My Only Regret, or was it?;; Micah

[Aliana Donahue]

Aliana Marie;;

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They say he’s everything she
doesn’t need, yet her heart screams
he’s everything she wants[/size][/center]



Ali had a way of knowing when something was up, and for the past few days something was definitely up with Mikey. He had been acting rather strange around her, and almost standoffish to the point that she was actually fearing a break up in the near future. She was not one to really worry about petty things like those, but she was beginning to fear that maybe she was right. Maybe their relationship had become platonic and she just had not noticed it. no, no, that was not right. They were laughing, and joking just as they always had. Their sex was just getting better and better, and she didn't think he was getting sick of her. She tried to change everything up. She was sure that that was not the case. They were not going platonic. Or maybe they were. Ali never knew what Micah was thinking until she got to take a look into those gorgeous blue eyes of his. Those simply amazing blue eyes that she could look into forever. The kind that just drove her insane when they looked at her with such intensity. She never squirmed under his powerful gaze, but on the inside she was wiggling like a freaking worm.

In all honesty she had thought that things had been going good for them. Actually really good. It seemed as if her little scandal with Kale was almost forgotten except for a couple times when he had brought it up to be an ass. They had over come that, and that had to say something about how much they cared about each other, didn't it? He had taken her back under the agreement that if she screwed up like that again she was gone, and she was not coming back. She knew that she would never do that again. That was the worst night of ehr life. Having to see that much hurt in his eyes, that much anger pent up inside of him. She had been so terrified that he was going to leave her. That he was just going to walk out of the cramped office and not give it a second thought. Ali had known in her heart that if he had left that she deserved it, but she had told him those three little words that he had been waiting to hear, and apparently that had been good enough for her to get a second chance. A lot of people were pissed off at her for that. None of his friends wanted her to be with him, or even be friends with him. However, Micah seemed rather unfazed by this, and he still spoke of how much he loved her. That was exactly the kind of man she wanted.

Then to go on the whole Darack situation. Ali had never wanted Darack and Micah to meet in person. She knew what had been going on in Micah's mind when she was telling him about everything that had happened. The beating, his cheating, and the death of ehr best friend. She knew that Micah had been plotting a murder, but she also knew that she could tell him not to and he would have listened to her with pleasure. He always listened to her, she seemed to be his voice of reason. Micah was very much so a shoot first, ask questions later type of man. Ali always was that little voice of reason, telling him that what he was doing was totally unreasonable, and that he had to stop, but that night that Darack and Micah had come face to face had been terrible. Darack was a big man, very strong, and very dirty. He had taken than his fair share of cheap shots at Micah, and that was when kade jumped in and they beat Darack to a pulp. She had had her own shots, and then she and Micah had gone inside. She really had never been told just what happened after she left, but she knew that Darack was still alive because she had seen him glaring at her and Micah just the other day. Course, Micah knew nothing about this, and she was not about to tell him. It seemed like she and Micah could get through anything, but she knew something was up.

Sure Micah's freind's hated her, but what about her friends? None of them were even talking to her anymore. They had been so against her being with someone like Micah that it was not even funny. Ali had fought with them constantly, telling them that they were dumb and that he was a great man, and that she really did love him. They had always fought back with the fact he was a drug dealer, and murderer, scum. Ali had snapped on them more than once, and they had always shut up for a little while, but when they found out about the Darack incident, they had freaked. They said that she was supposed to be with Darack and she should just face the facts. Ali had totally blown up on them, and now they weren't talking to her. They hated Micah more than anything else, but they didn't see how he was with her. They had that picture of the stereotypical drug dealer in New York in their minds, but Micah was so totally different that that was not even funny. He was sweet, mellow, and kind... well at least with her. He didn't wear baggy gangster clothes like that stupid south pole that basically dragged on the ground. He was simple, and damn did he always look hot as hell. He was basically her dream, and now she was sure that he was leaving her.

Ali really had not been any different lately than she ever had been. Just as playful and fun loving as always, she was trying hard to keep herself in a good mood despite her fears of the imminent break up that she saw coming at her hard like a black locomotive. She still stayed near to him wherever they went, she continued to joke, and laugh wtih him, pretending like she did not see anything coming, but in her heart she was crying, and aching. She did not want this to end. She loved this, she loved everything about this. Damn, she fucking loved him more than life itself, and if he left her... well... she would be leaving Seattle. There was no way in hell that she could see him ahnging all over another girl like he had with her. Everything they did was just so special to her, and she was sure that his feelings weren't mutual. Maybe Micah had been playing her this whole time. Maybe he was playing her just to keep getting a piece of her, and his friends were really all just laughing at her, like she was the ass of their joke or something. Could Micah actually be capable of something so mean. Something so positively cruel that would hurt her to the core. Was he just like Darack? Could he really be like that? Was she really ass dumb to believe that he actually cared about her? She had not thought that Micah would do something like that to her, but now as she thought about it she wondered. He had said that he almost got married in Greece... but then he was in bed with her the first night of him being back. Really, how capable of a relationship was he? Was she seriously just being played by him this whole time?

In mind that was a serious possiblity. Ali was gullible when it came to men, but she was not so sure that Micah could actually be that mean, and if he really didn't care about her, why would he have taken such a beating from Darack, and why had he bothered to deal one out? Why would he have flipped like that if he didn't care about her. Oh wait... Micah was against guys hitting girls... So that could have been a reasonable explaination on why he had flipped if he didn't actually care about her. Every time Ali thought she had come with a reason for her to believe that he actually cared, she found one that told her there was a loop hole in it. The only one that really withheld under her interrogation was the fact that he had been so hurt and so angered by her and Kale. She could not find any reasonable way out of that one.

So there Ali was, her eyes fluttering open after a long night with Micah. She rolled over a little, allowing her hand to graze softly over his beck. She didn't know if he was awake or not, but she was ready to get up. She pulled the blankets over her bare body as the gazed around awkwardly for the clock. Finally her blue eyes rested upon the vibrant red numbers. It was seven. All Ali wanted to do then was go back to bed but she stirred a bit more, peering around for her clothes. Not being able to see any of them Ali rolled back over to Micah. Her body pressing softly against his skin. She leaned over him slightly, her hands soft on his skin as she kissed his ear "Morning, I love you." Ali was such a sweet girl, and she really did love being around Micah. She heard him mumble and she smiled sweetly. God, she really did love him.

Ali rolled back into her own space as she sighed softly. She really did love him. She would do anything for him, well anything in her capabilities, and lets be honest she could do anything. Ali had almost forgotten the fact that he dealt drugs, and the fact that he killed a few people. In a way of thinking, Micah was lucky to have her. She could easily get him out of trouble for the drug dealing with a just a bit of money, where as the murders... yeah that would have posed more of a problem, but there was reallyu nothing Ali could not do, and there was nothing that Ali would not do for Micah. So if you really thought about it He was lucky to have her. "Mikey... what's been up with you lately... and tell me the truth." She said softly, hearing him move a little. She had had enough of wondering. She wanted to know.


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[micah orsino ,]

Micah was starting to feel a bit like Kade. Well, maybe not like Kade, but like he had Kade’s luck. It seemed that whenever things were going good in Kade Trent’s life, something happened to set him back a few steps, almost as if life were saying that he couldn’t be happy for too long. Micah had never felt that way before. All his life, he had always found a way to think of things as positive and not a set back like it really was. Actually, he had had very few things to happen in his life that would even think of considering set backs. His parents’ divorce was one thing, but after that, he didn’t have much to complain about in his life. Bad luck had seemed to spare him, Micah always finding a way to get what he wanted out of life and to cheat the system more than once. He’d never gotten caught for any of the law breaking things that he had done. He had traveled the world and seen things that he would never forget. Throughout all of this, nothing bad had ever befallen him. He got sick once for eating some sort of bad food in Spain, and then puked his guts up all morning after one wild night of drinking down in Mexico, but that was about it. He’d been fortunate in all of his travels, and he had had some freaking good times. Micah didn’t know what it was about him or his life now that changed all of that. Maybe it was this damn rainy city that he had decided to root himself in for awhile. Maybe it was the fact that he was standing still for once and letting life take its toll instead of constantly moving, and in a way running from it all. That one had to be it. Micah had never thought of all his moving as a form of running away, but when you sat back and looked at it, that’s what it had been.

He hadn’t run intentionally. That was jus this lifestyle at the time, and he hadn’t been thinking of everything that he was missing out on in the process of all that moving around. When he didn’t stay in one place for long, there was nothing tying him down. No responsibilities except for keeping himself alive and as out of harm’s way as he ever was. There were no women in his life long enough for him to consider what they were thinking or feeling, or to make his life dramatic and hectic. There was nothing at all for him to worry about. For nearly two years, he had lived that way. Completely care free, without a single worry in the whole world. Yeah, sometimes life caught up with him in the way of learning what was going on with his friends back in the States. Brit had become pregnant, lost the baby and its father. Kade had somehow gotten married, but his wife had died while giving birth to their son. His brother had gotten in a car accident. His baby sister had gotten lost in the mall one day. He worried about these things and about the people that he cared for, but he had been thousands of miles away, and therefore detached from the problems. There was nothing that he could do to help except for send e-mails or letter expressing his sympathies and trying to say things that would comfort his friends with their losses. He could tell his brother that he was a dumb ass, and send home a letter to his sister telling her that she wasn’t to leave their mother again, that letter complete with a leash for her. Otherwise, Micah hadn’t had a care in the world. Living in Seattle for several months at a time had shown him this, and was definitely showing him what life was really like.

Since having come to stay in Seattle, Micah had landed himself in an apartment were paying rent every month, along with utilities and water and heat and all that shit, was mandatory. It wasn’t like he didn’t have the money. It was the part of him taking the responsibility to do it and keep the electricity on. Then there was grocery shopping, which he was thankful that Tish did a lot of the time because he just wasn’t a guy to make a list. He’d go, get what he thought he needed only to return home and realize he needed things other than what he got. Micah was also starting to see what happens when he let his life settle down a bit, and that was that it only get that much more dramatic. He had let himself get involved with a beautiful woman that he really did love, but that seemed to be what was making his life go up and down like it was instead of always running a straight, level plane. Aliana made him happy. She made him smile and laugh, and she was really a good person. Not to mention she was damn good in bed and never left him unsatisfied. But, it was in learning how to deal with a real relationship that he was experiencing all these ups and downs. First, it had been her clashing badly with his friends, Kade and Brit in particular. Then it had been the fight over Micah’s job and him living with Tish. Then onto the fight over Kale that had almost broken them up. All of that only led to the fight that Micah had been in with Ali’s ex, Darack. There were a lot of good times in between all of that. Micah would never be able to deny it nor forget it, but those were all the things that seemed to be stopping him and reminding him that life isn’t as easy as he once assumed that it would always be. That realization kind of sucked, but he guessed that he was just getting there a little bit later than the rest of his friends that had already been dealing with it.

The latest thing to weigh on his mind was definitely going to be a set back. Well, for him and Aliana, at least. And that was really going to suck. He and Ali were always so good together. His friends didn’t like her because of the way she had treated Brit, and the fact that she had cheated on him once, but none of that mattered to Micah. Of course it bothered him that she had cheated, and whenever she went to throw something out there about Tish, he tossed Kale right back at her. He didn’t do it to be mean, but he did it to make a point. He probably came off as an ass, but he knew that she’d get over it. No matter what it was that they said or did, they were always able to get over it and get back to being them, and that’s what he loved about their relationship. She was willing to put up with all of his shit, and he just overlooked her bitchy little moods she sometimes got in and they were able to laugh it all off later. Though, this was one that he didn’t see them just laughing off. Ali was going to be pissed, and she was probably going to be very hurt. She wasn’t going to like it at all, and Micah didn’t really know how to tell her. He had actually been putting it off, wanting to keep them in their happy little place for as long as he could before he pulled the pin and let the grenade go, sending their relationship into a thousand little pieces that probably wouldn‘t be able to be repaired. That wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to stay with Ali, and he wanted her to stay with him, but he knew her. He knew that hearing this wasn’t going to make staying with him easy.

Though, he knew that she knew that something was wrong. He could see in the way that she looked at him sometimes, and he knew that she was worried. Micah couldn’t tell if it was worry for him or their relationship as a whole, though. He had been trying to cover his stress and tension, but she was always one that be able to see it in him even when most people would have overlooked it. Guess she just knew him that well. Micah would always tell her that it was nothing, or that one of his friends was having some issues and he was worried about them. That really wasn’t a lie. Tish was having some issues; they just applied directly to him as well. He tried not to make a big deal of it, though, and would always brush it off and cover it with a smile. He would change the subject, and he knew that wasn’t a good way to go about it. That just let Ali know that she was right; that there was something that was really starting to get to him. It also let her know that he wasn’t willing to share it with her, and that wasn’t a good thing, either. Micah didn’t like to keep things from her. That’s why he had let her in on the fact that he was a drug dealer, that he might have killed a few people, and that he was living with Tish as soon as he had found it reasonable to do so. Keeping this one from her was putting her in a strain as well, and while Micah hated that, he just couldn’t seem to bring himself to relieve her of it just yet. Doing that would only bring new tension and worries to her, and he hated to think of what it might mean for them.

Last night, though, things seemed like nothing at all was wrong. Ali had come over to his apartment, and they had had one hell of a long night. It was a damn good one, though, just like all their others except for it seemed to be better and better each time. Micah didn’t know how that was possible, seeing as they were already good to start out with, but that’s how it was going. She was literally the woman that he’d been looking for all this time. Funny, smart, energetic, a damn good body and she knew what to do with a man. Not to mention that she had those gorgeous eyes of hers. He loved her more than he even understood, and it was killing him to think that this was all going to be put on hold. It would be like after he had first taken her back when she cheated on them. Distant. Untrusting. He hated it then, and he knew he was going to hate it even more because this time it was going to be his own damn fault. Micah hadn’t thought about it a lot that night, though. Ali had been the only thing on his mind, the one that had his complete and undivided attention. It was just too bad that the night had to end. Morning had come all too soon, the reason Micah having awoken because he felt Ali stir beside of him. He was hoping that she would see that it was early and cuddle in beside of him again, falling back asleep until it was a reasonable hour. No such luck. She came closer to him, and he felt her lean over him before she kissed his ear, which sent little chills down his back. He heard her words and knew that they were meant to be sweet and loving, but damn, it was early. He knew that without even looking at a clock. Micah wasn’t even sure what it was that he mumbled to her then. He yawned, feeling her move away from him then and back over into was had become her side of the bed. That’s when he finally opened his eyes and found the numbers of the clock. My God, seven?

He stretched a little, letting his eyes close again before he rolled to lie on his back. Dozing a little might have been a possibility, but as soon as he heard Aliana talking, he knew that he had to wake up. Not only that, but he was going to have to tell her what he really didn’t want to tell her. And all so damn early in the morning. Micah sighed, opening his eyes again and looking up to the ceiling for a moment before turning his head to look at her. He didn’t want to; this was so unfair. ”You’re not going to like it.” She had said to tell her the truth. That was the really very truthful. ”It’s Tish…” Micah could only imagine what was going through Ali’s head as she heard those words. She was probably imagining the worse, that Micah had either cheated on her with Tish or was leaving her for her. Neither was true, but Micah knew that Ali worried about those kind of things from time to time. ”She’s six months pregnant, and I just found out a few weeks ago.” He thought that it was extremely important to put in there just how far along Tish was in this pregnancy. Especially with what he had to tell her next. ”And, well, there’s a chance that I might be the father. Along with Kale and Zach.” He also thought it was important to mention other names just so she wouldn’t automatically assume that this was his child, but no one knew whose it was. He had had it all planned out in his head how to word things, and this wasn’t really how he had thought it would go, but it was early and he didn’t have time to put it all together perfectly. He had gotten most of it, though. The important parts, at least. He watched her then, looking for a reaction and hoping like hell she just didn’t get up and leave him.

[Aliana Donahue]

Ali had been in quite the strain about everything the past few weeks. Ali did always know when something was up with him, and the distance between them had began to wear on her, physically and mentally. SHe was so afraid that the man was going to leave her due to how much baggage she had. She had never been pregnant, nor was she a broke gold digger, but she had a terrible ex fiance, her had a problem with the Mob boss, and she was raped. She was used and damaged goods, but when Micah had leanred of all this he had not reacted with anger, or disgust. he had just tkane it all in, and he had comforted her. Which, she had thought meant that he loved her. But maybe Micah had been using her like her friends had warned her of, but Ali really did not want to believe that, nor did she ever want to have to come to face facts like that with him. She had figured that maybe he had been using her in the beginning. Sex now and then... well, more often than that, but you get it. To be honest they had really both been using one another in the beginning. though they had formed a good relationship, one that was strong and could endure almost anything, or so it seemed.

Micah was the kind of man she had reamed about as a child. one that was totally sweet, and always honest with her. He treated her like a queen. no, he did not lavish her in gifts, which she appreciated, but he showered her in his love and attention, and she loved that. He never made her feel like she was inferior to him. He never tried to force her into something she didn't want, and he most definitely never bossed her around. he only bossed her when it was time for her to come in second, and that was only in bed. Micah treated her as if she was an equal, someone he cared for, and someone he loved. Which, she was glad he loved her. It made her feel a little more secure on her relationship with him when it came to him living with Tish. Ali did not like that, nr would she ever like it, but she dealt with it. She had learned quickly not to fight with him about it because he had always thrown the Kale incident right back in her face. That always stung her to the core, and he knew it did. However, it always got his point across and allowed him to win. Which, pissed her off most of the time, though she knew better than to push it. She was the one who was on her second chance, not him, and she had learned how to tread lightly when it came to the Kale matter. She was not a complete idiot, and she knew when to push him, and when not too.

Though it had become obvious that she was always going to be the less dominant in the relationship, which was something she loved. Ali never had liked being in control, and she did like having a man to tell her what to do and keep her on the straight and narrow, which Micah did. She did not care to do anything that would fuck up the relationship that they had, so she watched what she did at all times, and she never strayed. Not once... well besides Kale. Ali was always that beautiful girl sitting at teh bar as the guy strode up to her in a cocky manner. They always asked her to come home with them, and she always boldly pointed him out stating that if they even tried to leave her with that her boyfriend would kill them. Course, that always put a little scare into their boots, and they normally sauntered on off to hit on another girl. When the men did not leave Micah had always moseyed on down the give her a long passionate kiss and prove her point as to she was taken. That always did that. Thinking back on that brought the taste of his lips to her mouth. She loved the taste of him. it was something that she had always loved. She always would love it, and she doubted that they would ever forget the taste of one another.

Ali knew Micah well. She could read things in his expressions that man would over look, or would just never even see. She could tell when he was laying to her, or evading the truth, and she knew he had not been telling her the whole story lately. He had been dodging it, saying his friend was having some troubles and he was worried for them. number one, Micah hardly ever worried about anything, so that was one snag in that story, and he only worried when it was serious and involved him. So Ali could see in that saddened little face of his that he was lying to her, and she did not like that at all. She had thought that he would never lie to her, but apparently he could, and he would. She had tried so hard to read in his eyes what it was that was going on... but that was impossible. You could not read whole expressions in one's face unless they were obvious, and Micah never let them be obvious. In fact, he normally tried to hide them from her. There were some things that Micah didn't care for her to know, yet she knew almost everything, or so she thought. She knew about his dealings, murders, most of his past, but this she didn't She was not so sure what was wrong with him, and that was what was wrong with it the most.

It was true. Ali and Micah were always great together, and they most likely always would be great together. They laughed, and they joked, and they had a lot of fun together. They didn't care what it was that they were doing, they were going to have a damn good time doing it. Sure, his friends hated her. They thought she was the devil or something, which she was not. She figured they held her about as high as they held Kale Davis... and that stung. Honestly, she had to admit that some things she had done made her not much better than him... but maybe just a little. She did not try to be a bitch on purpose... it was just the way she was raised. She was raised to believe she was better than everyone else, and really she was, and she was raised to get what she wanted. That had been her down fall. Trying to get what she wanted when it was right there in front of her. The whole situation with Brit being key, and then her cheating... that had only soured them up to her even more, but hey, it was not just his friends who hated her. Her friends were of mutual feeling. The only difference was that they had never even met him, and they despised him. They were girls just like Ali in the mid frame of being better than everyone else. They thought of him as this heartless gangster with baggy jeans, chains, and a drug problem. None of that was Micah... and she had tried to explain that to them, but she could only do so much when they refused to talk to her... the only person she had was Micah... and her brother Mark.

She heard Micah stretch out as he rolled onto his back. God, she loved mornings like this. Mornings where she woke up next to the man she was in love with. Things weren't always this great with them. They were so up and down sometimes that she wondered what it was that was holding them together. She was worried that from all the bouncing the train was going to go off the tracks... and it was not going to come back. That scared her to death. She didn't like the way that she had placed her heart under his foot... he could either pick it up and brush it off, or he could step down and break it into a million pieces. That was scary for her, and she hoped to god that he never did something like that to her, but it was probably going to happen. He would get sick of looking into her eyes, he would get sick of listening to her bitch, and he would get sick of her all together and he would leave; leaving her heart broken and alone to try and pick up the pieces of her strewn heart.

Ali saw in his body language that he did not want to tell her. Why didn't he want to tell her, better yet, why was she not going to like it? She liked a lot of things that he had to say to her, but when he told her that she wasn't going to like it... she was not going to fucking like it at all. The second Tish's name came from his lips she sat up, growling to herself as she bent over digging beside his bed for her tank top. Flinging the covers off of herself she grasped the tank top, and her bra that was sitting right next to it. No good fucking worthless cheater, Ali thought to herself as she scrambled for clothes. She glanced over her shoulder at the word pregnant. The tears already stinging her eyes as they threatened at the brim of her eyelids. Now she was just pissed. There was no sad about it, she was pissed. Though she did not cut him off, she could see that he had more to say to her. Damn this all to hell It was seven in the morning and they were already arguing. How come whenever things seemed like they were going to perfect everything went to hell? It was not fair at all. Ali was not planning on leaving... not yet, but she wanted some clothes. She felt all too defenseless naked, so she pulled on the bra and snapped it behind her back ad she pulled on her tank top, then she yanked the covers back over her lap as he spoke again about the possible father. What a skank. looking into his eyes she could see he was telling the truth... Ali and Micah had only been dating for three months, so there was no possibility that he had cheated on her... well at least the child was not conceived while she was dating him.

She couldn't even talk, she looked at him, and then down at the covers as the tears dripped, leaving wet marks on the sheets. She swiped them away angrily. She just wished, yet again, that she had never asked that question. How many times had Ali regretted questions she had asked him? This one was no different. This should not have bothered her so much... but it hurt so badly. Ali could not hold a candle to his baby's mother... how was she to compete with that? Get pregnant herself? Yeah, that was not going to happen. Ali was not ready for a baby, and she didn't much care for the idea of him having to give Tish all his attention. Ali was so used to receiving it all that him taking it from her to focus it on another girl would be very hard for her. She enjoyed his attention. She loved being the one he always wanted to be with... things would change if the baby was his. He would want to be with them all the time... he would want to be playing with his baby, and trying to make a family for them. Why even bother with this relationship? It was so frivolous. They were just going to end it in the end because she could not compete with a kid. She was just the girl he fucked and the girl he dated, nothing more. Nothing like his child.

Ali glanced over at him, and then back down, afraid to speak for fear of a quivering voice, but it was her time. "Why didn't you tell me before. Why fucking keep something like that from me?" She had tried not to snap, but the sharpness of her voice showed through as she let her little hands ball into fists. She had had less ups and down with Darack... Ouch. That was a little much. She didn't actually mean that thought of her, but she was just so angry with him at that moment, and so jealous mixed with fear that this could really go either way.