and worse every morning- he needed to die with his bottle of Smirnoff in one hand, a revolver in the other. But Aiden didn't want to think about his partially-brought-on-by-alcohol suicidal thoughts right now, and he turned his attention back to Seth as he spoke, hanging his head. "I'm afraid it has." He was ashamed to say it, but it was true, and he couldn't lie to Seth. Part of him wanted to, but he knew that he couldn't, and it wasn't something he wanted to try. His ex was his only friend here, and soon enough, Aiden figured they'd drift apart, as well. It hurt him, internally, to think like that, but it was true, and so the aching in his stomach was ignored, left for another timeless day. It was only emotion, but it hurt physically, too, and he knew only alcohol would take him away from the real world long enough to help the pain go away. He needed it, and soon.

Aiden chanced a weak smile at Seth's happy grin, this one replacing the true, genuinely happy one that had covered his pierced lips seconds before. He rubbed at Monroe's head, swallowing thickly as the little kitten dug her claws happily into his chest and giving another feeble smile. Monroe was almost his only lifeline, and it was pathetic. She was a cat. She couldn't understand anything Aiden said to her, although he liked to believe that she tried. It was odd that he'd reduced himself to talking to a cat instead of turning and talking to another human being, but he didn't really mind. It was beter to hear a meow in response instead of the words, "Oh, what a fucking crybaby. Just slit your throat already!" To which Aiden usually responded, "I'd be all too happy to, just hand me a knife, would you?" That response usually got him weird sideways glances, but he was left alone afterward, which suited him fine. He was turning into a loner, ultimately signing his own death certificate for the coroner. Aiden was thrown back into reality when he felt Seth's lips on the corner of his own, a thought poking into his thoughts about how wrong it was. He didn't quite know why the thought was there, but he figured he'd have an explanation soon enough, which was all he needed to calm his thoughts down a little. Not much, but a little. The soft lips then directed to the unmarked side of his jaw bone, and he couldn't help but give a little shiver, gasping lightly as Monroe dug her claws once more into his chest, although higher up, barely, just barely, missing his nipple. Little bitch. Seth frowned and, slightly afraid, Aiden shrank back a bit, blinking and shaking his head at the boy's words. "Honestly, Seth, it's not that big a deal. I'm used to it by now, nearly everyone I've been involved with ha-" Aiden cut himself off and blushed heavily, not wanting Seth to know that he'd been abused by nearly every boyfriend he'd ever had, right from the start. Never raped, except for once when he was seventeen by an unknown assailant, just beaten upon. Aiden was tired of it, but he just couldn't keep himself away from the pretty little thing called relationships. He wanted to be needed, cuddled, loved- but it wasn't going to happen. At least, not anytime soon. As his pants pocket was tugged and something dropped inside, Aiden shook his head, glancing at Seth with a questioning look and swallowing hard at his words. "I can't do that. I can still stay at Michael's, I've just got to learn to stay out of his way. ...I have, a few times, but not many." Aiden shook his head and reached into his pocket, returning the brass-coloured key to Seth's hand with a gentle sigh. The nagging feeling of 'wrong' slipped into his mind as he kissed the other boy's cheek, although it was minor up until the moment Seth blatantly pecked him full on the lips- at that point, it flared, sending shockwaves through Aiden's brain and making him want to rub at his temples. It was like a headache, but not actually real. "Please, don't.. Every time I've ever heard those words nothing's ever come out the best. At least, not in my favour." Aiden said, looking at the ground as tears flooded his eyes and allowing his hair to fall across his pale face. This wasn't shaping up to be a good day.

Aiden heaved a bit of a sigh, his gaze locked half on the other boy's shoulder, half on the ace of the devilish little kitten that kept Aiden alive during the night by scratching his chest and pouncing on his face if he happened to not be breathing. Or, if she just wanted to play and didn't feel like going after a milk ring. Half of him was glad that he had Monroe, but, then again, he figured that she would be better off in someone else's care, so that she would actually be fed and taken care of- even though Aiden fed and took care of her like she was an actual baby- and not end up like the amost anorexic looking boy that she was snuggled against. Seth spoke and Aiden looked up, his head tipped to the side confusedly and his hair briefly sweeping across the other boy's fringe. He hadn't been in the mood to cut it, and it desperately needed it- he loved his fringe but didn't want it too long, and now it was about two inches to long for his liking. "To tell you the truth, Seth, darling, you can't break something that's already been shattered countless times." Aiden said with a wry smile, the shine in his hazel eyes gone. It had been, for awhile now, and with it gone, his once beautifully mixed eyes looked dead. As Seth nearly flew backward, Aiden let his hands tighten on the boy's hips, not enough to bruise or hurt him, but enough to keep him from falling, hopefully. Nearly nothing hurt more than a bruised ass, by way of bruises, anyway, Aiden could tell that from experience. He glanced at Seth as he awaited his words, only looking down as Monroe meowed, angry to have all the attention be turned away from her. He petted her head even as he heard the boy speak, glancing up at Seth and giving a small, aching smile. "Seth, I know this might sound strange from you to hear, since, after all, you used to tell me about your past when we were in Grant Mansion, but all I want for you is to see you happy. If you're happy, then I am. No matter what, sweetie, I just want you to be happy." Tears slipped down Aiden's cheeks and he brushed them away, scrunching up his nose a bit and petting Monroe's head softly. He didn't want to cry; he didn't want to show Seth what an ugly little emo kid he was; he didn't want to be in the middle of the park with his once-upon-a-time lover shattered over telling him that he'd fallen in love with another boy. Aiden had meant it when he said all he wanted was for Seth to be happy. To be truthful, he really had fallen in love with the boy, but it was a different kind of love. More so, it was the kind of love that came from someone actually caring for you, wanting you to be okay and wanting the best for you- and that was the kind of love Aiden had always craved, but had never recieved until Seth. But he'd realized that it hadn't actually been true love, but a deep, almost brotherly friendship sort of love once he'd finally let Brendin coax him into getting out of Maine, although he'd desperately not wanted to leave. "Seth, I want to tell you something, as well, but I'm not sure if it will hurt you.. I-I guess that what I want to say is that I did love you, b-but.. not in the way we both thought, at first." Aiden said, glancing up through the tears that had been gliding down his face without his knowledge and giving a startled look, wiping them away as he continued. "You always were there for me, Seth. I was the one who kept running away. I don't know why I did; I don't remember a thing about them except for that I always woke up some odd number of miles away from Mansonville and with less than what I had with me. I just don't want you to be hurting over me, when there's nothing for you to hurt over. I'm probably going to die soon with as much alcohol as I've been consuming, anyway, and with that combined with Monroe's nightly 'Let's sleep on Aiden's face MWAHAHA!' antics and Michael's asshole-y-ness, doesn't equal anything very good for me right now. Just promise me that you won't do anything rash, please? Brendin's hardly talking to me anymore and you're my only friend at the moment-" Aiden choked out, his voice a higher pitch than normal because of his useless attempt to keep back a sob, watching as Seth removed the scarf and fingered the gauze-covered stitching near his collarbone. "No, you aren't, and no, you didn't. I did that on my own. You have nothing to be sorry for, Seth, believe me." Aiden said, hitching a breath and wiping his face free of the smudged eyeliner and tears. The eyeliner smeared more and only made his face appear more gaunt, but as he took the sleeve of his Breaking Benjamin hoodie to his face, the eyeliner cleared and left only the pale, soft skin and newly added trails of tears.

The boy before him started shaking and Aiden tipped his head, concerned as he felt the gentle weight of his hand on his chest and the sudden peck on the lips before the sudden words and a following absence. "Seth.. Wait!" Aiden nearly screamed, his voice doused with complete concern and sorrow. His body convulsed with the force of the sob that left his chest and he nearly doubled over, losing his breath and nearly choking as he tried to breathe, his arm going across his stomach and pinning Monroe in place. She gave a squeak and he looked down at her, feeling her paw gently at his face with her claws retracted. It was almost as if she was trying to comfort him, but even that wasn't working, Aiden was sorry to admit. After a moment he caught his breath and set his body into motion, fearing that Seth was about to go crazy and pull some stupid stunt like the slashing of his throat that Aiden had had no idea about until today. His chuck taylors pounded against the concrete, pushing past people who had decided to venture out and hearing them curse at him, but he didn't give them a passing glance and neither did he apologize. He was in too much of a hurry to apologize and they did not fucking matter. They never had. It was amazing that he could hear the quiet sobs against the wind nearly whistling past his ears, skidding to a stop and sliding for a few inches on his ass across the concrete, his frail chest heaving as he glanced at the curled up body on the bench, hoping he was okay. He had no idea how far he'd ran, or how long- but at least he'd found Seth. "I know y-you must be tired of m-me popping up b-but I can't h-help it," Aiden panted, half because he was out of breath and half because he was still trying to hold back tears, only speaking again when he had finally regained his breath. "And I'm not going to let you pull another stupid stunt, kid, you're better than suicide attempts." He finished, furrowing his eyebrows and getting to his knees to touch a hand to Seth's arm, flicking his hair out of his eyes as he did so.



[ ooc. the SADDEST damn thing i have ever written. D: FINALLY FINISHED, THOUGH! X333 ]

[seth matthews.]

have we lost sight of where we are
forgetting why it was we started this
we never meant to leave behind those days
so here we are

"It's not your fault, Seth. It's mine. I mean, I'm the one who wanted to get away from Maine, because of all the memories, and Brendin gave me the money and told me that Michael was here. So I guess I just figured it was going to be the best thing for me, but.. I guess not. I'll live with it, though, Seth, please don't worry. You've put up with enough from me, I don't want you to have to go through any more." After much consideration Seth slowly stepped forward, his arms slowly circling the boy's neck as he rested his forehead nonchalantly against Aiden's own. Seth's gaze lowered quietly as he felt the other boy's fringe battering quietly against his lips, giggling absently as he watched his breathing ruffle the ends of Aiden's black locks. With a faint shake of his head, Seth returned his gaze, and attention, back up to Aiden, his fingers absently tugging at a small portion of the hair that lay against the rear of Aiden's neck playfully. "Look Aide, I'm going to worry about you no matter what happens to us just like I'm always going to take the blame for everything that happens. You runaway from Maine, Washington, wherever, it's my fault for making you do it. You get hurt, it's my fault for not being there to keep it from happening. I'd go through anything for you, and nothing's going to change that. You'll always be the best friend I've ever had, okay?" Seth slowly dropped his arms from about Aiden's neck, his fingertips grazing faintly across Aiden's hips before he nuzzled his nose against the frail skin of Aiden's cheek gingerly.

The soft mood was soon shattered though as Seth's emotions and the truth about his recent feelings came into play, a delicate frown twisting his lips. Amazingly, it felt good to get all of those hidden feelings off of his chest, and to know that he wasn't the only person that was slowly dying inside from these mind boggling emotions that he had so easily hidden when he was around his boyfriend. Seth never wanted Oli to encounter these dangerous feelings that Seth had hidden away so well, just like Oli desperately wanted to hide his addictions away from Seth, but both were blaringly obvious if you only knew the signs to look for. "I know how that feels, kid. More often than not, nowadays." Kid? So back to formal informalities it seemed, no more cutesy nicknames and such that Seth had grown so accustomed to using. A faint sigh filtered past Seth's lips as he glanced up at Oli through eyes that were so lifeless and dead, Seth's face contorted momentarily into some type of anguish and trepidation. "I feel like I'm so... dead." Seth murmured carefully, mimicking Aiden's actions by letting a hand raise to rub thoughtfully at his temples, a soft sigh pushed from his lungs as he shook his head, trying his damnedest to keep away those nagging thoughts of overdosing on the pills that lay so readily in his coat pocket. It would be so easy to just swallow five or six of them and never wake up again. Seth vaguely registered that he had spoken, and just as vaguely registered what Aiden had said, feeling rather disconnected from the world at the moment, his fingers slowing in their comforting caress against his temple. "I'm afraid it has." Seth frowned momentarily before glancing up at Aiden curiously, his head tipped to the left like a confused puppy, his fingers absently reaching out to stroke at the silky smooth fur atop Monroe's head. "Why aren't we like we were back in Mansonville. Before the whole dating thing, I mean? I know before we started dating we still made out and did things, but why have things changed so much since then? It's just that it seems like ever since you ran away things just haven't gone as...smoothly. We're always so awkward and careful no... Back then we were so alive and so...different."

Seth could feel his heart drop like a stone to the pit of his stomach as the wary, transparent smile found its way to Aiden's lips to replace the genuine one that had been resting against the boy's lips only seconds before. Seth could still remember the times when his smile would bring out the most amazing smile against Aiden's lips, but it seemed like nothing Seth did could coax one of those adored smiles to Aiden's lips. A soft sigh pushed past his lips as he back away slightly from the other boy, feeling somewhat hurt although he ignored the feeling and allowed his eyes to slid upwards to dubiously study the lethargic, swollen clouds as tears began to well in his lower lids. Things were never going to be the same. Seth allowed himself to get distracted with the attempts in keeping his tears at bay, and once back in this world he blinked furiously and lent forwards to place a tentative peck to the corner of Aiden's lips, hoping like hell that he wouldn't get the reaction that pooled in the back of his mind. As he pulled away, Seth's gaze searched Aiden's face before he took a step back and dropped his gaze to the snow littered cement wordlessly. "I'm so sorry Aide, I should know better." He murmured brokenheartedly, blinking back the burning tears that once more pooled in hid lower lids. Seth kept his gaze downcast as he stooped forwards once more to place an almost apologetic kiss to the other boy's unmarred jaw. Seth stepped back once more, one arm drawn across his chest, his fingers wrapped around his other arm just above the elbow, his head bowed quietly, only looking up as Aiden spoke, a soft frown flourishing against his lips. Seth's eyes widened in horror as Aiden shrank away from him, a soft sob caught in his throat. "Honestly, Seth, it's not that big a deal. I'm used to it by now, nearly everyone I've been involved with ha-" Seth blinked rapidly and jerked his head up, his brows furrowed as he gazed at Aiden wordlessly. Seth wordlessly noted the bright red hue breeding under Aide's skin, the way the other boy couldn't bring himself to look at Seth. Cautiously, Seth dropped his arm from across his chest and stepped forward trepidly, a hand rising to cup Aiden's jaw as he raised the boy's gaze to his own. "Has what, baby?"

All Seth wanted to do was make everything okay, even though he knew damn well that he would never be able to accomplish something as simple as that. At first, he thought that offering Aiden his apartment would make everything better; would relieve the tension in the air that was causing Seth to second guess himself with each and every shaky breath that he inhaled. Silly little Seth. "I can't do that. I can still stay at Michael's, I've just got to learn to stay out of his way. ...I have, a few times, but not many." Seth's fingers numbly curled around the cold metal being placed into his hand, his disbelieving gaze dropping down to look disgustedly at his fist curled tightly around the brass key. His offering at peace, at redemption, rejected. Seth exhaled quietly as he felt Aiden's lips hesitantly press to his cheek for only a second before pulling away, without thinking, Seth turned his head slightly and planted his lips blatantly against the boy's own. As he pulled away, Seth glanced away, tears welling in his eyes, he could feel Aiden's reluctance when he kissed him, could taste the boy's unease, and it broke Seth's heart into thousands of bite sized pieces. "Please, don't.. Everytime I've ever heard those words nothing's ever come out the best. At least, not in my favour." Seth glanced up towards Aiden wordlessly, heart crushed and self disgust welling in the pit of his stomach. How could he have done this to Aiden? He should have known not to push his limits, should have known not to push the boundaries, but he did it anyway and look where it had gotten the two boys. "I never meant to hurt you Aiden, I thought I could make everything okay. But not everything can be fixed with a kiss and a few nice word, can it?"

Seth was fidgeting quiet openly now, his fingers twitching occasionally and his weight shifting from one foot to the other almost uncomfortably. A soft sigh was given as he finally calmed himself down, his teeth picking up the task of worrying at his lower lip as he thought of how he was supposed to break the news to Aiden. How the fuck do you tell the boy you were once so madly in love with that you found a boy that you somehow managed to love even more? Seth's frustration was obvious in his dull hazel eyes, his brows furrowed curiously as he heard Aiden's words, his heart twinging faintly. "To tell you the truth, Seth, darling, you can't break something that's already been shattered countless times." Seth's attention had unconsciously slipped away as he worked busily at trying to digest Aiden's words, a soft whimper falling from his lips as his attention was brought back to the conversation he was having by the soft sweep of Aiden's fringe against his own. His eyes awakened gingerly and he shook his head faintly, nuzzling cautiously against Aiden's front side almost absently, his fingers caressing the boy's cheek with the grace of a kitten, his head shaken against Aiden's temple lightly. "If I ever hurt you, I swear to whatever higher existence there is that I never meant to." He murmured softly, suddenly worried that he had somehow managed to hurt his former lover, a frown twisting the corners of his dainty little mouth, now panicky as his mind raced like the Kentucky derby on speed. How was he supposed to tell Aiden? How was it going to make the other boy feel? How was he going to take it? Suddenly Seth felt Aiden's grip against his hips tighten and his heart dropped a dozen stories. Oh god, he could remember the way Aiden had held onto his hips like that before and then how Oli gripped his hips the same way when the two boys were in bed together. Suddenly, Seth's eyes fell to the cement below, tears welling inside his lower lids as he shook his head faintly. Oddly, Seth felt like this was going to hurt him more than it was going to hurt Aiden.

The awkward, awaiting silence was only interrupted by the rather pissy meow that fluttered from Monroe's mouth, a faint half smile pressed to Seth's lips for a second before it vanished like a curl of fog on a wintry day. It was going to be now or never, and Seth suddenly wished that he could just choose the option of never. But he had to let Aide know about Oliver, no matter how much it was going to hurt either boy. "Seth, I know this might sound strange from you to hear, since, after all, you used to tell me about your past when we were in Grant Mansion, but all I want for you is to see you happy. If you're happy, then I am. No matter what, sweetie, I just want you to be happy." A quiet sob wracked through Seth's chest as he shook his head wildly, his hands rising up to swipe away at the tears that suddenly burst from his eyes in an attempt to clear the muddled streams of water from his cheeks. How was he supposed to be happy knowing that he couldn't help Aiden, no matter how much he wanted to? Knowing that the boy he had once loved was spiraling into dispair and there wasn't a single fucking thing that Seth could do about it? As Aiden began to cry, there was nothing Seth wanted to do more than to just pull the boy into his arms and promise him that everything was going to be okay, that Seth was going to make sure nothing bad ever happened again. But everything wasn't going to be okay, things just couldn't go back to how they were in Mansonville, and Seth had known from the moment he crawled into his ex boyfriend's lap at the park the moment he realized he'd found his Aiden. But Aiden wasn't his Aiden anymore, he hadn't been in a long time, and it broke Seth's heart to let him go. Instead, Seth glanced away from Aiden and inhaled shakily, his fingers curled around the tassels which hung from the ends of his scarf, trying to distract himself from becoming an emotional car crash.

"Seth, I want to tell you something, as well, but I'm not sure if it will hurt you.. I-I guess that what I want to say is that I did love you, b-but.. not in the way we both thought, at first." Seth's fingers fumbled for a moment before he finally coaxed himself to look up to Aiden, his hazel eyes widening incredulously as he took in the sight of the boy he held so dear crumbling under some invisible weight, reduced down to tears and stammered words. Seth opened his mouth as if to say something, but thought better of it and promptly snapped his lips together, his gaze once more skirting away, unable to face Aiden without bursting into tears. "You always were there for me, Seth. I was the one who kept running away. I don't know why I did; I don't remember a thing about them except for that I always woke up some odd number of miles away from Mansonville and with less than what I had with me. I just don't want you to be hurting over me, when there's nothing for you to hurt over. I'm probably going to die soon with as much alcohol as I've been consuming, anyway, and with that combined with Monroe's nightly 'Let's sleep on Aiden's face MWAHAHA!' antics and Michael's asshole-y-ness, doesn't equal anything very good for me right now. Just promise me that you won't do anything rash, please? Brendin's hardly talking to me anymore and you're my only friend at the moment-" Seth whimpered faintly at Aiden's words, his head shaken wildly, his charcoal locks flying out in a hundred different directions as he took a wary step backwards. "No. You don't mean it. You can't mean it. You don't deserve to die." Seth began, stammering softly and continuing to shake his head, hazel eyes still wide. "Fuck, what's wrong with me? Everything I've ever loved, l-l-leaves me. Why? Why me? What did I-I do to deserve this?" He murmured quietly reaching up to allow his trembling fingers to trace over his face lightly before trailing down to tug away at the scarf, horrified at the thought of every thing he loved dying. He was a disease. A deadly fucking disease.

Seth was on the point of near convulsions he was shaking so hard, his concentration was dwindling, the only thing he could think of was that he needed out and he needed out now. It took all that Seth had to calm himself down enough to speak, his fingers shaking severely against the charcoal material of Aiden's jacket. It had been half minded when he leant in for that kiss, because it had seemed that with every kiss that Seth shared with Aiden, the boy had been more and more repulsed with it. This realization hit Seth like an eighteen wheeler and he barely managed to catch the sob before it broke into the open. With a quick spin on his heel Seth was suddenly gone, his body pushing through the small crowds and couples littering the sidewalk. Stupid, stupid, stupid boy. He should have known that he couldn't just go back to what the two boys had been like in Mansonville. Not after all the shit they'd put each other through. It was only fair that Aiden was repulsed with the thought of letting Seth kiss him. But Seth should have been just as ashamed, he had Oliver now, and that boy meant the world to him. "Seth.. Wait!" He could hear the choked scream, but he ignored it, the boy's stinging words only fueling Seth in his panicked get away. If he could just go away, far away, then maybe he could stop hurting everyone he loved. If only he had never moved to Maine or Seattle, then he wouldn't have gotten himself into this mess. Maybe he should have stayed with Josh instead. Bruises would heal over time, but broken hearts never managed to mend. As soon as the worn wood met Seth's knees, he crumpled down onto the wood, collecting himself in his arms softly. Seth buried his face into his knees roughly, trying to block out all of those curious stares and accusing thoughts, his hands rising to allow his fingers to tangle in his hair roughly. No no no! "Make it stop. Oh god, please. Just Make. It. Stop." He whimpered slowly in a tone of voice that could have made a cold blooded killer start to bawl, shaking his head softly against his knees and keeping a white knuckled grip against those tufts of his hair. It was as if he could somehow hurt himself, it'd distract him from the reality of everything. If only he could get at those motherfucking stitches. Suddenly, he straightened his spine, his fingers flying blindly for the scarf wrapped tightly about his pale throat, ripping away the striped fabric and disgustedly throwing it to the splintering wood of the bench. Seth's fingers clawed away at the gauze, somehow trying to rip it away to allow his slender fingers a chance at those itching stitches. Then, his finger caught the edge of the tape that held the gauzy material down and it ripped away from his skin in a flurry of movement, the stitched up wound already beginning to leak a small amount of that vital, crimson liquid from the rough play of his fingers against the seperating material.

Seth gasped out as the stinging Seattle air met the lesion, nearly forcing Seth to tears as his fingertips hastily swiped across the rough thread holding his skin together. What was he doing? He couldn't do this, not with both Oli and Aiden both counting on him. What are talking about Seth, Aiden doesn't need you. He never did. You were just a pretty face to him, something for him to fuck around with. You were his plaything. Seth's thoughts were bitter, his fingers lingering over the bleeding wound, eyes clamped shut and body shaking like a leaf in the wind. A hoarse sob choked past his lips as Seth crumbled once more, his forehead pressing into his kneecaps and his arms wrapped around his shoulders in a childish attempt to comfort himself. You hear him before, didn't you? Aiden already admitted that he didn't love you. He never did. How could you be so stupid, Seth dearie? It's not like you actually thought anyone was capable of loving you, did you? Seth continued to tremble at the silent venom of his conscience's words. "Oh god, I'm so stupid." He whispered softly into the soothing breeze that so lovingly wrapped it's cold embrace around him. Silly Seth, thinking that someone had actually loved him. With a trembling gasp for air Seth managed to uncurl from his previous position, carefully pressing back against the backrest of the bench to swipe his fingers across the pale denim of his jeans in a vain attempt to pull the blood futilely from the material. That's going to stain, he thought absently as his shaking hand strove for the scarf that had been so carelessly discarded to the splintering wood of the bench. Once he felt the soft fabric of the material clutched into his fist, Seth began the tedious task of winding it back around his throat in some sort of attempt to keep anymore blood from falling. Somehow, he had managed to break one of the feeble stitches and in doing so, had released a small flood of blood. Way to go, genius.

Seth had long since curled back up against his knees, gasping for breath and keeping his eyes sealed shut in an attempt to ward off the stars and tunnel like darkness that had begun to cloud his vision. Please don't let Aiden find me like this. That seemed to be the only sensible thought that Seth could manage to come up with, all others seeming to fade into a muddled pool of confusion as he fought back the wave of tears that stung at the rear of Seth's eyes. Suddenly though, Seth's only rational train of thought was rudely interrupted by a dull thump and a painful sounding skitter across the cement in front of him. Gathering his energy, he managed to feebly lift his head, his breathing labored as he attempted to calm the swirling background and blending colors as his attention focused fuzzily on the boy sprawled out across the cement before him. "I know y-you must be tired of m-me popping up b-but I can't h-help it," Seth's head fell heavily against his knees, the ghost of a smile turning the corners of his mouth into a pale twist, his face pale and his movements weary from the blood loss. "Aiden, I'll never ever get tired of you popping up, honey. Ever." He managed to rasp softly, slowly moving so that his chin rested atop his knees and his gaze resting unsurely on Aiden, the stretch of his skin that the position caused forcing him to squeeze his eyes shut once more, attempting to fight away his own pain in an attempt to focus on Aiden. "But I'm not going to let you pull another stupid stunt, kid, you're better than suicide attempts." Seth managed a weak smile before heaving a heavy sigh as he felt Aiden's hand rest against his arm, his own hand rising slowly to rest atop of Aiden's, his skin surprisingly cool. "Aide, you give me too much credit. I may be better than a suicide attempt, but that's only because I'm waiting for the right one to come along and get the better of me." His voice was weak with strain, his eyelids fluttering closed as he moved his hand away from Aiden's, his black painted nails dragging faintly across the boy's pale skin before reaching up to tug the scarf tighter about his neck, hoping like hell that Aiden could see the blood that was slowly beginning to soak through the white of the fabric.


ooc; DONEE. sorry for the shortness. and the weirdness. butttt yeah. i cut out lots of bits of sadness for your sake. i felt horrible when i read over the first one i wrote. but this one's lots better. not so sad and sobby. :DD

[aiden jacobs.]

that is how i choose to douse
the flames in gasoline; broken
teeth replace the blackout
memories in my head.

Aiden swallowed hard, the ache in his stomach worsening with each passing breath as he waited for the boy he had loved so dearly once upon a time to speak, his voice hitting him like a dagger in the heart every time he finally did. He wanted to break down and cry so badly, wanted to crawl into Seth’s arms and hope everything would finally turn out okay for the both of them, whether they remained friends or became lovers once more, which Aiden highly doubted would happen. He wanted it to, oh how he wanted it to, but it wouldn’t– it wouldn’t be the same, nothing ever would. Seth had changed his life in so many ways, and even though he would soon tell the boy that he had loved him, but perhaps not in the way they had both thought, he knew it was a lie, even before the whispered thought even crossed his mind. Aiden glanced up as he heard the stained giggle, a flicker of hope entering his dead eyes only to disappear with a muted, painful silence. Seth’s words hit him full force and it was all he could do not to stagger backwards, tears rising in his eyes and yet refusing to fall, not wanting the other boy to see him with the smudged and mistreated eyeliner running down his face. “I know you are, s-sexyface,” Aiden whispered softly, his eyes locked with the cold, abused concrete as he fought with himself internally whether or not to call the boy by his once most affectionate nickname for Seth, one of the pent up tears escaping and tracing down his cheek. The cold, bitter wind hit the salty trail and made Aiden jump at the sudden iciness, his body slowly becoming cold all over as he fought to not break down, no, not here. Anywhere but here. Anywhere where Seth couldn’t see him, where he couldn’t know the damage Aiden was suffering because of self-afflicted wounds. This was all Aiden’s fault—and he knew it. “But I wish you wouldn’t.. You have so many things in your life that are more important than me and I don’t want you to blame yourself for anything I’ve done, Seth.. It wasn’t your fault for making me run away. I don’t know what caused that blackout, those blackouts, but if I did, I’d get help, baby, you know that… And if I get hurt, it’s my own fault, it’s not your job to clean my wounds when I m-make myself get hurt,” Aiden said softly, his voice low and thick with tears. He wished Seth would understand that, without taking it the wrong way. As Seth’s arms slipped from around his neck, he closed his eyes and felt his lower lip tremble, sniffing as he remembered the momentary, warm embrace and wishing it would’ve lasted just a moment longer, not very long, just enough so that he would’ve remembered what it felt like. He remembered, anyway, but oh, how he wanted just one more. His fingertips briefly teased the contours of his hips and Aiden barely resisted shivering at the almost violating touch, feeling the brief nuzzle to his cheek and burying his face into the untouched side of Seth’s neck as he tried to gather control of himself, hoping against all hope that this was all a dream and that he’d wake up in five minutes beside Seth back at the Grant Mansion, in the old dilapidated library. But he knew it wasn’t that easy.

“So do I, Seth, so do I.” Aiden said softly, watching as the other boy raised his hands to rub at his temples and giving a light, airy sigh. This was hurting so much, way too much, and he was beginning to wish that he was as dead as he felt, which was, in reality, pretty goddamn dead. He would’ve done anything to take back what he’d done, just so that he wouldn’t have to see Seth like this, with tears running from his gorgeous kohl-rimmed eyes and gauze and stitches hidden haphazardly under a scarf. It was Aiden’s fault for pushing him to do this, even though he’d had no knowledge of the other boy’s suicide attempt—and he was beginning to wish that he’d never met Seth, for the other boy’s sake. If he never would’ve met him, maybe they wouldn’t both be there, standing in the centre of a Seattle park with snow swirling about their equally thin bodies and fighting internally to not out the tears that so desperately wanted to fall. He was glad he’d met the boy, so glad, but he remembered that whenever he felt like something good had happened, he always ruined it—and look where they were now: in a scattered mess of emotions, both false and true. It hurt, amazingly so, and Aiden just wished it would end. He looked up at Seth’s words, his lower lip trembling faintly, and felt Monroe’s contented purring begin again when Seth begin to pet her, seemingly unaware of the pain both boys were suffering. “I wish I knew.. I’d give anything to have that back.” Aiden said, glancing at the ground as another tear fell from his lifeless eyes and landed on the creamy grey mass of fur, bringing a startled meow from within the depths of his jacket. “Because I’m a failure, and I ruin everything I touch.” He added softly, looking back up at Seth with such pain in his eyes that, maybe, could one day be gone. “I just wish this was all a dream, Seth, I wish this wasn’t happening right now.” He said as he looked back down at the ground, his lower lip trembling once more, stronger now, as he continued to try to fight back tears.

Aiden saw the momentary flicker of.. what was it, agony? hurt? a combination of both? that changed in Seth’s face before it was gone in a flash, wishing he could turn back time and undo whatever he did to make this poor boy hurt so much. Seth didn’t deserve it—Aiden was the only one who did, and yet, Seth was feeling nearly the same thing that he was. And it hurt, so badly; he wished he could take it back. All he wanted to do was make it so that Seth wouldn’t hurt, not like this, not over him—and he couldn’t even do that. When he tried, the boy took it the wrong way and twisted it, making it seem like Aiden was playing one emotion off as another to try to fool him. He wished Seth would understand that he wished he could take it back, that he wanted it to turn out in Seth’s favour so that he wouldn’t be hurting anymore. He wanted Seth to forget about him, however painful that might’ve been for himself, so that he wouldn’t hurt like this. And all of his attempts were failing. Miserably. The peck to the corner of his lips jolted Aiden back into the present, a soft gasp leaving his lungs and making the air in front of his face crystallize momentarily. A new set of tears flushed into his eyes and he licked his lips, still tasting the other boy fully and half-wishing that he couldn’t. It was making the oh-so-tempting thoughts rise, and he didn’t want them too. He’d hurt Seth enough. And yet he couldn’t resist leaning forward and letting his lips caress the younger boy’s jaw line momentarily, his head tipping forward and his eyes closing as he removed his lips from the pale skin and heard the words uttered from Seth’s mouth. “No, Seth..” was all he could say in response, his jaw working as he tried to come up with something more to say. He couldn’t—big surprise—and let the sentence end there, retreating back into his own miniature, invisible bubble as he told Seth about what was with Michael. Aiden couldn’t help but to shrink back from the other boy, knowing in his heart that he wouldn’t hit him—hopefully—but unable to overcome the fear that he’d once kept secret from the other boy. He knew that Seth couldn’t see as he mouthed the word ‘sorry’, looking at the ground as shame and guilt rushed over him. He knew better, and yet he couldn’t help but flinch. It wasn’t natural, as he’d first claimed it to be, and he hated it. He spoke and instantly regretted it, the hot red blush covering his naturally pale face unbelievingly blaring to anyone who knew what his skin naturally looked like. He forced himself not to flinch as Seth cupped his jaw, although he couldn’t help but wince a bit as the boy’s fingertips lightly grazed over the bruising knot on his mandible, and forced himself to look up at Seth as he heard what he asked. “Nearly every boy I’ve ever been with has beaten me up, to say the least..” He said, his voice full of shame. Oh, why did this have to be happening.

Aiden knew he’d made a mistake as soon as he’d gently thrust the key back into the other boy’s grasp, and, although he couldn’t take it back, he tried. It was a feeble attempt, but an attempt, nonetheless, but he’d only given the key back because he hadn’t wanted to intrude on Seth’s living space, even though he’d even said that he hardly went there anymore. “I don’t feel right taking it, Seth, but if you want me to, I will.” He said softly, pain etching through his lungs and making him feel like he needed to gasp for air, although, on the outside, he was breathing normally. He pressed his lips against Seth’s cheek hesitantly—because he didn’t know whether the boy was going to shove him away or do something else—and pulled his head back after the contact had lasted for a few seconds or less, immediately regretting it as he saw the boy look away with tears continually welling in his eyes. Why was he such a goddamn fuckup? Couldn’t he ever do anything right? The kiss to his lips was unexpected, but he pressed his lips gently into the other boy’s uneasily after a moment, not knowing what damage this would do either way. This was beginning to hurt more and more, and Aiden wasn’t sure he could take it. He portrayed a strong outside, but inside, he was easy to crumble—but he was also defiant, which didn’t make a good combination. Inside and outside he’d be dying, but he’d say something, the wrong thing, and instantly regret it. “I’m sorry..” He whispered hoarsely, biting his lower lip to try to keep it from trembling. He stared at the ground, not even noticing the eight little pinpricks of pain that shot through his chest as Monroe begged for attention, becoming pissy when she didn’t receive it and trying to paw at both boys’ faces once more. “You didn’t.. I caused all of this, I always do,” Aiden said softly, a few tears finally making their way past the dams of his eyes and tracing his cheeks softly. He wanted to turn around and leave, to go back to Michael’s apartment and dig in the kitchen drawer until he found the dullest butcher knife in the bunch before stabbing it directly beside his heart—not into it. He deserved to suffer, especially for what he’d done to the boy in front of him.

Looking up at the other boy spoke again, having noticed the undoubtable fidgeting, he pulled a face and shook his head. “You know you haven’t, Seth.. I told you, this is my fault. I’m such a fuckup. I always have been,” Aiden choked out quietly, shaking his head and barely keeping back the breakdown that so badly wanted to come forward. It was getting harder and harder by the minute, with each passing glance and unintentionally hurtful phrase, and it was all Aiden could do to keep himself from falling to the cement and letting it all out. As he spoke, it seemed that that was what Seth was on the verge of doing as he shook his head and almost defiantly wiped at his tears, wiping at his own and feeling his lips start to tremble with the effort of keeping back the sobs. Monroe was confused, being pelted with tears from both boys, and she absently pawed at both of their faces again, giving a soft, almost pleading meow. Aiden looked at her and weakly petted her head, shaking his head and giving Seth a pleading glance. He knew that he couldn’t take anything back that he’d just said, and it was hurting him, mostly because Seth was taking his words the wrong way. Although, he couldn’t blame him. Aiden never had been the best person to describe what he was feeling, and well, when he tried, it normally spelled disaster.

He’d tried, and it was disastrous.

Aiden spoke and he immediately regretted it, finally letting the pent up tears fall as sobs wracked his chest. “I didn’t mean that, Seth, I-I just—I wanted to make it easier for you to.. to let me off, I guess, and I c-cant—” He tried feebly to take it back, but he knew it was no use– the damage, it seemed, was already done, and he hated himself for it. He shook his head, swallowing hard as he fumbled for the right words, but it wasn’t of any use. Aiden bit hard at his lower lip as he tried to bite back body-wrenching sobs, one of the rings sliding as he did so and causing a new injury to add to his book– the crimson liquid started falling but he didn’t notice it, too caught up in trying to explain to Seth what he wanted to say and failing at it miserably. Everything he was saying was coming out wrong, but no matter how badly he wanted to shut up, he couldn’t. The whimper that pushed past Seth’s lips made his words finally draw to a close, finally, his lips continuing to tremble as a thin trail of blood and tears made their way down his face, barely keeping back from fully bursting into tears as he spoke. "No. You don't mean it. You can't mean it. You don't deserve to die." Aiden shook his head. “You can still say that, even after all I’ve done to you? Of course I do, Seth, everything I say, everything I do, comes out wrong and it’s taken the wrong way, and I-I just don’t want to hurt you anymore,” he whimpered softly, more warm tears continuing to drip from his eyes as he watched Seth almost pleadingly, giving a groan as he heard the other boy’s words and furiously shaking his head. “Seth, no.. no..” was all he could gather up the courage to say, tears silently falling from his eyes as he sunk to the ground, the cold cement pressing against the thin denim of his tight girl’s jeans making him tremble horribly.

Aiden forced himself to stand again as he saw Seth struggling to keep control of his convulsions, his lips trembling as he let his hands drop from supporting Monroe to go to Seth’s sides, his mind stuck on one phrase and not letting it go. No, no, no, no, no.. He’d fucked up so badly, and he knew now that there was no way to redeem himself. “Please, Seth…” he whimpered nearly incoherently, lurching forward at the sudden absence of the body in front of him and nearly falling flat on his face. Another sob wracked through his body and he nearly threw up– he had, would there have been anything but bile in his stomach, and he called out for Seth to wait, although he knew his plea would go unheard. Or ignored, which was a better way to put it. Aiden somehow caught his breath and broke into a sprint after the boy, hoping, pleading that he wasn’t doing anything stupid, and was nearly sent flying backward as a body stepped into his way. “Get out of my way, now, please—” He said, thrashing in the arms of the unknown path-blocker and lashing out, kicking and scratching as he tried to pull himself free. Calm the fuck down, Jesus Christ! It’s me! Tell me where the fuck you’re goi— The voice. Michael. He stopped thrashing momentarily and felt himself being put down, which is exactly the moment he sprang forward and grabbed the younger boy by the collar of his shirt. “I am not in the mood for any of your petty bullshit, Michael!” He hissed venomously, landing a punch across the other boy’s nose before beginning to run again, desperately pleading that he could find Seth before he did anything stupid. He would’ve stopped to revel in the momentary glory of punching Michael right in the face had it not been for that fact—well, for that, and because Michael now probably had a bounty on his head. Aiden was sincerely glad for the fact that he didn’t have asthma, for the simple fact that he was running as fast as he could, trying to find Seth, without stopping, and he probably would’ve died by now, had he been plagued by the condition. Fuck, I’m so horrible— he thought to himself, choking back another sob as he continued running.

Aiden felt like he was going in circles as he continued to try and find Seth, and with every passing minute his pleading to whatever higher existence increased, hoping against hope that Seth wasn’t doing anything stupid or irrational. Aiden wouldn’t have blamed him, but he didn’t want the boy to die because of his own stupid words– he would’ve never forgave himself, and only thinking about seeing a funeral service with a tombstone marked Seth Matthews mad him want to die. He didn’t want it to happen. He didn’t even want to live when it happened. “God, no,” Aiden choked out as he slowed for a brief moment, nearly collapsing to his knees and feeling Monroe trembling against his chest. He felt sorry for her, but he couldn’t stop now—not when the live of the other boy potentially hung on the line. His stomach started aching again, but this time not with the pent up tears and sobs—this time, it was from running so hard and worrying so much, but he knew he wouldn’t stop until he finally found Seth and made sure he was okay. Little did he know Seth had already begun to try. He couldn’t fight the sinking feeling as he pushed past groups of people, hearing curses and such and barely dodging being grabbed and beaten to death by a biker-looking male. Or female. Hell, Aiden couldn’t tell, and he was in no hurry to turn back in look. He was on a mission—as ninja as that sounded—and he couldn’t stop until he made sure Seth was fine. He wouldn’t let himself. God, what have you fucking done?! You’re so horrible, you just need to fucking die! One of the best things in your life and you’ve fucked him over, and not in the goddamn good way! You stupid little bastard! He thought to himself, letting out a soft sob as he continued his almost mindless drive to find the other boy.

As he skidded to a stop, quite literally, and gave a soft yelp at his now skinned and possibly bruised ass, Aiden looked around wildly, finding Seth upon a bench and fighting to catch his breath as he spoke to the boy, chest heaving. He noticed that the gauze had been discarded and he gave a horrified whimper, not being able to help speaking before he could catch his breath and feeling his words split with a sob. “Please, g-god, tell me you d-didn’t—” he stammered, noticing Seth’s nearly sluggish movements and beginning to shake as tears continued to stream from his eyes. After he felt that he’d caught his breath, he scrambled up to his knees and felt Seth’s forehead, tugging gently but quickly at his scarf and feeling a bit of the sticky crimson liquid deposit onto his fingertips. More tears pushed past his eyes and he gave another soft whimper as Seth spoke, his lower lip trembling as Monroe gave a confused meow. “Y-you can’t—I-I need to get you to the hospital,” Aiden said the first thoughts that came to mind, flicking his hair out of his eyes annoyingly and finally just brushing it behind his ear as he stared at Seth feebly, feeling like he’d drove the boy to suicide. Which he had—well, attempted, anyway—but still, the fresh wound wasn’t going to die quickly. He couldn’t help but continue to cry, chewing at the inside of his bottom lip as he tried to silent the sobs and whimpers slipping from his chest at seeing Seth like this. He rested his hand on the other boy’s arm softly, shakily, and nearly burst into more tears as he spoke, shaking his head almost furiously. “No, n-no, there’s never going to be a right one—y-you promised—” Aiden whimpered, his mouth agape. “Seth, please stop,” he added, moving closer to the other boy and swallowing hard. The tears had begun to gush at a faster pace, and it was all he could do not to break down right there—he couldn’t, and wouldn’t, not with Seth potentially bleeding to death. “Please—” Aiden whispered softly, his lower lip trembling as he watched the hand that Seth had used to place over his tighten the scarf about his neck, already noticing the small circle of blood starting to spread and grow wider.




FINISHEDDDD. bahaa, so depressing D:

[seth matthews.]

every night i kept you up
i never once heard you say stop
but right now i wish i had
i wish i had the nerve to tell you that i'm a wreck
but what really did you expect?

There was a dull dread beginning to breed in the pit of his stomach, grimacing faintly as he could only imagine how harshly his words would hit Aiden, his heart pounding unsteadily against his chest, his breath faintly hurried as he fought away the urge to suddenly take Aiden into his arms and just curl up away from the world for a couple of days, just until Aiden was convinced that everything was going to be fine. For an instant, there was a flash of hope in Aiden's jaded eyes, Seth's heart clenching in his chest as the look slowly degraded into that lost hopelessness that had consumed Aiden, tears choked back quietly, his lips murmuring faintly against the boy's own. “I know you are, s-sexyface,” Seth froze, fighting against his every instinct that screamed, that told him to run away, but instead he only stood there, gaping quietly at the boy who refused to meet his eyes. Sexyface? Seth hadn't heard that name uttered from Aiden's mouth like that in what seemed like years, panic slowly rising in his throat, his heart ticking like a time bomb, threatening to explode any minute if those dam of words didn't' get past his lips, but instead Seth only pushed his words aside, tears pooling in his eyes. With his distracted attention, Seth saw Aiden jump, a soft whimper slipping past his lips as he shuffled forward slightly, nuzzling the boy's cheek tenderly in an attempt to clean up those trails of freezing tears. “But I wish you wouldn’t.. You have so many things in your life that are more important than me and I don’t want you to blame yourself for anything I’ve done, Seth.. It wasn’t your fault for making me run away. I don’t know what caused that blackout, those blackouts, but if I did, I’d get help, baby, you know that… And if I get hurt, it’s my own fault, it’s not your job to clean my wounds when I m-make myself get hurt,” Frowning faintly, Seth shook his head against Aiden's and pressed his lips faintly to the tip of the boy's nose before blinking up to meet those wonderful hazel irises. The two boy's were so close that Seth's eyelashes nearly fluttered against Aiden's own when either of them blinked, a soft sigh uttered quietly before he secured his lips gently to Aiden's. "I–I can't help it sweetie, you mean so damn much to me. Every time you get hurt, I think a piece of me dies or something. And I know you don't know what causes them, but god, they scare me so fucking much when they happen; I'm so afraid that something's going to happen to you, and I don't know what I'd do if I knew it did... Aiden, baby, I don't think you understand – I want to be there, picking up the pieces and cleaning you wounds when you get hurt. You mean too much to me for me to think otherwise." He murmured softly, ignoring the way that their lips came so close to touching, his gaze locked lightly on to Aiden's own, noticing the soft flecks of honey gold that lay intertwined within the sea of jade. Seth watched Aiden curiously as he carefully removed his arms from around the boy's neck, somewhere deep within his mind begging for just a few more slow moments of being so close to Aiden, but he refused, instead he turned his attention briefly to Aiden's hips. At first Seth almost snatched his fingers away as he felt the soft shiver shake Aiden's tiny frame, instead he shook his head to himself and slowly pushed his palms down against the other male's hips carefully, hesitant for only a few short seconds before he reassured himself silently and eased Aiden forward by his hips. He needed to be close to the other boy, to feel his warmth and shower Aiden in any comfort and attention that he cold possibly manage. As he buried his nose gingerly into Aiden's cold, almost corpse like actually, cheek Seth allowed his lips to graze faintly against Aiden's skin, and then suddenly there was the freezing cold of Aiden's face unexpectedly being nuzzled into his neck. A soft breath caught in his throat, only then catching onto the boy's vulnerability and innocence. "Oh Aide," he breathed softly, his arms slowly encasing the tiny boy as he drew him to his chest, his face turned ever so slightly so that his nose was nestled into the cool depths of Aiden's black locks, his lips placing gentle kisses to the boy's temple. God, this was turning out to be one of the hardest things he'd ever had to face, and strangely, Seth just wanted to crawl back to Oli and make the boy promise him that everything was okay, that he would hold Seth until it was all over.

“So do I, Seth, so do I.” No, this was not supposed to be happening this way, Aiden wasn't supposed to feel that way. Not because of Seth; not because of anything. He was better than that. Seth whimpered softly, furiously shaking his head, his dark hair flailing about his face in a thousand different directions wildly, a soft sob constricting his chest as the pent up tears lingering in his lower lids suddenly spilt over their dam, easily beginning to soak the boy's cheeks. "No," Seth's voice was murmured so faintly that Seth wasn't sure Aiden would even be able to hear him, suddenly Seth threw his arms about Aiden's neck, his face quietly hidden away in the side of the boy's neck as he whimpered quietly. "No no no no, you're not supposed to feel like that. Aiden, please..." He pleaded softly, his lungs gasping for breath as he sobbed quietly, his face hidden away from the prying gazes of passing people who were blatantly staring as if they had nothing in the world better to do. What was he supposed to do? He had to make everything better, for Aiden's sake, but this was all his fault. His own stupid, self-pitying, self-centered, over emotional fault. Fuck, how could he be so fucking stupid? Seth finally began to fight back against the tears that spilt from his eyes, pulling away from Aiden's welcoming and comforting warmth, his face angled downward and away from Aiden, a sleeve encased fist rising to swipe quietly at his cheeks, cleaning them of tears and murky eyeliner. Why couldn't things just go back to how they were so many months ago? Seth refused to raise his eyes, much to ashamed of his overreaction and for his apparently dilapidated appearance, his fingers stretched forward to graze over the creamy gray colored kitten, his lips twitching in a struggle to hold back tears. “I wish I knew.. I’d give anything to have that back.” Seth's breathing hitched in his throat, his fingers poised trembling over Monroe's silky soft fur, his gaze trapped on the darkening spot of fur just above her shoulders. Aiden was crying. Seth's gut wrenched something awful, and he would've thrown up had he eaten anything within the span of the past three days other than his fingernails. "I would too, sweetie." Seth breathed quietly, his eyes closed against the pretense of tears bubbling behind his eyes. But would Seth have really given anything to have Aiden back? Could Seth risk giving Oli up to have Aiden? Seth's mind was torn between the two boy's but his heart had stubbornly chosen Oli over the broken boy in front of him. And Seth knew that even in the very back of his sick and twisted little mind that he would never be able to give Oliver up.

He felt utterly horrible, being torn between the two boys that he held dear, his mind saying one thing while his heart screamed another. He'll find someone, Seth, just calm down. He's got so much potential, anyone who would pass him by would have to be a mentally retarded crack addicted zombie or something. He hadn't noticed it, but he had begun to shake and tremble with moderate convulsions, his eyes clamped shut and his fists curled into tiny balls, his breathing heavy and uneven against the frigid air. Slowly, Seth began to calm down; breathing regulated, fists uncurled, heartbeats softened, and eyes awakened to the world. “Because I’m a failure, and I ruin everything I touch.” Seth was suddenly slammed back down into his worry and depression, his eyes widening until they were the size of saucers, his head shaken wildly in protest, and pale, colorless lips moving to form the voiceless words as he met Aiden's eyes. They were so broken and pained that Seth thought that he was going to burst into tears. "Baby, don't say that, please. You're far from any failure I've ever met. And secondly, look at me: a little shaken up, yeah, but I'm not ruined yet, and I know damn well that you've touched me before." Seth took a moment to digest his own words as a man in his late thirties walked past, eyeing Seth with the oddest expression in response to his words. ...You've touched me before. Oh. Seth couldn't help but grin maddeningly and begin to swallow the hiccupping little giggles that filtered from his lips, his head shaken wildly, well, he couldn't exactly deny it; Aiden had touched him before, quite a few times actually, everywhere, all over the place. “I just wish this was all a dream, Seth, I wish this wasn’t happening right now.” Aiden's sullen voice suddenly plummeted Seth back to reality from his remembering little brain, a faint blush flushing over his jaw. "I do too, baby, I do too. I just keep expecting to wake up and be back on that uncomfortable little couch with you, sleeping through that stupid fucking storm." He murmured quietly before an idea sprung into mind, a small smile flourishing against the rind of his lips as he wound his arms around the boy's neck quietly. "If we both wish it wasn't happening, then let's just pretend it wasn't. Just for now." Seth's voice was quiet as he nuzzled closer into Aiden's practically nonexistent warmth, mumbling something about how Aiden wasn't ever close enough under his breath playfully as one arm fell away from the boy's neck and moved down, his fingers curling easily about the near freezing metal of Aiden's belt buckle pulling him closer until their hips were flush against each other. Seth smiled weakly, his arm once more moving back up to wrap about Aiden's neck, his head lowered to rest in the small crook of space between the bend of his arm and Aiden's shoulder. "Hey, you're kind of warm, ya know..." he offered faintly, his lips easing forward to graze against Aiden's ear as he whispered, somehow trying to lighten the heavyhearted mood.

Seth sighed quietly as the embrace broke apart, his fingers twitching nervously as he glanced away from Aiden wordlessly, he shouldn't have felt this way with Aiden, and he wouldn't. Not with everything that was happening with Oliver. Hell, he and Oli had been talking about getting married! How could he even think about fucking that up? He wanted to make the perfect husband, to be everything that Oli wanted him to be and more, and he couldn't fuck that up just because he wanted to pretend that he was back with Aiden when things had been just peachy back at the Grant Mansion the same night the boy's had started dating. It was over. What was he doing wrong? Where did they go wrong and come out like this? Seth dearly wished that he could just go back to Mansonville and be once more wrapped in Aiden's arms in the dilapidated old mansion, like there was nothing in the world that could ever go wrong. And there wasn't. Not back then. But now, oh god, it seemed like for every good thing that happened there were a million more bad things that came along to distract Seth's attention. Oli, for example, was the best boy that Seth had ever had, and the boys' had lately been hinting at suggestive thoughts of marriage. There wasn't anything in the world that Seth wanted more, and he couldn't have been happier. For for everything good, there had to be just as many bad. Firstly, there were the ever notorious set backs of Oli's heroin addiction, and now, on top of struggling to deal with the unspoken hurt that lacerated Seth's heart every time he saw a new track mark on his boyfriend's arm, there was the added confusion of finding Aiden, of figuring out what he had done wrong, and then he had slit his own throat thinking it would cease the endless questions and thoughts that plagued Seth's mind. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore. Seth could feel Aiden's lips against his jaw bone, his eyes fluttering closed as he basked in the caress, his arms slowly moving up to circle Aiden's neck. Suddenly, Oli didn't matter anymore. Seth was fifteen again, wrapped in the arms of his first boyfriend in the lightless balcony of the school auditorium.

It was dark, the only light came from the romantic lighting of the stage below where theater kids were busily pretending to be hopeless romantics for the drama instructor, where yesterday they had been ruthless animals, bodies stretching gracefully long and predator like. Today, they were slow and grand, embracing one another in holds that were clearly rehearsed. Today, Seth and Addi were playing along in the dark corner of the upper balcony. The balcony had been shut down for years, the school board too afraid of kids falling off to let anyone come up here, but it was never locked so Seth and Addi did, anyway. It's not like it ever hurt anything. Seth was more than content locked in the arms of his naive boyfriend, Addi's lips calming as they made their way across Seth's jaw and then down his neck. Seth could feel the soft tweak of Addison's fingers carefully unbuttoning his shirt, slowly pushing the material that suddenly weighed hundreds of pounds from Seth's shoulders with grace and ease. Lips slowly fell downwards, following the feminine curve of Seth's pale neck, down across his collarbone where teeth came out to play before lips took up the reins once more, urging past Seth's blushing chest. Seth was whimpering now–testing, pushing– to see how much Addi would let him get by with, suddenly Addi's lips found Seth's nipple and a hard, breathy moan pushed from his lungs, and then there they were, the same lips that had been coaxing those hot little whimpers and quiet moans were now back at Seth's lips, quieting, silencing. Bodies were lean and graceful as they tumbled to the floor, the carpet tattered and rough against Seth's back as he found himself pinned under his young boyfriend's weightless one hundred pounds. They were laughing, tangled in one another's arms, legs tangled and lips locked. Seth's fingers were beginning to explore, to unbutton and push away–– “No, Seth..”

Seth jerked away, his eyes flying open as he stumbled back, only barely catching himself before he tumbled down onto the sidewalk, his eyes wide and panic filled. His breathing was heavy and labored as he fought to cam his nerves, he had been back to his freshman year in high school, recalling an everyday lunch break scene when Aiden's sudden words had jolted him back to a surprise landing in the present. Shaking his head slightly Seth managed to stagger forwards a few steps, his hands rising to allow his fingers to course through his hair, a soft sigh ushered into the air and crystallizing before his lips, fighting to recall what they had been talking about only minutes ago. "Yeah I should Aide, I just–well sometimes I just don't want to know any better." he muttered quietly, a soft pink beginning to gather at his jaw as he shook his head, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets in an attempt to keep from fidgeting, although his mind refused to forget the scene that he had relived only moments before, only suddenly he was with Oli, straddling the boy's hips and making out like there was no tomorrow.

Seth's heart shattered in a million tiny pieces as he saw Aiden flinch away at his sudden anger, hating himself as he look away, hurt showing through those tear riddled hazel eyes. How could Aiden even possibly think that Seth would ever hit him? A soft whimper fell from his lips before he broke into a soft sob, his body trembling faintly as he began to shake his head wildly. No no no! He wasn't supposed to scare Aiden, he wasn't supposed to even let a hint of doubt cross Aiden's mind. He was supposed to be the one who made everything okay, and look at him, practically scaring poor Aiden to death. "Oh god Aiden, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I would never hurt you. Ever ever ever." Seth whimpered quietly as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms about Aiden's shoulders in an attempt to comfort the other boy, his chin hooked over Aiden's shoulder quietly. “Nearly every boy I’ve ever been with has beaten me up, to say the least..” So that was why Aiden shied away whenever someone tried to touch him? It hadn't been as natural as Aiden had always made it out to be. How could anyone even think of even so much as looking at Aiden wrong, much less abusing him? Seth whimpered softly, carefully wrapping his arms about Aiden's waist and pulling the older boy closer into his body, his nose nuzzled gently into the frail skin of Aiden's cheek. "Baby why didn't you tell me?" Through all the shit they had been through, Aiden still had refused to trust Seth with that little secret. So what else was Aiden hiding away behind those beautifully complicated eyes? Suddenly Seth just wanted to make everything better, to take away every fear that Aiden had ever had. Pulling away slightly Seth uncurled his arms from around Aiden's waist and took the boy's hand into his own, beginning to lead the poor boy towards the nearby bench. Once sitting down, Seth reached up to Aiden's hips, playfully tugging the boy down into his lap. "C' mere and spill it honey."

Seth turned the cold brass key over in his hand numbly, blinking at it with blatant disgust and hurt. How could he have been so stupid to think that something so insignificant and petty could have repaired the boys' broken relationship and make everything all better? "“I don’t feel right taking it, Seth, but if you want me to, I will.” With a soft sigh Seth shook his head quietly, still gazing listlessly down at the cold brass object laying in his pale palm, a soft frown beginning to twist the corners of his lips down. "I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to. I get it, I was stupid for trying to make everything better." He murmured absently, his eyes fluttering closed as he felt Aiden's cool lips pressing against the skin of his cheek, a soft sigh falling from his lips before he promptly snatched his gaze away, hoping like hell that Aiden hadn't seen the flood of tears that had begun to well in his kohl-rimmed lids. With a shaky inhale, Seth blinked up to Aiden, pain suddenly constricting his lungs as he stepped forwards his lips suddenly pressed into Aiden's own. A sob was bit back as he felt the uneasy way Aiden's lips quietly pressed back into his own. God, why could he just accept the fact that Aiden didn't love him anymore. He never had, to be honest. But honestly, Seth didn't blame Aiden, it seemed like no one could bear the responsibilities it took to love such a fuck up like Seth. There were so many things that had gone wrong in his pathetically short life. Hell, he wasn't even sure if he was responsible enough to leave his house with his name and address scrolled on the back of his hand like preschoolers did. “I’m sorry..” Seth's head snapped upwards, his eyes widening as he suddenly scrambled to Aiden, his arms thrown about the other boy's neck quietly, a soft sob given as he buried his face into Aiden's neck. "No, baby, no no no. It's not your fault. Any of this. I just need to grow up and get over it I know, but it's just so hard because I still love you. No matter what happens I can't help it. I've always loved you. And yeah, I know I have a fucking hella serious boyfriend, but Aide, he can't replace you. No one can." Seth whimpered quietly, his head shaken wildly as he nuzzled closer into Aiden's body before wrenching himself away, his trembling hands seeking the solace of warmth and comfort of the thin jacket that enshrouded his upper body. Stepping back, Seth managed a weary lopsided smile, his lower lip trembling with the pretense of tears and his hazel eyes gleaming with the tears that readily pooled. “You didn’t.. I caused all of this, I always do,” Suddenly, Seth felt the weight of Aiden's words burying him deeper and deeper into a mountain of regrets. The sob that caught in his throat was barely restrained, A few tears managing to slip past the kohl-lined dams of his lower lids, his breathing shaky and uneven as he stepped forward, one hand raised as he carefully wiped away the damp trails that snaked across Aiden's cheeks with cold fingertips, all the while attempting to soothe the distraught boy with calm murmurings. "Shh, no, honey. Calm down Aiden, it's not your fault."

“I didn’t mean that, Seth, I-I just—I wanted to make it easier for you to.. to let me off, I guess, and I c-cant—” Sobs continued to wrack Seth's chest, his ribs aching under the strain of the convulsions. Aiden didn't love him. It was that simple. He'd never loved him. Yet another wave of sobs once more came crashing down over him and Seth was vaguely awed that he hadn't already collapsed to his knees and breakdown like he so badly needed to. The boy he had loved with every fiber of his being never loved him back. "I–No-N-N–It's okay. I-I get it. You d-d-didn't love me back. I guess it was all m-my fault anyway. I-I should have made you s-s-see that n-no matter what you do, it's n-not going to get any easier f-f-for me." Seth was beyond the point of frustration with his own stupid stammering, but he couldn't hold back the trembling in his lips or the continuous sobs that wreaked havoc over his small body, his eyes squeezed shut tightly as if maybe if he wished hard enough it would all go away. But it didn't. It never would. Seth whimpered helplessly, his arms wrapping about his chest like if maybe he squeezed hard enough he could pull himself together, just long enough to get a few sensible words past the stammering of his stupid lips. Not like it mattered anymore. He had put his heart on the line and spilled it all to Aiden with his heart on his sleeve, and looked what happened. Seth was completely and utterly disgusted with himself as yet another sob clawed it's way from his lips, his head hung in defeat. So this was how it was going to be? He didn't bother to wipe away the tears that marred his pale complexion, just simply numbly stared up at Aiden, ready to break down at the slightest disturbance. He hadn't felt this torn up over a boy in years. Not since Addison died. No one had mattered enough. A faint whimper burst from his lips as his mind flashed back to the summer of the boys' freshman year. There was so much blood; it was everywhere, it covered the sheets and matted his boyfriend's beautiful blond hair together until it was a filthy mess of dirty red and silky blond. Seth held his boyfriend's limp body to his own and he had cried. He had screamed. He had done everything he could to bring his precious lover back. But Addi would never come back, he had decided to take his own life and nothing could change it. Addi went out with a bang, slit wrists and a lovely letter to everyone. ..You guys really don't know what kind of shit I've put up with. My freshman year and I thought I could confide in someone about Seth. About us. But look what you did. I hope you'll always remember me. Addi, the kid in the back of the class who liked to cause a riot. Well riot this you motherfuckers. And Seth. Oh god, I'm so sorry I had to do this, I just couldn't take it anymore. Your embrace could only fight away so many nightmares, but just know that you were the one thing that held me out this long. I'll never forget you. I will always love you. Seth had bawled for nearly two months after that, but who could blame him? Blinking up at Aiden, Seth realized that he had reduced himself to a few mild sniffles and shivers, his fingers wound tightly about the ends of his scarf. With a deep inhale, he released his choking hold on the striped fabric and reached up with a single minded ambition, his cold fingertips affectionately swiping away the crimson that leaked from his former lover's lip numbly. “You can still say that, even after all I’ve done to you? Of course I do, Seth, everything I say, everything I do, comes out wrong and it’s taken the wrong way, and I-I just don’t want to hurt you anymore,” "Of course I can still say that Aiden! i fucking love you, there's nothing I can do about it! If I knew what was good for me, I'd learn to take a blow the right way and I wouldn't be standing here bawling because some boy told me he didn't love me back. I can't fucking help it. This isn't the way I wanted this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you, you've got to believe me."

Seth stared wide-eyed as Aiden made a rather showy entrance, cringing softly at his skittering stop, a deep breath of air gulped into his lungs as he struggled to lift his head, a hand dropping down to reach for the boy quietly. "Aide? Aide are you okay?" Seth whimpered quietly, much more concerned for Aiden's well being than his own, and, had it not been for the swimming dizzyness and nausea that washed over him every time he made a move, Seth would have long since been by the other boy's side. Instead, Seth was trapped in a sea of swirling colors and assaulting lights, desperately trying to reach out for the other boy, concern fro his own heal long since disposed of. “Please, g-god, tell me you d-didn’t—” Seth swiftly avoided Aiden's watery-eyed look, his teeth sunk into his lower lip before promptly giving Aiden his undivided concern as the boy burst into sobs. "No, Aiden, no, I'm fine. Shh, please don't cry, please. I'm going to be fine. Please, just don't don't cry," he managed to whimper, struggling to untangle himself from the bundle he'd curled into, his teeth gritted against the ever growing vertigo and nausea, although he halted any further attempts at crawling to the ground as he nearly went headfirst into the cold and unwelcoming ground, a soft huff given before he stilled, fighting to catch his breath and fight away the tunnel vision clouding his eyes. Seth barely registered Aiden's mad scramble to his knees, his mouth twitching in the pretense of a smile as he felt the back of the other boy's hand against his forehead, his own hand reaching so that shaky fingers curled about Aiden's wrist. Suddenly, Seth flinched away as he felt Aiden tugging at the scarf, his eyes flying open and a horrified little whimper falling from his lips as he attempted to gently bat Aiden's hand away, not wanting the boy to notice the blood. "Aiden, don't worry about me, I'm going to be fine. It's just a little blood," he pleaded quietly, taking Aiden's hand into his own tiredly. It seemed like every little thing he did was turning out to take so much energy.

Slowly, his eyes blinked open, quietly searching for Aiden's own, a pale whimper escaping his lungs at the teary-eyed look he was greeted with. “Y-you can’t—I-I need to get you to the hospital,” Seth's eyes suddenly snapped open, his head shaken wildly so that his windswept hair flew out in a hundred different directions, a look of pure and utter horror transfixed across his face. No, he wouldn't let Aiden have to worry himself sick over Seth and have to face that phobia of hospitals. Not at Seth's expense. "Aiden, no. Baby, please. Don't make me have to do anything stupid to make you say no. Please, just don't worry about me. I know you don't like hospitals, and neither do I, so just leave me, I'll be fine. If I'm not, then just forget me, I'm not anything special. I'm just another boy in the world, their are so many boys who are dying to have what I have with you. There will always be someone better than me." It had taken nearly everything Seth had had to give that spiel, his chest heaving quietly as he sucked air into his lungs, his lids falling heavily over his eyes as he fought off the exhaustion that plagued his body, his head turned ever so slightly as he forced his eyes open to see Aiden batting away at his fringe with clear irritation, a soft smile played at Seth's lips as he reached to help Aiden tuck the defiant locks away behind a pale ear.

Seth carefully leant forwards, collecting the boy quietly to his arms, though careful of the slowly reddening scarf, his forehead nuzzled gently against the other boy's temple. “No, n-no, there’s never going to be a right one—y-you promised—” Seth gave a soft whine as he heard Aiden's wavering voice, tears welling in his eyes as he nodded carefully against Aiden's hair, pressing trepid butterfly kisses randomly over the boy's smooth cheek. "I know I did baby, I know. But it just seems like everything's working out for the worst, it seems, but you've got to believe that I never want to leave you alone in the world." He murmured quietly against Aiden's pale flesh, his fingers cautiously smoothing over the other boy's dark locks slowly before pulling back just enough so that he could still see Aiden's face, yet didn't have to let the other boy go. "Now, if you don't quit your fretting over me, I'm going to have to do something about, understand?" Seth warned quietly, his voice managing to carry out the playful tune that he wanted to lighten the oh-so heavy hearted mood that swallowed them whole, his fingers still smoothing through the boy's dark hair wordlessly. “Seth, please stop,” Seth sighed heavily, shifting slightly so that he was more sitting down than curled up on the bench, his knees on either side of Aiden, the boy pulled close into Seth's chest as he attempted to quiet Aiden's tears. "I love you so much, but you are the most stubborn boy I've ever met. Well besides Oli, that boy is worse than anything I've ever seen..." he murmured thoughtfully, his breath ruffling Aiden's hair timidly and he made a sluggish move to tilt Aiden's head upward, his lips brought down to meet Aiden's own. "But I swear if you keep up all of this crying and worrying I'm going to do something you're not expecting." Seth warned softly, tying his fingers into the boy's hair quietly as he nuzzled his nose against Aiden's own adoringly. “Please—” With and exasperated sigh Seth moved quietly, ignoring the faint pounding breeding in the back of his skull, one hand placed at the rear of Aiden's head, the other pressed heavily to the boy's shoulder as he locked his lips against Aiden's own, and then suddenly he pushed himself off the bench tackling Aiden to the ground as painlessly as he could.

Seth whimpered faintly, lips trembling ever so slightly as he attempted to get a grasp on the spinning world around him, his eyes lidded heavily and his muscles quaking. A heavy sigh fell from his lips as he struggled to keep himself afloat in the swirling, rise and fall of light and colors that suddenly filled his pretty little hazel eyes, Seth's fingers flexed faintly beneath Aiden's head, keeping the boy's head away from the concrete at all costs. He couldn't having poor Aide getting hurt, now could he? Seth suddenly ducked forward, intent on pressing a soft, apologetic kiss to his former prince charming's lips, yet instead his lips found themselves clumsily against Aiden's lips, fighting off the sudden darkness that attempted to capture his vision. Propped on a shaky arm, it was all Seth could do to keep himself upright, his body trembling softly as if he would collapse at any minute. Slender fingers reached upwards, meeting the once white and black strip scarf which was now stained a beautiful ruby, as he pulled his fingertips away he took in their painted color, a bemused smile filtering across his lips; it was just so pretty. Seth carefully reached upwards once more, and carefully adjusted the scarf so that the blood soaked fabric was at the rear of his neck in a vain attempt to hide the blood from Aiden. What he didn't know couldn't hurt. A frown quietly twisted at his lips as he considered the thought of easing down onto Aiden's chest. Just for a minute. Ever so slowly, Seth sunk down, muscles suddenly frigid and tight, a soft sigh fluttering from his lips as he adjusted his arm so that his forearm was supporting Aiden's head, his own head resting heavily atop the boy's chest, his eyes closed wordlessly. Surely a little nap wouldn't hurt anything, would it? He wouldn't keep himself for more than a few minutes... "Aiden?" Seth asked quietly, stirring faintly as he struggled to tilt his head upwards, yet another weary sigh falling from his lips as he closed his eyes in an attempt to ward off the wave of exhaustion that suddenly overcame him. After several long moments, his eyes awakened once more, his free hand brought to rest against Aiden's side quietly, his fingers shakily curled about a swatch of the dark fabric. "I'm afraid to go to sleep. I'd don't want to never wake up." He whimpered quietly, like a child afraid of a monster hiding under his bed, a soft sob falling from his lips as he curled slightly atop Aiden's tiny body, his eyes squeezed closed once more. After what seemed like forever Seth struggled to open his eyes once more before sluggishly stretching upwards awkwardly, his lips falling against Aiden heavily, everything just took so much effort. His eyes were heavily assaulted by a heavy gaussion blur, making everything look so soft and light, as he slowly edged back down to Aiden's chest, his fingers heavily grasping the other boy's jacket, all the while still wary of the small kitten who–with Seth's sudden arrival of weight to Aiden's chest–had somewhat unwilling shifted to one side of her Aiden's body, his head resting heavily against Aiden's collarbone, gasping quietly for air, almost like he couldn't quite get enough. "I'm afraid, Dollface."

And then there was black.






ooc; DONNEEE. it sucks, i know and it's really weird. but yeah. i'm so so so sorry it took me so long to finish it, but I got grounded and then started failing math and then we started doing all of this testing and i so hate highschool. ahaha. but yeah. i promise it wil never ever ever happen again. oh yeah, and if you need me to add/edit/explain just let me know. but you kind of get a never before seen glimpse at seth and addi's relationship. luckyyy. aha. x3

[aiden jacobs.]

i’ve never felt so sick, it’s
just the violent things. i’ve
never felt so weak, until
the camera clicks. and you
find out it’s not enough,
and you give and you
give ‘til you’ve given up.

“I don’t see how I can. I told you this a long time ago, Seth, but you didn’t listen to me– I’m the worst person you could ever get to know. I said it for a reason, and it’s because I didn’t try harder to keep myself from falling in love with you that you’re standing here in front of me, like this. They don’t scare me anymore. The fact that I don’t wake up for weeks on end does, but within themselves, they don’t. I’m numb, Seth, I can barely feel anything anymore.” Aiden said softly, giving an absent roll of his shoulders and pulling his chin back lightly to look down at Monroe as their lips almost touched, his eyes quickly leaving Seth’s when the seemingly mirrored irises met. “Why you want to pick up the pieces of what I’ve done to myself just doesn’t make sense, Seth. I’ve fucked up your life enough, and the sooner I leave you alone, the sooner you’ll forget you even wanted to put the puzzle pieces of the shit I’ve done back together.” He added after a moment, giving a soft sigh and absently rubbing at Monroe’s ears. The shiver that ran up and down his spine was caused both by the freezing air and the near violating attention that his hips were being shown, and Aiden couldn’t help but want to wrench away when he was pulled forward by the loose cobalt material of his jeans. But he didn’t. He already had Seth a near nervous wreck, and, of course, the other boy was put before Aiden’s own needs. Nearly everyone was, but that wasn’t the point, and it never had been. He wasn’t a doormat, but I guess in some ways he was. And he knew it. Aiden shivered lightly again when he felt the other boy’s nose briefly touch his cheek, a bit surprised to feel his lips also brush across the chilled skin, but did nothing more, a blank, almost solemn look flashed across his face. He couldn’t help himself as he buried his face into the uninjured side of Seth’s neck, though, after a moment, he regained what little composure he had left and instead rested his chin on the other boy’s shoulder, wanting nothing more than to pull away and leave the other boy alone. He didn’t deserve this, and Aiden felt horrible for making him go through it– perhaps he should’ve just stayed away from the ‘dating scene’ as he’d originally planned and maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Aiden wanted to go back to Michael’s to curl up on the couch and watch the Lion King II over and over again, partially because that movie never got old and he was like a kid, and partially because he had this insane notion that Seth would be better off if he believed Aiden had died or something. Maybe not died, but disappeared. Had amnesia. Had severe multiple personality disorder and his mind had been taken over by one of the more dominating personas. Anything, as long as he felt that Aiden was finally out of the picture. Truthfully, it didn’t sound like such a bad idea, but then again, neither did suicide. Or pissing Michael off so bad that he committed murder. That would’ve been better. Even though he had unintentionally broke some promises, he hadn’t meant to– and he’d promised to not even try to commit suicide.

Well, he’d had his fingers crossed.

Aiden glanced up after he’d spoken, his head lightly tipped to the side as Seth shook his head wildly and let tears spill from his eyes, and chewed softly on his lower lip, tears welling in his own eyes but refusing to fall. It was a shock when Seth wound his arms around his neck and he couldn’t help but gasp, one hand leaving Monroe’s small body to rest lightly on the other boy’s back for a moment and the other still cradling the kitten. The other boy’s words made him think, and before he could respond, he tipped his head to the side and looked toward the cemented sidewalk, shaking his head. “If I’m not supposed to feel like that.. then why do I?” Aiden asked softly, meaning his question as a genuine one and not some smartass comment meant to make the other boy angry. His eyes caught a simple movement on his peripheral and he turned his head, a blush turning his pale cheeks a light, rosy pink. “Don’t you fuckbags have anything else to do? This isn’t fucking Days Of Our Lives, go watch a squirrel choke on a penny or something.” Aiden growled softly, more than willingly letting go of Seth as the boy tried to control the tears falling from his eyes and giving a sigh. This wasn’t some stupid soap opera, it was real: and yet they were being watched as if they were acting and on the big screen, which Aiden fully wished was true. He didn’t want this to be happening. He deserved it, but Seth didn’t. The thought of escaping from this and running back to Michael’s came forward again, but was soon replaced with the wish of returning to Maine and living with Brendin. Or at least seeing the boy. He hadn’t seen the twentyfour year old since he’d been in Seattle, and they’d been talking less and less– Aiden figured it was his fault in his efforts to stay as far away from Michael as often as he could, but he wasn’t quite sure. He was sure, however, that Brendin had to be wanting less and less to do with him, and Aiden couldn’t blame him. He’d told so many that he was the worst person to get to know, and yet none of them had listened– and mostly all of them had ended badly, whether or not they were friendships or relationships. As he thought, his lower lip began to tremble a little more, progressing until he bit lightly at the tender skin at the inside of his lip and tears beginning to roll once more down his face. “This is insane to say, but I.. kind of want Kier back.” Aiden spoke absently with a shake of his head. Kieran. That boy had come so close to killing Aiden so many times, and yet, he’d never been able to leave. He was a bit of a pushover, sure, but after the boy had gone on his homicidal rampages that usually ended with Aiden nearly having to go to the emergency room, he was so apologetic– Aiden had only ever been scared of him during his anger ‘issues’ and right now, he was wishing that Kieran was there and would strangle him again, just for old times sake. Maybe he would succeed this time. But Kier was gone and this was now. Aiden knew that Seth had no knowledge of Kieran or anything about that straight year and a half of non-suicidal near death trips, and he hoped he wouldn’t ask questions. That was all he needed at the moment.

Giving a soft sigh, Aiden sobered, his hand raising to wipe at his soaking cheekbones before falling back to rest under Monroe’s body. She gave a soft meow and he looked at her absently, seeing her but not registering that she was mewing, or digging her claws into his chest. He looked up slowly after he’d admitted that he was, indeed, a failure, something that his mother must have known before she’d left, and something that nearly everyone had been hinting at. How Seth couldn’t have saw it was beyond him, and he had, finally, tried to shed some light to the other boy about how much of a failure he really was. After a moment he met the boy’s eyes, although he looked down not long after– he had never really felt comfortable making eye contact and with the other boy potentially about to burst into tears once more, he felt it was best to not look him in the eye. He shook his head lightly as Seth spoke and fought to not interrupt him, although he couldn’t help it. “You must not know many people then, yeah?” He said softly, sighing a bit and hearing him out as he continued to speak. Seth wasn’t understanding what he was getting at. “That isn’t the point, and you know it.. If I haven’t ruined you, then why are you standing here like this? No one ever listens to me when I say that I ruin lives, or when I say that I’m not the best person to get to know, and in the end they realize that they should have listened. I should just.. go and be a hermit in Mexico or something.” He said as he shook his head, although a small smile broke across his pale lips for a moment as he thought of becoming a hermit in Mexico. Well, Mexico had Mexicans, didn’t it? Hell yeah. The smile disappeared after a few seconds, though, and he lightly shook his head again, giving a soft sigh and raising an eyebrow at the almost mad grin that was plastered across Seth’s face. Oops, he’d caused the boy to go off the deep end. Shoot him now rather than later. “Same here.. But of course it isn’t going to happen, yeah? This isn’t a dream although I wish it was. Things happen, I guess, whether for better or worse.” He added with a bit of a shrug, mild confusion playing across his face as Seth wrapped his arms around his neck, his eyebrows furrowed lightly until he heard the other boy’s words. Biting his bottom lip absently as his hips were pulled forward by either his belt buckle or his belt loop, Aiden glanced down toward the ground a bit uneasily, although he allowed his body to be moved closer to the other boy’s without much of a fuss– the fuss caused, mostly, by Monroe, who feared being squished. “That’s odd.. I’m freezing.” Aiden said absently, the statement making him pull a face of mild disdain. He was never cold, let alone freezing. As he felt Seth’s lips against his ear, he quickly tipped his head back a bit, shivering a little more and licking his lips lightly. As if he needed that right about now. He’d get himself in trouble, and that wasn’t going to help.

Moments passed without either boy speaking, and it occurred to Aiden that the onyx haired boy was in a daydream about something or other. The embrace had long since ended and he was standing mere inches from Seth, absently rubbing at Monroe’s head as if that would give him some kind of solace. And it did, but only a bit. Thoughts rattled within his brain, and he barely registered with any of them– though he did manage to grasp a few. One of the very few included turning and going back to Michael’s apartment, like he’d imagined earlier, and watching the Lion King II over and over, or drowning himself in the tub, something like that. Maybe he’d get Michael’s money stash out of the couch cushion where he’d hidden it while cleaning– the douchebag had stolen his sketchbook, what else could he do but hide his money where he couldn’t find it?– and go get some Xanax. Maybe some Percocet, too– his head had been killing him lately, although that didn’t exactly justify buying pills off of the street with Michael’s money. But it did sound like a plan– it would sort of be like old times with Brendin, although they hadn’t went to the streets for the pills; they’d just used Brendin’s. That boy had gotten the good ones, mostly because of his severe anxiety and the pain in his back and once-broken knee, and despite Brendin being a good kid and Aiden unable to swallow whole pills, they had always ended up snorting a few of each during the day, although never more than five or six within a four day span. Aiden had, by no means, ever been a druggie, but crushing a Xanax or two and snorting them didn’t sound like a bad idea. Maybe if he could stage it right, Michael would walk in right as he was doing it and join him, and possibly make it so that he wouldn’t try and beat the fuck out of him anymore– Aiden may have been older, but he was shorter, and obviously thinner, than Michael, and if his incessant outbursts continued there was no doubt in Aiden’s mind that he’d end up with more than a few broken bones. And he didn’t need that right now. Maybe he deserved it, in some sense, but he didn’t need it. He gave a bit of a sigh, taking a step back from Seth and once again slightly torn between staying to finish this.. depressing ‘disagreement’ and going back to Michael’s apartment before Seth seemed to snap from his daydream, his head tipping to the side in mild concern. Shaking his head lightly, Aiden shifted his weight from one foot to the other and bit his lip, unable to come up with a valid response to Seth’s words. But what else was new? “Sometimes it’s best know better and do what you know is right.” And there he was, going all philosophical. Yeah, like he had the right to be doing that when he was the one who’d caused this. Good move, Aiden.

Aiden bit his lip and gripped the light grey fabric beneath Monroe’s body tightly between his fingers as he tried to keep himself from shaking, shame falling across his pale face even as he looked at the ground. He knew that the other boy wouldn’t hit him, although Aiden felt that he probably wanted too a couple of times, but he never had been able to understand why he had always seemed to be the target. Yeah, he got it, he was a horrible person– but to the point that he deserved to have the fuck beat out of him? Probably sometimes, but not all of the time. He almost reluctantly raised his gaze as he heard Seth give a low sob, unable to keep his lower lip from trembling lightly when he heard the other boy speak. “Just.. just listen to me. I know you wouldn’t. But it’s hard when anyone you’ve ever been close to has hurt you in one way or another.. My mother started it, and I have no idea who’s going to finish it, but hopefully I won’t last long enough to get hurt too badly, or maybe I’ll learn my lesson and become that hermit who lives in Mexico that I talked about earlier, yeah?” He said softly, the ending of the last sentence a fucked up attempt at a joke of some sort as Seth wound his arms around his neck again, successfully refraining from jumping a bit. That would’ve been just great, right? Not. As he finally spoke one of the biggest secrets he’d ever kept, Aiden realized how vulnerably stupid he sounded– he’d allowed himself to have the fuck kicked out of him on numerous occasions and now he was bitching about it? Or, bitching in a sense? No, that wasn’t right at all. He bit lightly at his lower lip and gnawed absently at the tender skin as he was pulled closer to the other boy’s equally thin body, heaving a soft sigh at his words. “I’m—I’m not sure. I’ve j—just.. never told anyone, Brendin doesn’t even know.. It’s not because I’m weak, even though I guess I’ve always looked that way—I—well, put it in your perspective, would you have told me if it had happened to you?” He foundered and tripped over his words as he spoke, unable to keep from turning defensive in his desperate attempt to find words as he struggled to end the sentence and biting his lip. He hadn’t meant to, but it was almost an instinctive action– he couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry.. It’s just that.. I guess I just wanted to forget it, but it’s almost a permanent fixture in my life.” Aiden added softly, looking towards the ground as he gave a light shrug and glancing back at Seth after a moment, suddenly wondering what the other boy was thinking. He’d never told anyone that particular secret– except for perhaps Kieran, but that was another story– and he couldn’t help but be self-conscious about if Seth now thought he was one of those who stayed with abusive people as well as one of the most horrible people in the history of the known world. He gnawed lightly at the inside of his bottom lip, not even noticing as he was being practically dragged toward a bench due to the paranoia of being seen as a weak, ‘willing-to-be-abused-for-love’ type of idiot, and snapped out of his thoughts as he was nearly pulled into Seth’s lap by his hips. He furrowed his eyebrows lightly as he, instead, sat beside him, his knees drawn to his chest to keep what little warmth his body held and his eyes glancing at Seth after a moment, almost expecting to see anger. But he knew better. It would probably be hurt rather than anger, but the other boy had to understand that Aiden was only trying to keep himself from hurting him– although, at this point, Aiden probably weighed less than Seth, but of course he didn’t see it that way. “Spill what..?” He asked in an almost confused voice, his head tipped lightly to the side as he glanced at the ground when he thought he saw something shiny. What a fucking ADD kid.

Instant regret filled his eyes after he’d spoken, looking at the ground with his head tipped toward his shoulder and heaving a sigh. Well, that had went over well. End sarcasm right about.. now, yeah, there’s good. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I just wouldn’t feel right, Seth, there’s a difference between blatantly refusing it because of selfish reasons and feeling like you’d be intruding whether or not anyone else was there. You aren’t stupid, Seth, I appreciate the gesture, but I just.. I can’t. I’ve done too much to you already.” He said softly, a shrug rolling one of his shoulders feebly as he looked back at the other boy for a moment, absently leaning forward to press a small kiss to his cheek. He probably shouldn’t have, but he shouldn’t have done a lot of things, yeah? Exactly. He became lost in his thoughts, which, to anyone who’d previously known him, was unusual– he never used to retreat into his thoughts unless something was seriously bothering him, but now, the action was more normal than it used to have been. It didn’t bother him, not very much, but it probably would’ve bothered the fuck out of Brendin. In a sense, Aiden missed the person he’d used to be. Yeah, well, that person’s gone, and I really doubt he’ll ever come back. Jesus you’re such a fuckup. Go drown yourself or something. Get hit by a semi or run over by some band’s tour bus. Do something to shut yourself up before you get your dumbass self murdered by anyone other than Kier. The fierceness of his subconscious made him wince lightly, his eyes beginning to water briefly before he just shook his head. It had said worse. There was no use getting torn up over his own subconscious telling him to go die again. He could deal with that later. Within that time, Seth had pressed his lips into Aiden’s own, and, without thinking, he’d reluctantly kissed back– and then the absence of them caught him off guard. He nearly spoke, but he refrained, shaking his head lightly and saying his apologies. He needed to leave before anything else went wrong. The sudden feeling of Seth’s arms around his neck, and his face buried into his throat made him gasp, having not expected it, and he bit his lip as he furrowed his eyebrows. "No, baby, no no no. It's not your fault. Any of this. I just need to grow up and get over it I know, but it's just so hard because I still love you. No matter what happens I can't help it. I've always loved you. And yeah, I know I have a fucking hella serious boyfriend, but Aide, he can't replace you. No one can." That was.. odd to hear. “Yes, it is. You know it is, Seth. I love you too, I always meant it when I said it– but, like you just said, you have a boyfriend. I’m not worth screwing up something that serious, and I know that you know that.” He said after a moment, shaking his head before adding in a soft voice, “Anyone can replace me, Seth. They don’t even have to try to do it.” He bit his lip before chancing a feeble smile, although, after a moment, he looked back at the ground as he felt a few of the pent up tears beginning to trickle from his eyes. Wonderful. He let his eyes flutter closed, raising a hand from Monroe’s body to run his fingers downward through his hair and jumping a bit as he felt Seth’s fingertips brushing at the tears that had trailed down his cheekbones. He shook his head at the other boy’s words, knowing that he was trying to calm him down at least a bit, but it wasn’t exactly working– Aiden knew it was his fault, so while Seth was telling him it wasn’t, it was only pushing him further to believe that it was. And it was, truthfully, but he was tired of fighting with Seth to try and get him to understand it. He didn’t need to be hurting the other boy anymore.

Aiden felt terrible after he’d spoken such a demented lie and had tried to make it better, but of course, that wasn’t happening– as tears cascaded down Seth’s cheeks, tears fell down his own, his heart shattering into even tinier pieces. They’d already been no bigger than the head of a tack, and now they were near microscopic. His stomach ached with both the almost endless crying and the almost ravaging hunger that he’d been ignoring, not because he felt he didn’t need to eat, but because he couldn’t. Every time he’d tried to eat within the last few days he’d ended up getting sick, and so he’d given up. It was strange, and that coupled with how he’d been freezing lately was scaring him, but he wouldn’t let on. “Seth..” He said lightly, shaking his head furiously and letting go of Monroe as he ran his hands through his hair, gripping the pitch strands tightly as he tried to shake off the feeling of near total hatred for himself. “Yes, I did. I loved you more than you could’ve ever fucking imagined, and you know that this was my fault. I should have kept my distance from you when I first met you, if I would have, this wouldn’t be happening right now. It wouldn’t have been because I’d wanted to, it would’ve been because it was what was best. And look what happened. I’m the king of fuckups here, Seth, I tried to show you that, I tried to tell you, but I should have tried harder.” Aiden said with a shake of his head, removing his fingers from his hair and putting his hands on his hips– for a different reason than trying to act like a mother scolding her child. He sunk his fingertips into the soft flesh of his sides close to his hips, the pain surging through him and, quite oddly, making him feel slightly better. He dug deeper, a small whimper leaving his throat as he did so, and hung his head as he felt more warm tears trail down his wind-numbed cheeks. Aiden had done this before, and it was nothing new– reopening old scars was something he was good at, one of his many ‘talents’ that wouldn’t have been a talent had it not been for him. Every time he reopened a scar, the memories of the first time he’d marred his flesh flashed into his brain, and this one was no different– but it was different from the others. He’d only ever reopened the shaky, half-circle shaped scars when a situation had become too much, and that had happened only a few times. The first had been at fifteen, after Aaron and his cronies had decided to taunt him; the second at eighteen, because of Kieran. But, since he refused to even think of Aaron anymore, the memory that wracked his brain was the episode with Kieran. He remembered everything that the boy had said, everything that had nearly killed him inside. He shook his head wildly, continuing to dig his fingertips into the tender flesh as he forced himself to speak, and he opened his eyes as he heard Seth begin to speak, although he forced his eyes to remain on the ground. Tears stung the empty hazel depths of his eyes and was barely able to keep his face blank as he glanced up at Seth, shaking his head. “You forgot stupid. Some stupid boy who lied when he said he didn’t love you back. And if I knew what was good for me, I’d learn to shut my fucking mouth before it leads to something like this, right?” Aiden said through clenched teeth, unable to keep the hint of anger from his voice, although he desperately tried to. This wasn’t what he’d intended. “But I’m not fucking smart enough to learn when to shut my goddamn mouth. I never wanted to hurt you, either, but I have. I know I have.” He added, tears spilling from his eyes in a continuous waterfall as he hung his head, ashamed for snapping at Seth. He hadn’t been able to help it– Seth’s words had hit him like five tons of bricks, and his first resort to being hurt verbally was to say things that he didn’t intend with an angry tone. He’d always known that he was only ‘some boy’ to Seth, but hearing it had hurt him and it had drove the dagger that was sticking out of his heart even deeper. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He said softly, relinquishing the hold on his hips and feeling his lower lip begin to tremble again. Good job, Aiden, destroy everything. That’s a good boy. Fucking loser.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I don’t care, it’s only a bruised ass, I’ll be alright,” Aiden said quickly, his words fusing together to make a nearly incoherent mess of words as he rubbed his tail bone gingerly before glancing at Seth, tears welling in his eyes again. The proceeded to fall slowly in huge droplets as he saw how much more pale the other boy was getting, a low whimper leaving his lips again as he scrambled to his knees, his eyes catching sight of the discarded gauze and feeling the tears increase into pained sobs. He knew he shouldn’t have come to the park today, he should’ve just stayed at Michael’s. None of this would have happened otherwise. “You aren’t fine,” Aiden choked out with a sob, his eyes doe-eyed and the size of saucers, lined with tears and faded, mistreated eyeliner. His lower lip trembled faintly as he saw Seth nearly dive face first into the concrete, and, after the other boy had stilled, Aiden set about feeling his forehead and pausing in his attempts to push the scarf away as he felt Seth’s fingers wrap weakly about his wrist, his lip trembling a bit harder. After a moment he shook Seth’s fingers away gently and moved a section of the scarf, already feeling warm traces of crimson staining his fingertips even as he felt his hands being batted away and letting his mouth drop open as he heard the boy speak. Just a little blood? He was practically fucking bleeding to death on the bench! “Just a little blood? I’m going to worry about you and you know it.. You’re fucking scaring me, Seth, please stop,” he said softly, swallowing hard and looking down slightly as more tears proceeded to trace the contours of his cheeks. He looked up after a moment, realization having hit him as he absently took his hand from Seth’s and wiped under his red and swollen eyelids and watching as the boy before him shook his head wildly at his statement. “I told you, I’m going to worry about you anyway, sweetie, it doesn’t matter that I don’t like hospitals, you need to go!” He said quietly, worry emanating through his voice as he tried to stop the tears, although they only started again as he heard what Seth had to say next. “Seth, I swear, if you don’t shut up—” He tried to make his words a threat, but there was no way they could’ve been– Aiden cared too much for Seth to even try to threaten him, and his voice had come out in a small whimper. “You are special, and you know it, I know you do– nobody’s quite like you, kid. No, there won’t be, Seth, you’re more than what you think you are, I just wish you would realize it.” Aiden said, choking back a sob as he forced his hair out of his eyes. He couldn’t help but jump as Seth tried to help by pushing the locks behind his ear, and he chanced a feeble smile, though it didn’t last long.

Aiden began to shake as he felt himself being pulled toward the Seth, another sob coming out in a whimper after he’d spoken and felt the light kisses being pressed onto his cheek. “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.. I wasn’t supposed to hurt you but I did, and now y-you’re practically bleeding to death because of me—it doesn’t matter about my potentially being alone, Seth, what does matter is you still being alive—” Aiden whispered softly, tears once again spilling from his eyes when he felt the other boy petting his hair before moving, his lower lip trembling even more. “Like you really scare me, dearie.” He said, the words a frail attempt at a joke although his voice was still low and thick with tears. Aiden couldn’t help but shake his head a bit after he’d spoken again, feeling himself being pulled closer and hearing Seth’s words but unable to respond. He couldn’t. Even if he would’ve tried, his words would have, more than likely, been incoherent, partially due to the fact that he was nearly bawling his eyes out. He was forced to tip his head backward as Seth’s hand tried to make him, the kiss pressed to his lips barely registered as he tried to blink away more tears. Again he couldn’t speak after Seth had, although he shook his head lightly, having to move a bit closer to the bench so that his head wouldn’t get ripped off as Seth, basically, tried to move him upward as their lips met again. Aiden let out a yelp as he landed once more on the ground, pain flaring through his tail bone as it met with the concrete again and making him wince lightly with the sudden pain and shock of being moved without his knowledge. If Seth hadn’t been bleeding, Aiden would’ve had to make him pay. But, he was nice, and plus, Seth was bleeding, and he didn’t really feel like hitting the boy in the head with a squirrel that was choking on a penny. Though it would’ve been reasonable, because he could’ve said that he was doing that.. whatchacallit maneuver to save the poor squirrel. Mwahaha. But no, he wasn’t that mean.

Allowing his fingers to tightly grip the fabric of Seth’s own thin jacket, Aiden felt the also visible shaking of the other boy’s scrawny frame and couldn’t help but feel tears spill from the corners of his eyes, the trickles sliding down to disappear into his hair as the fingers beneath his head moved oh-so-slightly. The boy’s sudden, quick movement made Aiden jump a bit, and after Seth had moved his head away and his body regained it’s shaking composure, he fumbled, not exactly sure what to do. He’d never had this happen before, not directly, and it was terrifying him more than almost anything ever had before. He watched as Seth’s fingers moved toward his scarf, and he noticed the gorgeous maroon fluid covering a vast majority of it and then Seth’s fingertips, but right now, the thick, coppery liquid wasn’t as pretty as Aiden usually saw it to be. The scarf moved, the garnet stain soon disappearing as Seth tried to keep Aiden from noticing it, but it was far too late– he’d noticed it long before, and had suspected it when he’d saw the gauze laying discarded next to him on the bench. It was a feeble attempt, but an attempt, nonetheless. He let go of the other boy’s jacket as he slunk down onto his chest as slowly as a setting sun, reluctantly moving his cranium as Seth exchanged his fingers for his forearm. Aiden heard his name and immediately he lifted his head, tears continuing to filter through his thick onyx eyelashes as he desperately fumbled to regain his voice. He coughed, his lungs rumbling faintly, as he felt Monroe’s claws dig into his side, where she seemed to have taken up residence to accommodate the fact that Seth had taken what she felt was her rightful spot. Moments of silence ensued, during which Aiden tried to divulge a plan. He needed one, otherwise Seth would end up bleeding to death, and it would rest on his head– he couldn’t have that happen, and not for his own sake. But when he heard Seth’s feeble voice sound again, his thoughts split and the plan was momentarily lost as he tipped his head to be able to look at Seth, tears filling his eyes again as he heard what he had to say. “You’ll w-wake up, I promise,” he offered softly, although he couldn’t imagine that his words gave Seth any kind of comfort. He shifted slightly, his free arm rising to lightly cup Seth’s cheek, and kissed the younger boy’s forehead as he heard him give a sob, barely refraining from letting one escape his sore lungs as well. After a few more long, seemingly endless minutes, Aiden felt Seth’s lips upon his again and he jumped, feeling the boy’s lightweight body fall back onto his chest and the sudden grip that tightened onto his jacket just under Monroe’s body, who gave a light meow. His eyes never left Seth as the boy spoke again before suddenly going limp, at which point, Aiden could’ve probably flipped and been a candidate for the local freak show circus as he suspected the worst, only to watch more closely to see the faint rise and fall of the boy’s shoulder blades.

Oh fuck.

Standing after easing himself out from under Seth’s body, he pulled Monroe out from his jacket and settled her on the other boy, ignoring her angry and confused meow as he grabbed the nearest person’s arm that he could find. Hopefully it wasn’t that nasty biker chick– or dude.. he hadn’t been able to tell– that he had nearly ran over while trying to find Seth. His eyes were, once again, the size of saucers, and the girl who had the misfortune of being in his path had her mouth agape. “Chill out, what’s wrong?” Aiden would’ve snapped at her had he had the time and the energy, but he had better things to do. “Call an ambulance, h-he’s bleeding and he just passed out—” He was nearly reduced to sobs again as the girl immediately whipped out a black and silver Katana II and began dialing before he was even finished speaking. It was amazing that she was actually helping, since, after the day at the mall with Carmen where nobody had helped her, he had lost nearly all hope in the helpfulness of mankind. The rest was a blur as he finally crashed next to Seth again, moving Monroe who had, of course, been the guard cat. That’s what she was best at. “Ohh, god, Seth, please,” he whimpered softly, tears slipping down his face again as he tried to wake him up in vain. Wow, what good shaking his shoulder would do.






FINALLY FINISHEDDD. took long enough, mwahaha. geez, we SUCK. hahaha. x3

[seth matthews.]

like sugar the sweetest thing i ever tasted.
like a fine merlot,
and white pills cut on glass and lips of dolls.
i'm told there was beauty in our silence,
so hold me angel.
love me angel.

Seth desperately tried to stop the tears that had begun to fall, but his attempts were all in vain because it seemed that no matter what he tried they continued to flood his cheeks, and so he simply threw his arms about Aiden's neck, his face buried into Aiden's shoulder wordlessly. As Aiden's hand fell against the small of his back Seth took a wary step forwards, his breath aught in his throat, waiting for the moment when Aiden would shy away and tell him to knock it off. “If I’m not supposed to feel like that.. then why do I?” Seth thought quietly before heaving his shoulders upwards momentarily as he refused to raise his head from Aiden's shoulder, relishing in the quiet comfort and safety of the other boy's embrace. Finally, Seth suck in a trembling search for air, his fingers tentatively stroking the boy's cheek quietly as he thought. "Honestly, I don't know. I guess it could be the fact that you take it upon yourself to make sure everyone else is taken care of before you even think about yourself, and that you're willing to take the blame for everyone else. The only thing that I do know is that I don't like it." He murmured softly as he stood on his tiptoes briefly to press an innocent kiss to Aiden's forehead. “Don’t you fuckbags have anything else to do? This isn’t fucking Days Of Our Lives, go watch a squirrel choke on a penny or something.” A soft smile bobbed at the surface of his lips as he absently turned his gaze so that he could see the small crowd that was blatantly watching the pair, a soft roll of his shoulders given as he nuzzled closer into Aiden's body, his attention turned back to Aiden's profile. Seth reluctantly let himself crumble into a smile at the pink flush that bred under Aiden's pale cheeks before he leant forward, tenderly nipping at the apple of the other boy's cheek affectionately in an absent attempt to calm Aiden down and distract him from the gathering people. Slowly nuzzling his nose just beneath Aiden's ear, Seth gave a soft sigh, his fingers absently stroking the side of Aiden's neck. "Why don't we just give them a sho–." Seth immediately turned a bright shade of red, his face promptly buried into Aiden's shoulder, silently cursing at himself for slipping up. He couldn't expect Aiden to just be willing to jump headfirst back into something that had been a happily shared memory of their once loving relationship. He couldn't expect Aiden to willing give in and joke around and play with Seth. Not now. Not after this. Seth raised his head quietly before placing a tentative kiss to the other boy's cheek as he stepped away, his arms falling from around Aiden quietly, his face still obviously flushed. Then the tears came.

“Just.. just listen to me. I know you wouldn’t. But it’s hard when anyone you’ve ever been close to has hurt you in one way or another.. My mother started it, and I have no idea who’s going to finish it, but hopefully I won’t last long enough to get hurt too badly, or maybe I’ll learn my lesson and become that hermit who lives in Mexico that I talked about earlier, yeah?” Seth gave a soft whine and stepped forwards, his arms palced carefulyl about Aiden's neck as he nuzzled his nose into the cool skin of the boy's neck. Pulling away slightly Seth placed a tentative peck to Aiden's cheek, his eyes slipping closed as he nuzzled his nose into the frail skin of Aiden's cheek. "386B7DI-I'm sorry, Aide. Just know that I'd never ever hurt you, no matter what. You don't even know how much you mean to me, you've put up with so much shit from me, and you never even complained about anything that I did. And I swear if you ever try to run away to Mexico I'm going to kidnap you and force you to live in Oliver's closet. Hell it's practically as big as my entire apartment." he murmured playfully before giggling quietly and heaving a soft sigh, raching up to cup Aiden's face in his hand quietly. "But seriously, don't run away or do anything stupid, okay?" Seth pleaded softly, sincerity bleeding through his words. He didn't know what he'd do if Aiden ran away. Seth cocked his head to the side absently as he watched Aiden, his hands instinctively darting out to grasp the boy's hips although at the last second he reached for Aiden's hands, awkwardly tugging the small boy closer. “I’m—I’m not sure. I’ve j—just.. never told anyone, Brendin doesn’t even know.. It’s not because I’m weak, even though I guess I’ve always looked that way—I—well, put it in your perspective, would you have told me if it had happened to you?” Seth listened patiently as the boy floundered and searched for the right words, his fingers half mindedly twined with Aiden's own as he blinked placidly up at the other boy, his teeth clinking quietly with the bitter cold stainless steel hoops that adorned his lower lip thoughtfully. "Aiden, honey, why? You should have just told me, I would have understood, it doesn't help to just bottle it all up, trust me. When Josh first started getting abusive, it scared the shit out of me, but he always made it seem like it was my fault, like I deserved to be punished. Then it would be better, he'd apologize and make me promise I'd try harder next time. It started off just a few bruises every now and then, he liked the whole emotional physocological shit, and I didn't think I needed to tell anyone about it, so I just kept my mouth shut. I mean, who wants to listen to some gay kid bitch about how his boyfirend hurts him because he refuses to have sex at his beck and call? I don't know, it just gets worse and worse until someone finally snaps and I thought I was going to be the one who caved because I'd been holding back the truth about where I'd been getting all of those bruises, because deep down I know Wil didn't believe that I was geting those by myself. But it wasn't me, it was Josh. That was when I came to Seattle, broken bones and black eyes. But that's not the point of the story, the point is.. well, I on't remember but you don't need to keep all of this shit inside. Tell Brendin, tell me, tell someone when it happens, don't just think you deserve it." Seth had been rambling on absently, and only realize he'd started ot spill his mindless story about Josh to the other boy once he'd reached the end of his spech-ish thing-y. He frowned absentlyas he reached up to tuck a lock of his freshly dyed fringe behind his ear. “I’m sorry.. It’s just that.. I guess I just wanted to forget it, but it’s almost a permanent fixture in my life.” Seth frowned and glanced up at Aiden, his head shaken softly as he reached up to run the back of his hand agianst Aiden's cheek affectionately, his lips secured to the other boy's forehead wordlessly as the two boys settled on the freezing wood of the park bench, choosing to let hte fact that Aiden decidedly sat beside him on the bench than rather his lap slide past, much more concerned about Aiden at the moment to care. "Don't apologize to me Aide, I understand what you're going through. Now as for the spilling, care to tell me why you thought it'd be best to just keep it all pent up? If you don't want to, I get it. I just want you to know that if you need me to listen, I'm here, okay? Don't feel pressured, baby."

“It’s not that I don’t want to. I just wouldn’t feel right, Seth, there’s a difference between blatantly refusing it because of selfish reasons and feeling like you’d be intruding whether or not anyone else was there. You aren’t stupid, Seth, I appreciate the gesture, but I just.. I can’t. I’ve done too much to you already.” Seth sighed quietly, his fingers curling and uncurling uncomfortably against the cold metal key lying in his palm, his gaze still numbly lingering on the dull light glinting off of it's tarnished surface. It was like a horrible car crash, no matter how much you wanted to turn away, to not look, you couldn't seem to pull your eyes away from it. "Yeah, sure. I just wanted to help, Aide, but I guess I'm just too stupid to realize that you'd rather sleep out here than sleep at my place. But hey, whatever floats your boat sweetheart." he murmured moodily before heaving a soft sigh as Aiden leant forward to press a small kiss to his cheek, absently nuzzling at Aden's cheek before the boy pulled away. "I didn't mean that, Aide. If you don't want to take it, I get it." Seth murmured absently his head cocked to the side as he watched the other boy curiously. Aiden was so secluded. Seth whimpered quietly, his fingers stroking over Monroe's small body, who which in turn began to purr at the sudden attention. Glancing up at Aiden, Seth realized that Aiden was still somewhere lost in his thoughts and so he stepped forward, his head ducked briefly as he pressed a small kiss to the top of the kitten's creamy gray head. "Oh Monroe, how do I get him to understand?" Seth pleaded quietly to the small kitten, who only reached out and slapped at his cheek, luckily with her claws retracted, a playful gasp was given as he tapped the kitten lightly on the nose playfully. "I am so not slapping him, Monroe." The kitten then just looked up at him placidly. Seth heaved a soft sigh and righted himself once more, he didn't like Aiden this reserved; he missed the old Aiden, the shameless boy with a knack for mischievousness. But this wasn't that Aiden. Giving a low whine Seth stepped forward, his hand placed decidedly against Aiden's neck as he leant in for a pleading kiss. when he pulled away and Aiden began to apologize once more, Seth leant forwards once more, his lips placed tenderly against Aiden's own. "No more apologizing, okay?" he murmured once he'd successfully shut the other boy up, leaning back on his heels so that he had a clear view of the boy's face, his thumb absently stroking Aiden's cheek before he willed it to stop, not wanting to push his luck. "It's not your fault, I just want you to quit blaming yourself. I know you might feel like you're fucking everything up, but your not. You couldn't help it that I fell in love with you back then, and you can't help it now. It might have made it easier now, but I would have been miserable back in Mansonville, and what would you have done if I'd found you when I was here. Okay, so that doesn't make sense, I probably wouldn't even be here at all, but whatever, that's not the point. The point is you can't regret now what you were loving then, okay? And I know I'm probably not making a lot of sense right now because I think my loratab is wearing off, but what I'm trying to say is that there's no way Oli can make me forget about you. You mean way too damn much to me for anyone to replace you, so just chill okay?" He murmured as he absently wiped at the tears staining the other boy's pale cheeks, a soft sigh given. Aiden didn't deserve this.

Seth froze as he heard his name fall from Aiden's lips, his body trembling violently as he resisted the urge to rush forward and sweep Aiden into his arms, to promise him that he'd never hurt him again, that nothing would ever happen to him. But he couldn't. He couldn't make those promises. Not now, not when he'd already made so many promises to Oliver. Seth slowly eased forward, his hand rising cautiously and his fingers placed tenderly against the back of Aiden's hand, one finger sneaking upwards to stroke the chilled flesh of Aiden's fingers as he silently tried to coax the boy's fingers from his hair. “Yes, I did. I loved you more than you could’ve ever fucking imagined, and you know that this was my fault. I should have kept my distance from you when I first met you, if I would have, this wouldn’t be happening right now. It wouldn’t have been because I’d wanted to, it would’ve been because it was what was best. And look what happened. I’m the king of fuckups here, Seth, I tried to show you that, I tried to tell you, but I should have tried harder.” Seth suddenly stiffened, his lips pressed together in a hard line, a set of fingers grasping Aiden's jaw bone firmly though still wary of the bruising knot that had cropped up against his ex boyfriend's jaw, his eyes oddly focus as he gently tilted Aiden's head upwards, his eyes leveling with the other boy's intently. "Aide just stop it, okay? You're always trying to take the blame for someone else, and I know that you probably had to a long time ago, but you don't have to sacrifice yourself for me. Please don't say that. Please. Oh god please don't. No matter what happens between us, please don't tell me that you wish it wouldn't have happened. Hell, lie to me for all I care, just don't tell me you wish it wouldn't have happened. Mansonville was one of the happiest times in my life, you don't know how much I'd give just to go back for five minutes and spend them with you like we used to. Yeah, okay, so we had a few problems when you'd disappear because I thought you were running away, but I'd still give it all away just to have five minutes back. I don't care if you fuckup, baby, I still love you." Seth suddenly realized that he had his hands against the slender curve of Aiden's sides, his body suddenly flinching away and a small apology murmured in response, having realized that he seemed to hurt Aiden more every time he touched him. Seth's head tipped unconsciously to the side as Aiden placed his hands on his hips, his first instinct being to cower away form the scolding that he knew would come, but instead he only stepped closer to Aiden, something wasn't right here. Seth's gaze suddenly dove downward as Aiden winced, his eyes widening in horror as he watched Aiden slowly gouging his nails into his skin. "Aiden Mikhail Jacobs, what in the hell do you think you're doing?" Seth suddenly snapped out as he rushed forwards, his fingertips stroking the skin of Aiden's hips with his fingertips beside the boy's nails, knowing better than to try and pull Aiden's fingers away, he'd only up hurting him more. "Please don't do this, baby." Seth whispered pleadingly into Aiden's ear, a small kiss secured against the plushy flesh of Aiden's lobe before he pulled his lips away to nuzzle his nose into the other boy's cheek.

“You forgot stupid. Some stupid boy who lied when he said he didn’t love you back. And if I knew what was good for me, I’d learn to shut my fucking mouth before it leads to something like this, right?” At Aiden's suddenly bitter words Seth blinked up at him with a mixture of fear and pain, his lower lip trembling violently as he shrank back a few steps, not being able to help the soft cringe that forced his body even further away as Aiden's snappy words reached his ears. At first Seth wasn't sure what exactly he was supposed to feel, his emotions scattered out like marbles on a tile floor. His mind lept from fear to sympathy then to anger and then anguish before finally returning back to fear. “But I’m not fucking smart enough to learn when to shut my goddamn mouth. I never wanted to hurt you, either, but I have. I know I have.” Seth trembled quietly, his fear seeming to momentarily paralyze him. Aiden had never snapped at him before. But that was it wasn't it. That was before. Right about now it was anything goes, do what you want and say what you feel. Seth stood stock still, almost as if he moved Aiden would lash out at him again, his heart racing as he held perfectly still, his breathing labored. Don't move Seth, just let him calm down. If he's anything like Josh was then if you're quiet enough then he won't hurt you, just don't do anything stupid. Still breathing shakily Seth focused on calming his labored gasps, his body remaining perfectly still almost as if he were planning on fading into the background so that he couldn't be seen. Truthfully, Seth wished that he could. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” Seth's eyes slowly slid open, his muscles quaking faintly as he gazed up at the other boy, his hazel eyes an odd mixture of sympathy and fear. "D-Don't apologize. It's my fault you did it, so I guess I deserved it. It's not like it's the first time it's happened to me." The impact of Aiden's words suddenly hit him like an eighteen wheeler, his knees buckling under the strain of keeping his body afloat and he slowly sunk to the ground, realization just enough to push him over the edge. "I didn't forget stupid, you're not just some stupid boy, Aiden. You mean so much more than that to me. It's not your fault, I should have just accepted the fact and moved on with my life, but I didn't. I couldn't. The first time I met Oliver, I knew I was falling in love with him and I hated myself for it, but I couldn't help myself, Aiden. He loved me back, he took it slow, and he showed me that I wasn't just something to be used and thrown away. But that whole time all I could do was wonder just how much I was going to hurt you and how much you would hate me when you found out what happened." Seth spoke between violent bursts of sobs, his ribs aching under the strain of each wave of unfathomable pain that ripped through his core. He didn't mean for this to happen.

–

Seth watched Aiden carefully, his languid body tense as his mind contemplated just how horribly painful it would be to dive face first into the unwelcoming concrete compared to how horrible it would feel to know that he was the reason Aiden was hurt. “Yeah, I’m fine, I don’t care, it’s only a bruised ass, I’ll be alright,” Seth winced softly at Aiden's words, his body shifting forwards slowly in an attempt to clamber to the ground, wanting nothing more than to be closer to the other boy. For some reason his body and gravity didn't seem to agree for a moment and Seth nearly dove into the concrete, his eyes wide and breathing labored as his fingers curled tightly about the edge of the bench, soft whimpers falling from his lips. Seth managed to slowly inch his way back onto the platform of the bench, his body curled back up once his spine rested wearily against the backrest, his fingers keeping a white knuckled grip on the thin material of his jacket, which at the moment was doing nothing to soothe his dropping temperature. “You aren’t fine,” Seth suddenly felt the urge to defy Aiden's accusing words and so he slowly unraveled himself from the tight ball he'd curled into, his body ungracefully moving towards the edge of the bench, determined to join the other boy on the snow littered concrete below, although his body seemed to give way as he neared the ledge of the bench, his body swaying dangerously close to falling off. Taking his near constant attempts at falling to the concrete as a sign that maybe he should just stay still, Seth inched back towards the spot where his lingering body heat should have clung to the bench, needing every ounce of warmth that he could possibly get. "Yes I am," he huffed quietly at the other boy, his eyes closed shakily and his body relaxing tensely at the chilled wood of the bench. Seth's eyes flew open as he felt Aiden's warm hand against his face, a low sigh deflating his lungs at the immediate warmth that seemed to coil inside of him, although as he felt the faint movement of Aiden's fingers uncoiling his scarf, Seth's hand darted laxly out so that his fingers wrapped about Aiden's warm skin. "Don't. Please." Seth whimpered faintly as he felt Aiden easily shake away his fingers, and so as a last resort he attempted to weakly bat Aiden's prying fingers away from the stained and damp scarf, a quivering breath sucked into his lungs as he turned his head and tucked his chin into the small cavity of space between his chest and bent legs in an attempt to deter Aiden's fingers. Too late.

Seth cast a pleading glance towards Aiden, his dull hazel eyes filled to the brim with tears. “Just a little blood? I’m going to worry about you and you know it.. You’re fucking scaring me, Seth, please stop,” Aiden's words stung like a slap to the face, his gaze falling swiftly to the ground in shame. He didn't mean to hurt the other boy, he had thought that Aiden would have rather seen him dead than to let Seth complicate their already complicated relationship. Seth felt Aiden slowly pulling his hand from Seth's, a soft whimper falling form his lips as he recoiled from the other boy, pain piercing through his lungs as he trembled wordlessly. "Aiden, don't. You don't want to and you don't have to. Yeah, I'm scaring myself too, but if this is how it's supposed to be, then this is how it's going to be. Don't try and be the hero and save me, just let me go." he murmured quietly, his face tucked away the small cavity of space between his chest and legs, his arms tucked just below his face in an attempt to salvage his own body heat. Seth's head snapped up suddenly as Aiden stated that he would, in fact, be going to the hospital, his mind swirling violently and his stomach promising that if he didn't move slower then whatever bile was in his stomach would be making a surprise appearance. “I told you, I’m going to worry about you anyway, sweetie, it doesn’t matter that I don’t like hospitals, you need to go!” Seth rested his chin wearily atop his knees, his arms laying crossed against his stomach in an attempt to soothe it's flopping feeling. "Aiden, baby, please don't. I'll be fine. Just don't take me to the hospital." he whimpered quietly to the other boy, tears blurring his vision as he reached towards Aiden, his body carefully leant forwards so that he could fish for Aiden's hand, missing it's familiar and comforting warmth against his own cold as corpse flesh. Although careful, Seth's body still wasn't up for the precarious balancing action that he was putting it through and with a surprised yelp Seth teetered forward and nearly collapsed weakly onto Aiden's body, the only thing stopping him from doing so were the trembling arms placed on either of Aiden's shoulders as he pushed himself back onto the bench. His body trembled and his breathing caught in his throat, fear suddenly overwhelming. Sure it was an overreaction and he knew it, but he just couldn't seem to coax the fear from him. He was trapped, and by a bench of all things.

He was careful as he slowly tugged Aiden into his body, his muscles tremoring faintly beneath his abnormally pale skin, his eyes fluttering closed against Aiden's cheek. “It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.. I wasn’t supposed to hurt you but I did, and now y-you’re practically bleeding to death because of me—it doesn’t matter about my potentially being alone, Seth, what does matter is you still being alive—” Seth continued to stroke his fingers through Aiden's hair, unknowing if it was providing as much comfort to the other boy as it seemed to be providing him. Oddly, the small gesture managed to calm Seth down significantly, his eyes remaining closed as his temple was buried against Aiden's cheek, his trembling fingers tangling wordlessly in the boy's hair. "Baby, it's not your fault, please quit blaming yourself, you're freaking me out. I'm bleeding because I needed to feel the pain, to know that I could hurt myself just like I hurt everyone else. And Aiden, it does matter about you being alone, I worry about you all the time. When Oli's asleep and I'm lying in bed I sometimes wonder what you would think about Oli and me getting married like we want to, and I worry that if we do then you're going to hurt yourself or get hurt and I don't want that for you. I don't want to live if it's going to mean hurting you or Oliver, I couldn't bear it." He murmured absently, his eyes closed peacefully and his fingers still combing slowly through Aiden's hair in an attempt to keep himself calm, because he knew the moment he stopped the emotions that we bubbling beneath the surface would surface and send him into a panicked frenzy. “Like you really scare me, dearie.” A genuine smile tugged at his lips and momentarily brightened Seth's pale complexion, his fingers stilling briefly before picking up their pace once more, his eyes still closed contentedly. "You don't believe me." Not a question. Seth smiled weakly and carefully pulled Aiden closer into his chest, his fingers curling feebly about a section of Aiden's hair, a soft breath sucked in as he reached out tipped the other boy's chin upwards, his lips meeting Aiden's own in a feeble attempt at comfort. As he pulled his lips, Seth head Aiden's struggling plea, his eyes rolled in feign exasperation as he pulled Aiden upwards slightly, his lips meeting the other boy's own as he slowly began to gather his energy. Muscled coiled and a breath was sucked into his lungs as he squeezed his eyes shut and pounced onto the other male's small body. As the two boy's hit the ground, Seth moaned quietly as his head began to spin and whirl, his fingers keeping a white knuckled grip on Aiden's jacket as his body swayed in the steady rise and fall of his surroundings. As he slowly gained a grasp on his surroundings Seth attempted to slow his labored breathing, his eyes slammed shut tightly as he warded off a wave exhaustion. "What are you thinking about, baby?"

Seth chanced a weak smile, although he was sure it helped to mirror his dazed and foggy mind set, his eyes struggling to focus on the boy's face in an attempt to find something that wasn't spinning, his body trembling violently as his focus crept away. It was almost as if he were momentarily blind, his vision was swallowed up into a sea of black and he whimpered frantically, his heart racing as he struggled to reach out, his fingers splayed across Aiden's chest as they wandered upwards, feeling blindly across the other boy's clothing, shivers beginning to rack his small frame. Oh god, he was going to die, wasn't he? Closing his eyes tightly, Seth sucked in a few deep breaths before blinking them open, relieved to be greeted with the sight of a panicky Aiden. A weak smile was given before he reached upwards, beginning to tug the scarf so that the blood was hidden away from Aiden's prying eyes. As he pulled his fingers away, Seth noted the warm blood against his fingertips and he wiped them hastily against his pants leg. Just as Seth was about to collapse back into Aiden's chest from exhaustion that plagued his body from ever direction he looked back down towards his hand, noticing the pale icy color his skin had achieved, his veins standing out as a prominent blue lace design under the sheer layer of skin, his fingers jerking with violent tremors. He wasn't always so pale, was he? Slowly sinking back downwards Seth felt Aiden's fingers uncurling from it's white knuckled grip on Seth's jacket, his breathing labored as his hand searched out for Aiden's own. Once finding the boy's hand, Seth instantly noted that Aiden's skin felt deliciously warm against his own skin which seemed to have turned into a suit of fucking ice, his body bombarded with relentless, teeth clacking shivers, his eyes forced closed as he curled slightly atop the small male beneath him, his breathing labored as he attempted to cuddle against Aiden in a desperate search for warmth.

“You’ll w-wake up, I promise,” Relief flooded through him at Aiden's words, although in the back of his thought muddled mind there was a part of him that still went uncomforted by the boy's words, his muscles quaking involuntarily as his blood pressure began to drop, his heart beat frantically skipping beats in it's hasty attempt to compensate for the loss of blood. "B-B-But what if I don't? What's O-O-Oli going to do? I c-can't leave him, I-I was going to p-p-p-propose to him." Another sob wreaked it's havoc over Seth's frail and trembling body, his eyes shut tightly against the warm tears that built behind his lashes. He couldn't die, couldn't leave Oliver with no one to take care of him. He didn't want to even begin thinking of what Oli would do when he found out that Seth was dead. As Aiden shifted beneath him, Seth clung to him like a frightened kitten, doe-eyed and breathing heavily. Everything swirled and clouded momentarily before Seth regained some sort of control, his eyes fluttering closed as he felt Aiden's lips against his forehead as he sobbed. Slowly Seth crept back up Aiden's body as he pressed his lips to the other boy's, before crumbling back down to Oliver's chest, his own chest heaving as he fought to breathe. "I'm sorry I keep kissing you and touching you but," he paused momentarily to suck in a few gasps of air before pushing himself to continue. "I just wanted you to know that I'm," again Seth had to pause and suck in a few deep gasps as he fought away the black beginning to shroud his vision. "not mad at you for anything, and I guess I still do love you, but not the way I did in Mansonville then." His last spiel came out in a jumble rush of words as he struggled to finish that sole thought before he had to break the statement any more than he already had, frustration growing in the pit of his stomach with the sudden weakness of his body. "I love him so much. But I don't think I can stand it if it's going to hurt you. You did so much for me back then." He whimpered quietly before tightening his grip on the other boy's jacket as pain ripped through his throat, his muscles tightening and his head dropping heavily to Aiden's chest, his mind suddenly swallowed in darkness.

–

Seth slowly awoke to the strangely smooth rhythm of an electronic beeping, his hazel eyes foggy as they slowly blinked open to a sea of white. At first, the sudden brightness of the lights assaulted his dilated pupils and he willing let his lids fall closed back over his eyes, a trembling sigh heaved before he once more struggled to awaken his dazed little eyes to the strange sterility of the room. Seth made a move to turn and investigate the odd electronic beeping noise that seemed to emanate from beside his bed, only to find himself unable to do much more that squirm slightly against the blinding white sheets. Puzzled, Seth peered down only to find himself strapped to the bed, his eyes widened incredulously as his heart rate skyrocketed, his body trembling and straining against the restraining bonds. The once stead electronic pulsing began to come more frequently until it was almost a flat line as Seth whimpered and strained against the ties, his breathing quick and labored as he struggled to free himself of the near suffocating hold that held him to the bed. What was this? Where was he? Why was he strapped down to this strange bed in the this strange room? After his struggle with the straps Seth uneasily relaxed down against the pillows momentarily before once more surging upwards in hopes of wriggling or breaking free of his restraining bonds. "Help! He rasped out hoarsely, his body going limp against the generic mattress as he struggled to gasp for air, his fingers curling tightly about swatches of the colorless blanket draped over is body. "Oli?" Seth whimpered weakly, his gaze sweeping over the strange room frightfully. Why was he here? "386B7DOli help me," he managed tepidly, shrinking down into the bedding as he broke into wild, ununderstanding sobs. As he quieted to low sniffles, it suddenly snapped into perspective. The hospital. Then, his next thought: Aiden.

Suddenly hysterical, Seth broke into uncontrollable sobs once more, his cheek falling softly to the pillow beneath his head, wanting nothing more than to curl up and die at the moment. Struggling against the ties once more Seth continued to sob, his chest heaving as he searched for air, his eyes wide and frightened. No! He didn't want to be here! "AIDEN!" he screamed at the top of his lungs, continuing to fight against the restraints tied across his body, his entire body quaking in fear of the thought that Aiden had left him; had left him to be consumed by this hell. "AIDEN, HELP ME!" Seth continued to scream hysterically, his ribs aching and lungs feeling like they would explode as he continued to worm beneath the straps of white material that bound him to the bed. "PLEASE LET ME G–oh." His voice suddenly cracked under the pressure of his near ear splitting screams, his body going limp against the sheets as he reduced himself to violent sobs, pathetic little whimpers falling past his lips quietly. "Please help me, please. I didn't mean to hurt him. Someone please, I'm scared," he whimpered to the empty room, his eyes searching ever corner, every shadow filled closet, searching, praying, that someone would be there; that someone would come to his rescue and unstrap him from this bed and just curl up and go to sleep with him. Panicked Seth once more struggled against the straps that bound him to the mattress, his body shivering against the cool gust of air that spread out over his body due to the air conditioner kicking on above his bed. "Oliver? Baby? Where are you?" Seth whimpered frightfully, unable to comprehend why his boyfriend wasn't here to untie him and promise him that he was okay. "Aide, why?" He whimpered into the silence of his hospital suite, his head falling back against the comfort of the pillows and shivering involuntarily against the cool burst of air, wishing that he could just fall asleep once more. But this time he didn't want to wake up.


occ; whooo. DONE. about time, huh? aha. yeah, it skips a lot in the beginning, so if you need me to go back and make up a couple of paragraphs and ifll it in, I can, but my muse was kind of having a fit. but anywayss. aiden should be ashamed. having those freaky doctors strap seth down and then leaving the poor boy. tsktsk. xD

[aiden jacobs.]

i am an oversight, just
like a parasite. why am
i so pathetic? i know
you won’t forget it.

"Honestly, I don't know. I guess it could be the fact that you take it upon yourself to make sure everyone else is taken care of before you even think about yourself, and that you're willing to take the blame for everyone else. The only thing that I do know is that I don't like it." Seth’s words caused Aiden to think, and he licked his lips lightly, barely refraining from jumping a bit as he felt the other boy’s lips on his forehead through his hair. Furrowing his eyebrows lightly, he gave a silent sigh and chewed at the inside of his lower lip before beginning to speak, shaking his head softly. “The reason I put everyone else before me.. I guess is because I think it will help with the fact that I hate who I am, but it doesn’t, not really, and I still do it because it makes me feel a little better inside. Not much, but a little, and it-it momentarily erases everything anyone ever said to me that hurt. I’m only willing to take the blame when it actually is my fault.. I can’t help the fact that it always is.” He said softly, sucking in a lung-ful of icy air and watching it crystallize in front of his face after he’d let it out, momentarily entertained. He knew that the warmth of his breath turned out against the bitter cold of the air was why it crystallized, but, even so, it mildly entertained him. It always had. The glares and crooked smirks he received after he’d spoken to the small audience that had gathered made him want to shrink back, but instead he held strong, which was a different action than what had become normal for him– and it surprised him, enough so that he went back to staring shamefully at the ground, chewing relentlessly at his bottom lip. Attention had never had the same affect on him that it had on most other people– he didn’t like it, not this kind, and shying away from it at a situation he obviously couldn’t leave was his first instinct. The feeling of teeth against his cheek made him jump lightly, the pale pink flush across his face darkening slightly as he realized that it was only Seth, more than likely trying to get his attention when he realized that he’d been ignored, however unintentional it was. The sudden feel of cool skin just below his ear, near the end of his jawbone, made Aiden shudder a bit, his eyes slipping closed with such force it almost hurt, and the light strokes to his neck only increased the intensity of his shivering– though it stopped soon after thanks to insulting remarks from his conscience and after he’d heard the sentence spill from Seth’s mouth that was abruptly ended. The already darkened pink went down a few more shades to nearly red, almost matching the color that spilled across the other boy’s cheeks as well, and he didn’t answer, choosing to, rather, ignore the question than to push it further. They both knew that wasn’t going to happen, so why push the subject?

The sudden hug and kiss to his cheek made him jump back into the present, deserting the thoughts of going ‘home’ momentarily. Aiden didn’t exactly have a home– he just had a place to stay, and that was about it; he was surprised that he was even still staying there, but at least it was some sort of place to go after something happened. He couldn’t help but jump a bit as Seth lightly cupped his cheek and spoke, caught off guard, and furrowed his eyebrows lightly, an apologetic look crossing over his pale face. “As much as I’d like to guarantee that I won’t, I can’t.” He said softly, knowing all too well that he had no control over the blackouts, and he wasn’t exactly confident that he wouldn’t do anything stupid. He was always doing stupid things– honestly, look where it had gotten him in life; not very far, although he’d been able to keep living despite various peoples’ attempts, including his own, to end his cycle– and he couldn’t very well help it. That was the way he saw it, anyway. The feeling of being tugged forward by his hands as he spoke caught him off guard, once more, and he resisted briefly, the fact that their fingers were intertwined escaping him as he tried desperately to come up with the right words and ending up throwing a question back at Seth in a defensive tone. He knew that the other boy knew what it felt like, as well, seeing as how when they’d met again in the same park they stood now he’d told him about Josh, but he wasn’t quite sure if he understood what it meant on a regular basis, with nearly every boy he’d ever caught the eye of. Aiden knew damn well what it felt like, it was his life story– he just wish he knew what higher existence, if there was any, hated him so much that it sent all the abusers his way, but he realized that it didn’t matter. At least it’d saved someone else, even if only briefly, from being beaten at that point in time. He heard Seth out before he spoke, taking the time during the other boy’s mini-speech to try and configure some way to make the other boy understand. “It isn’t that I feel I deserve it, Seth, understand that if anything.. It’s just that.. it’s hard. I don’t want to be seen as the stupid little boy who stays with the abusive asshole because he’s promised some sort of love. I’m not that stupid. Sure, I made the mistake of falling in love with one of them; that was stupid on my part, but it was on his, as well. I didn’t tell you, or Brendin, or anyone else for that matter, because I don’t ever want to be known as that little moron who stays with an abusive boy just to get some kind of affection. That’s not who I am, you should know that. Well, and the fact that I didn’t want Brendin to go to prison, because I know he would’ve killed Kieran if I would’ve told him that I nearly died a few times because to him.” Aiden said softly, immediately biting his lip as the last statement popped up out of nowhere. He hadn’t meant to say that– it’d slipped, no matter how true it was. Tears stung his eyes and he blinked them away, though as he felt the back of Seth’s hand against his cheek he looked up momentarily and barely refrained from flinching a bit. The kiss to his forehead went a tad unnoticed as he sat beside Seth on the bench, his legs drawn up to his chest and his arms crossed over his stomach, a shiver running down his spine as he looked up when the other boy spoke. “Maybe so.. But I didn’t have to snap at you like that. Pent up, no. Subtly hidden, maybe. I don’t feel pressured, it’s just that.. seriously, it’s not a big deal. Really.” He said softly, shaking his head and watching indifferently as flakes of snow began to fall again. He wasn’t really okay with it, but it was a sort of fifty/fifty feeling; on one hand, he hated it, but on the other hand, he was temporarily, if not permanently saving someone else from having to go through it. Half moron, half unintentional hero.. although even Aiden knew that his ‘hero’ness was even more worthless than he was. And that, kids, is pretty damn worthless.

Swallowing hard as he watched the other boy repeatedly loosen and tighten his grip on the metal key, Aiden bit absently at his lower lip to keep the small tremors hidden before glancing at the ground, setting his jaw defiantly as he heard Seth speak. “Fine. Alright. I get it.” He said, shaking his head and forcing his hair out of his eyes. “I already know I fucked up your.. ‘peace offering’, do you have to rub it in?” Aiden added a bit bitterly, a sheepish hurt covering his face after he’d spoken and moving a bit as Seth nuzzled his cheek, not realizing that he’d done so until after he’d heard the other boy speak. He didn’t say anything back, but he shook his head, another solitary tear running from his eyelid to his bruised jawbone as he continued to stare at the ground, his hazel eyes traveling to Monroe as he felt her purr begin to rumble across his lower chest. He chanced a weak smile, the sudden gesture a sort of comfort, and tipped his head to the side lightly as he saw Seth dip down, a bit confused although he was soon lost in thought once more. Can you fuck anything up any more? Jesus, get a fucking grip, do you really think he’s going to forgive you? You can’t even look him in the face, god what a fucking loser! Just go crawl into a hole already, something to keep yourself from fucking up too goddamn badly. As he heard Seth’s voice, he shook his head, an eyebrow raised as he registered what the other boy had said. Something about slapping him? “Do what now? Something about slapping me..?” He asked, looking from Monroe to Seth as if they were plotting against him and giving a bit of a smile, although it didn’t exactly last that long, seeing as how after the other boy had stood up fully once more, he placed his hand on his neck and pulled him forward. It was a bit of a surprise to Aiden, and it was a just as surprising as Seth did it again after he’d begun to apologize. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, biting his lip after he’d finally learned that Seth wanted him to keep his mouth shut and blinking lightly as he felt the other boy’s thumb run over his cheek momentarily before stopping. “I.. Well, I guess I can’t deny that fact, but I am fucking things up, Seth, and you can’t deny that. You can try, but you’ll know it’s true. And who said I regret it, Seth? All I’m saying is that maybe if I would’ve kept myself away from the.. ‘social scene’ of Mansonville, maybe you wouldn’t be standing here like this. Maybe I wouldn’t be, either, although I’d probably be standing somewhere else like this. If you say so, Seth, I’m tired of fighting you about it.” He said softly, shaking his head lightly and unintentionally pulling his head back from Seth’s gentle touch as he tried to wipe the tears from his cheeks. He hadn’t meant to, but he had– it was only an action that was normal to him, but he knew that Seth wouldn’t see it that way.

Suddenly the thought of returning to Rhode Island filled Aiden’s head, and he began to shake lightly, tears starting to fall once more from his eyes as he nearly doubled over from trying to keep back the pent up sobs. He figured that if he didn’t stand up straight, or at least keep his body semi-vertical, he wouldn’t get sick, but he still had to swallow hard every few seconds to keep the oncoming wave of nausea at bay– he was a silly boy with silly notions, didn’t anyone besides him see that? After the wave subsided he tangled his slender fingers through the thick pitch strands of his hair, and, had he pulled harder, he probably would’ve began to unknowingly dislodge some of the fibers from his scalp– which would have been just lovely, yeah? Aiden spoke and when he did, he knew that it was a sort of mistake– Seth’s hand transferred from his hand to his chin, gripping his mandible with a hard, determined grasp, which made Aiden’s body tremble uncontrollably as he closed his eyes tightly and gave an inaudible whimper. Frightened tears somehow pushed past the tightly blocked dams of his eyes, and he immediately complied when he felt the light pressure of Seth’s hand urging him to tilt his skull backward, almost completely terrified. His body was rigid as he heard the other boy speak, his eyes still clenched shut as he tried to calm his nearly frantic breathing. Good job, Aide, you’ve got yourself in the perfect position to be a goddamn punching bag. I wouldn’t fucking blame him if he used you as one. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” he began in a hushed tone, knowing deep inside that Seth wouldn’t even think of physically hurting him intentionally but unable to keep his mind from going into overdrive. This scene was so familiar, although over the years the backgrounds and faces had changed, sometimes drastically. “You know I d-didn’t mean it that way, I only m-meant that I could’ve p-potentially saved you from this, at least with m-me.” Aiden added quickly, his words meshed together in a quiet rush as he felt Monroe’s tiny claws begin to move and suddenly end up on his shoulder, her thin body resting beside his neck and buried beneath the slightly curled strands of his hair. She gave an almost pleading meow, rubbing her head gently against his cheek and Seth’s fingers, a faint purr still rumbling from her chest. The scene changed again, this time with Seth’s hand having deserted his jawbone to rest at the more noticeable curve between his hips and his rib cage before being removed quickly, and for that Aiden was slightly glad, his own hand reaching up quickly to rub absently at his jaw line. Growing slightly frustrated with the ongoing wreckage he buried his nails into the tender flesh just above his hips, the pain releasing the desperately needed endorphin into his nervous system and gradually calming him down– although, at the other boy’s snapped words and the sudden feel of foreign fingertips near his own, Aiden quickly ditched the action, his doe-eyed gaze turned to the snow littered concrete. The peck to his earlobe and a small head butting into his opposite cheek made him give an absent shiver, another meow leaving Monroe’s larynx as she once again playfully batted at both boys’ faces, her claws, thankfully, retracted.

Although Aiden slightly regretted his words as he spoke, especially as Seth visibly shrank back and began to tremble, he couldn’t help but feel hurt at Seth’s statement. He knew that he’d only been a number in Seth’s boyfriend quota, but hearing it flat out was something he hadn’t expected, and it had hurt more than he’d expected as well; just because he’d known didn’t mean that hearing it would do anything to soften the blow, especially since Seth had added insult to injury with the lie that he hadn’t wanted to hurt him. It had stung at the freshly added wounds to his already badly scarred heart, but if that was the way it had to be, then he supposed that’s the way it would be. "D-Don't apologize. It's my fault you did it, so I guess I deserved it. It's not like it's the first time it's happened to me." Aiden shook his head, frowning softly as he did so, and took a shaky breath, his eyes meeting the snow littered ground as he spoke, himself. “That may be so, but you didn’t deserve it. It’s just that—never mind.” He blinked quietly as he cut himself off after talking only briefly, a soft sigh pushing past his lips and sudden confusion etching across his face as he saw the other boy sink to the cold concrete. He heard the other boy out, not daring to interrupt him for fear of the other boy’s action repeating itself– and he didn’t want that, now did he? like he needed to add bruises the size of fingerprints to explain as well as the already knotted one– and blinked quietly, his head shaken in an attempt to clear his mind. “I could never mean that much to anybody. Brendin, maybe, but that’s only because he’s taken me in so many times and treated me like his own brother, when it’s not even his job. Especially not when his actual brother, Caine, was going through so much shit. And you know what? I wouldn’t blame him in the least if he decided he was finally fed up with me.” He began quietly, an indifferent shrug rolling his shoulders upward as he swallowed hard. “You shouldn’t have been worrying about me when you’re that deeply in love with him. Just because I fuck up more than anyone else doesn’t mean that you always have to save me or worry about me. I’ve told you that. And I’m not going to hate you. I can’t. Even after Kieran nearly killed me two weeks before it was over, I couldn’t hate him. So what makes you think that I could hate you? You’ve never tried to strangle me or drive a needle into a major vein in my wrist.” Aiden added, his gaze turned toward a nearby bench. He felt bad for having told that white lie to Seth, the one about how he’d stabbed the major blue vessel in his left wrist in a suicide attempt, but he hadn’t wanted Seth to know that it had actually been Kieran. That would’ve been oh so very helpful. “If I couldn’t hate him for that, what makes you think I could possibly hate you?” He asked softly, pain etched across his face as he listened to Seth’s sobs. Carefully stepping closer to the other boy, he kneeled in front of him and wrapped his arms about Seth’s shoulders cautiously, his lower lip trembling lightly as he pressed a light kiss to the boy’s temple.

Aiden watched as Seth continued to move, although it was quite obvious that his movements weren’t all intentional and were causing his head to spin. He spoke and tried to refrain from keeping Seth from moving too much, tears building in his eyes and threatening to fall as the other boy nearly fell face first into the unforgiving concrete. “You are, hmm? I don’t think so, lovely, not right now at least.” Aiden said softly in response to the other boy’s almost defiant words, his head shaken briefly as he tried in vain to feel Seth’s forehead. He knew that the boy’s skin would feel at least a little warm against the cold skin on his hands, and the dropped temperature that he was faced with scared him, more than it probably should have. Something along the lines of this had happened before, and although he’d grown up as a homeless kid, Aiden knew how to at least try and cope with the situation to keep himself from flipping out– but it wasn’t working, not today. He had already known, thanks to the slowly expanding oval of scarlet against the off-white qualities of Seth’s scarf, that the boy was bleeding, and the feel of the warm liquid briefly touching his fingertips only made it a fact rather than a thought. Granted that the other boy’s batting fingers and sudden chin-to-shoulder movement slowed Aiden’s attempts, but not by much and not for long. His body began to shake in his attempts to keep it from shaking, and he gave a soft whimper, pulling his hand momentarily from the other boy’s to wipe at his swollen eyelids. Seth’s words made another storm of tears flood his eyes and he barely choked back a sob, pushing his hair from his eyes as he grabbed Seth’s hand in his again and spoke. “I know I don’t have to. But I want to. I’m not trying to be a hero, I just—I don’t want you to die because of me,” he said softly, his teeth biting at the inside of his lower lip to keep it from trembling. The ache in his ribs rose to rest both there and in his shoulder blades, worsening a little bit every time he tried to bite back a sob or took to deep a breath. “You don’t want to go, I know that, Seth, but I can’t just sit here watching you d-die, they can help you t-there, more than what I can—” He abruptly cut himself off as Seth nearly fell again, trying not to move as the other boy caught himself with his hands shakily gripping Aiden’s shoulders and biting his lower lip hard as he finally sat back. Aiden wondered if he should move, although it was obvious that Seth wouldn’t be going very far, if he tried to go anywhere that was, and jumped a bit as he felt Monroe paw at his face, one of her dainty claws catching in his dampened skin. Ow.

Confused as he felt the other boy’s fingers beginning to twine through his hair, Aiden glanced up at him awkwardly, his head shaking a bit as he heard Seth speak. “Well, we’re even, then, because you’re freaking me out as well.” He said, his words another stupid, fucked up attempt at a joke. “No, it doesn’t matter, Seth, I’ve lived this long with being alone, for the majority of the time. You don’t need to worry about me, especially not when you have a boyfriend that you love as much as you do. I should be inanimate to you compared to him, Seth, I shouldn’t matter. I told you this earlier– all I want is for you to be happy, Seth; if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you. Please, oh god please stop worrying about what it’s going to do to me and worry about what’s best for you! There’s one thing I can guarantee you, Seth, and that’s if you die, he’s going to be hurting more than if you were in the hospital, and I don’t want you to have to put him through that. Neither of you deserve it.” Aiden said, a wall of tears welling in his eyes and beginning to fall as he felt Seth’s fingers continue to brush through his hair, his thin form quaking gently with the pressure of keeping back sobs. He shook his head as he heard Seth speak again, licking his lips as he gave a soft huff and wiped at his eyes. “Of course not.” He added in a quiet, almost teasing voice, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips, although it disappeared not long after it had begun. The kiss was a minor surprise to the one that followed, and Aiden couldn’t help but give a yelp as he was tackled in the most non-tackling manner he’d ever seen. He bit his lip hard despite the two rings blocking most of the pressure from his teeth, and the one that had already slid did so again, but Aiden didn’t feel the pain this time. He felt the small line of blood begin to trickle down his chin again, but he didn’t feel the pain. Seth’s question was registered within his mind, but it took Aiden a moment to answer, his head swimming with thoughts– mostly revolving around the other boy’s question and what he had said. Seth didn’t need to be calling him baby; it was digging the both of them deeper into their already fucked up world, the world they’d both been so close to leaving until today. “Nothing, Seth.” He said softly, his eyes on the other boy’s blaring white knuckles gripping the soft fabric of his Breaking Benjamin jacket. It was a lie, obviously: he was caught up in his thoughts, so much so that it was becoming odd even to Aiden, but he was sure Seth wouldn’t mind that small, half-minded fib– he really did not want to know what was running through his mind, because Aiden didn’t want to know, either. As Seth gave a whimper he glanced down at the other boy, momentarily frightened and trying to gain at least a small hold on the situation, although it obviously didn’t work; it barely ever had. It was like he was frozen as he watched the bleeding boy tug the scarf around so that the growing scarlet stain wouldn’t be witnessed by his own prying eyes, although it was a futile attempt– Aiden had already saw it, moments before, but he had to give the younger boy a bit of credit. It was suddenly as if Aiden wasn’t even there, mentally– everything around him that was making any type of noise was silenced halfway with an annoying buzz, and he hardly registered any voice thrown his way; he felt like a passerby instead of being directly in this little theatre of drama, and for a few long moments he wished it was true. But as an ice cold hand gripped his own, he was shot back into the moment, voices clear and his vision sharpened, his head tipping to see that it was Seth’s hand. His breath caught in his chest– the other boy had never been this cold, no, something else was majorly wrong! In an attempt to calm his overreacting nerves, Aiden awkwardly slipped out of his jacket, wrapping it around the younger boy as gently as he could as the biting cold winter air attacked his now bare arms. Monroe gave an angry and surprised yowl, dodging under her only source of warmth that had been taken away as it was wrapped around Seth, cuddled up against the violently shuddering boy. Aiden was sure it was a futile attempt, but it was an attempt, nonetheless, and whether it did or did not work wasn’t up to him, although he had desperately tried.

"B-B-But what if I don't? What's O-O-Oli going to do? I c-can't leave him, I-I was going to p-p-p-propose to him." Aiden bit his lip at that, unsure of what to tell the stuttering boy to calm him down. “I-I don’t know, Seth.. You wouldn’t have to worry about that if you would just let me get you to the hospital.” He said softly, his dull hazel eyes watching Seth as the boy gave a sob and continued to tremble violently, forcing his own body not to shudder despite the cool air ganging up with the cold concrete to make his own body temperature drop. As he heard Seth’s voice once more, saddened and angry tears welled in his eyes, and he shook his head, swallowing hard to resist flat out screaming at the other boy, which he did not intend to do. He needed to be calm, but Seth’s words hadn’t helped the situation. “I tried to tell you that, earlier, and you flipped out on me, liebe,” he said softly, biting his lip as he involuntarily ran his fingers through the dark strands of the other boy’s fringe. The sudden use of German phrases slipped passed Aiden’s mind barrier, not even realizing that he was doing it– it didn’t matter, anyway, as Seth probably wouldn’t realize it, either, but it was hurting Aiden inside, as well. His grandmother, whom he had forgotten ever since his mother’s ‘departure’, was the one who had taught him the other language, and, every time he used it, the growing ache in his heart worsened. She hadn’t been around from the time of Aiden’s sixth birthday, and countless times he had wished that he could’ve lived with her instead of his unnerving weirdo of a mother. But now was not the time. “Seth, honestly, I don’t know how many times I’ve told you that it does not matter if it hurts me!” He said, tears flooding his eyes and rushing down his face as he watched the other boy closely, his eyes widening and his heart nearly stopping as he saw that Seth was passed out. Oh, fuck.

———

The girl Aiden had oh-so-sweetly nabbed from her everyday doings had insisted upon walking to the hospital with him, which had calmed him down greatly– but not enough to keep him from nearly flipping out multiple times. She had revealed her name to be Chanel Lawley, which struck a chord in him– why did that name sound so damn familiar? In either case, she sat with him as he continually paced in the hospital waiting room, tears of both fear and confusion running down his face. What if the ambulance had been too late? What if they were going to say that he had ripped a few of Seth’s stitches out in a vain attempt at murder to watch the boy bleed to death? Morbid thoughts continued to flood his mind, and as the girl forced him to sit down—claiming that he’d been making her dizzy, of course—Aiden nearly lost it. He wanted so badly to leave, to just leave Seth alone, but he couldn’t– when Seth woke up, he was going to be in one pissed off state, and Aiden would, of course, take the blame. It was his fault, after all, and if he didn’t own up to it, there was no telling what Seth would do to him. Don’t compare him to Kieran, you idiot, he’s let you get off with so much more than what he should have, he thought to himself, gnawing hard at the inside of his lower lip. After what felt like several hours of waiting, though, he’d finally fallen asleep, curled up into a little ball in the waiting room chair with the girl’s jacket covering him. He was steeped in the exact opposite of dreamland, but, instead of full out nightmares this time, it was, in fact, memories– turned for the worse.

“Aiden, you stupid fuck, get your scrawny ass here!” Kieran’s voice flew through the air of unease, and he shrank back even further in the boy’s bedroom closet, trembling and terrified. Kieran was only ever like this when Aiden had done something wrong, and today it must have been severe enough to make him curse at his tiny boyfriend more than usual. The older boy’s footsteps edged closer to the closet, and Aiden’s eyes widened as he tried to move back even further, although, sadly, it wasn’t possible– a hanger holding a heavy winter coat broke and the old garment fell onto his head, causing him to give a cry of sheer shock. How the fuck had that happened?! It didn’t matter as he immediately clapped his hands over his mouth, hoping against all hope that Kieran had left the room to look for him elsewhere. But, of course, Aiden had no such luck. Kieran pulled open the closet door and dragged Aiden out of it after ripping the coat from his head, easily tossing the younger boy onto the bed like a child throwing a ragdoll during a temper tantrum. He pinned him down, anger making his usually pale face glow dark red, and showed no remorse as he saw Aiden’s trembling worsen considerably.

“I’m-I’m sor—” Aiden stuttered quickly, yelping as Kieran raised up slightly to dig his fingernails into his shoulders and biting his lip in a futile attempt to keep from making any more sounds of horror. He knew that if he did, it would potentially get worse, and as hard as it was, he really did try– it just didn’t work as well as he’d planned.

“Shut. Up.” Trying to keep from letting any whimpers past his lips, Aiden tried to push himself further into the plush bed, his eyes clenched shut as he felt Kieran release his nails from his shoulders. He wished that his boyfriend would just get it over with and tell what he’d done this time so that he would leave for a bit to let Aiden regroup. This was almost a normal, bi-weekly routine, though it was becoming weekly now, and it was always the same in the end– Kieran would leave, Aiden would crawl back to his hiding place to cry and nurse his wounds, and then Kieran would come back an hour or two later, apologizing profusely and bawling his eyes out. He would hold Aiden and tell him he was sorry and that it wasn’t his fault, that it was his own and he should’ve handled it differently– and Aiden couldn’t help but forgive him. He was always so cuddly and sweet until Aiden did something wrong, and he was never scared of Kieran until he went into one of his murderous tantrums– he just hoped that it would be the same today and that he wouldn’t end up dying or in the hospital. “Aiden, wake up!”

“Aiden, wake up!”

Aiden jerked awake, trembling violently as he felt Chanel shaking his shoulder and taking a breath. That.. was different, he thought to himself, running a hand over his face as he handed the jacket back to Chanel and looked up toward the nurse standing above him. The look on her face, to Aiden, spelled disaster, and he felt his eyes widen incredulously as she began to speak. “He’s awake now, and pretty damn pissed off. Excuse the language, I’ve had a rough day.” She said, cocking her hip to the side as she looked at Aiden in an uncaring manner. He nodded slightly and she started walking off, peering over her shoulder with a ‘are you getting your lazy ass up or not?’ look. He scrambled up, mumbling a thanks to the girl before following the nurse down a maze of corridors and through masses of people, ending up in the ICU. Gnawing at his lower lip, Aiden yelped as he was shoved into the room, rubbing the back of his head angrily as he collapsed to his knees and hearing the door shut. “Fucking bitch..” he murmured to himself, glancing toward the hospital bed and nearly bursting into tears as his mouth dropped open. “Seth.. I-I didn’t know they w-were going to s-strap you down, I s-swear—” Aiden whimpered softly, still standing a bit away from the bed in case Seth had found a way to get free and decided to rip his head off. He wouldn’t have blamed him, truthfully, but still.. “I’m sorry..” He added lightly, swallowing hard and crossing his arms over his stomach as he tried to ignore the sudden, dull throb in both of his knees from his contact with the floor. He hung his head, ready to receive an earful and possibly get the fuck beaten out of him (whenever Seth got out of the hospital, anyway) as he just stood there, tears starting to well in his eyes again.






yessssss. finally done. XDDD took long enough, aye?

[seth matthews.]

you were my light
in darkness and darkness is
everything, that's around me.
so live all your days,
as if we have never met.
they'll be better than ones we've spent.

Fine. Alright. I get it. I already know I fucked up your.. ‘peace offering’, do you have to rub it in?” Seth shrank back a few steps at the sudden venom laced into Aiden's words, his lower lip trembling faintly and tears welling in his eyes before he slowly inched forward unsurely. Honestly, Seth wouldn't have been the least bit surprised if Aiden decided to punch him, hell, he deserved it. "Aiden. I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. God, I'm such a prick," he whimpered quietly, his body trembling lightly as he stepped forwards to nuzzle absently at the other boy's cheek, the only form of comfort he could manage. As Aiden moved away from the gesture, pain suddenly crumbled his heart into cracker dust although he was quick to hide the hurt that spread slowly across his face. Stepping away Seth reached out wordlessly and brushed the solitary tear away with a gentle swipe of his thumb, his other hand absently stretching towards Monroe, his fingers absently stroking over her small body, his teeth sinking quietly into his lower lip, surprised as no small clink came from the contact of teeth against metal only before realizing that he had taken the hoops out several nights before. With a soft whimper Seth suddenly ducked forwards, nuzzling his nose into Monroe's shoulders quietly before pulling away softly and beginning to talk to the small kitten. Way to go genius, let everyone know exactly how fucking retarded you really are. Seth giggled quietly at Monroe's 'suggestion', a soft smile teasing the contours of his lips for a few brief seconds before he righted himself, his heart dropping as he heard Aiden's confused words. “Do what now? Something about slapping me..?” Seth sighed without a word, his hands raising to lock behind his neck, a pleading glance shot up to the sky as if begging the clouds for any ideas that they might have. "Of course, darling, Monroe and I are secretly plotting world domination and it begins with you." He purred playfully, his eyes rolled lightly before he stepped forward and sucked in a deep breath before placing his palms lightly on either side of Aiden's neck, hesitating briefly before decidedly pulling Aiden in for a soft, pleading kiss. As he pulled away, Aiden began to babble off soft whimpers of apologies and giving a slightly frustrated sigh, Seth pulled Aiden's lips back down into his own tenderly, effectively silencing the other boy. Seth couldn't help but to allow his thumb to smooth across the cold flesh of Aiden's cheek thoughtlessly, although as a second thought he willed it to stop, knowing damn well that it was probably hurting Aiden more than he realized by just touching him. But he couldn't help it; Aiden meant the world to him. That boy got him through so many cold and sleepless nights, listened to so many one-sided stories about Seth's former lovers and friends when the distance separating him from his only family and friends he'd ever had welled inside of him, and held him through so many stormy nights.

“I.. Well, I guess I can’t deny that fact, but I am fucking things up, Seth, and you can’t deny that. You can try, but you’ll know it’s true. And who said I regret it, Seth? All I’m saying is that maybe if I would’ve kept myself away from the.. ‘social scene’ of Mansonville, maybe you wouldn’t be standing here like this. Maybe I wouldn’t be, either, although I’d probably be standing somewhere else like this. If you say so, Seth, I’m tired of fighting you about it.” Seth shivered absently as Aiden's words shattered through his memories, bringing him down to earth once more as he huddled closer into the other boy's warmth without thinking as a freezing burst of air swirled snowflakes and candy wrappers about their feet, tears stinging the backs of his eyes and causing him to wrinkle his nose in frustration at his suddenly feminine emotions. "Then explain to me, sweetheart, just how and what exactly you're fucking up, because obviously I don't get the concept that you're fucking up something I don't even know about, lovely. Aide, you can't even stand to be near me anymore, what am I supposed to think? That you want what's best for me even if it fucking murders us both inside? If you want what's best for me then let be near you again, let me fucking touch you for god's sake. Yeah, I know I slip up and I make mistakes, I touch you in the wrong places and forget that I can't just kiss you because I have Oli, but Aiden I'll learn. I love you, but I know better, I know that it can't go anywhere, not with Oliver in the picture, it'd hurt him so bad to know that his stupid dick of a boyfriend was making out with his ex behind his back. I can't fucking do that to him, but it's going to kill me to just suddenly live without you, don't you understand that? Hell, Oliver would probably be thanking you if he knew just how much shit you pulled me through. When you disappeared that first time back in Maine I nearly drank myself to suicide, and knowing that alcohol poisoning was going to take too long to kill me by means of liver damage then I started popping pills and slitting wrists. Yeah, it's sounds all overly emo and shit, but it happened because I thought I lost you Aide! Every bottle of vodka I downed I thought was bringing me one step closer to you, and every pill I popped was just pushing me closer and closer to where you were, and every stupid little stinging cut I put into my wrists was guiding me back to you Aiden, I couldn't bear the thought of living without you. And that was just after dating you for a couple of months, and now I feel that way about Oli after a couple of fucking weeks! What am I supposed to do?"


“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” At Aiden's hushed words, Seth suddenly panicked. What was he doing? Swallowing a distressed whimper Seth scuttled forward wordlessly, his fingers losing their stiff hold on the other boy's mandible though not leaving his skin for a moment, his free arm moving to curl about the other boy's shoulders, a low whine given as he nuzzled his nose into the frail skin of Aiden's cheek. "Shh, Aide calm down. I'm not going to hurt you," Seth murmured in an attempted solace, his fingers tenderly stroking against the slightly pebbled skin of Aiden's pale jaw, his fingers jerking faintly as he felt Monroe's soft head beginning to rub against his hand. How the hell had she gotten up there? “You know I d-didn’t mean it that way, I only m-meant that I could’ve p-potentially saved you from this, at least with m-me.” With a quiet sigh, Seth's arms fell from around the boy's shoulders, his palms flittering across the soft material of Aiden's gray jacket before coming to rest against the slender curve just above the boy's hips and just below the delicate curve of his last rib."Sometimes I think you do mean it that way, but you just don't want to hurt me because no matter how many times we end up just like this–having our stupid little fights–you know that I'll crawl right back to you." He murmured absently, his chin resting docilely against the other boy's bony shoulder before he realized exactly what he was doing, a silent curse ricocheting in his skull as he flinched away, his pale hands stuffed into the dark fabric of his jacket and his head hung as he absently muttered a soft apology and hoping like hell that he wasn't pushing Aiden further and further away. Seth's pained hazel eyes flickered upwards in time to catch Aiden's hand slowly retreating away from his jaw line. Fuck. As time passed and the other boy remained quiet, Seth grew fidgety as he began to shift his weight from one foot to the other, his left hand raising to constantly push away the dark veil of hair that fell irritatingly into his eyes before seconds later reaching up with his right hand to ruffle his fringe lightly with his fingertips so that the pitch locks fell into his eyes only to repeat his left hand's previous actions. As Aiden's hands retreated to his hips, Seth's left hand froze in midair as if he was waiting for the scolding that was expected for not having the patience or attention span to stand around like a good little boy, although despite Seth's expectations, Aiden remained silent. "A-Aiden?" Seth stuttered quietly over the other boy's name, wincing at the silent screams that waged war in his mind as he tipped his head to the side like a confused puppy, his brows furrowed together slightly as he watched Aiden's black varnished nails slowly burrowing into his hips. As he rushed forwards and placed his fingertips next to Aiden's own, Seth winced away slightly as Aiden remained silent as his fingers fell away, the boy's mirrored hazel eyes falling to the snow littered concrete, Seth held back a bitter sob, his trembling lips placing a small kiss to the boy's earlobe, ignoring the insistant battering of Monroe's small paw against his cheek. "I'm sorry, I just need to fuck off and leave you alone..." He whispered quietly as he retreated a few steps back, his palms seeking the enveloping warmth of his pockets and his shoulders slightly hunched against the sharp sting of the wind against his back.

"It's just that what? That I fuck up every single thing I try to do and no matter what I do everything always ends up worse than before? I get it Aiden, you never wanted anything to do with me– with us. I don't even get why Oliver loves me so damn much because I know I'll find a way to fuck that up, I always do. Maybe it would've been best if we'd have just stayed away from each other, maybe then you wouldn't be out here wasting your time with your fucked up ex boyfriend, and maybe I'd just die like I was aiming to. Wouldn't that be just peachy?" He snapped out bitterly, his heart shattering into smaller and smaller pieces with each and every sharp spoken word that fell past his lips, forcing his face to stay calm and expressionless as he gazed steadily at the other boy though tears that welled up hotly in his lids were sure to give him away. He couldn't let Aiden keep blaming himself, no matter how much it hurt he had to be the one to blame and the only way he knew how was to push the other boy away. With a quiet sob Seth slowly sunk to the cold concrete, the tight denim stretched over his knees grating roughly against the sandpapery texture of the cement, his hands raised and his fingers tangled in his hair as he sobbed quietly, beginning to babble on half mindedly to Aiden not knowing if the other boy had even stuck around to witness his oh-so wonderful breakdown. “I could never mean that much to anybody. Brendin, maybe, but that’s only because he’s taken me in so many times and treated me like his own brother, when it’s not even his job. Especially not when his actual brother, Caine, was going through so much shit. And you know what? I wouldn’t blame him in the least if he decided he was finally fed up with me.” Seth remained wordless, a boneless lump on the cold concrete, sobbing violently as he listened with half minded intensity to Aiden's words, each one driving a dagger of white hot pain into his heart. “You shouldn’t have been worrying about me when you’re that deeply in love with him. Just because I fuck up more than anyone else doesn’t mean that you always have to save me or worry about me. I’ve told you that. And I’m not going to hate you. I can’t. Even after Kieran nearly killed me two weeks before it was over, I couldn’t hate him. So what makes you think that I could hate you? You’ve never tried to strangle me or drive a needle into a major vein in my wrist.” As Aiden began to draw a close to his small speech-ish thing, Seth visibly stiffened as Aiden finally revealed that he had been killed nearly two weeks before it was over, but hurt worse was when Aiden added that it had been Kiran who had plunged a needle into the large vein in Aiden's left wrist.

Panic suddenly overwhelmed him as he whimpered helplessly and curled his arms tightly about his torso, how many lies had Aiden told him? How much of his story had actually been true? But the question that nearly ripped Seth's heart to pieces was the final question: had Aiden even really meant it when he'd said 'I love you' those countless times before? “If I couldn’t hate him for that, what makes you think I could possibly hate you?” Seth whimpered fretfully as Aiden kneeled before him, fighting away the urge to crawl pitifully into the boy's embrace as he sat numbly sobbing, his breath hiccupping in his throat in surprise when Aiden pressed a tentative kiss to his temple. Seth suddenly crumbled into the boy's hold, cautiously moving his arms to circle Aiden's ribcage as he sat pitifully in his embrace, his forehead pressed to Aiden's chest. "Because I fucked us up," he murmured reluctantly and nuzzled his face deeper into the other boy's chest before continuing. "and it hurt us both more than we'll admit it did. And now I won't get over the fact that you didn't want me back and that's just fucking it up even more, but I can't help it because I'll always love you a little no matter what happens. No matter who I'm fucking. No matter who I'm dating. No matter who I'm marrying. I'll still love you, you'll always have a tinsy bit of my heart." Seth whispered quietly before pulling away slightly and tipping his head upwards to gaze up at Aiden quietly before quietly ducking his head back down to bury his face in the warm material of Aiden's jacket without another word.

———

Seth suddenly felt the need to defy Aiden's accusing words, his body lurching towards the edge of the bench drunkenly, his eyes squeezed shut momentarily in an attempt to drown out the soupy dance that the world had begun, all thanks to a few pints of lost blood and a fucked up equilibrium. “You are, hmm? I don’t think so, lovely, not right now at least.” A weak snarl slipped past the dam of his lips as he suddenly struggled to uncurl himself from the small ball he'd curled into, his lips parting in a struggle to suck air into his heaving lungs and his head begging to spin violently, colors meshed together in a beautiful blur before his body gave a violent tremor and sent him crashing down into the cold bench with a soft yelp. "I am too okay! My balance is just a little...off." Seth whimpered to Aiden in a quiet plea, his body curled back onto the bench quietly in an attempt to milk any last remainder of warmth from his body. Seth jerked faintly as he felt the sudden warmth of Aiden's hand pressing to his forehead, the sudden offer of warmth caused Seth to let out a shuddering sigh as he attempted to nuzzle closer into Aiden's hand, giving a soft mumble of protest as he felt Aiden pulling his hand away and blinking his eyes open without a word as he curled himself tighter about himself with a soft whine. Seth nestled his chin atop Aiden's hand as the boy reached forwards once more, giving a content sigh before he realized that Aiden's fingers were slowly unraveling the scarf wound about his neck, a shrill gasp of air sucked in through his teeth. Seth suddenly lurched back until he was pressed against the backrest of the bench, his hand suddenly shooting out to bat away Aiden's hand, his chin tucked away against his shoulder in an attempt to keep away the other boy's prying fingertips though realizing that it was doing no good, Seth gave up any futile attempt at keeping Aiden's fingers away and instead simply wrapped his cool fingers about the warmth of Aiden's own fingers, a pleading glance cast up towards the other male mouthing his soft pleas breathlessly.

“I know I don’t have to. But I want to. I’m not trying to be a hero, I just—I don’t want you to die because of me,” Seth sighed quietly and frowned against the back of Aiden's hand which he had drawn to his cheek in an attempt to soak in some of the heat radiating from the boy's body, his dull hazel eyes flickered up towards the other boy, an affectionate peck secured to the warm skin of Aiden's hand. "Why dollface? After all of this...shit I've put you through, why do you still want to save me? I-I don't get it." His voice was quiet as he curled tighter against a rather sudden sweep of wind that stirred about the two boy's bodies, bone rattling shivers slowly beginning to wrack his frame as he cuddled softly against Aiden's arm, a soft peal of laughter falling from his lips. "I bet you think I'm stupid, cuddling up to your arm like this. But you're so... so warm." Seth gave a wry smile and cuddled Aiden's arm closer to his chest, his cheek pressing into the bend of the other boy's arm quietly, his eyes fluttering closed sleepily as Aiden's voice began to stir the chilly air. “You don’t want to go, I know that, Seth, but I can’t just sit here watching you d-die, they can help you t-there, more than what I can—” Tears suddenly welled in his eyes at the soft, choked words that slipped past Aiden's lips, a delicate frown twisting the corners of his lips downwards. He honestly didn't get it. If Aiden knew just how badly he was afraid to go back there then why was he insisting so strongly that Seth had to go? Seth would rather die cold and broken in the snowy streets than to go back to the hospital. He couldn't bear the fluorescent white walls and the sterility of everything It was all too white. It reminded him of soap and death. An odd choice of descriptions but Seth couldn't help but to recognize the smell of death and fear that lingered under that clean, bleachy soapy smell. "Can't you just take me home? I promise I won't die if you just take me home, then we can just get blissfully drunk and forget that this ever happened." He murmured, ever hopeful that maybe, just maybe Aiden would accept his offer and walk him home to his bottles of Smirnoff and vodka. With a soft sigh Seth leant forwards, his hand searching blindly for the other boy's hand before he nearly fell face first into the cold concrete. This was so not helping his cause.

After calming his nerves and slowly sinking back onto the safety of the bench, Seth slowly coaxed Aiden forwards so that he was slightly cuddled up against the other boy's chest, his fingers nervously twirling through the dark locks of Aiden's thick hair before he began to tangle his fingers in Aiden's dark hair wordlessly. “Well, we’re even, then, because you’re freaking me out as well.” As Seth heard Aiden's quiet voice his trembling fingers slowed in their nervous attempts at comfort, his tear-filled hazel eyes slipped closed slowly as he let him mind linger slowly on the other boy's voice before forcing his eyes open and forcing his mind to concentrate as he managed a frail, lopsided smile. "I'm sorry." Those two words were the only thing that he could possibly manage in response to Aiden's quiet joke, his voice so frail and weak that he almost didn't even recognize them as his own. “No, it doesn’t matter, Seth, I’ve lived this long with being alone, for the majority of the time. You don’t need to worry about me, especially not when you have a boyfriend that you love as much as you do. I should be inanimate to you compared to him, Seth, I shouldn’t matter. I told you this earlier– all I want is for you to be happy, Seth; if you’re happy, then I’m happy for you. Please, oh god please stop worrying about what it’s going to do to me and worry about what’s best for you! There’s one thing I can guarantee you, Seth, and that’s if you die, he’s going to be hurting more than if you were in the hospital, and I don’t want you to have to put him through that. Neither of you deserve it.” Seth gave a small sigh in response to Aiden's words, his fingers still combing absently through the other male's hair in his own fucked up form of self comfort, his cheek falling to rest lightly against Aiden's temple. "You don't seem very happy... You never used to cry and freak out then, you were always bubbly and cute and hyper. I haven't seen a real smile on your face since you left for good, much less have I seen you anywhere near bubbly. I miss that," he murmured absently with a soft sigh as he nuzzled his cheek against the warmth that seeped from Aiden's temple, his lips absently lipping at the dark strands that fell across his mouth before managing to continue. "Aiden, I don't think you understand. It's not like I'm trying to tell you that I'm the person who's going to be able to be there for you one hundred percent of the time, because I can't. I've got my hands full with taking care of Oliver and making sure he doesn't hurt himself, as much as I'd like to be able to tell you that I'll be right by your side. I-I just can't. Not anymore. And Aide, you mean to me more than almost anyone else in the whole world, you can't expect me to just suddenly stop caring about you. I don't want to see you get hurt." Seth's voice was quiet as he spoke, his nose nuzzled against Aiden's ear gently and his lips pressed to the end of his jaw gingerly. "Why do you still care, Aiden?"

“Of course not.” Aiden's teasing words coaxed a soft giggle from Seth as he sighed and nipped absently at Aiden's cheek tenderly, his eyes squeezed closed as he fought away the sudden wave of nausea, his muscles tensing as he concentrated on keeping down the bile in the bottom of his stomach, his lips parting as he struggled to gasp for air. Seth slowly untangled himself From Aiden, his hands shakily placed on either side of his body as he struggled to fill his lungs with air in hopes that it might help with the sudden cloudiness in his vision. Slowly Seth unwound from his panic stricken state and opened his eyes slowly, his breathing slowing as he whimpered softly and suddenly curled back about Aiden's shoulders like a terrified child. "I might not scare you, but I'm scaring myself." Seth admitted quietly, as he nuzzled his cheek against Aiden's own before slowly unraveling himself form about Aiden, his lips hesitantly pressing against Aiden's in a slow, pleading kiss as he attempted to distract the other boy from his worry and the fact that he had just tackled him to the sidewalk. Clutching tightly to Aiden's jacket as the world bucked and spun, Seth kept his eyes squeezed shut tightly, his muscles quaking faintly before he simply collapsed atop Aiden wearily. Slowly forcing his eyes open Seth began to fret feverishly, only then registering the soft yelp that Aiden had given as Seth tackled him to the ground and his mind was suddenly overwhelmed with the fact that he might have hurt the other boy. ""Aiden, are you okay? I'm–I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you I swear! I just thought that if I distracted you..." He suddenly burst into sobs as he buried his face into the material of Aiden's jacket beside Monroe, the kitten's fur brushing against his cheek as she shifted about uncomfortably. After several minutes, Seth finally began to calm himself, though his breathing still came in rough, jagged heaves and he remained quietly hidden away in the fabric of the other boy's jacket, much too afraid to face the world. “Nothing, Seth.” Seth blinked furiously and suddenly pulled his face away from Aiden's jacket, staring confusedly up at the other boy before it finally donned on him that Aiden was merely answering his previous question. "Oh. You just looked like... Never mind, sorry I won't leave you alone." He stated quietly, his gaze diverted to the snow littered concrete beside their bodies, his body quaking unknowingly against the freezing temperatures his body was bombarded with both inside and out, a hand blindly reaching upwards to tug at his scarf in an attempt to hide the evidence of his blood away from Aiden.

Shivering violently, Seth wrapped his hands about Aiden's own wordlessly, his blueing lips stuttering against the bone rattling shivers he had seemed to be suddenly overwhelmed with, his head resting heavily against the other boy's chest as he sucked in deep gulps of the icy air in an attempt to calm his overreacting nerves. It wasn't that cold out here. He was fine, it must've just stared raining or some shit. It wasn't that impossible, was it? Of course not, they were in Seattle, it rained there all the time. Suddenly Seth's upper body was shrouded in a delicate warmth, his eyes struggled open to find Aiden now jacketless and pressed against the cold ground, a soft frown given as his mind attempted to sort out the clues, only realizing that Aiden had given up his coat to the desperately shivering Seth, the faint frown giving way to a small smile as Monroe darted under the jacket and curled against his side. "Aide, you're going to get sick." Seth suddenly protested as he struggled to sit upwards, a set slender fingers curling about the other boy's biceps as he reached out and gently placed Monroe between his hips and Aiden's stomach as he attempted to tug the other boy upwards. Once he had Aiden at least semi-vertical he wrapped himself shakily about Aiden, in an attempt to keep the other boy's now bare arms out of the biting cold, the added warmth of the other boy's coat at least helping calm his violent tremors until they only came in intervals, his chin resting lightly atop Aiden's shoulders tiredly. "D-do you want you coat b-b-back?" Seth stuttered out softly as he nuzzled his face into the warm skin of Aiden's neck quietly, his arms secured limply around the boy's upper body in an attempt to keep him from catching a cold, not like it was going to do any good; he was about as warm as a block of ice.

Seth slumped wearily against Aiden's chest, his head resting heavily against the other boy's shoulder as he struggled to stutter and spew his words out, his fingers curling tightly about clutches of the other boy's shirt, his eyes remaining closed tiredly. “I-I don’t know, Seth.. You wouldn’t have to worry about that if you would just let me get you to the hospital.” Seth suddenly struggled to push away from Aiden, his movements sluggish and weary as he struggled away from Aiden, his eyes wide and upset. "I don' wanna go! They scare me!" He slurred sleepily, his muscles quivering under the sudden strain of his movements although he stopped his struggles immediately as he felt eight sharp pinprick of pain suddenly sinking into his stomach, a low whine given as he reached down and attempted to tug Monroe away from his stomach. "Owie, Monroe. Owie, owie, owie." With a soft sigh Seth slumped forwards again heavily, his face nuzzled absent into Aiden's neck as he shivered violently once more, his arms slowly wrapping back around Aiden's torso wearily. “I tried to tell you that, earlier, and you flipped out on me, liebe,” Seth sighed quietly and leaned back slightly as he heard Aiden's words, his lower lip jutting out slightly, his eyes filled with confused tears as he absently pressed a palm to Aiden's chest. "I-I know... I'm so fucked up. It's just that I'm so afraid of losing you, and I guess I never wanted to hear you tell me that you didn't love me anymore. Back in Mansonville I promised myself that I'd never hurt you so that you'd never have to say that you didn't love me, but I knew I'd fuck it up somehow. In every relationship I've ever been in I've never been able to keep my boyfriend happy, I just fade so fast and they all got sick of me faster than I could help it. I'm just so afraid that if I lose you and Oli gets sick of me and leaves me flat on my ass that I won't have anyone to turn to." He whimpered quietly before he felt Aiden's fingers slowly combing through his fringe, his body cuddled wordlessly against Aiden's chest and a soft sigh falling from his lips. "Aide, what did you call me just a minute ago?" Seth asked curiously, his head tipped up slowly so that he could catch a glimpse of Aiden's face, his eyes closed wearily as the world began to fade away.

———

"When can I go home? I've got to take care of my boyfriend! You can't just keep me here!" Seth whimpered helplessly as he squirmed beneath the straps tying him to the bed as he watched the nurse flutter around the room taking various notes from the beeping machines cluttered about the side of his bed before reaching into the pocket of her scrub top and producing a syringe filled with a clear liquid. "Which arm, honey?" She asked in a faux caring tone, her gray eyes watching him squirm helplessly, shaking her head softly to herself as she uncapped the needle. He was such a handsome young man, too. "You fucking poke me with another goddamn needle and I'll beat your ass down." He snarled weakly as he glared up at the woman, beginning to wriggle wildly in an attempt to get free as she stepped forwards and began wiping down his left wrist with an alcohol pad, injection wounds from previous shots screaming out bitterly against the sudden stinging pain. "Honey, you'll have long forgotten who I am after you get this shot." She murmured quietly as she suddenly plunged the needle into the thick vein of his wrist, smirking quietly as Seth scowled and whimpered at the sudden introduction of the needle into his skin. "Stop it you stupid bitch! That fucking hurts!"Seth pleaded quietly, wincing at the sudden cold that flooded his vein, each pulse of his heart driving the cold morphine deeper and deeper throughout his body. Seth barely registered the nurses sharp voice through the blissful tingling numb sensation that floated like butterflies through his bloodstream. "I'll be back later to give you your next dose, and I'll tell that boy of yours out in the lobby your awake." The only response to her words was a disconnected giggle as he stared blankly up at the ceiling tiles, his mind vividly creating creatures out of the distorted black dots splashed against the ceiling tiles.

The sound of the door swinging softly open stirred Seth from his light sleep and he gave a soft whine and squirmed slightly beneath the straps before falling limp against the bedding once more. "Don't fucking stab me with another needle. It hurts too bad," he slurred quietly, his body caught somewhere in the limbo between the wonderful numb and the painful reality. “Fucking bitch..” Seth eyes suddenly snapped open as he heard Aiden's voice, his eyes widening incredulously before he burst out into a rather bright grin, struggled to get free of the straps. "Aiden! Aide, you didn't leave me!"Seth squealed as he struggled to get free and reach out for the other boy, before realizing it was hopeless and falling back against the pillows quietly. "Sorry I got you into this mes–"“Seth.. I-I didn’t know they w-were going to s-strap you down, I s-swear—” Tears of frustration suddenly welled in Seth's hazel eyes and he burst into sobs as he tried in vain to turn away from the other boy. "I didn't even do anything wrong! I just wanna to go home and curl up on the couch and go to sleep." Seth whimpered quietly as he calmed down slightly, his sudden spike in heart rate releasing endorphins to mix with the morphine and send him into the body tingling numbing sensation once more. “I’m sorry..” Seth frowned quietly at Aiden's sudden apology, his brows furrowed slightly as he stretched his fingers towards the other boy in hopes of reaching him but he fell short. With a soft sigh Seth managed a soft shrug and snuggled back against the pillows and fought back a soft yawn as his eyelids grew heavy. "For what? I'm not mad at you for anything... It's not like any of this is your fault, I'm mostly just pissed off at myself for being such a stupid fucking idiot. I should have just accepted the facts and got over it. But it was just so hard." he whimpered carefully before shivering as the air conditioner suddenly kicked back on above his bed, a small whine given as he stretched his fingers towards Aiden's hand quietly. "C' mere and lay down with me. I promise I won't try anything stupid.."






ooc; sorry. the ending just kind of died on me there. DD:

[aiden jacobs.]

speaking to the atmosphere,
no one’s here and i fall
into myself. this truth
drives me into madness;
i know i can stop the pain
if i will it all away.

As Seth moved forward and buried his face into Monroe’s ruffled fur for a moment, Aiden tipped his head silently, wondering what exactly he was doing as he heard the other boy holding a one-sided conversation with the kitten. It was sort of odd, but Aiden wasn’t bothered with it– he did the exact same thing when in the company of his precious little kitty, and she often ‘talked’ back. Holding conversations with her just became habit, and it was actually kind of fun, on some level. Or maybe it was just Aiden, and he was a retard. Probably the latter, but we’ll get to that later. He heard something about ‘slapping’ and he looked up, roused from his thoughts, to speak, a small smirk twisting at the corners of his lips. It grew minimally as he heard Seth respond, shaking his head lightly and looking at Monroe as she gave a meow, as if in agreement with what the other boy had said. “Great, I’m the first to go! Furface, you’re supposed to be on my side!” Aiden said teasingly as he gave Monroe a playful scowl, a soft huff pushing past his pale, slightly chapped lips. At the sudden feel of icy cold palms circling– or so Aiden thought– about his neck, his throat constricted in unnecessary panic, his already doe-eyed gaze widening even more as Seth pulled him forward and placed a small kiss on his lips. When it ended, and Aiden had the choice to either speak or remain silent, he spoke, a babble of apologies, and Seth pulled him forward again– he took the hint and shut up, flinching just a bit as the other boy’s thumb stroked over his cheekbone a few times before stopping altogether.

Aiden glanced at Seth almost confusedly as he heard the other boy speak, no expression plastered across his pale face, but that was okay– all his emotions were brewing in the dead hazel depths of his eyes: sadness, hurt, shame, even a minuscule amount of anger. Not at Seth, but at himself. His liquid-y eyes fell to the cool, monotonous concrete as he spoke, his head shaken softly as he just barely blinked back the waterfall of tears that wanted to stream down his face. “I always have. It-it’s just—everything I’ve ever done has always been wrong and sometimes I can’t even stand it enough to get up from wherever I finally decided to sleep! I’m just such a fuckup and I know this sounds like a pity party, but I’m not trying to make it seem like that– you just wanted to know and to tell you the truth, I don’t know why, Seth, it has just always. been. me. It’s not that I can’t stand to be around you. I just don’t want your boyfriend to be hurt because you keep kissing and touching me, Seth, I could never do that to someone, and I could never let anyone do it to another person, either. I know how bad it hurts.” He added, shaking his head lightly before he finally decided to continue. “I do want what’s best for you! You can be near me, you know that, but no matter how much I want you to be, it doesn’t stop the fact that you’ll somehow end up getting hurt and I don’t want to see you hurt! Seeing you like this right now, because of me, is already killing me inside, can’t you see that? I really doubt he’d be thanking me, he would probably be beating the fuck out of me for putting you through it in the first place!” He said, giving a soft whimper as he paused and closed his eyes, his free hand wiping lightly at his cheeks with the sleeve of his jacket although the trails just continued to return. Any previous attempt at covering up the bruising knot on his jawbone was useless now, the warm tears having easily slipped through the faux color to reveal the bigger-than-expected purplish bruise, and the thin lines of eyeliner that had once been around his bottom lash line had already long since disappeared. He shrugged as he heard Seth speak, his head still dipped and his chin nearly touching his chest, watching with furrowed eyebrows as Monroe pawed at the long black fringe presented before her and lifting his head up a bit, a small smile unable to resist bubbling to the surface for less than a second before disappearing completely.

Aiden squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the oh-so-familiar grip on his jaw bone, tears somehow slipping past as he tried desperately to hide the terror in his hazel eyes. It didn’t need to be there, and yet it was– all because Aiden had said something, the wrong thing, and had pissed Seth off, or so he thought; he was so confused right now, and everything was a blind blur: he couldn’t tell one thing from another. As he felt an arm hooking around his slender shoulders and pulling him closer, he gave a shiver and bit his lip, trying to concentrate long enough to decipher Seth’s words from the one’s he thought he only thought he was hearing. He was telling him to calm down? Even though Aiden somewhat appreciated the effort, it wasn’t working to the full extent both of them probably would have liked. Aiden knew Seth wouldn’t physically hurt him– that was the point. It had been the same way with Kieran– and yet, we all know how that ended. “I kn-know b-but—” he began, biting his lip and clenching his eyes shut again. Monroe prodded both boys with her head, upset that the attention had diverted from her and had turned for the worse– or, so I think, she’s a only a cat– and gave a light meow, nibbling at Seth’s fingers in an innocent form of payback. She continued to give a rumbling purr, and Aiden turned his head slightly, the majority of his face lost to public view by the warm, grey covered body of the teeny kitten. Ah, that was another reason he liked her so– she was warmer than he was. “You should know that I don’t..” Aiden said in a soft voice, the words partially muffled from the almost awkward looking position he was in, with his face buried into the purring kitten’s side. “I don’t want to hurt you.. But I do anyway– it’s not voluntary, though, I don’t do it on purpose, it-it just happens and I hate myself for it. It’s just another one of the few thousand reasons that I hate myself, Seth, but believe me when I say I don’t mean to do it.” he added in a whimper, biting at his lower lip and feeling the cool metal rings click against his teeth. Bad move. Raising a hand lightly to his face, he lightly pushed Monroe away enough to get her excess shedding fur away from his mouth, not really feeling like eating it. “You shedding little furball.” He said absently, momentarily forgetting the situation he was in. It didn’t take long until it came back in a flash, though, and, in a secondary lapse of better judgement, he started to dig his fingernails roughly into the skin of his hips. You know it doesn’t help. It just makes you think of Kieran; god you’re so fucking stupid, why can’t you just drop it? They both never needed you. Of course they didn’t. Their lives would be close to fucking perfection if they’d never even seen you, let alone tried to date you. You just need to fucking learn, kiddo, everyone would be much better off if you just became a hermit or dropped dead. You can’t even concentrate long enough to let him get his words across your tiny little brain! I can’t fucking wait until the day he just hauls off and knocks your lights out. The biting words of his conscience shattered anything that may have been going on in the present– he was too busy concentrating on what it was saying, knowing full well that it was right, and continuing to absently dig his fingernails deeper and deeper into his hips until he felt the half-circled scars give way again. Miniature trails of blood managed to slip from the newly made wounds and started to drip towards his boxers and jeans, although, when he felt Seth’s fingers near his own, Aiden pulled his hands away, afraid of being.. what? Scolded? That should have been the least of his worries right now. Seth spoke, and when he did, a flood of tears rushed Aiden’s eyes as he continued to stare at the ground. “N-no, I-I don’t know—” he said softly in response, shaking his head lightly and feeling a few tears somehow push past the dams of his eyes. Way to go, Aide.

At the sudden bitter words expelled from Seth’s mouth, Aiden blinked, feeling like a child being scolded by his mother. He shook his head lightly before glancing back at the ground, giving a soft sigh and forcing himself to keep from trembling at each harsh word Seth spoke. “You know that isn’t true. If I would’ve just.. I just—n-no, how did you come to that conclusion? I always wanted to be near you back in Mansonville, Seth, you have no idea how much it hurt when I blacked out or whatever the fuck happened! I-I always flipped out, I wanted to go back but I couldn’t help but think what I’d done had hurt you in some way and it did, but I wish it wouldn’t have because I’m not fucking worth it! I’m not worth the time of day from anyone, let alone you, Seth, you just don’t get that and I don’t know why.” Aiden said, his voice pitching slightly as he fumbled for the right words, although he knew he was just making it worse. He took a few steps away, his frail chest heaving as he fought for air and nearly falling to his knees on the unforgiving concrete as he tried to continue speaking. “What do you want me to say, Seth? Hmm? Tell me what to say, because I-I can’t do this anymore,” he added, shaking his head and giving a soft whimper as his shirt rubbed roughly against one of the reopened wounds. He glanced up at Seth, not knowing what kind of reaction he would get from the other boy and hoping against all hope that it wouldn’t be murderous anger. But, then again, didn’t he wish that it would be? Right now, he didn’t even want to live– it wasn’t just that he had fucked Seth’s life up, probably beyond repair; it was also because he didn’t want to fuck up anyone else’s life. He’d done enough of that, and he was becoming ever sick of it. Seth finished his vehement speech and after a few moments began to sink to the ground, bringing a surprised look to enter into Aiden’s eyes. He cast his gaze away as he spoke, feeling worse and worse as he finally told Seth who had actually drove the needle into his wrist. He didn’t remember the day it had happened or what he’d done to piss Kieran off that bad– the only thing he did remember was waking up in a hospital bed, curled up in a ball, with Kieran quietly sobbing by the bed. He had just immediately assumed that he’d made a suicide attempt– the same nurse was there as she was during all his other suicidal sprees, and the only thing that was different was that Kieran was actually crying instead of trying in vain to wake him up. Even as Kieran told him what he’d done, Aiden didn’t believe him– he assumed that he had, somehow, done it to himself. Even when he finally confessed that he believed his semi-mental boyfriend, he continued to assume that he’d done it to himself; and hence, the tiny lie that had surfaced to protect his ex from potential attempted murder charges.

“It’s not as b-bad as it seems.. I don’t think..” Aiden finally spoke, his voice cracking despite the fact that he’d tried to calm it. “I swear it was the only lie I ever told you.. And it wasn’t even that, Seth, I believed it, myself– that’s the only reason I even told you it was a suicide attempt. Because I believed it, too, even if I knew that Kieran had confessed to it.. The only thing I remember is waking up in a hospital and seeing the nurse that was only there for me after a suicide attempt and so I just automatically assumed– and I know you don’t care, b-but I just wanted to tell you.. I’m not a liar…” He added softly as he knelt in front of Seth, cautiously enveloping the other boy in a hug despite the ever nagging thought that the other boy didn’t want him to. Well, he knew that much, but Aiden couldn’t help it, not right now. A small sigh of pent up breath emitted from his throat as he felt the other boy’s arms go around his waist, as well, and he shook his head as he heard the softly mumbled words. “Stop, Seth. Please. You didn’t. I did want you back, though, I just knew you deserved better and so I never said anything. It doesn’t matter now, anyway. You shouldn’t have loved me in the first place, that’s the point– I’m not worth the pain I cause, I know I’m not.” Aiden said quietly, shaking his head lightly and shrugging absently as he gave a sigh.

*****

Aiden’s already panicky thoughts quickened as he saw Seth once again try to move, coming close to falling from the bench once more. At the snarl that slipped from the other boy’s lips, he almost reeled back but he forced himself to stay where he was, not wanting the other boy to pull a wrong move and fall. That would’ve been great, end sarcasm now. Chewing lightly at the inside of his lower lip, Aiden rested his shaking hands on his thighs as he realized that his legs were slowly starting to go numb. Shit, that was wonderful. “…you’re serious, aren’t you, kid?” Aiden asked in a slightly concerned voice, shaking his head lightly. “It’s not your balance, Seth, I-I—you just need to trust me,” he added, biting his lip. What was he thinking? Seth wouldn’t even think of trusting him now! No way in hell! Aiden felt the other boy’s forehead in the same manner his grandma had done to him all those years ago, biting the inside of his cheek as he heard the gasp emitting Seth’s larynx as he pulled his hand away. He watched as the boy pushed himself back as far as he could on the bench, but he didn’t know that Aiden knew by now that he was bleeding– he just wanted to prove it, but by the other boy’s actions he knew that was his proof. The tears that burned at his eyes were forced back as he gave a sigh, lightly squeezing Seth’s hand before looking around, thinking he heard a voice. Wow, going crazy too, hmm?

“Because, I can’t just sit here and l-let you die,” Aiden protested, more tears pushing against the others and threatening to fall if he continued. He felt Seth begin to shiver violently, surprise covering his face as he heard the other boy give a laugh. What the hell? That wasn’t right! He was confused until he heard him speak, shaking his head. “It’s winter.. And you’re sitting here bleeding to death, so your body temperature’s going to keep dropping until.. y-you.. get to a hospital—” He paused, unable to say ‘until you die’– he couldn’t. He could speak freely about his own death, but not other peoples’– especially of someone he really, truly cared about. Or used to care about. Whichever floats your boat. He knew that Seth didn’t want to go to the hospital– Aiden hated them, he’d had his fair share of terrorizing experiences at the hospital, but Seth didn’t understand; it was the only place where they would be able to save him. Fear or no fear, Aiden didn’t want the other boy to die, not with a boyfriend he loved as much as he claimed he did. "Can't you just take me home? I promise I won't die if you just take me home, then we can just get blissfully drunk and forget that this ever happened." “Seth, you can’t make that promise when your scarf is absorbing your blood like fucking Spongebob absorbs water! As tempting as getting drunk sounds right now, I can’t take you home, I don’t want you to die, please, just listen to me–” He said softly, frustrated tears slipping down his face as he barely choked back a sob. The continuous petting of his hair that usually would’ve had him asleep in five minutes was only making him nervous, more so than he already was, biting his lip as he felt Seth’s cheek rest against his temple as he started to speak. “Well no, not when you’re sitting here bleeding to death, I’m not,” he said softly, shaking his head and trying to stop the panic that started to constrict his throat. “I-I didn’t leave for good, I always went back to Mansonville, everything I had was there, I had to go back, and the last time I b-blacked out and woke up I did go back, but I couldn’t find you so I-I left and went to Brendin’s and ended up here–” He added, his words meshed together as his voice came out in a whimper. He shook his head as he heard Seth speak, pulling away from the boy’s almost drunken embrace to run his hands over his face. “I do understand, and I know you won’t be here for me like that, you can’t be, Seth. I wish you would just stop caring about me, I’ll.. I’ll probably be okay, and if I won’t be, it’s not your fault, please just understand that. Seth, I’m going to get hurt no matter what happens, it’s always been that way, I’m-I’m like a magnet for the douchebags of the world and as long as no one else gets beaten up but me, it’s not a problem to me, alright? I just don’t want anyone else to get hurt, not when everyone’s ten times better than me. I don’t care what happens to me, Seth, understand that– you’ve got your own life to take care of; my life isn’t your problem to try and solve.” He said, shaking his head and swallowing as his voice cracked, his throat dry. He just wished Seth would understand what he was saying.

At the sudden bite to his cheek, Aiden raised an eyebrow, unsure of why Seth had bitten him– then again, Aiden put nothing past the other boy. The gasp that filled the air only seconds later startled him, having been momentarily lost in his little world, and he glanced worriedly at the younger boy, his slender fingers digging lightly into his denim encased thighs in an nonchalant, worried manner as Seth unwound himself and tried to sit back on the bench. "I might not scare you, but I'm scaring myself." Aiden couldn’t help but bite his lip at that. What could he say in response to Seth’s blatant fear? Surely something about the hospital? No, that had already been pushed much too far, even though Aiden desperately wanted the other boy to go. So, what could he possibly say? Moments passed without Aiden giving his response, thinking of something plausible to say when, in reality, there was nothing he possibly could come up with that would calm Seth down. “It-it’ll be alright,” he said softly, knowing very well it wasn’t a promise he could keep if Seth didn’t go to the place he probably dreaded more than anywhere else. It was a typical reaction for Aiden to yelp upon being tackled, however carefully, to the ground– any form of contact thrust upon him that he didn’t know was coming caused him to yelp, or, much worse, go into a panic attack. Thankfully, the latter wasn’t happening– that would have been oh so very helpful. Seth began to utter apologies and he shook his head, trying to interrupt the other boy before he flipped ou– erm. Too late. “Yes, I’m okay– stop it, Seth, you didn’t hurt me, okay? I wasn’t expecting it, oh, please, calm down—” Aiden said in a hushed voice, biting his lip as Seth’s sobs continued to reach his ears and cautiously rubbing the back of Seth’s head in an attempt to calm him. He knew it probably wasn’t doing any good, but he had to try something– hell, if he would’ve just stayed at home in the first place, it probably wouldn’t have happened, anyway. Suddenly the scene flashed and he found himself speaking, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion as Seth glanced up at him with an equally confused look. Well, at least he wasn’t alone in his thoughtless little world. “It’s letting me know that you’re still.. conscious, Seth..” He said softly, chewing lightly at the inside of his lower lip. Yeah, like that was going to be any sort of comfort.

"Aide, you're going to get sick." He was going to get sick? That was the least of Aiden’s worries right now. He could deal with being sick, he’d dealt with it before– Seth was more important at the moment; he was dying. A cold was only a minor inconvenience– death, however, wasn’t. “Stop. I’ll be alright, you need it more than I do,” Aiden said, the hidden shivers coursing through his body increasing suddenly at the cold grip encasing his biceps and making him give a silent gasp. He forced the shivering to stop, his willpower stronger than what he let on, as he realized that Seth was trying to sit him up, and, with a confused look, he rested a free palm on the concrete behind his slender body, the other curled about Seth’s own tiny frame in an attempt to keep the other boy from somehow losing balance and cracking his head against the pavement. “Not right now.” He said in response to the boy’s question, wondering why giving the jacket back was such an important matter to Seth right now– he was bleeding to death, didn’t he understand that his life was more important than a goddamn jacket? All of a sudden Seth was pushing away from him, and as he heard the words falling from the other boy’s lips, Aiden didn’t blame him. He would have done the same thing, especially when a hospital was in his very near future, if somehow they could get there without one of them, or both, flipping out. “I-I know but they can help you there, I can’t– I’m n-not a miracle worker, Seth,” he said, tears filling his eyes and fighting to fall down his cheeks in huge droplets, although he refused to let them. All he needed was to turn into a crybaby again, end sarcasm right about.. now, yeah, now’s good. As Seth moved again and pried Monroe away from his stomach, Aiden raised an eyebrow, realizing that she must have bitten him or dug her claws into him. He wouldn’t have doubted it, Monroe was an evil little bitch. But he loved her, who couldn’t, with that face? Aiden sighed as he heard the younger boy begin to speak, blinking as he clicked his tongue ring against the backs of his teeth in an almost annoying, yet oddly comforting, manner. “You haven’t exactly lost me, Seth, I’m still your friend, I think? You’ve got it wrong. I hurt you, however unintentional it was.. I really doubt if he gets sick of you, Seth, I don’t see how anyone could.” Aiden said with a small shake of his head, the long fringe that clouded his gaze beginning to irritate him and causing him to force it behind his ear. He heard Seth’s question, but before he could come up with a good enough excuse why he’d decided to call him that particular name, Seth had passed out, which caused Aiden to nearly flip out. It wasn’t necessary, of course not, but he somehow calmed himself down long enough to recover Seth in his jacket, leave the little guardian kitty to stand watch, and find someone to call an ambulance before nearly dying of a migraine. Go Aide, what a loser.

*****

"Don't fucking stab me with another needle. It hurts too bad," Aiden peered up from the floor, where he had moved to sit on his ass to rub his now throbbing knees, as he heard Seth speak, his eyebrows furrowing lightly in confusion. And then, the realization of who his nurse was kicked in, and he didn’t doubt that Seth would be pleading for the needles to go straight into her eyes. Aiden would’ve been, anyway, but that was just him, of course, and he was an odd little puppy. Somehow, he managed to stand as Seth spoke again, a minuscule amount of surprise etching across his face at the bright grin he was greeted with. Wow, that morphine must have been some good shit. Can they bottle me some? Where’s that nur– stay focused, asshole, he thought with a momentary giggle before he shook his head, remembering where he was. A hospital was no place for smiles and laughs. Hospitals, to Aiden, were places of death and, of course, potential death. Sure, they saved people, but some died here, and Aiden would never be able to get over that fact. “Why would I..?” He asked softly, a hint of confusion edging in his voice. Oh, right. “Never mind,” he added, shaking his head lightly and rubbing his forehead, still keeping his distance from the bed. You know, just in case. “That sounds like a good idea to me, right about now..” Aiden said softly, wishing for a second that he could go to sleep and immediately knowing he wouldn’t. For one, Seth was here, at the hospital, and needed some kind of comfort, even though Aiden knew he wouldn’t be able to give the kind he probably wanted– and for two, the nightmares. He didn’t want to cope with them, not right now. “I’m so sorry.. You wouldn’t have even had to come here if it wasn’t for me..” He added, casting his gaze to the floor as tears burned the backs of his eyes. He glanced up as he heard Seth speak, biting his lip as he tried to mask his confusion. Aiden crossed his arms over his frail chest, looking up at the air conditioner that oh so conveniently kicked, as he gave an absent shiver, his fingers gripping the black fabric that made up his Children of Bodom tee shirt close to his ribs as he tried to keep from shivering.

“I think the morphine’s gotten to you..” Aiden said softly in a fucked up attempt at a joke, cracking a small, forced smile before continuing to chew lightly at the inside of his bottom lip. At Seth’s command, he tipped his head to the side like a confused puppy who’d just been scolded (and quite possibly hit on the nose with a rolled up newspaper) and glanced toward one of the beeping machines uncertainly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he pondered what Seth had asked– well, more like told– him to do. How did Aiden know it wasn’t some kind of trick? He had suspicions that he shouldn’t have had, but it wasn’t exactly odd– he was terrified of somehow making another wrong move and getting the fuck beaten out of him, and no matter how many times Seth said that he wouldn’t, Aiden wouldn’t be able to believe it. Not after the shit he’d pulled today. Giving another absent shiver, he glanced at Seth confusedly, unsure of what to do. It was either keep standing there like an idiot and piss Seth off ten times worse, or, do as Seth asked and potentially get the shit beaten out of him if Seth somehow talked him out of undoing the straps holding him down– which wouldn’t be as hard as it sounded. His knuckles were turning white with how hard he was gripping the fabric of his shirt, and he was beginning to taste copper as he continued to chew at the inside of his lower lip. He had no idea what to do. “I-I don’t know—?” Aiden said confusedly, taking a small step back as he, once again, shifted his weight from one foot to the other and glanced at the floor.




yayyyy! finally done. it sucks, i sorry. v.v