Freedom of the High [open]

[Carmen. Downs.]

we are broken and lost, dazed and confused.

Carmen walked through the mall, high on life, or cocaine, whichever you prefer. Her life had become a crazy spiral as she had become introduced into drugs again, her saviors once before. She loved them, loved them so much, how could she have ever let them go before? It was crazy, crazy, crazy, but she was crazy. Absolutely crazy. She loved it. Loved the feeling it gave her. Even with the shaking it had caused for her ever since she first started. It all felt great. She wanted to meet someone, someone who loved drugs just as much as she did. Someone she could party with. She kept looking, didn't see anyone. Feeling a little halfhearted about the whole thing, she sat down against a wall. Just sat there staring. She like staring, but she didn't like people staring at her. Carmen was different and she knew it. She didn't care, but a lot of people did. It had always caused issues between her and her parents. They could never accept her, but that was over with now. They were dead and never coming back.

A few people looked at her weird, but she didn't care. Hell, she couldn't even feel much. It was all a blur of feeling things she couldn't normally feel, hearing stuff that could possibly be real or not, and just seeing random shit. This was what she loved, what she adored. The mass confusion of it all. Plus, it gave her less reason to cut, which on its own was godly. Hah, why had she given up drugs for so long? She couldn't remember. Couldn't remember much of anything at the moment, so she just let it be.

Someone yelled fag at someone else. "Shut the fuck up, fucking idiots." She yelled, not even quite realizing that her mouth had even opened. Wasn't like her to cause a scene or anything, but people just pissed her off sometimes. It was silent after that, or maybe she was just focused on the buzzing in her head. And now she was asleep. Asleep against a wall in the mall, her head hurt and she couldn't bring herself to wake up yet. She liked the crazy dream she was having. It made her feel alive. So much more alive than she had felt in forever.

[aiden jacobs.]

we’re erased and betrayed by
mistakes. does your god know my
god? this is how the world will end.

——————————

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Aiden felt odd, being out of Michael’s apartment. He’d become so used to trying to take care of Brendin over the passed few days that he’d almost forgotten that there was an outside world. It would’ve been easier, had the older boy not been so stubborn, but he was, and that made Aiden’s job as the best friend harder and harder every time he tried. Today was different, though– he was going to go to the mall, even if he didn’t have any business going there. He could’ve used the excuse of getting a job, although he knew that the only place probably willing to hire an ex-homeless kid with a criminal record couldn’t be found in a mall.. And so, after taking another quick shower, he pulled on an old Three Days Grace tee shirt, a pair of his favorite jeans, his converses, and was out the door without even saying goodbye to Liisi. He was frustrated, to say the least, but he wouldn’t take it out on anyone. There was no point to that.

It was a long and chilled walk to the mall, an immense building that housed quite a few stores. MAC. Hot Topic. Spencer’s. Bath And Body Works. Aeropostale. You name it, it was probably there. And Aiden wasn’t the least bit thrilled in going inside and running into some possibly freaky people. What was he thinking? He was freaky. In a cute way. Nah. Just freaky. He clutched the thin Breaking Benjamin jacket to his body, shivering a bit and taking a deep breath as he walked through the doors and into the warm, bright area, a toss of his hair allowing him to see. For the time being. He really had no idea what he was doing here– he should have just stayed at Michael’s where he would’ve fretted like a mother hen until he was blue in the face and went psycho because he was losing his ‘people skills’ (which, of course, he had very little to begin with) and ended dup ripping someone’s head off. Fuck that. I’m going psycho anyway.

"Shut the fuck up, fucking idiots."

That sounded vaguely familiar. Aiden twisted his lips to the side in a vain attempt to place the voice, looking around slightly and beginning to feel paranoid as he saw a few teenage girls gawking at him. Oh, shit. Not this again. He needed a tattoo on his forehead or something that said ‘I’m gay, now please get the fuck out of my face and stop staring at me!’. Or maybe even ‘I spit fiery acid. Go away before I decide to start my target practice.’ Really, he had no idea why in hell’s name they always stared at him. Maybe they thought he was a fellow girl? He was pretty thin and bony. The only differences being that– gasp!– he had a penis and no boobs. Baha. It was sad to have to think about looking down your pants to check and see if you were a boy or a girl. Aiden was thankful he hadn’t hit that stage. Oh, but right. The voice.

Shaking his head, Aiden glanced around, spotting a bright, neon pink set of locks standing out against a white brick wall and backtracked, trying to remember where the voice had come from. Had it been in that direction? Or from another? He thought from her direction, but he wasn’t quite sure.. The last time he’d been in the mall, he’d bought a girl band-aids with Cosmo and Wanda on them, but he hadn’t saw her for awhile. The pink hair was familiar and as Aiden walked closer, he made out Carmen’s face behind her hair, finding that she was asleep and had, probably, been the one yelling. Biting his lip, he wondered if he should wake her up– but before he realized what he was doing, he was lightly shaking her shoulder, praying that she didn’t wake up and try to kill him. Because, you know, being woken up by some strange boy would invoke anyone’s wrath. Baha. “Carmen?” He said softly, slightly worried. If this was anything like the first time he’d met her, he’d probably end up buying band-aids out the ass. But he didn’t mind.





baha. it sucks. >.< sorrysorryyy.
but here you gooo. ^^
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[Carmen. Downs.]

we are broken and lost, dazed and confused.

Carmen didn't want to wake up, but someone had said her name. Maybe if I just keep my eyes closed... She though as she pondered ways to get the person to go away. Though, the voice had sounded familiar. Very, very familiar. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled vaguely at Aiden. "Hey, Aiden." Her pupils were the size of a pen point and she knew it. There was no use in even trying to stand up so she remained seated on the floor with Aiden standing over her and people gawking at them. Mainly her of course since she'd been sitting there for god knows how long.

Her phone began vibrating in her pocket. She opened it and closed it. She didn't care who it was. She was staring back up at the most adorable gay guy ever and she wasn't about to ruin that moment of a reunited acquaintance, well, more of a friend that kept disappearing. Though, that could have been her that kept disappearing. She always did. There were so many people that she'd run out on and abandoned completely. A twisting feeling approached her gut as she thought about all the people in her past. They were all so nice, some not, but some were so amazing that it was a shame that she'd never see them again.

Carmen sighed and looked back up at Aiden. "Long time no talk, eh? What have you been up to Aiden boyy?" She laughed. She was always so much out there than usual when she was high, but she was so calm and subtle about everything. Usually. There were times like this when she would be loud, but it didn't help that people were still staring at her. Why the fuck did people always have to stare at her? She wasn't that strange, was she? Maybe she was and she just never realized it. Whatever. It didn't matter. Hah, at least this time she didn't have a need for band aids. She thought about where she'd put that box anyways. They were probably laying in her bedroom somewhere waiting to be found again just like everything else in her mess of a room. Everything always got lost in there, but that wasn't a surprise because she was a generally messy person.

[aiden jacobs.]

underneath the gun in front of
waiting eyes, our time has just
begun, no second chance tonight.

——————————

Aiden was wondering whether he should've just left Carmen alone when she spoke and opened her eyes, a small smile turning his pale lips upward almost nervously. "At least you remembered my name this time, yeah?" he said softly, faintly noticing her eyes as he sat beside her on the tiled floor awkwardly. The first time he'd met her, this was basically the scene- except for the fact that now, she wasn't crying and as far as he knew, she hadn't dug her fingernails into her knees lately. He hoped she hadn't, anyway, she was too nice of a person to do that to herself.. But what did he know? Apparently, not very much. Aiden watched in a languid sort of.. what was it, unease? no, it was something else, but what, he wasn't quite sure, as she flipped open her phone and shut it again. What was wrong with him today? Jesus Christ. At least he wasn't acting all jumpy and flinchy like usual.

"Long time no talk, eh? What have you been up to Aiden boyy?" Aiden nodded a bit, averting his gaze to a nearby unoccupied bench as he shook his head and frowned. "Yeah, long time no talk," he said, smiling slightly and glancing back at her as he did so. "Very little.. By most peoples' standards. How about you? You seem more.. upbeat, than the last few times I've seen you," Aiden added, tipping his head slightly as he gave Carmen another glance before looking away. Hell, he knew how it felt to be stared at, and she didn't need some skinny little gay boy staring at her to top it off. And he didn't want her to think that he was.. what? hell, who knows. He sure as hell didn't, of course, but it didn't exactly matter. It didn't to him, anyway. At the moment, he was more worried about Carmen than anything.

"Are you alright?" Aiden asked softly, finally addressing her shaking. She may have just been cold, but it was worrying him slightly- he couldn't help it, he was like a mother hen. It annoyed him like it usually annoyed whoever he was trying to help, but it wasn't exactly something he could stop. Some days, he really wished that he could- it just wasn't very simple. "Sorry, I need to hush. Just tell me to shut up, I'll be alright," he added, shaking his head and laughing a bit. Dammit. Why couldn't he mind his own business? Frowning inwardly, Aiden sighed, absently picking at a piece of frayed string on the knee of his jeans and licking at his lips lightly. What could he say to break the silence? It was beginning to unnerve him, but if Carmen wanted more of a conversation, Aiden was assured that she'd start one.. Or would she? Stop being so goddamn technical, he thought, scrunching his nose up softly. This was going to be a long day.





blahh. i'msososorry.
i can try and edit if you need me to, and i'm sorry this took so long. v.v