and i just wanted to say ,

[kade trent.]

“Kade, where the hell were you? Didn’t I tell you about the meeting this afternoon?” Damn. Kade had forgotten all about that. A heavy sigh passed through his lips, switching his cell phone from one ear to other. It was Rick Steiner that had called Kade, wanting to know why Kade had missed that meeting. Rick was a trainer on the local high school’s football team, and Kade was the newest member of the coaching staff. Some coach he had turned out to be. It wasn’t like they were in meetings a lot at this time of the year anyway. Hell, these guys weren’t really the meeting type. They had just decided to get together that afternoon for a “meeting,” consisting of an outing to some good restaurant or bar somewhere while they talked. “Waller was kind of disappointed that you didn’t show, but we had to go ahead and set the dates for summer training camp without you. Why didn’t you call, Trent?” Ben Waller was the head coach of the football team, and the one that had arranged this meeting to begin with. He had said that he had been looking forward to actually getting to go out and have a drink with Kade now that he was legal and not a player to coach. Kade had been looking forward to it as well. The other coaches and trainers were all at least twenty years older than Kade, but he had known them and respected the hell out of them in high school. To be able to be friends with them now and to be treated as an adult among them was something that he really enjoyed. They were fun loving guys, but so serious about football. Kade loved it, and yet he had forgotten all about it. Now he was just going to have to go along with the dates set without having his input in them; the schedules were probably already typed up and about to be sent to the team members. Rick waited a few more moments, and when Kade didn‘t reply he continued with, “Kade, is everything all right?”

That all really depended on how one chose to look at it. Kade was alive and breathing. He was in the comfort of his apartment with his son safely playing in the hallway with some of his action figures. No one he knew and loved was ill or in any kind of trouble. In that aspect, everything was all right. Hell, Kade was getting along with his father. Everything on that particular front was great. But, if you wanted to delve a little deeper, you would find that his relationship with his girlfriend was almost nonexistent. Kade still loved Brit, there was no doubting that, but they weren’t talking. They weren’t talking, and they were barely looking at one another. Sometimes they faked their happiness together for Cooper’s sake, but as soon as the two-year-old was out of the scene, the two were back to ignoring each other. Kade wanted so badly for it all to be over, one way or another. He hated to think it, but that’s how he felt. He wanted them to work out their problems and be the way they used to be, but at this point, he would have taken them ending it just to end the pain of having to be around her everyday without touching her or seeing those beautiful eyes. Though, Kade knew that wasn’t what Rick had meant, so he didn’t try to answer the question that he had asked by relating it to that situation. Rick was wanting to know why Kade wasn’t at the meeting, and it had had nothing to due with his family or with Brit. Well, it had had something to due with Brit, but not directly. “Kade?” There was Rick again. Kade thought that it would probably be good to answer. ”I got caught up at the garage.” Along with being a coach and the co-owner of one of Seattle’s newest bars, Kade also kept a few hours a day at an auto garage in the city. He had had to work four hours this morning, then he had been planning on going to that meeting.

“How the hell did you do that? You’ve known about this meeting for weeks.” Kade hadn’t been aware that this meeting was such a big deal, but apparently it had been. And Rick wasn’t going to let him let it go just like that, either. “Not another accident I hope.” Rick was referring back to the day a couple of months ago that a car had fallen from a lift, sending a piece of glass to cut through Kade‘s arm. ”No, nothing like that. You don’t have to worry about it. I don’t work there anymore. It’s kind of the policy to fire workers that punch other employees. It was my second offense, so Frank had no choice.” It really hadn’t been Kade’s morning, and now to top it all off, he felt even worse about not making that meeting with the other coaches. “Kade. You know better.” Even though Rick wasn’t there to see him, Kade resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Rick was still playing the role of Kade’s father, and while Kade didn’t mind that most of the time, right now it was kind of annoying. Rick had been a sort of trainer/counselor to Kade while he had played on the football team his senior year of high school. Rick had helped him do some anger management and kept him out of a few fights. What can Kade say? He wasn’t good at managing angry then, and he had most certainly lost it today. ”Apparently I don’t. I’m sorry I wasn’t at the meeting, but just send me the schedule and I’ll work around it, okay? I’ve got to go.” Kade had no reason that he had to go. He was just saying it so he could get off the phone and end the conversation before he had to tell all the messy details of the fight to Rick. The trainer got the message, and didn’t push for more information. “All right. You take care of yourself, Kade.” Smartass. Kade ended the call and sat his phone down on the stand by the recliner he was sitting in. Then, he just leaned his head back and let his hazel eyes close for a few moments. The only part of him that felt any kind of pain at all was the one side of his face where he’d caught a strong fist a few times. Other than that and a head ache, he felt pretty damn good. That would only last until he got up on his knee; then he’d feel that and remember that he wasn’t good as new like he liked to think some of the time.

Kade sat in the quiet of the apartment for nearly ten minutes, the only sound coming from Cooper as he crashed his toys together from time to time. It felt good to relax, and he was taking the time to do it while he could. He knew that once Brit got home that there would be no relaxing. She hadn’t spoken to him in weeks, but he knew that she would have some words for this one. While he wanted to talk to her again, he wasn’t looking forward to this. She was going to be pissed and he knew it. Well, maybe not pissed. More like she wasn’t going to like the fact that he had hit her friend. Hell, he didn’t feel like he knew her anymore. For all he knew, she might come in laughing about it. God, wouldn’t that be a freaking miracle? Kade couldn’t remember the last time that he had seen that girl smile a real, genuine smile just for him or laugh at something that he had done. Maybe there was a reason for this all to be done. Maybe it had a greater purpose than for Kade to lose his job at the auto garage and lose some more blood that day. He kept playing with different scenarios in his mind, letting his eyes stay closed. He hadn’t noticed that Cooper was standing there beside of him until he felt the little boy reach up and touch his arm. Kade opened his eyes then, turning his head to look at his son. ”Hey buddy,” he said, looking into those green eyes the boy had inherited from his mother. “What’s that?” Cooper asked, pointing up to Kade’s face. Kade looked puzzled as he reached up and touched the skin at the right side of his face, feeling a warm sticky liquid there. Damn. ”That would be blood, Coop.” Kade had known that he had gotten a scratch there. It must have reopened somehow. Great. Kade sighed again and got up from the recliner reluctantly. It wasn’t a big deal, but now he had blood on his fingers and probably smeared down his face. Might as well go clean it up.

He walked down the hallway to his and Brit’s bedroom, entering it and then going into their bathroom. Cooper followed behind, watching his father with those curious little eyes of his. Kade rinsed the blood from his hand first before getting a wash cloth to clean the rest of it away from his cheek. He was a little put out by the fact that the bastard Evan Cullen had brought blood on him, but that was okay. Kade had gotten a good throw in at Evan’s nose, meaning he was bound to have lost some blood as well. Hopefully, he had lost a lot. Not enough to kill him. Just enough to make him think about it. Not that it mattered now, anyway. Kade didn’t work at the garage and with any luck at all, the two wouldn’t be seeing much of one another now. Kade got the blood cleaned off easily and tossed the bloodied wash cloth into the dirty towel hamper before looking down at Cooper. ”Let’s just hope you’ve got some of your mother’s patience, son.” The little blonde haired boy just beamed up at his father, and Kade smiled back. Patience to put up with people and not hit them just because something wasn’t going his way was what Kade wanted for Cooper. At that moment, Kade didn’t even know himself which mother that he had referred to. Vivian hadn’t had a lot of patience, but she had more than Kade did. Brit was an extremely patient person, or at least she was with Kade. Right now, Brit was the one that was Cooper’s mom. She was the one that had influence over him. It went back to the Nature vs. Nurture argument and whether or not personality was learned or inherited, really. That wasn’t something that Kade wanted to ponder so much at the moment, not with the way his head felt. He turned back to the mirror that was hanging above the sink, taking a look at his face. He wasn’t even bruising. Yet. It sure hurt like hell, though. That prompted him to open up the medicine cabinet and dig out some of his Ibuprofen 800 mg. He took one for now, putting it in his mouth and swallowing it with some spit. It wasn’t always pleasant, but it got it down and that was all that mattered. If that one pill didn’t work, he would be coming back for a second one.

Kade smiled down at Cooper again, reaching down to tousle his son’s hair. ”Why don’t you go pick out a movie for us to watch?” Cooper’s face lit up, and then he was off to his room to dig through his movie collection. Kade chuckled lightly before making his way back out to the living room and sitting on one end of the couch. He made himself comfortable, and Cooper was out in the living room a few moments later. The movie for the evening was “Chicken Little.” Cooper set to work putting the movie in, and Kade got the remote, ready to hit the button that would take them to the main menu. Cooper liked watching the previews on movies maybe once or twice. After that, all he was interested in was the movie itself. Cooper got the movie in, then ran over and took a running jump onto the end of the couch opposite of Kade. He didn’t stay there, though, crawling on his hands and knees until he was cuddled up again his dad. Oh, Kade knew what that meant. Coop would be asleep soon, and Kade usually joined his son in these little naps. Neither of them made it very far, Kade waking up at the end of the movie with Cooper still sound asleep in his arms. He carried Cooper back to his room and put him in bed before heading back out for the couch once again, this time taking up channel surfing. A look at the time told him that Brit would be home soon, and part of his was kind of looking forward to it for once, still clinging to that little bit of hope from before. Kade was glad to see her home every evening, but maybe this evening could be different. Maybe tonight he would tell her so, or something good could go their way for once. And Kade usually wasn’t an optimist at all.

brittany ,

[brittany.ღ.morgan]

But maybe when you smile it means you'll stay awhile
Just maybe, you'll save me now

Ever since that night at the club, Brit and Kade had probably talked even less than before, if that were even possible. Brit used to watch Kade as he moved around the house in the mornings, getting ready to go to work or to drop Cooper off somewhere. Now when he would pass into the kitchen as she got breakfast for them all, she barely even glanced up at him. Her eyes never met his own, and there seemed to be even more distance now then before. Brit didn’t want it that way, but it just sort of happened. She wanted so badly for this to all just be forgiven and for them to go on as they had been to start with. She missed those times. When her and Kade went to do the laundry together, and he was always trying to steal kisses while they waited to catch the rinse cycles. They didn’t even do laundry together now! Some days Brit would go and do it by herself, and other days Kade would do it. It was the little things like that that she missed. She missed them dearly. Brit hated this, she really did. Still, there was nothing that she saw that she could do. She could always be the bigger person and let it all go and just reach out of him, but Brit was afraid that this had all gone way too far and that it was just too far gone for her to get back. She also had a little bit of pride and she was stubborn, and anyway, how do you apologize for something that you don’t totally understand? To top it all off, Kade’s secret was still hurting her. She couldn’t explain it, or put it into words, but it hurt, and she wasn’t totally sure why. Maybe it was because he had let her just go on believing what everyone else did, and just not telling her the truth. Brit was an understanding person, he knew that, and she would have saw what he wanted her to see. Maybe it was also the fact that he hadn’t been able to do that for her. At least Brit had told him instead of letting him find it out for himself from Kale Davis! At least she had let him know before it had all went to hell. Looks like it went there anyway, despite Brit’s efforts to keep it from doing that.

That morning Kade had went off to the garage, and Brit had headed off to her classes. Since her Irish friend from Fate, Evan Cullen, had recently come to town and started working at the garage, things had also been more strained. It seemed that now, Kade accused Brit of being with just about every guy that she came into contact with, and that hurt even more than anything else. Brit insisted that it wasn’t like that, that Evan was just a good friend of hers, but that did nothing to stop his bitterness towards the man. That day, as she was walking home from school, Evan had called her, and BOY had he been pissed. He had asked her to meet him at a nearby café, and so Brit had grabbed her stuff and went to meet him. When she saw him, Brit about flipped. His whole face was pretty much bruised, and it looked as if his nose was broken. It was only after Brit heard the story that she had had to stifle her laughter. Kade had literally beaten the crap out of Evan, but by the looks of the bruises coming over Evan’s knuckles, it looked as if he had gotten some pretty good hits in on Kade as well. He looked like hell, really, but she had seen worse in her lifetime. As it turned out, Evan had pretty much been on the wrong side of Kade at precisely the wrong time. He was just trying to help Kade out, which Brit told him was the biggest mistake he could have made considering how her boyfriend felt about him. At that point Evan had sent one of those “yeah, I get that” glares her way, and she had let him go on with his tale. Brit felt bad for Evan, she really did. He had been having a hard time since losing his mother, and he was putting some serious hours in at the garage to try and help keep him and his brother living. So far Evan had been doing pretty good, and Ryan was making it through his mother’s death. Brit was proud of her friend, but she was worried that this incident might have cost him his job. Evan didn’t know what would come of it, but he had told her that Kade had been fired, and she saw that he felt bad about it. Evan was a good hearted man, despite the fact that his whole life had been once screwed up mess after the other. It hadn’t been his intention to get Kade into a fight, and Brit didn’t blame him for it at all.

Her and Evan parted ways a little later, and she had went to her last class before heading home. Brit wasn’t entirely sure what to expect when she got home. She had to fumble for her keys outside the door, her hand still having the bandage on it, but she eventually got them and headed into the apartment. Brit was lucky that she had managed to stay out of fights over the last couple of days. The wound on her hand had stayed shut, and it was starting to heal quite nicely. Still, the white bandage that was wrapped around her hand was a pain when it came to trying to do anything. She couldn’t really do anything with it because she risked it opening up again, but she was doing pretty good. She would make it… eventually. After she threw her stuff by the door, Brit headed over to the living room where she saw Kade and Cooper sitting on the couch watching Chicken Little on the TV. She smiled over at Cooper when he turned his head at her entrance, and her eyes shifted to Kade, assessing the damage. Evan definitely got the worst end of the deal. “I swear, you can’t go anywhere without getting into a fight, now can you?” Her smile had faded when her eyes had shifted, but there was nothing about her crossed arms or her soft eyes that hinted of anger or disappointment. On the contrary, she found it kind of amusing… kind of. “I can’t believe you hit him.” She shook her head slightly, not moving from where she was leaning against the wall. “You succeeded in breaking his nose, and he’s got a couple good sized bruises, but he’ll heal I suppose, though he’s cursing your name like a drunken sailor.” Her words signified one thing, and that was that she was brushing the whole thing off as nothing, something that no one else on Earth would probably be able to do. Again, though, Brit was quite an understanding person, and no one knew Kade better than she did. She understood his anger, his moods, and everything else. That also meant that if Brit couldn’t brush something off, then no one could.

Brit moved across the room, then sat down at the other end of the couch, slouching down and resting her head against the back of the couch. She was slightly exhausted at the moment, but she was glad that she didn’t have to work tonight, and so she could just lay around and do absolutely nothing. Nothing sounded better to her than that. She sighed softly, then looked over at Kade. “What did he do, exactly?” Brit hadn’t gotten anything about the actual events from Evan, only a long stream of cuss words and things such as “ungrateful *insert choice word here*” and you really couldn’t tell much about it from those details. Brit had no idea what he had done other than offering his help, and even that was just a guess she had gathered from Evan’s short and blunt tale. Her voice was light and low when she said this, trying not to disturb Cooper from his movie. She liked to watch Cooper when he got really into a movie. He was adorable no matter what he was doing, but there were times when they would sit down and watch [1]Transformers

[/i] or Spiderman, and instead of watching the movie, Brit would always sit there and watch Cooper act out the movie with his action figures. That little boy brought more joy to Brit’s life then she could ever express. He filled an empty spot in her that he been reserved for her own son, and she knew that no matter what happened between her and Kade, Brit would always see Coop like a son. The day that he had called her “mother” was a day that she’d never forget, and it was one of the happiest of her life. She doubted that he had any idea what it really meant to her, but that made the act even better. She loved that little boy, and it was because of him that she wanted this thing to be resolved more than anything. This thing her and Kade were going through wasn’t just affecting them, but Cooper as well. Though it didn’t always show in his green eyes, he knew that something was wrong. Children always know.[/size][/font][/blockquote]

[kade trent.]

As Kade held the remote, still surfing the channels for something interesting to watch, he felt his hand throb a little. He’d been in so many fights, and he had yet not to hit someone hard enough to where it didn’t hurt his own hand. He was quite used to it by now, it just coming along with the fighting territory if that’s what you wanted to call it. He switched the remote his other hand, flexing the sore one a bit to work the kinks out. It wasn’t like there were broken bones, or that it was something that would cause him to seek medical attention. Tomorrow, or maybe even later that evening it would be good as new. Nothing major. Though, the pain in his hand and the dulling pain of his face and other body parts that had gotten hit or slammed into the wall or floor made flashes of the fight come back to his mind. Kade had been in the wrong, and he knew it. He had been taught to never start a fight for an unjustified reason by his father a long time ago. If someone was picking on him relentlessly, hit them. If they started it, finish it. If a bully was going after one or both of his brothers, kill them. Well, not literally, but make sure that they don’t do it again. Those had been the guidelines that Rob had set down for Kade, as well as Jared and Hunter when they were young boys learning how to defend themselves when the need arose for them to do so. Believe it or not, they had all stuck by them, too. Kade took up for himself, and he sure as hell finished a fight if someone swung at him first. The term “brother” had extended from just Hunter and Jared to the likes of Zach Cool, Micah Orsino, and a few other of Kade’s close friends over the years, meaning that if someone messed with one of them you had better believe that Kade was going to be in the fight along with them. For years that had been how Kade worked, and he had defied all of that in just one day, a matter of minutes.

He had been looking for a reason to hit Evan, though. Ever since Kade had met the guy and learned exactly what his standing was with Brit, Kade hadn’t liked him. That wasn’t like Kade at all, but all this tension with Brit was making Kade one of the worst versions of himself that he could possibly be. He wasn’t happy, and he wasn’t nearly as friendly as he usually was. Had it been any other time, Kade would have thought nothing of the fact that Evan and Brit were friends from Fate, North Carolina. He would have accepted Evan as a friend as well, and the two of them probably would have made a hell of a team at the garage. But, the day that Kade had been introduced to Evan, he had been especially bitter. The whole group of them had all been together. Him, Hunter, Zach, Micah, Tish, Anna, Tyler, and Brit. Evan had made his intro and had been scooped up by the friendliness of the others, leaving Kade and Tyler off to the side. Tyler, being the kind of girl that she is, was checking Evan out in a very obvious way as he spoke with Zach and Micah, and said something about his arms to Kade, not that Kade was paying much attention. He made an off color comment, wondering out loud whether or not Brit had slept with Evan too. It had been said sarcastically, Kade not really believing that Brit would leave one guy out of her admission when she had told him about Matt and Kale. Unfortunately, Brit hadn’t heard that as she walked by when he said it. She had cast him a cold look, one that said that she was hurt and couldn’t even believe he had gone there. Kade couldn’t believe it either, but he had. Tyler had tried to be the good middle person that day and fix it, but it hadn’t helped. Nothing had helped.

And that’s the reason that Kade hadn’t liked the guy. They were around each other the days that Kade worked at the garage, and Kade knew that he wasn’t always fair to Evan. But, the man never gave up and had tolerated Kade, always being as nice as he anyone could possibly be. That had cooled Kade down for a little while, making him relax a bit more but still not having much of a like for Evan. There were moments when Kade felt bad about it, knowing that Evan had never done anything with Brit other than be her friend, and he was trying to be Kade’s friend even though Kade was an ass to him most of the time. Nice people like that just make you sick, don’t they? You want nothing more than to hate them, but they’re just so damn nice that it’s nearly impossible. Even today when the fight had broken out, Evan hadn’t been trying to start anything. He had been trying to be nice, and Kade had taken it and used it as an excuse to throw the first punch. Which resulted in an all out war between the two of the, Evan obviously tired of taking Kade’s shit and not a man to back down. At the time, it had seemed perfectly fair that Kade hit Evan for what he had done, but now as Kade looked back on it, it was the dumbest reason to start a fight in the history of reasons to start fights. He felt like an idiot, and he knew that he was going to have to swallow some of that nasty pride of his and apologize to Evan. Eventually. There was no way in hell that he would be doing it that day, but he would make sure that he got around to it in a timely fashion. Maybe sometime next week or something, when most of the left over angry and bad feelings between the two men had dissolved and it was pretty much a sure thing that another fight wouldn’t break out between them.

There was absolutely nothing on TV. Of all the freaking channels that they had, Kade couldn’t find a damn thing that looked good. He was almost ready to just start “Chicken Little” again when he heard a familiar song start on one of the channels. Kade flipped back to it, wanting to see what it was. Oh God. How sad that he even recognized that song. It was the theme from “Dawson’s Creek,” a show that had been mutually loved by Brit, Jared, and sometimes Hunter throughout the years. Kade had seen so many of the episodes and had listened to Brit talk about the show over and over again, but had never actually taken the time to pay much attention to it himself. He had meant to flip the channel, he really had. Then he said to himself that he would change it once a commercial came. Then the next. Before he had even realized, he had sat through an entire hour, one episode, of Dawson and his friends from the creek, this particular one about Joey and Pacey trying to figure out how to break it to Dawson that they had had sex on the school’s ski trip. The end credits were starting to roll as Kade heard keys outside of the apartment door. Brit. He hurried to find the remote again, hitting button that he could to get that show off of the screen. He ended up with Chicken Little and the Duckling back on the screen as Brit finally made her way through the door, Kade looking as relaxed as ever as he sat there. There was nothing about him that gave away the fact that he had just been caught up in a teenage soap opera and was currently trying to deny it even to himself. Brit would never even have to know. If they had been on better terms, Kade wouldn’t have told her right away, but saved it for when they were resting, giving her something to laugh about as he let go of some more of his pride. Now, he didn’t know if he’d tell her or not, though secrets weren’t really working out for them lately.

Normally, Kade would have at least snuck a glance over at Brit when she walked through the door, but after she had found about him and Vivian, they hadn’t been looking at each other much at all. He kept his hazel eyes on the screen, watching as Foxy beat the shit out the other cartoon character at dodge ball yet again. Funny how that never changes, huh? Kade had been looking forward to when Brit would be getting home for the simple reason that she was sure to have something to say about the fight with Evan. At first, he thought that he might be disappointed, but then she spoke, and he did turn his head to look at her. He listened to her words and watched how she stood. There was nothing there to suggest that she was pissed off like he thought she might be. She didn’t even seem like she was disappointed in him. She seemed to almost understand it all, and to find some humor in it. What do you know. He had gotten his freaking miracle, hadn’t he? Now he was going to have to put a little more thought into whether or not there really was a God, but not right then. His main concern of the moment was Brit and what she had to say. She couldn’t believe that he had hit him? Why not? Everyone else seemed to have no trouble at all believing it. The people at the garage, at least. Kade wished that it weren’t the case, but it was. Brit then started with telling Kade what kind of damage he had done to Evan. Ha. He had managed to break his nose after all. That wasn’t something that he should take pride in, but it was still something that was good to know. Apparently, Brit had seen Evan for herself and had gotten to have a little chat with him. That didn’t bother Kade at all, surprisingly. What she said that Evan was cursing his name, the tiniest of grins came to Kade’s lips, him looking away from Brit and back to the TV. He could only imagine what the other man was saying in that Irish accent of his, and it was kind of amusing to Kade to think about. Oh well. It wouldn’t be the first time that Kade had his name cursed, and he was very sure that it wouldn’t be the last either.

When Brit sat down on the other end of the couch, Kade was caught a little off guard. They used to sit and cuddle all the time, but recently, it seemed that they couldn’t get far enough from each other. They slept on separate sides of the bed, opposite ends of the table, and hardly ever on the same piece of furniture in the living room. This was new, but very welcome. Kade continued to look at the TV, though, not really paying attention to the cartoon movie. His grin had faded, but Brit’s question had it pulling at his lips again after a few moments. He looked down, the grin turning to a full smile as he thought about how ridiculous the answer was going to sound. ”He touched my wrench,” he said, not at all able to keep a straight face as he said it, but telling the God’s honest truth. He turned his head, his hazel eyes looking at Brit again. ”It was lying just a little out of my reach, and he was going to pick it up for me.” Kade laughed a little here, but got it back under control. The next part was priceless. ”I said, ‘Touch it and die.” He touched it, and I flew at him. Next thing I know, we’re throwing each other around the garage. Isn’t that the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard?” Kade had always known how to laugh at himself, but even if he hadn’t, this would have been the one that would have taught him. There was nothing to do but laugh about it, and that’s what he did, chuckling as he looked down again, knowing that it sounded that much more stupid when he said it out loud rather than just thinking about it. But, this was the most that Kade had spoken to Brit in weeks, and he was savoring it even if it was just for a moment. What was even better was that Kade was laughing, and it had really been awhile since he’d gotten to do that. The laughs died down, though, and he looked at Brit again. So close, but so far away. Damn. ”But he’s going to be okay, isn’t he? I mean, Frank didn’t fire him?” Kade knew some of how Evan’s life was. If Evan got fired from his job because of him, Kade was going to have to Frank and get the guy his job back. He wouldn’t let him lose it because of some dumb thing Kade himself had done.

[brittany.ღ.morgan]

But maybe when you smile it means you'll stay awhile
Just maybe, you'll save me now

When Evan had told her that Kade had hit him, she hadn’t totally been able to believe it. She had realized right from the start that Kade didn’t like Evan, but she hadn’t thought that he would go out and hit her friend. It just wasn’t Kade, but it seemed like lately she didn’t know him at all anymore. She didn’t know what was going on with him anymore, and that hurt a lot. She didn’t like not knowing what was going on in his life, and she didn’t like not telling him what was going on in hers. There were times over the past couple weeks that she would hear some great news and want to run home right a way and tell Kade about it, but then she would remember everything that had happened and that fire would immediately go out. There was so much in her that was going on, and she felt like she couldn’t share it all with the one person in the world that she had always been able to share everything with. Kade was her best friend from childhood. He had kept her safe and looked out for her and been there everytime when she had needed someone to talk to. No matter what the problem, he had always been there for her, and the two times that he hadn’t been, she had found herself in the arms of two very different men, and it had always turned out bad… at least as far as she could see. Things had never gone where she had wanted them to go with Kade… ever. She had always wanted so much more than friendship with him, but there was no way a girl like Brit would have opened up to him and expressed how she felt. She had been a naïve, inexperienced girl who had no idea what was going on in the world around her. Kade had never been a committed person, and really, Brit had been terrified of losing her best friend. She’d cared about him so much, and wouldn’t have thought that Kade would break their friendship because he didn’t return her feelings, but she knew that things would have been different, and she knew that she could never live with that. Brit needed Kade more than she could ever admit and more than he would ever know, and for the first time in her life, it felt like she was losing him.

”He touched my wrench.” Well she certainly hadn’t seen that one coming. For the first time in weeks it felt like she could just sit back and talk to Kade, but she had no idea what had changed to cause her to feel this way. It was weird, but she liked it, and she was willing to do anything to get what she had with Kade back. ”It was lying just a little out of my reach, and he was going to pick it up for me.” Brit really missed his laugh. She missed seeing him smile, and the way his eyes lit up when he saw her. She missed how he would come home some days and just hold her close because he’d had a bad day and somehow her being close to him made it all better. She missed all that, the feeling that they were a part of each other and that their future was bright. She missed just feeling like a family, and going to bed each night knowing that it didn’t get any better than what she had right there next to her. Those thoughts rolled through her mind when she saw Kade’s smile, and a sad one touched her lips, her dark eyes holding a sad gleam to them that she had to quickly push away. It was amazing that a simple smile or laugh could bring so much pain when they were meant to bring happiness. But they did bring pain to Brit, and she didn’t know how to change that. ”I said, ‘Touch it and die.” He touched it, and I flew at him. Next thing I know, we’re throwing each other around the garage. Isn’t that the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard?” Yeah, it was the dumbest thing she had ever heard, and she offered him a small laugh in reply. That was enough to snap her out of her depressing thoughts, but that sadness still dwelled deep down inside her, and she tried her best to push it away and just enjoy her moment with Kade. She could see that Kade was aware of the fact that he was wrong in what had happened today, but she knew him well enough to know that he would have seen that. Kade might have been a stubborn man, but he was also a good one, and Brit knew he knew right from wrong. Whether or not anyone else saw it was not the point. She saw it, and so did he.

”But he’s going to be okay, isn’t he? I mean, Frank didn’t fire him?” Brit looked up just in time to see his hazel eyes on her. She was silent for a moment, trying to gather herself from the intensity she felt from his gaze, and the fact that he was looking at her and met her eye. “I don’t know,” she said softly, telling the complete truth in her somewhat vague answer. “Evan said he had to go in tomorrow and talk with someone… he was too bloodied up to talk to anyone today.” Evan had taken a visit to the hospital before calling up Brit. He’d looked like crap too. Brit slowly lowered her gaze, looking down at her bandaged hand, which had finally started to heal up some. She’d avoided hitting people lately, all she had to do was keep it up and maybe it would actually heal up nicely. “I just hope it all works out okay. Him and his family have been through a lot. He really needs that job.” Maybe she should have shown more sympathy to the fact that Kade had lost his job at the garage, but at that point, she was more worried about Evan. She knew that, even with the loss of his job, that Kade would be okay. He still had a pretty steady income coming in from the club. Evan had nothing but that job, though. He was barely making it as it was, and she knew how Evan was. He wouldn’t settle with taking something from people as a form of charity while he was between jobs, and there weren’t many people out there that would employ a guy with Evan’s record. If he lost his job, Brit had no idea what he’d do, and she worried about him. Apart from her comment, though, she didn’t say anything more about it, and she didn’t ponder the whole situation any longer. She looked back up at Kade, and let a small, warm smile slide onto her lips. “You guys ate yet? ‘Cause I’m up for fixing something if you are.”

As it turns out, they hadn’t eaten. Figures, right? It was just the kind of thing she needed to end this somewhat sad and depressing moment, and to just get her mind off everything. She moved from the couch and into the kitchen, and her and Kade got soup and grilled cheese sandwiches rolling on the stove top. After that, the conversation just kind of took a turn for the better. Her and Kade talked and laughed and worked on getting the food together, and even brushed past each other a couple of times. They were able to work in the same space in the kitchen and not try to avoid touching each other. Overall, Brit would say it had been a good evening. By the time it was time for them to go to bed that night, Brit was feeling fairly good about her and Kade. Maybe this would be something that brought them back together. An event so insignificant and unimportant would fix things between them and make everything seem better. It was wishful thinking of course, but it was just enough to get Brit’s hopes up before they came crashing down. She went into their bathroom to take a shower and get ready for bed that night. When she came out, she saw Kade, turned on his side, back to her side of the bed. It was the position he assumed every night when they went to bed, and in that instant all her hopes were gone. Things weren’t going to change. Things weren’t going to get better. And that was when she just lost it. She was standing just outside the bathroom door, and she slowly sank to the floor, her back against the wall. She pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around them, and then rested her forehead against them, letting the tears slide down her cheeks without stopping them. They started out as silent tears, her not wanting him to know, in the off chance that he was awake, that she was crying at all. The more she thought about all of it, though, the harder her tears fell and before long she was sitting there, sobbing on the floor. She tried once to stop the flow of tears, but she failed miserably and ended up crying harder. It wasn’t like Brit to lose it like this. She was a pretty strong person, and few people had ever seen her cry before. All this week, she had only cried twice, and neither time no one had seen her. But suddenly she didn’t care. It didn’t matter if anyone saw her or not. The only thing that mattered was that she was losing the one person she needed in this world, and that just wasn’t okay with her. It was the only thing in the world that mattered… Kade was the only thing in the world that mattered. That much hadn’t changed in all nineteen years of her life.

[kade trent.]

Kade didn’t like Evan. Anyone that had been around the two of them would know that, and they wouldn’t even have to look too hard to see it. Kade usually wasn’t one that liked to hold grudges, but he just couldn’t seem to do much else when it came to that Irish man that had been dropped into his world for him to deal with. The sad part of it all was that Evan hadn’t even done anything wrong. All the man had done was be a friend to Brit, and try to be a friend to Kade. Kade wasn’t so willing to let that happen, and it had resulted in the fight at the garage. Even though Kade did hold something against Evan, what it was he wasn’t even sure at this point, he didn’t want to see the man lose his job. Despite everything, Evan was a pretty damn good mechanic and had been a hard worker. Kade wasn’t fully aware of what all Evan had to deal with in his life, he and Brit not talking about it and what Kade did know coming from what Hunter had caught of it all. But, just judging by what Kade did know, Evan needed to keep his job at the garage. Seemed that the man had a rough background and that getting hired on anywhere else might be hard for him. Frank, the owner of the garage, seemed to take in people like that, not caring where they had come from but looking for the potential in them. That’s kind of how Kade’s story had gone, but not nearly to the extreme of what Evan’s was. Frank hadn’t liked having to fire Kade, Kade able to tell and it being the first thing that Frank had said to Kade as he had joined the older man in the main office after the fight. Kade had understood, though. He had had some justification when he had hit Scotty; this time, there was no good reason for it. Kade had asked Frank if he was going to have to fire Evan, but Frank hadn’t said much about it other than mumbling an, “I don’t know.” Kade wasn’t a fan of Evan’s, but he really hoped that he didn’t lose the only source of income that he had.

That’s what had prompted the question that he had asked Brit. It would probably surprise some that Kade was worried about what happened to a man that he disliked, but Kade knew that he had been wrong. He had gone about things that day in all the wrong ways, and he had paid the price for it by losing his job. And, whether or not people chose to see it, Kade really was a good guy underneath it all. He may not like Evan, but he didn’t dislike him enough to wish him that kind of misfortune. He knew what it was like to have to scrape for money to be able to live day to day, and it really sucked. Thinking you might lose your job along with that would suck even more. Kade watched Brit as she came to meet his gaze, loving how they were actually talking and even smiling and laughing in that moment that they were sharing. They were talking about Kade had pretty much beaten the shit out of one of her friends, but hey, if it got them to where they could relax in each other’s presence again, Kade was all for it. When she answered with an, “I don’t know,” Kade felt some concern creep up over him. Not only for Evan, but for him and Brit too. That kind of vague, short answer was how the two of them had been communicating ever since all this badness had started. They never said anything of great substance, and only spoke when they had to. Kade had thought that this conversation had been going in a different direction, and it seemed that he was about to be cut off from that good moment that they had been sharing. Except, Brit saved it. She came back with something else to say, and even though it wasn’t a lot, it had some significance to it in the way that it was the most she had said to him since that night at Jared’s when she had found out about all that with Vivian. Evan having to go in tomorrow sounded like it was kind of promising. At least Frank hadn’t fired him on the spot. Kade had slightly cringed at the mention of how bloodied up Evan had been. Kade certainly hadn’t held back anything, and he had had a lot of angry energy pent up inside of him.

Brit looked down and away from Kade then, but he continued to look at her only a moment longer before looking away himself. So they were having a better than usual moment, but it there was still enough distance between them to let them both be aware that it wasn’t something that could be easily fixed or forgotten. Some things needed to be said by both, but neither had seemed to of found the words for it yet. So, they remained distant. She did keep speaking to him, though, which meant she wasn’t totally shooting down the moment. She told him that she hoped that everything went okay with Evan, and that he really needed to keep that job because of the tight spot he and his family were in. Kade didn’t really need that job. He had needed it back when he first started, but now he had other sources of income. Jared’s was turning out to be so successful so quickly, and while they still owed some money on it, they were making some on it too. Not enough to make them super rich or overly wealthy by any means, but enough to keep their heads above water. Then, Kade had just signed on as a member of the coaching staff at his old high school. He wasn’t going to be paid a lot for it, but it would be some extra money in his pocket. Working at the garage had been something that he had kept up just to have something to do with his days before he had to head to the school or to the bar and to keep a little bit more money in his pocket. Well, his bank account, but it’s basically the same. Kade could lose that job and be able to take care of Cooper and Brit easily. That was the point to be made, and he knew that’s why Brit wasn’t too concerned with the fact that he had lost his job. Otherwise, she would have most definitely had a reason to bitch at him for being so careless and losing that income when it was something that they were all depending on. Money and finances weren’t something that Kade often liked to think about, though. As long as he knew he was in the clear, he was good. This wasn’t going to set them back much, so he wasn’t going to worry about it.

That was when a small silence set in over them. Kade didn’t know of any good way of replying to that wouldn’t make it obvious that he was reaching for words, so he kept quiet. He moved his jaw around a bit, trying to see how sore his face really was and if the joint itself was too bad off. The movement only caused a little sting. Otherwise, the Ibuprofen was doing its job. His hand wasn’t even hurting, and he knew he’d done a lot of hard hitting with it. The miracle of pain killers, right? Kade’s hazel eyes traveled up to the TV to see the little orange alien baby, Kirby, with Chicken Little and Runt. It was so sad how well he knew this movie. The volume was turned down, but he could still talk right with it, knowing it line for line. Fortunately, Brit rescued him from having to lose himself in the cartoon by asking if he and Cooper had eaten anything yet. Kade turned to look at Brit, seeing that small, warm smile touch her lips. God, what a welcome sight that was to see. Had he and Cooper eaten yet? No, not that Kade was aware of. He wasn’t even sure if Cooper had gotten lunch, and instantly felt a little pang of guilt for being so caught up in his own stuff that he hadn’t even made sure that his son had eaten. But, Coop wasn’t a boy to take not eating lightly. If he had been hungry, he would have let Kade know. At least, that was what he tried to tell himself. Kade felt a little smile of his own turn up the corners of his lips, even though he was feeling like a negligent father. ”No, we haven’t had anything.” They both got up from the couch and moved to the kitchen then, deciding that grilled cheese sandwiches and soup sounded like a good meal for the day. It was one of Kade’s favorite meals in the world, and Cooper was equally if not more fond of it than his father was. It was simple and quick to make, and it was one of those things that could be eaten at any time of the day.

Kade and Brit moved around the kitchen, like they did whenever they were cooking something, but today was different from how it had been being. Instead of preparing the food in silence and trying to avoid one another at all costs, they were talking. He didn’t remember how it had gotten started, exactly, the conversation had just come so easily, like it always used to do with them. How incredible it was that after such an off first half of the day that the second half could be so great. They had even touched a couple of times, moving passed one another to get to a different area of the kitchen, or passing some sort of cooking utensil or something else that was needed when they needed it. Cooper had woken up a short time after the soup had been put on, probably because Kade had been digging for a certain pot for it and in the process had emptied nearly the entire contents of the cabinet onto the kitchen floor. It had been loud and hell, but Kade had just shook his head and bite back the curses that he had wanted to say and put all the pots back while Brit got a good laugh out of it. The little boy had come out to join them, and that had seemed to make the mood of the evening all the better. Things still weren’t entirely the same, though. Kade remembered a time when there would have been no thought or hesitation involved before he’d move up behind Brit as she was cooking, wrapping his arms around her waist and whispering something sweet in her ear. It wasn’t all that long ago, but it seemed like forever as they were slowly working their way back to that place. If that was what they were really even doing. Kade didn’t know what it was about that night that was making it all so much easier, but he was really enjoying it. He tried not to think about the fact that even though they were better, they were still a long way from being back. Instead, he focused on getting the sandwiches off of the griddle before they burned and getting another one on.

After supper, the family had moved into the living room. Cooper had gone and gotten “Find Nemo” for them all to watch, which was okay with Kade and Brit. That was one of the best animated movies ever as far as Kade was concerned, and he and Brit were quite used to spending their evenings watching cartoons, with “Spider-Man” or “Transformers” slipped in there from time to time. Kade had taken a seat in his recliner, Brit sitting at the end of the couch that was closest to him. They weren’t cuddling like they used to, but they were much closer to one another than they had been. Cooper usually cuddled in with them, but when they were apart, he chose one or the other. That night, his choice was Brit. Kade had mumbled a, ”Traitor,” under his breath, but had grinned at the same time. He loved it when Cooper decided to crawl up in the chair with him and snuggle in, but he found that he loved seeing that little boy with Brit even more sometimes. It was the way they were both so content with one another, the loving way that Brit would stroke Cooper’s blonde hair and the way Cooper fell asleep in her arms. It was the way that when those two were together, Kade could look at them and see his entire world. No one else mattered as much to him as they did. He loved those two more than anyone had any right to love someone, and he was even more aware of it that night. The only thing that would have made it more perfect was if Kade would have been holding Brit in his arms, but he knew that would have probably been pushing it. He had already gotten a damn good evening as compared to the most recent ones. Asking for much more would surely lead to it all unraveling just because that was the way his luck usually ran. He would wait and see what the rest of the night held and take it from there.

By the time the movie went off, Cooper was once again asleep. Kade got up out of the recliner and gently took his son up in his arms, telling Brit that he’d take care of him. She took her showers at night, so while she went off to do that, Kade carried Cooper into his room. The boy was out like a light, which wasn’t something that Kade had expected, seeing as he had napped earlier. But, Cooper was still just two years old. He needed his sleep, and he hardly seemed to wake up at all as Kade changed him out of his clothes and into some pajamas. He tucked his boy in, turned out the light, and then went across the hall into his and Brit’s room. Kade kicked off his worn jeans and traded them for a pair of navy blue lounge pants, the kind that he almost always slept in. Then he exchanged his t-shirt for a white wife beater. Before lying down in bed, he checked his cell phone. He had a text from Anna that he replied to quickly. The two of them were almost constantly sending insults back and forth and Kade thought that the one he just sent was rather good. There was a voicemail from Zach too. Something about something to do with Jared’s, but it didn’t demand immediate attention, so Kade would just get to it in the morning. He wasn’t particularly tired, but he got in bed anyway, lying on his side and facing their bedroom window. It had been lightly raining all day, but Kade could hear it starting to pick up even over top of the running water from the shower. He let his hazel eyes drift shut trying to let sleep find him. It wasn’t long before he heard the shower shut off and could hear the rain pouring down louder. That was the most sleep lulling sound in the world, and Kade loved it. He had been this close to sleep when he heard the bathroom door creak open. But, when he didn’t feel Brit’s weight shift the mattress slightly, he became more aware and woke up. He was listening, trying to figure out what was wrong. It was then that he heard the heartbreaking sound.

Brit was crying. His eyes opened instantly, him sitting up in bed only to see her over by the bathroom door with her arms wrapped around her knees and her head down. Kade had seen Brit cry many times, and he was pretty sure that he was the only one. She didn’t cry to where people could see her, but she had never cared to let him see her cry before. There were many times that she’d crawl his bedroom window in those summer nights and let the tears fall, knowing he’d be the one to make them go away. This was different though, and Kade hated it. It was different because he was the one that had caused these. She had said so, but she didn’t need to. It was him and this whole mess that had made her breakdown, and he hated it. Kade got up of bed and walked quietly over to her. What had he done? How had they let it get this bad? He took a seat on the floor next to Brit, reaching an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him. Kade didn’t know if she really wanted him touching her or not, but he had to do something, had to at least try to comfort her. Hearing her cry like this made him fill with a sadness, and a desire to make these tears stop as he held her close to him. But, how did he make these stop? He hadn’t known how to fix what was wrong with them, and fixing that was what would stop these tears. He still didn’t know what he was supposed to say or do to make it better. They had had at least a few hours of pretending that their problems didn’t exist. Now it was like reality was waking them up from all of that and throwing it all right in their faces.

[brittany.ღ.morgan]

But maybe when you smile it means you'll stay awhile
Just maybe, you'll save me now

Brit hadn’t expected Kade to hear her. For all she had known he was sleeping. At least he had looked like he was sleeping, and he hadn’t looked when she had come from the bathroom. She had figured she’d just sit there until her tears died down, and then crawl into bed as she always did. It was because of that, though, that she was even crying. She didn’t want it to be like always. Their night had been so great and wonderful. It wasn’t the closest to normal that they had been in a long time, and she had hoped that things would just be… better. But it wasn’t like that. Things weren’t better. They were just the same… completely and totally the same. She didn’t want it to be like that, not at all. And then there he was. She had heard the bed shift as he got out, felt him slide down next to her, and then he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer. It was the closest they had been in weeks. Brit was too upset to be surprised by it, and instead of looking up at him in complete shock, she kept sobbing, just letting him hold her close, something she had wanted since this whole mess started. She didn’t say anything at all for the longest time. She just kept crying, letting her grief overwhelm her and keep her close to him. Her head was against his shoulder at this point, her arms still holding her knees close to her. Kade held her close… he actually held her close… but even he didn’t say anything. It was the process of finding the right words to say; the words that neither of them had been able to find for weeks. Brit could remember the times when she could come to Kade at night and cry in his arms and everything would be better. She depended on him when it got like this. Her dependence was what got her into this mess to begin with, though, and she had to quickly pushed those thoughts away from her mind.

Brit was pretty much hysterical by the time she managed to pull some words together. Finding them to start with was hard, but once she started letting them go, they came with little effort. “I hate this, Kade! This isn’t who we are! I hate how we go without talking for days at a time and I hate how you never look at me! I hate how we can be in the same room and never once make eye contact! I hate that we go to work in separate cars and how we never touch anymore! I hate this! I hate all of it!” For the first time, she let him know how she felt. She didn’t do it with glances or body language, but with full on words. She was speaking in a normal voice, but her tears made everything broken. He would hear what she was saying, though, because he was close enough, and he would know what she was talking about. She did hate all of it. It had been getting at her since she had told him about Kale and Matt, and she hadn’t liked the results of her news. She had started out thinking that it would only be like this for a couple of days, a week at most, but that wasn’t how it was. It didn’t end after a week, and it was just a little after the two week point. Everything that she had just mentioned was eating away at her, but she hadn’t known how to fix it. Brit was the type of girl that avoided situations. She tried to stay out of situations that would end up in fights or for things to get worse. She didn’t like getting hurt, or knowing that someone thought little of her. She hated Kade’s coldness and his anger, and a part of her feared it. She hadn’t wanted to get into something with him, and to Brit, the silence had seemed more welcoming than words could ever be. But she had been wrong… so very wrong.

But that wasn’t all that Brit had to say. There was so much more to be said here. She still wasn’t looking at him, but that was okay. She just needed him to hear what she had to say. There was barely a pause between her last words and the next, and her whole speech was pretty much that way, coming out in a rush. Once she got started, she just couldn’t stop, and she was getting it all out, making her point know and waiting for what would happen next. At her next words, though, she did decide to look at him. She leaned away from him so that she could look at him straight, but her tears made it to where she could see just about nothing. “I’m sorry about not telling you about Matt and Kale. I never meant to keep it from you, but it just happened! I was ashamed of myself, for letting it happen, and all I wanted to do was forget about it, and Matt and I swore wouldn’t tell anyone! I was just so confused and you weren’t there to run to! I was hurting, and I didn’t know who to turn to!” That was the truth, too. Brit hadn’t kept the whole thing from Kade on purpose. She had just kept it to herself. She knew that she should have told him, at least now she did, but when it had all happened she just wanted to forget about it all. She hadn’t wanted anyone to know that she had messed up, especially not Kade. And when it had all happened, it had been a time when she had needed him more than ever before. But it had been during the school year, and he was in Seattle. So she had went to Matt, only to find that he was having problems of his own. The pain went away after a couple of drinks, and all she really remembered about the whole thing was waking up next to him the next morning. Everything else was a blur, and the more she tried to think of it and bring some sort of memory of the night back, she found a hazing whirlpool of nothingness. It was a moment of weakness, and one she had never really been able to remember or forget.

With Kale, Brit had just come back to Fate for the school year. Everything had been piled up on her shoulders then, because she was the strong one in the family, and it was her job to keep everyone else strong. She couldn’t admit to them just how much she was hurting, because everyone else needed for her to be strong. And back in Seattle, Kade had had his own problems to worry about. Then Kale had shown up and played the good guy, giving her someone to lean on and talk to. She’d thought she had him figured out, but like most first impressions, Brit had been wrong. “No one knew about me and Matt! And no one knew about Kale! I didn’t tell you because it all never came up, and I was just so ashamed of myself for letting it all happen! I’m supposed to be the smart girl, and I fell for every lie that he dished out! I didn’t want you to know that and look at me differently because of it, but I would have told you if it had come up! I didn’t mean to keep it from you, but all I wanted to do was forget about it! I felt terrible, because I let it happen. He meant nothing to me at the time… nothing at all!” She was repeating herself a bit, but it wasn’t something that could really be helped. She was just going with what she was feeling, and let the words come as they did. She just wanted him to understand what was going on. In Brit’s mind, Kale was the biggest mistake in her life. She hadn’t meant for them to sleep together that night, but you’ve met Kale Davis. He could charm a snake into committing suicide. She had been young and naïve at the time, and she’d been unable to resist him. The next morning she’d realized differently, that Kale wasn’t a good guy, but just another jerk. She’d let him use her, and that somehow made her think that Kade and everyone around her would see her differently if they had found out. That’s why Jeff didn’t even know about Kale… and she hadn’t told him about Matt because she knew that that would have hurt him. She had kept these secrets from Jeff, but she had never, ever meant to keep them from Kade.

“And then Kale came to town and I knew that I had to tell you because you didn’t deserve to hear it from someone else! I just wanted it to all go away! I wanted everything to just be okay, but it’s not! It was all a mistake; just one huge, giant mistake that I can’t get away from! I never wanted it to hurt you, because I know how much it’s hurting me, but you needed to know, and it hurt it you anyway! Me telling you didn’t change anything!” It was because Kale Davis had come to Seattle that Brit had decided to tell Kade. He didn’t deserve to hear the news from someone else. Kade was a good man… a great man, and she knew how badly it would have been for him to hear such a thing from Kale. She knew how badly it would have hurt them, and so she had told him. But it had all turned out bad anyway. She couldn’t stop it all from spiraling completely out of control, and by the time she realized just how bad it was it was all too late to fix. It wasn’t like she could go back and fix this either. If she could, she would have gone back long before this to fix it. But you had to live with your mistakes, and you had to try to just go on with your life. This wasn’t something she could change or fix and that was what made it so hard to try and get past. No matter what she did it was still there, following closely behind her, and she couldn’t change that. It would never change. It was just something that she and Kade would have to live with. If he couldn’t do that, she didn’t know how this was ever going to work.

Her tears hadn’t died down at all. They still fell down her cheeks in huge drops, and she did nothing to stop them. Her dark eyes looked up at him, overflowing with tears, and she didn’t even try to look away as she came to the end of what she had to say. “I can’t take this anymore, Kade! I can’t go on living this half life not knowing whether or not I’ll get to talk to you or be near you one day to the next! I can’t go on not knowing whether or not we’re going to be okay! I love you so much, and I would do anything for you, but I can’t do this! I just can’t! I can’t take having you so close, but just out of reach. This is not the way it’s supposed to be!” She meant every word of it, too. No one loved Kade more than Brit; it just wasn’t possible. She loved that boy so much, and she had depended on him her whole life. There wasn’t a memory in her childhood that didn’t have him in it, and she couldn’t imagine a future without him. Still, this was all just too much for one person to have to do. It was too much for her to go on like this, not being able to show him how she felt. She wanted to be with him, and she didn’t want to lose him, but sometimes it felt like she had already lost him. Sometimes it felt like they could never come back from this. She had always been there for Kade, and willing to do anything for him, but even some people had their limits. She couldn’t just sit around and be like this with him anymore. They either had to get it back, or they had to end it. Brit knew how she wanted it to be, and she hoped that Kade wanted it to, but it felt like she didn’t even know him anymore, and she had no idea what he wanted. It was all up to him how this thing went, and Brit wasn’t exactly sure how it would go.

[kade trent.]

And I just wanted to say
I'm sorry.

How had they gotten here? It had only been a little over two weeks, but it seemed like the day that had started it all was ages ago. Tyler Durden had had the sleep over with all the girls, leaving all the guys to fend for themselves. It wasn’t that big of a deal. The main thing that Kade had been worried about was the idea of placing Brit and Tish under the same roof for a whole night. The next day, he had gone to get his brace for his knee, and had just gotten home and back to his and Brit’s bedroom when he heard her come through the apartment door. Kade had been and still was not at all pleased with having to wear the stupid brace that they had fitted for him, but if it kept him out of surgery he supposed he was going to have to use it. Brit had come back to their room, and Kade had been trying to figure out how the hell to get the damn thing off -something that he’s mastered by now, knowing not to unhook the one part or else the whole thing comes apart- and Kade had said something about it. When Brit had replied, she hadn’t sounded like herself, causing Kade to look up at her, wondering what was wrong. It hadn’t taken long for it all to come spilling out, how the girls had been talking and it had led to the discussion of the guys. Kade hadn’t thought it was a big deal at first, and had asked what that had to do with anything. It was then that Brit had told him that she hadn’t been exactly upfront with him when it came to the guys that she had been with in the past. That’s when Kade had felt his heart sinking, knowing that this wasn’t going to blow over like it should. He was hurt by her omissions, but she wasn’t the only one that had withheld things. Kade hadn’t told her about Tyler, and that had caused things to go even further south. Add the thing about Vivian in with all the rest of it, and it all added up. That’s how they had gotten here.

Looking back on that day, Kade wished he had done it all differently. But, isn’t that always how it is? Looking back on a moment, it’s easy to see mistakes that were made and to think of better ways of handling things. When it all is happening, though, one doesn’t usually tend to think about the different ways of going about it and what the consequences of each might be. Kade had been hurt, and so had Brit. Neither had been able to understand it, neither had been able to believe that they were falling apart so easily. Kade knew that none of it could be changed. The past is behind you, and there is no possible way to go back and change it, to correct mistakes. If he could go back, he would have tried to be more understanding, but even doing that with knowing what the alternate outcome was would be hard. It had just been such a blow, one that wasn’t easy to recover from. He would like to have done things differently, but he knew that he probably wouldn’t have found the strength to do so no matter how she had told him or when. Kade was a strong person, but Brit and everything to do with her were his weaknesses. When she cried, he didn’t even try to act like the tears didn’t bother him like some guys would. When she was around, his guard was let down. When she said something, it meant a thousand times more than it would coming from anyone else. That’s why it had been so easy to be so hurt by what had been done. To have one person mean so much to you, to think that you are the one person that knows them better than anyone else and to find out that they had kept something from you is kind of earth shaking. It takes the stable foundation out from beneath your feet, and makes you fight to get it back. Kade and Brit had been fighting, but it hadn’t seemed to be going much in their favor.

Now it had all come to this, her breaking down into tears and Kade not knowing what else to do other than to hold her. This was the closest that they had been since she had told him. They might have sat beside each other when he had to help bandage her hand, or they might have brushed against one another a few times that evening while making supper, but this was the absolute closest. Kade felt horrible to realize that it took her crying like this to make him reach out to her, to hold her against him and try to sooth her. This is what he should have been doing all along. They shouldn’t have pushed each other away, but instead kept each other close and not left this alone until it had been fixed. Again, it was easy to think that now, but Kade knew that it wouldn’t have been that easy even if both of them had tried. It was the simple fact that they didn’t know what to do with it. They had never been in that kind a position before, always believing that they had nothing kept from the other, that they knew everything that there was to know. No secrets. That’s what they had promised when they were younger. It had been one of those sunny days out on the North Carolina shore, and two young children shook hands on the deal. They had always stuck to it, though. No matter what kind of fucked up thing Kade had done, he had always made sure that Brit had known about it, and Brit never had hesitated to call him or run over to his uncle’s house when he was there to let him know what was going on in her life. That was until they had hit a barrier, it seemed. There had been things to happen that just didn’t seem to fit into words, and they were things that not even Brit and Kade could communicate without them. The words didn’t come, so they were never said, and the events themselves were slowly buried and forgotten, seeming of unimportance for the time. It wasn’t until they were discovered again that they had realized how important it was for the other to know, but by that time it had been too late. Hurt had been felt on both sides, and they couldn’t find their way back from it.

Brit continued in her cries, and Kade continued to sit there and hold her for what seemed like the longest time. He let his hand rub over her shoulder gently, the way he always did when he held her like this. There were so many times that she would come to him in the middle of the night in Fate and just cry herself to sleep in his arms because of an argument she’d had with her mother. During that summer that she had been in Seattle after Jared had died, she had cried in his arms even though she had tried her hardest to be strong for him. Kade had always told her that it was okay, though, knowing that she had lost a close friend just as he had lost a brother. She had every reason to cry, as did he, but he never had. There had been some sort of mental block there, not allowing him to shed a tear for the loss. What it was or why it had been that way, Kade didn’t know, and he didn’t want to think about it. All of his attention was on Brit as she rested her head against his shoulder, her tears not stopping no matter how long they sat there or how close he held her. There had been a time when crying in his arms had made all of her problems seem to go away, like he was her safety and as long as she was with him, she was always going to be okay. Now, he knew that her crying wouldn’t simply make the problems go away. He was a part of the problem. What he would give to be able to be that person for her now, to be able to make it all go away. The thing was that he still didn’t know how to do it, or God knew that he would have already done it. He hated feeling so useless and helpless. This wasn’t he kind of person that he wanted to be, but he didn’t know how to stop. It seemed that he wasn’t going to have to be the one to learn, though. Brit had found words, and once they started, Kade didn’t have to worry about speaking for until she was finished. At first, he’d been a little surprised to hear her say anything, but he listened faithfully, picking the words out of her tear broken voice.

She wasn’t the only one that hated it, he thought. He hated it too. Saying that this wasn’t who they are couldn’t have been closer to the truth, either. Kade and Brit had never been so distant, and had never been unable to talk or look at one another. They had always been the ones that were attached at the hip, always together when they were in the same place, and always talking to each other via phone or internet when they weren’t. Kade had always had his cell phone on in high school, just in case she would ever need him while he was still in class, what with the different time zones and all. There had even been a time when he had been made to sit out on a football game because his phone had rang in a class where the teacher absolutely despised cell phones and forbid the use of them in her classroom. She had given Kade the chance to turn it off and hand it over, but Kade had gotten up, left the room, and answered Brit’s call. Another fight with her mother left her needing him to comfort her, and Kade had effectively skipped the rest of the class period, insisting to Brit that he had all the time in the world. Everyone had said that he was crazy, but Kade hadn’t cared. His team hadn’t won that game and he’d gotten a lot of shit about it, but he had put Brit first. That’s how it had always been and always would be. It didn’t seem like it much now, but that’s how Kade was always going to make it. This all also went with what she about them not talking for days at a time. That hadn’t happened since that period of two years after she had left Seattle and they had drifted apart due to everything that was happening in their own lives. Everything that she said in that first little bit was true, and it was heartbreaking. They did drive separate cars to work, they never touched, and it was all going to hell in a hand basket, it seemed. Kade wished that he could find at least one thing in all that she had said that didn’t seem so bad, or wasn’t exactly true. That would have at least made it seem a little better, but there was nothing of the like to be found.

When she leaned away from him, part of Kade thought that maybe she was just going to get up and storm away, that being the part that was mostly afraid of what all of this might be leading to. Kade didn’t want their relationship to end, and how she had started out her speech of sorts would be an excellent beginning to either a make up or break up. It was the words that came next that would determine what it was. Kade didn’t think that they were so weak as to let something like this destroy something that they had waited for and gone through so much for, but there was always that little voice in the back of his mind, telling him that it was exactly the kind of thing that would happen to him. That it was just his shitty luck and his ability to ruin everything he touches shining through once again. Those thoughts hadn’t reentered his mind for years, and now here they were, back to haunt him again in a time when he needed not to doubt a thing about himself and Brit. It was when there was doubt that things usually fell through, and he was determined not to let that happen. Thankfully, Brit’s next words let him know that it wasn’t the direction she wanted it to go, either. She had said that she was sorry, and she wouldn’t be apologizing if she didn’t mean it or want things to get better. Brit was telling him about Kale and Matt, and really, that was something that they had missed when it had all come about. She had told him what she had done, but the details had been passed over by confusion, and then hurt words to follow. Kade was still listening, watching with a saddened heart as those beautiful, dark eyes of hers filled with tears and spilled over time and time again. Truthfully, Kade knew that the details didn’t matter. He loved her for telling him, but it didn’t matter to him how it had happened or why. Just because she had slept with a few other guys didn’t mean that he loved her any less or saw her any differently. The thing that had upset him was that she hadn’t told him.

Though, the thing with no one else knowing was something that Kade could understand. That’s how it was with his and Vivian’s planned divorce. They had been planning on waiting until after Cooper was born to break the news to their families, but after Vivian died, that hadn’t happened. Kade didn’t want to talk about it. As far as everyone else knew, Kade and Vivian were a happy couple with a bright future ahead of them. Kade kept the secret of their failure to maintain that kind of a relationship to himself, not feeling the need to add that to everyone’s plates when they were dealing with the loss of a friend or a daughter. Mostly, he felt guilty for not being better to her and for not loving her the way that she loved him. He could have tried harder, and he could have been better. And she had been one of his very best friends for nearly eight years. That had added to his grief, and that’s what had made him keep wearing his wedding ring. He had loved Vivian. There was not a soul that could tell you otherwise, but he hadn’t loved her enough to stay. His love had been meant for someone else, and that someone was sitting there beside of him on their bedroom floor, his arm still wrapped around her as she continued to cry and talk through her tears. She was talking about Kale again, Kade hating that name more than he ever had before. Even though Brit telling him about all of this was what had put them in this awful place, he was glad that she was the one that told him. Had he heard it from someone else, it would have been much, much worse. Especially if Kale had taken it upon himself to tell Kade. Kade probably would have killed the son of a bitch, and then would have turned around with equal fury to Brit, and that’s one thing he had never done and never wanted to. Kade had never raised his voice at Brit, not even when she had told him. He had looked at her with disbelief, and he spoken to her with so much hurt and maybe an edge in his voice, but he’d never yelled at her, nor had he ever been angry with her. That wasn’t even a possibility for him with Brit.

Brit said the last of her words. Well, Kade waited a few moments, and then realized that she was finished, having said everything that she had to say to him. She was right. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be, and he couldn’t expect her to keep going like this. Neither of them could keep living the way that they were. If they did, they would grow so bitter that there would be no way of saving it. This was where it had to stop, one way or the other. Kade knew how he wanted it to be, and he wasn’t about to let it go any other way. Not that he wasn’t considerate of her feelings, but he wasn’t going to let something as good as they had end. It wasn’t good now, but it had been and it could be again. This had been the point that was either going to make them or break them, Brit finally finding the words and the strength to say them, whether she realized it or not. Now it was his turn, his hazel eyes looking down into that tear stained face. ”I hate this, too,” he said, his voice quiet and low. ”But mostly, I hate seeing my girl crying and knowing it’s because of me.” Using the hand that wasn’t at her shoulder, he reached up and wiped the tears away from her warm cheeks, knowing that more would fall but willing to wipe them all away. ”I shouldn’t have let it get like this, and I shouldn’t have made you feel this bad about anything that you’ve done. I have never been ashamed of you, or looked at you or thought or you any differently, Brit. You’ve always been understanding of everything I’ve done, and I’m always going to be the same with you. It just hurt to think that you couldn’t tell me.” The words that had escaped him all this time seemed to find their way to his tongue now, coming more easily than he ever thought that they could.

”And I never meant not to tell you about Tyler. I know that I should have let you know where she had fallen in my past before she came back, but then she was here and there just didn’t seem to be a good way to bring it up. And the thing with Vivian.. You’re the first one to know about it. Kale must have been snooping and found out because Kennedy wouldn’t have told. Unlike his younger brother, he’s at least half decent.” For a lawyer. Kade knew that he had had his faults in this and that it wasn’t just Brit that had been keeping things. He had told Brit that there had been a girl that he had fooled around with a bit after she had gone, but he hadn’t put her name in it because honestly, it hadn’t meant anything to him. Tyler was a friend, and they had crossed a few lines that they shouldn’t have. Neither were ashamed of it, but it wasn’t something that meant anything. It was just them needing to be taken out of their minds for a little while and finding comfort in the other. The thing with Vivian has already been explained. God, Kade could almost feel himself coming close to tears. If there was one thing that he wasn’t going to allow himself to do, it would be to cry right then. Brit had never seen him cry, and he wasn’t about to break that. ”I can’t do this anymore either, Brit. I’m so sorry, for everything.” He leaned in a little closer then, dropping his voice so that it was even quieter. ”No one will ever love you the way I do. I promise we’ll never be here again. I won’t let it happen. Forgive me?” He mustered up a little smile for her with the last question, hoping like hell that this was it, that this was the end of the bad and the start of the good.

[brittany.ღ.morgan]

But maybe when you smile it means you'll stay awhile
Just maybe, you'll save me now

Brit couldn’t tell you how many times she had run to Kade because something had gone wrong. She had had so many fights with her mother over stupid things that they all started to blend together after a while. Brit and Ginny were like baking soda and vinegar. Put them together and you were sure to get a nice looking explosion. Any attempt at peace would always boil over and make things completely difficult and disastrous for the people who had to live with them. It had never mattered what time of day or night it was when these fights had broken out, Brit had always run to Kade. He was never surprised when she would crawl through his bedroom window and curl up next to him. She had ran out in the middle of storms before just to get away from her mother, and every time he had welcomed her with open arms. There wasn’t a person on this earth that had seen her cry as much as Kade had, but no one else had been there through all the heartache and pain and fights. Kade had been there for everything, had always made everything better, and would always be there. It was times like this, though, that she wondered if they would be okay. She could look back on all of times she had ran to Kade, and knew that she had always felt safe with him. Even now all those feelings were there, the safety and security that he always gave to her. He was her safety blanket, her protector, and the love of her life. She had learned long ago that if Kade couldn’t make things right, then no one could. But what do you do when the one who made you cry is the only one that can stop your tears? Just being in Kade’s arms at that moment was enough to make Brit feel ten times better, and it was a place that she wanted to stay forever and always. But what if Kade just couldn’t get over the hurt, and what if this just didn’t work. She didn’t want to think negatively about the whole thing, but sometimes she just couldn’t help it. Sometimes she just couldn’t help but think about the bad, and see no way that any good could come out of it.

So Brit poured it all out. She said everything that she had been holding back. Though she didn’t go into detail on everything that had happened, she at least let him know what she had felt and what circumstances had come along. Brit hated herself for not telling Kade, she did, but he hadn’t been around a lot of the time, and she had just wanted it to all go away. She couldn’t even believe not telling him now, but her reasons had been her own, and they had been completely selfish. Brit knew that she had at least been right in telling Kade about it in the end, and not letting Kale do the talking too. The hurt and the fury that would have come out of it could have been extremely terrifying, and Brit never wanted to be on that end of any of it. She had seen Kade’s anger more than once, but he had never once directed it at her. His voice had never been raised in her direction, and she never wanted to give him a reason for it to be. Kade’s temper, when it got out of hand, could be completely terrifying. She hated confrontation, and she avoided it at all costs. That was a part of the reason why this conversation hadn’t taken place earlier. Brit didn’t like to get into things that she didn’t know the outcome of, and she had been worried that this might not all go in the direction that she wanted it to, which really is silly. She knew that Kade loved her, that he had always loved her, and that he always would love her. It was the kind of thing that didn’t go away, and this wasn’t the kind of thing that destroyed what they had. Still, Brit had some little voices in her head that liked to rain on her parade and make her doubt everything. She’d been so afraid that Kade would leave her, and because of that she had suffered with this whole thing for longer than she probably should have.

”I hate this, too. But mostly, I hate seeing my girl crying and knowing it’s because of me.” Brit’s dark eyes held his, her not able to express how much those words meant to her. There was no way to express how they made her feel either. Just him calling her his girl made her heart skip, and when he reached up and wiped away her tears, she couldn’t help but feel like something was changing. She was loving this touching that they were doing here now, she loved being close to him. This was going better than she could have hoped. She felt closer to him at that moment then she had in weeks, both physically and emotionally. This was the most they had connected in that time, and she didn’t want that to end. ”I shouldn’t have let it get like this, and I shouldn’t have made you feel this bad about anything that you’ve done. I have never been ashamed of you, or looked at you or thought or you any differently, Brit. You’ve always been understanding of everything I’ve done, and I’m always going to be the same with you. It just hurt to think that you couldn’t tell me.” Could she possibly have a better man? They called Brit the understanding one, but all this time she had been worried about things that weren’t even really possible. She was just so upset and hurt by all of it that she thought others might see her the way she saw herself. She wasn’t proud of either time, and she couldn’t expect people to proud of her either. It was a serious moment of weakness, and the more she tried to run from it all, the deeper she found herself sinking. Brit just hated that she hadn’t told him… until it was too late, at least. She wished that all of this could have turned out better… but it just hadn’t.

”And I never meant not to tell you about Tyler. I know that I should have let you know where she had fallen in my past before she came back, but then she was here and there just didn’t seem to be a good way to bring it up. And the thing with Vivian.. You’re the first one to know about it. Kale must have been snooping and found out because Kennedy wouldn’t have told. Unlike his younger brother, he’s at least half decent.” Everything he had said right there went with what she had kept too. She hadn’t been able to bring it up, but she had never really wanted to either. She hadn’t wanted him to know, which she felt bad about because they had never hidden anything from each other. Never. Not once. And just like with Vivian, no one had known about Matt and Kale. Jeff hadn’t even known, and he’d been there when it all happened. Matt and Brit had felt bad about the whole thing, and even on good days they couldn’t put all the pieces together. And with Kale, well, anyone could see why Brit didn’t want anyone to know. She always suspected that Briar knew, because there were times when she would get that look in her eye or say something that hinted at her knowledge of the event, but Brit had never asked, and Briar had never told. She sometimes wondered if Briar didn’t know about Matt too… because that girl was like freakin’ Nancy Drew when it came to figuring out who had been with whom. Sometimes she saw things that no one else did, but she didn’t always make it known that she knew. Still, to Brit’s knowledge no one knew about her and Kale, and that had been how she wanted it to be… now a lot of people knew, and that made her hate the whole situation even more.

”I can’t do this anymore either, Brit. I’m so sorry, for everything. No one will ever love you the way I do. I promise we’ll never be here again. I won’t let it happen. Forgive me?” And just like that it was over. They had apologized, said their “I love yous” in an off hand way, and were now asking for forgiveness. It was all getting better. “Of course I forgive you, Kade… I always do.” A smile slid onto her lips to match his, and she finally slid a hand up to the side of his face, letting her fingers brush against the skin there. She then leaned forward and let her lips brush against his ever so softly, her heart racing like crazy, and her stomach knotting. She had wanted to do that for so long, wanted to be so close to him, and for things to just be okay. And now she was. “Besides,” she whispered once she had pulled back, “it’s storming outside.” She could faintly hear the thunder and the occasional flash of lightning that streaked its way across the sky. Storms were their thing. Brit had always loved storms, more than any one person should. There was just something about storms that made them romantic and calming. Brit had spent many nights in Kade’s arms while the storms had raged on outside his or her bedroom window. They hadn’t been anything on most of those nights, but a couple of the nights here in Seattle they had been, and as the stormed raged outside their bedroom window, she couldn’t help but think back to all those nights that they had been together. Those nights had all been amazing, and the fact that she had been with Kade made them better. She would love it if that night turned in to something like those other ones, but because they had made up, that was enough to make this night great.

[kade trent.]

you'll always be my thunder ,
so bring on the rain.

It was like a weight had been lifted from his chest. Ever since all this mess had started, Kade had felt like he had been punching walls, trying and trying to get somewhere but nothing ever moving. He hadn’t felt like himself, feeling hollow inside like a piece was missing. Of course, he knew why all of this was happening. Not once in his entire life had he ever been without Brit. He didn’t see her during school months, and there had been that time of a couple of years that they hadn’t seen or spoken to one another, but that wasn’t what he meant. During all of those times, he knew that she was still there. He could pick up a phone and talk to her if he needed, or sign onto the internet and there she would be. Even if they went a few months without talking, Kade knew that she was still there. The bond that they shared, their connection, made it to where they didn’t have to speak everyday or be with one another constantly. Just knowing that they were there was enough, kind of like the theory that a lot of people have about angels and God. You can’t see them, but you know that they’re there and it makes everything okay. Kade wasn’t so sure about the God and angel thing, but he guessed that the way people felt about them was the way he felt about Brit when it came to not seeing them, but the knowledge of their existence in their life was enough. That’s how it had always been with them, right up until they had quit talking and had hardly looked at one another. It was then that Kade thought that he had lost her, and she was still right there, sleeping in in the same bed as him every night, and being there in the morning. They were as physically close as they had ever been, but he had felt like she was even further away than she had been when she was in North Carolina. It had felt like she was fading out of his life, like there was actually a real possibility that she wouldn’t be a part of it anymore, and it had felt horrible. Kade had never had to face a Brit free day any of his memorable life. To feel like he might had been one of the worst feelings he could have ever felt.

That’s how he had felt for the past two weeks, and he didn’t ever want to feel that way again. To imagine a life without that woman in it was to imagine no life at all. Kade would have to keep on going, not for himself but for his son, but he would never be complete. Brit would take a piece of him with her, and without it he would never be whole again. Thankfully, that wasn’t going to be the outcome of this. All it had taken was one night to give them a glimpse of the good to get all the bad to end. Kade hitting Evan had been one of the best things that he had ever done. He still felt bad that Evan had been so hurt and was in jeopardy of losing his job, but that was what had started that conversation. If that’s all it had take, Kade would have hit Evan right when it had all started and saved them the time, trouble, and heartache. Somehow, he really doubted that it would have worked that way, but it was at least one way to think about it. Not that any of it mattered anymore. Brit’s breakdown had allowed her to find the words that she had been looking for, and in turn that had given Kade his words that had needed to be said to her. She had sat in silence for so long, just crying in his arms, but once she had started, everything had moved quickly. Just like that, she had poured her heart out to him and told him how sorry she was and how much she loved him. Within the next minute, Kade had said his own apologies, which was certainly a new one for him when it came to Brit. He had never done anything to have earned a reason to say that he was sorry to her before other than it being something that they were laughing and joking about. He didn’t want to ever put himself back in a place where he was apologizing to her again. Telling her that he loved wasn’t something that was new, though. He hadn’t told her much in the last few weeks if at all, but getting to tell her then, telling her that no one would ever love her like he did, felt so great. And it was the truth. No one would ever be able to love this woman as much as did. There was no way that it was even able to be attempted.

He let his hazel gaze stay on those dark eyes of hers after asking for her forgiveness, looking for that sign that everything really was okay. They could say all they wanted and swear up and down that everything was grand, but Kade wouldn’t put any real value into it until he saw that it was true in her eyes. Kade didn’t think that there was much of a chance of her not forgiving him. She had forgiven him for so many things over the years. For being thoughtless and reckless. For being stubborn and unwilling to change. For being him a lot of the time, basically. Everyone has their faults, and Kade had more than some, but Brit had always forgiven and had always looked passed them for him. Here though, there was still room left for hurt. Kade himself didn’t feel it so much, simply because he understood more of it now and had seen how much Brit had hurt herself with it. Not only that, but the pain that was felt by being so distant and short with her all the time greatly outweighed that that was felt just by her keeping something from him. There had never been anything done for him to forgive on her part, but he felt that he was the one that had messed this up, so he was the one that needed to ask. It didn’t take but a moment’s time for him to see a change in her beautiful dark eyes. For the last two weeks, when he had ventured a look into them all he had seen was hurt. Now, he saw love there, the love that he had been seeing there his whole life without realizing it. Along with that love was unconditional forgiveness. This was really over. They had really put it to rest. Of course I forgive you, she had said. She always did. She always did. Brit had been more understanding of him than anyone else had. She knew why he had done the things that he had in his past, and she knew exactly who he was. And she loved him anyways.

That right there would have been enough. To know that this was over, that they had each been forgiven and that they could get things back on track again, would have been enough for one night. But, Kade was in no position to complain if good fortune was blessing him for once. Brit let a hand come to gently touch the side of his face, just that one, simple touch enough to make his heart race within his chest. Then she leaned into him more, letting her lips meet with his in a kiss. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was one that was filled with so much love. It was amazing how just the softest touch could communicate so much emotion. Though, it wasn’t all that surprising. Every little touch between them was like this. Every look, every time their skin brushed. It had just been so long since any of that had happened. This felt like their first kiss all over again, the emotions so overwhelming and full. The only thing was that this was better, seeing Kade was not in a hospital bed this time around. He really hated to feel her pull away, but let her do so, his hazel eyes looking at her once again. ”Besides, it’s storming outside,” she whispered to him then, and Kade was able to hear a low rumble of thunder from far off in the distance. He turned his head to look out the window, just in time to see a brilliant flash of lightning streak across the sky, followed by an even louder roll of thunder. Kade had always loved storms. When he was little, he’d sit at his window and watch in utter amazement, usually with Jared right there with him as Hunter cowered under a blanket or at their mother’s side. Hunter had eventually gotten over the fear, but Kade had never feared storms. He was smart enough not to go outside during one, but he wasn’t one to sit as far away from the windows as possible and pray for it to end quickly. No, that had never been him.

It had never been Brit, either. The two of them had always had a love for stormy weather, and would often sit out on a porch while it raged. Sure, sometimes they got a little wet and had to move inside if the wind was too strong, but being out on a porch during a storm like that just made the experience that much more exciting. Kade would never forget the time when he and Brit had been sitting out on his Uncle Bill’s back porch while the thunder boomed from the sky and the lightning lit it up. They had been watching the waves swell and crash against the shoreline, mostly in silence, both caught up in the power of that storm. Then, Brit had spotted a lone soul, walking up the shoreline, getting drenched through with rain and caught by a wave here and there. “Whoever it is, is a complete idiot,” they had commented, and had continued to watch as the person drew nearer and nearer to the beach house, cutting up away from the water and toward the back porch. As it turned out, the idiot was Jared. He had walked up the porch steps and to the door as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, stopping at the door to shake his shaggy hair like a wet dog. “Awesome storm, right?” he’d asked to Brit and Kade before entering the house, neither of them able to say anything for being so amazed that Jared was their wondering idiot. That had been their last summer together, and was a memory that Kade could look back on and laugh at now. Of course, he had earned many other great memories that dealt with storms, all of them with Brit as the part that made them so great. The storm would be raging outside, but inside, they were in each others’ arms, being together and just loving one another. How appropriate that it would storm this night. Kade’s eyes shifted over to the bedroom door, thinking that he had heard Cooper’s little footsteps coming from his room. Cooper wouldn’t be running in to hide with Mommy and Daddy, though. He had gotten out of bed to run over to his window. Another young child in awe at the storm.

He would go back to bed eventually, just like he always did, leaving Kade with nothing more to worry about. His son was safe and happy. Brit was back in his arms. Nothing was going to ruin this night. He turned his hazel gaze back to Brit then, lightning lighting up their darkened room and casting light over her face. His smile turned to one of those seemingly perfect grins of his, his eyes turning more soft and loving, and even with a little playful gleam to them. ”Well, bring on the rain.” She would know the song that was being quoted in what he said, and she would understand the meaning of it. He was being loving and playful and almost smirked with those words but that grin wouldn’t fade away. Kade leaned forward then, letting their lips meet in a kiss that started out soft and loving, but turning to one of nothing but pure passion. He held her close, one hand moving over her still damp hair, the other cradling her chin before caressing her neck. He couldn’t get enough of this girl, and had missed the way her skin felt against his. The storm drew closer, the thunder so loud that it shook the windows and rattled things within their apartment. Not that they cared much about it. Kade and Brit were lost in a world all their own where all that mattered was each other. They took their time, savoring each touch, each kiss, and each feeling. It was nothing short of amazing, Kade unable to find any other kind of adjective for how it felt to get this back. Hours later, they were lying in bed, Brit in Kade’s arms as he continued to held her close. He looked down at her, his eyes hardly open as the storm simmered down outside. He kissed the top of her head sweetly, loving her whatever was responsible for putting her back in his arms that night, whether it be their own doing or something else knowing that they needed one another more than they themselves did.

[brittany.ღ.morgan]

Lately you make me weaker in the knees
And you race through my veins baby everytime your close to me

”Well, bring on the rain.” Brit had heard the song so many times, that no sooner had he said the words was the music flowing through her head. The lyrics of the song didn’t take her attention, though, because that was all on Kade. She had saw the way his lips had turned up in a grin, one that made her heart skip like crazy. She loved his grins, and there wasn’t a person out there that could do one better. They were all his own, something different about the way they touched his face then they ever did on anyone else’s. She could look a thousand years and never find another one like it… but she never wanted to look and try to find another one, because his was more than she’d ever need. She saw his eyes light up as the grin slipped across his face, and it wasn’t just because of the thunder striking outside their bedroom window. No, his face was lighting up simply from what was happening there inside the room, and she was glad that it was because of her that he was grinning like that. The love in his eyes was overwhelming, and unbelievable all at the same time. Never, in all her life, could she have hoped for this. She had never expected to have him like this, though that was what she had always wanted. Seeing that love in his eyes, and knowing that it was shinning back in hers, was something that made her whole heart swell and warm. Her feelings for him were completely and equally returned. There wasn’t a person on this earth that she knew that probably loved her more than Kade did, and she was almost certain that anyone could love him as much as she did. He was the only thing that mattered to her… the only thing that ever had.

All the while they were growing up, Brit had always known that Kade was there for her, without a single question. She had known during those summer months in Fate that all she had to do was run down the beach to Bill’s beach house and there’d he be with open arms, ready to make everything better if need be. And Brit had always, always been there for him. Even when the whole world would have turned their back on him, she would have still been there, ready to help him through all of it. When they had lost contact a couple of years back, Brit had still been there. She hadn’t known what was going on with him in Seattle, but had Kade ever called wanting to talk, or asked her to fly out to see him, she would have done it. Brit would never turn Kade away if he asked for her shoulder to lean on, because he had been there for her so many times before. But it wasn’t because she felt that she owed him that she hung around and was there for him. No, she had always wanted to be there. Her motives for it had always been questioned, just as Kade’s had, but small-minded people from her own town just hadn’t had the ability to understand it all, and to this day they still didn’t… her own mother was proof of that. But Ginny had only recently been moved to the dark side. All through her childhood Ginny had always loved Kade and the other Trent’s like members of the family. She’d loved Kade the best, and had never once questioned what Brit wanted to do with Kade. Of course, Ginny had also loved Jeff like a son… and ever since she had gotten married she’d just been a bitch about anything concerning her daughter. Brit didn’t care what any of them thought, though. As long as she had Kade, she didn’t need anyone else.

Brit didn’t have to move in for another kiss after that, because Kade did it himself. And just like that, it all when from crap to amazingly good. Brit would never, ever get tired of kisses from Kade. Each one was different and amazing, and she loved them all so much. You’d never find her complaining about it… in private of course. When it came to public display she’d let it go so far before she playfully pushed him away, laughed, and then walked away or scolded him in that playful way girlfriends often do. That didn’t make them any less wonderful, though. It was just like the old times, except somehow this time it somehow felt different. I guess it’s true what they say, that distance does make the heart grow fonder. They had went weeks without any kind of touch or contact. Brit had wanted to feel Kade’s lips pressed against hers so badly but she’d never gotten it. She had been lucky if they happened to bump into each other while they were running around the house getting ready in the mornings. That kind of thing wasn’t the same as this, though. It wasn’t the same as sitting there on the floor with him and feeling his hands move from her cheek and down her neck, or just feeling him hold her close. She loved being close to him, just feeling that perfect body of his so close to hers. There weren’t really words to explain how wonderful it was to her, and it wasn’t like she’d tell you anyway. Not the point, though.

It took nothing at all for Brit to get very much involved in the kiss between her and Kade. The minute their lips met the whole world melted away. The crashing of the thunder was nothing but a whisper in her world, and everything about Kade was vivid in her mind. She’d wrapped her arms around his neck, but quickly let one of her hands slide down and rest on his chest. Her hands didn’t stay in one spot for any amount of time, simply moving from one spot to the next, but holding him close to her at the same time. She savored every touch and kiss that came her way, wanting to hold on to the moment for as long as possible. It’d been so long since they’d come together in this way, and she had missed it terribly. Having him lie right there next to her, but not being able to even touch him had been so hard to her. There were times when all she’d wanted to do was snuggle up by his side and feel his arm around her. She hadn’t had that then, but she was getting so much more now. A couple hours later she just lay there, snuggled close to him and enjoying the feelings that came with it. She felt his arm around her and she had her arms around his waist, her head resting on his shoulder as she always did in moments like these. They hadn’t really said much, but Brit and Kade never needed words to show what they were feeling. Just being there next to him, Brit knew all that he felt, and when she felt his lips touch the top of her head, she closed her eyes for a minute to just take in the moment.

Brit snuggled up closer to him, though that wasn’t completely possible seeing as she was so close to him already. Still, if it were possible, Brit would achieve it. She tilted her head and planted a small kiss on his neck, just under his chin, and then she settled back to how she was before. “I didn’t get to tell you before,” she whispered softly, “but I found out the other day that I’m going to get to graduate a year early.” She didn’t see why that was so important right now, but in the past couple of weeks she hadn’t been able to tell him about it. She had been so happy to hear about it then, but because her and him hadn’t exactly been talking, she hadn’t gotten to tell him. She was silent for a moment, just listening to the sound of the rain hit the window as it poured on outside, accompanied by the occasional rumble of thunder. “And things have kind of… I don’t know… changed between Tish and I. She’s just been… nicer lately. I have no idea why. Ever since the sleep over she’s just been… different.” That wasn’t the only thing different about her, but she wasn’t sure that now was the best time to bring it up. She had missed talking to him, though, and there was so much that she hadn’t been able to let out. Brit had a way of finding out everything there was to find out sometimes, and she’d come across a couple jaw dropping things over the past couple of weeks. She would have to tell Kade about it eventually, though, but sooner or later everyone would know.

[kade trent.]

This was all that he would ever need. Right here, this moment with Brit in his arms. This was when he was the happiest. This was when he felt the most secure, and knew that what they were doing was right. There had been a short period of time when Kade had wondered about it, and that had been right after they had gotten together. He knew that he loved her, and that he wanted to be with her, but he had waited for as long as he had for a reason. Brit had just lost a fiancé not too awful long before she had showed up in Seattle once again. Not only that, but she had always been carrying a child that she had lost as well. Those kind of wounds, that kind of hurt, took time to heal and to get over. Kade had never lost a child, but he had lost a wife. He knew what kind of pain Brit had been going through after having lost Jeff, and he knew that it took time. His love for her had returned so quickly, though, it hadn’t really left. The feeling had just been lying dormant beneath the surface, tucked away there because it was easier to put out of mind while they were apart rather than pine away from her the entire time. He had kept those feelings at bay, though, thinking that it would be better for her if he did. Who was he to think that he could earn back her love so easily, anyway? Why should he expect her to just forget about Jeff and their unborn son and come running back into his arms? He knew that she would never forget those two people, and he had somehow found a reason to not see that his feelings were returned, probably because if he had seen it, it would have been impossible for him not to tell her how he felt. But, that car accident had been an eye opener, and he had told her that he loved her. They were together then, but he had wondered if it was right to take her into a relationship so soon after her loses. She had shown him that it was right, though. Every look, every kiss, every touch. It all showed him that it was right, and that she was ready to put her past to rest and move on.

Well, he thought that there were probably a couple of other things that he needed to make his world complete. Cooper was the main one that came to mind, that little boy meaning more to both Kade and Brit than he could possibly realize at his young age. There were other people that Kade held near and dear to his heart, like Hunter and Zach, or Micah, Tyler, Tish, and Anna. Those were all people that he needed in his life to keep him balanced and for it to make sense, but Brit and Cooper were his world. If he were left with just those two, he would be okay. He’d hate his life for a while, and he’d have to work really hard to find his footing again, but as long as he had Brit and his son, he would be able to make it. But, for right then in that moment, he had everything that he needed. He knew that Cooper was safe, probably having gone back to sleep hours ago after watching the storm. Brit was right here, snuggled in as close to him as she could possibly be, her arm around his waist as his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Right then, everything was right in the world, nothing having been able to ruin that perfect night after Kade and Brit had said their apologies and set things right again between them. So what if he had lost his job. Who cared if he had to wear that ugly knee brace everyday for the rest of his life? And what was the big deal about the one part of the roof at Jared’s that was leaking? All of that seemed so trivial and unimportant. The job didn’t matter. The brace could be lived with. The roof could be fixed. Right now, the only thing on his mind was Brit. It was amazing that Kade was actually able to get anything accomplished, because so much of the time Brit was the only thing that he deemed to be important. Brit and Cooper.

He let his lips linger at the top of her head a moment, taking in their closeness, and the sweet scent of the shampoo that she used. There was such a comforting stillness in that moment, them just lying quietly in each other’s arms as the stormed moved passed the city, the thunder growing faint and the lightning flashing less often. The rain still poured, which wasn’t unusual for Seattle. Kade loved it, though, hearing the rain in a moment like this. It added to the feeling of it, and it was what let his eyes close before he lay his head back on his pillow. He’d been such a stupid man to ever let a night pass where Brit was in the same bed as he was but not in his arms. How could he have ever gone a night without this? The answers were all there in his mind, him knowing how it happened and why, but now none of them made sense. This was something that he never wanted to have to go without ever again. He’d made a promise to her; Kade had promised that they would never been in that awful place again. When Kade Trent made a promise, you had better believe that it was something he intended to keep. He didn’t make promises lightly, and he was damn determined to keep this one. He would never let them grow so distant again, and he would never not hold her when he could. Life’s too short. He’d had that demonstrated to him more times that most people had, and yet he was still foolish enough to waste it with pride. He couldn’t say he wouldn’t do that again because he knew how he was, but he knew that he wouldn’t let it happen with Brit. She was too precious, and he couldn’t let her slip away.

All of those thoughts took the back seat in his mind when he felt her move beside of him. Brit had found a way to move even closer to him than she already had been, but Kade wasn’t complaining. Her lips came to kiss his neck right in the spot beneath his chin. God, she had to know what she did to him in that one little touch, right? It was like she could melt everything else away with something so simple, making it feel like the most meaningful thing in the world to him. He loved it. She moved back to how she had been previously, her head lying against his shoulder. Kade thought that maybe that was their goodnight, and that sleep would soon take them, but he was wrong, and he was glad for it. He didn’t want this night to be over yet. Upon hearing her start to speak, Kade’s eyes opened, him listening to what she had to say. After hearing what it was that she was telling him, his eyes opened a little wider. She was getting to graduate a year early? That meant that she would only be in college for one more year, and then she would be done with her education. ”That’s great,” he said, his words quiet before he kissed her again, her forehead this time. Those were really the only words that he knew that could express how he felt about it. She knew how proud he was of her for even going back to school to begin with, and she would hear his pride in her in his words no matter how quietly he had said them. How had he ever managed to get a smart girl? Kade couldn’t have passed a grade if his life depended on it. Hunter had been able to do it in elementary school, but really, how hard could that have been? He’d been learning from Kade and Jared, and that was how he’d gotten his leg up. Or, at least that’s what Kade and Jared had said. Now, Hunter and Brit were on the same field with just one more year of college to go. Despite the joking and the teasing Kade did to them about being the dorky smart kids, he really was proud of them.

After a short pause, Brit continued to speak, this time about Tish. Kade hated to even hear the words “sleep” and “over” in the same sentence anymore, that being the thing that had started him and Brit in their bad direction to begin with, but he didn’t think about it. He was putting his full attention on what Brit was saying. Tish being nice to Brit was something that Kade would have laughed at once. The two girls had fought like cats and dogs for years, Kade remaining a neutral party that refused to take sides. He was always Brit’s, but he was still friends with Tish. He had been really grateful for that friendship, too. More so in these last few weeks than he had ever realized. ”See? She’s really not the devil, is she?” He couldn’t help but to grin a little when he said that. There was plenty of reason for a person to believe that Tish could be something demonic, what with the way she looked and moved and worked men over like she did. But, Kade had always known that there was something else to her, and that’s why he hadn’t been so quick to dismiss her like others had. ”But I understand. She came over one day and sat with me awhile and just…talked. That’s something me and her don’t usually do, but all that she talked about was you, and me, and how we needed to fix us. She was so sincere, and it really confused me at first.” How sad that Tish couldn’t be nice and sincere without people questioning her. But, that was just Tish. The only person on the planet that had probably ever seen her like that and hadn’t been surprised by it was Micah, and that was only because he seemed to know the girl inside and out. ”Micah talked to me too, and Tyler, Hunter, and Zach, but those people I expected it from. Tish was the last person I’d thought I’d see do anything that you would benefit from.” Again, back to the fact that the two girls seemed to really dislike one another, if not hate. Kade wasn’t saying that it was a bad thing, but it had just been so odd.

[brittany.ღ.morgan]

There’s a life inside of me that I can feel again
It’s the only thing that takes me where I've never been

The whole college thing was a big deal for Brit. After losing Jeff and her son, she hadn’t gone back to school after the break. Trying to sit in classes with everyone knowing what had happened to her had just been too much. She hadn’t liked the sympathetic glances she received from her family and friends, let alone people she hardly even knew. Brit couldn’t even think about doing it, and so she just hadn’t gone back. When she had decided to go back, though, it had been a big deal. It was because of Kade that she’d had enough strength to go back and do what she wanted. She’d been off for almost a semester, and it was hard going back, but she had done it. Going back to school had been like getting her life back, and after that it had just gotten better. She’d moved in with Kade and settled into a way of living that was now so familiar to her that she couldn’t even think of going back to how it had been before. Now, to find out that even though she had lost a semester, she would be graduating early… well, that just made her feel great. She had been working hard to catch up, and apparently she’d worked harder than needed. It didn’t matter though. Brit was happy about it no matter what. Just going back to school had been a huge deal, and now she was going to graduate a whole year early. It didn’t get much better than that… except for maybe the fact that she could now share that detail with Kade. He realized just how big of a deal this was for her, and if not for him she’d probably never have went back in the first place.

”That’s great.” See, I told you he understood. She felt his lips touch her forehead, and closed her eyes slightly as he did. Just that small touch sent her heart racing. God she had missed that so much. It was weird how you didn’t appreciate anything until you didn’t have it for a while. This whole night had been one experience after the other. Every touch seemed to mean so much more than ever before and she savored every one of them. After having a night like this, she could hardly imagine ever not having it again. The last couple of weeks had been terrible. She’d been so disconnected from Kade; so far away. They hadn’t touched, hadn’t talked, and barely looked at each other. There were times when she saw that he still cared, but there had been a moment when she had doubted if he still loved her. She didn’t doubt that now, not at all. After a night like this, she could never doubt that he loved her. And she loved him more than she could ever possibly explain. She loved everything there was about him, and after everything that had ever happened, she never wanted something like this to happen again. It was too painful; too hard. There was so much for her to lose now, and the thought of not having this life she was currently living just broke her heart. There was no life without Kade and Cooper in it; not for her. She could never lose them. If she did, she’d just go insane.

Brit leaned her head back again and kissed another part of his neck. ”See? She’s really not the devil, is she?” That made her laugh, but she couldn’t help but smile. The thought of Brit and Tish actually sitting down and talking about anything at all was something that no one would have ever seen coming. The two girls had just never gotten along, and had been so different. Lately, though, they’d been getting along, and she’d seen sides to Tish that she’d never thought she’d see. “Maybe not,” she said softly, “jury’s still out on that one, though.” Brit wasn’t always so easy to forgive people after bad things happened. She and Brianna hadn’t talked in months, and Dean had been pretty much cut out of her life. She wasn’t totally sure why Tish was being so nice, because in all her years, Brit had found that Tish only did things because she wanted or needed something. She wasn’t nice just to be nice. ”But I understand. She came over one day and sat with me awhile and just…talked. That’s something me and her don’t usually do, but all that she talked about was you, and me, and how we needed to fix us. She was so sincere, and it really confused me at first.” Wow… Brit hadn’t even known that; Tish had never said anything about it. She sat up a little so she could see his face, wondering if he was serious or just somehow pulling her leg. One look, though, told her that he was. “Wow… she never said anything about talking to you.” That was a new one in her book. Tish Martin sitting down and talking to someone, especially a guy, and convincing him that he needed to get back with his girlfriend… that was certainly new. Tish Martin didn’t do things like that. It wasn’t like her… not at all.

That made Brit consider telling Kade the one thing that she had been holding back, keeping from the world. She was sure that she should tell someone. It wasn’t like Tish could hide it forever. Eventually people would know, and questions would be asked. Before she got the chance to think on it further, though, Kade spoke up again. ”Micah talked to me too, and Tyler, Hunter, and Zach, but those people I expected it from. Tish was the last person I’d thought I’d see do anything that you would benefit from.” That made two of them. She smiled warmly, leaned down to kiss him softly on the lips, and then returned her head to his shoulder. “I don’t think Tish will ever stop surprising us.” With all her vices and sins and everything else, Brit had this strong feeling that Tish knew how to be a good person, but that it was just easier for her to not be. That was just a theory, though. Something told Brit that Tish would always manage to surprise them, though. After living with a person, seeing them as bad for all these years, when they started being nice it kind of threw you for a loop… no matter what the reason. It was then that Brit just decided to say what was on her mind. To just let it out. Brit was a pretty trustworthy person, and would keep a secret to the end… but she couldn’t keep things from Kade. Besides that, it was killing her for no one to not know, and to watch her new friend go through this alone. Maybe, just maybe if someone else knew, it would make things better for her. God, if Brit had ever thought that thought would be directed at something relating to Tish, she probably would have laughed about it. The idea of her caring about what happened to Tish was just so absurd.

“Kade, have you noticed any differences in her… like, besides her sudden interest to be nice to me?” Brit didn’t know if she was the only one or not. It seemed that no one else had said anything about it, but Brit had been around Tish a lot lately, and there were things that girls just kind of picked up on. Actually, there were a lot of things, but this one girls always saw… especially when they had been there before. “Like how there’s no new puncture marks on her arm, or how she doesn’t drink when she’s at the bar. She doesn’t flirt with any of the guys, either. It’s really unlike her.” She didn’t know if he’d get where she was going with this. She tilted her head and sat up a little, trying to see if it was registering at all on his face. If he wasn’t getting it, though, he was about to, and she was almost certain that it was going to throw him for a loop. “Kade… Tish is pregnant… and she’s really scared.” This is usually the part in the show when it cuts to commercial or the end credits. It was sure to come as a shock, though. After all these years Tish hadn’t once even come close to getting pregnant, and now, here she was, staring at the light at the end of the tunnel, and having no idea where to go. Brit felt bad for the girl, and keeping the whole thing secret was starting to get to the girl. She didn’t know what to do, and she didn’t know how things were going to happen. Tish could barely support herself, let alone a kid. So far, though, she’d shown no signs of giving it up, and that was yet another thing that surprised Brit about Tish. This girl just never stopped, did she?