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Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #30 on May 25, 2008, 9:23pm »
if you'll be my star, I'LL BE YOUR SKY.
"Shh, I'm not going anywhere, kitten, calm down." Seth’s voice was soft and fragile in the crisp air of the apartment, but for some reason Oliver heard it differently. The sounds of the bustling, sleepless city faded slowly and Seth’s flawless words began to fall apart. Oli felt like he was underwater, the only noise in the world being the steady beat of his limp little heart. Oliver opened his eyes quickly, hoping that he could lurch back into the present and stop this slow motion movie. It hardly did any good, though. Realizing he was helpless, Oli stopped trying. Seth’s hands were on his chest, making a valiant attempt to bring him back to their dimension. Impatience disappeared, and he floated to the top; he broke through the surface of the still water, plunging roughly into the swanky apartment spread. Shooting up into a sitting position, Oli blinked a few times, holding his hands in front of his face and checking them over for any signs of wetness. Not a drop. He glanced over at Seth, wondering if he had noticed how drastically he had reacted to a minor stress factor. Oliver executed a tired sigh and fell back onto the bed, letting the soft, downy pillow swallow him and adapt to his shape.
Oliver found himself in the middle of a sweet tasting kiss, trying to remember if he had offered or if Seth had. He moaned gently in mental defeat; things were becoming too hard. His head was throbbing in the most awful recurring pain he could ever imagine. Oli pulled away from the kiss, his face twisted into a slur of emotions. He really wished he had taken Seth up on his suggestion—but then again, Seth was only saying that. He would never be able to stomach that Oliver was a horribly addicted junkie, even if he said so himself. That was one thing Oliver could easily tell he was lying about. He sighed weakly, closing his eyes and swallowing away the icy feeling in his lungs. Every part of his body was hypnotized by the fatal dance they’d been doing—all just because they wanted a hit. Oli coughed out a hoarse breath. He looked so pale and sick. And as much as he loved Seth, his boyfriend couldn’t even bring the color back to his cheeks. There was only one thing that could do it, and it was a little out of reach at the moment.
"You are so beautiful, Oli bear." Oli laughed bitterly. He wasn’t serious, was he? Oliver looked like something you might find if you were to dig endlessly in an abandoned cornfield—a corpse. If Oli could hold his breath long enough, he could definitely convince someone that he was dead. He had the frighteningly pallid skin, after all. It would be a waste of death, really. Oli stared up at Seth’s face, still getting that awkward, shy feeling in his chest like he used to in high school. He shook his head after a while, more to himself than to Seth. “You can’t be serious, Seth. I look awful.” But it’s nothing compared to what’s inside, Oliver didn’t add. Seth crawled into his embrace, snuggling up on his shoulder like a sleepy housecat. Oli looked to the side inconspicuously. Seth was just barely within his peripheral vision. He smiled faintly and kissed Seth’s forehead quickly before resting his cheek inside of Seth’s dark hair. Oliver closed his eyes, breathing in his boyfriend’s smell and memorizing every molecule of it. Was it possible for something to smell beautiful?
Seth’s skin rubbed quietly against Oliver’s, creating a wonderful and casual friction. Both of them were completely exhausted, that much was obvious, but that didn’t mean they had to stop altogether. Of course, Oli had to ruin the moment, as per usual. His giggles erupted into the air like bubbles, almost brittle enough to pop like the aforementioned bubbles. He felt Seth jump in surprise and smiled to himself, pressing his palm into Seth’s stomach to let him know his boyfriend was there. "Ohmy. I love you baby, love you so much." A lovely stream of warm butterflies batted around in Oli’s stomach. He still wasn’t used to this flattery thing. “I love you, too, Seth,” Oli murmured, twirling a lock of Seth’s hair on his finger, “I love you too.”
Despite Oliver’s comforting embrace, Seth’s concern showed no sign of waning. He ran his hand down the slow curve of Seth’s hip over and over until his hand had lost all feeling. Seth’s heart was beating like an 808, sending tremors through Oliver’s lungs. “Seth, it’s okay. I’m fine, I promise.” Oh. Not a good thing to promise. Oli winced, biting his lower lip. He had just given his word to Seth that he was ‘fine’, when really the words he should’ve used were ‘potentially dead’. Oliver held his breath and hoped Seth wouldn’t remember that promise later, or else he was about to look like a horrible liar. "Oli please. I'm so fucking scared of losing you." Oli swallowed a nervous lump that had gathered in his throat. How was he supposed to reassure Seth when he himself was still in the dark? Losing you. Seth’s voice echoed in his brain. Could he really die? No, people went through withdrawals all the time, right? Little did Oliver know that a good percentage of them usually had mental breakdowns before they could actually achieve death. Well, that was a start. "What am I supposed to do without you?" That lump again. Oli couldn’t get rid of it this time, though. It was much too big. His lips moved blindly, searching for words to make everything at least look intact. No such luck. When words finally came to him, he let them out slowly and with great difficulty. “I’m not going anywhere, Seth. Trust me on this one, kay?”
Oliver had just made another promise he might not be able to keep. What was with him? Why was he sugar coating all of his answers? Oli closed his eyes gently, trying to escape his mind for the umpteenth time that night. It never did any good, considering Oliver was well aware that the only way out of his mind was death. That was why he’d pulled the trigger in the first place. He shuddered cynically—he tried not to think about that and give himself any ideas. But why would he need ideas anyway? He had Seth. Seth had him. They were in love, so that fixed everything, right? "You can Oli, I'll look the other way just this once. Please, baby, I'm not more important than this! Don't you get it? You're risking death for me. I'm not worth it! God, I can't even imagine what I'd do if you weren't here..." Oliver’s heart caught roughly in his throat as he listened to Seth’s persistent begging through tears. He stared blankly at his boyfriend, avoiding his eyes and keeping his gaze fixed just between them. He knew that if he looked into Seth’s eyes—god damn, he didn’t even know what he’d do. Those things could make him do anything. For once in his life, Oliver was truly scared. He was scared of what might happen to him—to Seth!—if maybe he injected one ounce too many into his veins. If he continued to fight withdrawal and ended up in a coma. Oli looked scared, too. His pupils were the size of sand grains, leaving the rest of his eyes that eerie, icy blue color. He really wished Seth would stop talking. He didn’t want to think about. . . .death. . . .
“How do you know I’m risking death, baby? I’m perfectly fine. Just a little feverish, that’s all. Nothing a kiss can’t cure, right?” Oliver picked Seth’s head up from his shoulder and kissed his lips quickly. He had to get Seth’s mind off of his health before Seth literally scared the living shit out of him. "Please baby, please don't leave me like this." Damnit. Poor Seth, wasting his energy on something he couldn’t do anything about. Oliver rubbed his jaw softly with his thumb. “Seth, I want you to listen to me—I am not leaving. Not now, not ever. Okay? I’ve been through much worse than this, baby. You’d be surprised how strong I am.” Oli chuckled half-heartedly, trying to lighten the mood. Seth didn’t look too convinced. He felt his lover’s hand on his chin. Swallowing shakily, Oliver dared himself to look into Seth’s eyes. The sorrow trapped in that hazel ring took the breath right out of Oli; he could tell it would take some more convincing to get Seth to believe him.
“Seth, I’ve been choked against walls, I’ve thrown up blood, and I’ve...” Oli hesitated, “…I’ve been shot right on my neck. See?” Oliver gestured his hand up to a fading maroon scar just between his neck and his collarbone. “.357 caliber. Went right through my shoulder and now I have a titanium rod in my collar. If I could survive that, I can survive a little withdrawal.” He swallowed again, only then realizing how much he’d said. Fucking hell; he just probably made Seth even more frightened. Oli sighed lightly, shaking his head in self shame. Maybe he shouldn’t have told Seth about the titanium in his shoulder. Maybe that was letting on too much of the malicious attack that he’d posed on himself. Hopefully Seth wouldn’t notice he’d remembered the caliber of the bullet…
"Please don't leave me like this Oliver, I don't think I could handle it if you left me." “No.” Oli answered quickly and curtly—he clearly couldn’t manage to talk about heroin anymore. It certainly wasn’t helping anything. He closed his eyes as Seth fondled his hair, breathing slow and shallow and enjoying Seth’s touch again. Time was slipping away from him so fast that he hardly noticed how many minutes had gotten away from him. Oliver found himself being cradled by Seth’s slender arms, his hair cushioning the boy’s chin. He felt Seth exhaling onto his scalp, the warm air falling around his face. "Shh, baby, shh. I've got you, I'm not going to let go, just breathe. " Oli felt Seth’s pulse racing through his chest, sensing the fear and anxiety just beneath his skin. He rested a hand gently on Seth’s lower back and pushed lightly, trying to let him know that he was okay. Or was he? Wait, who was comforting who here? Oli shook his head with the slightest and most inconspicuous movement, propping his jaw on Seth’s shoulder. “Okay, got it—Wait, I forgot how to breathe…” He joked, giggling quietly and kissing Seth’s triceps.
Oliver felt a hand on his tailbone, Seth’s hand on his tailbone. The warmth of his palm spread quickly to Oli’s skin, leaving a gentle flush of pink behind. Oli suddenly felt very emotional—from a simple touch? Well, of course. He had just needed to know that Seth had him. That Seth’s hand would be there every single time he threatened to fall. "Relax bear, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Ever. I promise." Oli closed his eyes and exhaled slowly onto Seth’s neck, nodding ever so slightly. “Promise?” He whispered, his words shaking with the stress exerted on his jaw. Oliver swallowed the rest of his sobs and reached his lips up to reach the bottom of Seth’s chin. It was a sloppy and clumsily maneuvered kiss, but a loving kiss all the same. And Oli felt safe in Seth’s arms, as though no harm could come to him at all when his mind was on Seth. Seth had the strangest way of making fatal things seem less intimidating.
Oliver had shifted so that he was now straddling Seth like a gymnast on a balance beam. Of course, Seth was a million times better than a balance beam, and Oli was nowhere even near gymnastic quality. He smiled to himself and placed both of his hands on either side of Seth’s chest. Seth’s heart began to thump wildly. Oli giggled, leaning down to kiss the very spot his heartbeat was. You’re all mine, he taunted Seth’s heart lovingly, because I love Seth. Oliver grinned sheepishly up at Seth, having really no explanation for his mental conversation with Seth’s most vital organ. But Seth wasn’t paying attention. He seemed a little lost in something—something that made his eyes grow big and afraid. Oliver clamped his tongue inbetween his teeth. A repressed memory, perhaps? He didn’t really know what to do. Should he kiss Seth and try to bring him back to reality? Or sit still and watch him wilt inside? Oliver’s heart lurched with loving empathy—the most dangerous and sought after kind—as he brought his hand to touch Seth’s face. He ran his fingertips across the flesh of Seth’s jaw, pressed lightly at the skin around his perfect nose, felt every curve and beautiful dish of his boyfriend. Oli had not thought it possible, but in those few seconds, he had just fallen more in love with Seth.
He fell forward onto Seth, matching every facial feature together in some mirror-like puzzle that he couldn’t wait to put together. His nose, his lips, his forehead all pushed gently against Seth’s. As Oliver blinked, he felt his long and delicate eyelashes batting fragilely against another pair. It felt strangely thrilling, like a rollercoaster he wasn’t supposed to enjoy but ultimately did. “I love you,” He whispered for the thousandth time, smirking crookedly, “more than I ever thought a person could.” Oli smiled at his boyfriend, still awed at how perfectly Seth could match his body. In less than a second they had become flawlessly synchronized in every movement, never letting a faltering shiver go by unshared. Oliver giggled under his breath, nuzzling his nose against Seth’s. He was so close to Seth that those hazel eyes of his seemed bigger than ever. Oli had to catch his breath for a moment, dizzied by the layers and layers of warm colors in them. He blinked, nearly in unison with Seth, exhaling gently onto the boy’s chin. "You are unbelievably delicious liar. A beautiful, delicious liar." Oliver chuckled, shaking his head in disagreement, his lips passing over Seth’s several times in an aching temptation to be kissed. “Do I look like Beyonce?” He teased in his ghettoest tone of voice, recalling a song Beyonce had done called Beautiful Liar or something like that. Seth lovingly settled into Oli’s offered palm, and also into his kiss. He smiled against Seth’s lips, sliding his hand into Seth’s hair and letting it coil between his fingers. Life, as far as Oli was concerned, was absolutely where he wanted it forever.
"I-I'm sorry," Oliver blinked quietly, tilting his head slightly to the right in confusion. Poor Seth. He reminded Oli of a puppy, so afraid of doing something wrong. Oli shook his head and kissed Seth’s cheek. “Don’t be,” He whispered. Seth was nudging his temple gently, at which Oli nuzzled his jaw in return. Slightly ashamed, Oli cast his eyes out to the Seattle landscape. The stretch of glass wall made it look like there wasn’t even a wall there, that he could walk through it and just fall right over the balcony’s edge. He sucked in a sharp breath, imagining that sickening feeling of falling, and his embrace on Seth grew ever so subtly tighter. Oliver felt Seth take his chin in his palm, followed by a soft kiss to his cheek. "I love you Oli, no matter what." Oli smiled sadly, wondering if Seth was picturing the ‘what’ in that sentence. It would most fittingly be the ‘what’ of Oliver, the ‘what’ that could potentially ruin the life of the person he loved most in the world. Oliver raised a shaky, pale hand and placed it on Seth’s neck, his thumb stroking Seth’s smooth jaw. “Seth, I will always love you, too. No matter what.” He murmured, feeling himself becoming lost in Seth’s breathtaking hazel eyes again. “Always.”
Oliver fell happily into an idle kiss, his lips hardly having to move at all. It was the laziest but most comfortable kiss he’d ever had. Their mouths drifted away, sore and tired, but Oli’s was still good enough to let out an amused laugh. Seth pulled Oliver closer into him, to which Oli gladly obliged, and then laid a cute little peck on his lips. Oliver cocked his head to the side like a surprised bird, twisting his lips to taste the remnants of Seth’s on them. He paused his movements as he felt a pair of wide hazel eyes on him. Seth was staring at him like he was a supermodel. Oliver glanced over his shoulder jokingly as if to confirm it was actually him that Seth was looking at. He pointed to his chest, looking confused and mouthing the word, “Me?” Oli couldn’t maintain his straight face any longer and burst into laughter with Seth. "I don't see how they couldn't. But then again, I'm so glad that they didn't, because then they would have you and I wouldn't." Oliver came down from his laughing high slowly and rather deliriously. What were they talking about again? Oh, right. He smiled boyishly. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing they never liked me, huh?” Oli giggled inside of his mouth, but the sounds subsided when he caught that quick frown on Seth’s face. He felt his stomach drop; he knew that face, too. The ‘what if he was with him’ face. Oli leaned forward to kiss Seth’s nose reassuringly. In all honesty, he’d forgotten completely about anyone else he’d ever been with, Brendon included. Seth had done that. Seth had erased the past from his mind, which was one hell of a weight lifted from his shoulders. Oli had Seth to thank for that. He just hoped he’d never have to make that face…
Seth’s mouth felt wonderful against Oliver’s skin, as per usual. The flesh on his collar twitched pleasantly with every nip of Seth’s teeth, an icy-electric shock shooting through his body in a rhythmic metronome. It got to the point where Seth had Oli begging for more, even though just moments earlier he’d joked about Seth getting him so hot and aroused. "Well, if you say so kitten," Oliver grinned, nudging Seth gently as the distance between them grew. Oli propped himself up on his elbows, watching as his boyfriend took the European sheets in his hands and wrapped them around his body, completely preventing Oliver from gawking anymore. Oli let his jaw drop in mock surprise, now more hungry for Seth than ever. “No fair!” He protested, crossing his arms like a spoiled little kid. But he knew how to get Seth out of that body cast without even trying. Oliver stretched slowly like a sleepy cat, extending his arms so that they took up the rest of the pillows on the bed, and crossing his legs innocently. He looked up at the ceiling with the virtue of a child, but in reality he was feeling dirtier than ever. Luckily, Oliver’s plan worked to perfection. Seth gave a cry of nostalgia and leapt forward at Oli like white on rice. He laughed out loud as he was tackled to the mattress, his ribs jutting out as he searched for a sufficient breath of air. Seth kissed him up and down from his stomach to his neck, persuading several gasping moans from Oliver. And, as always, Oli’s cries of pleasure were unsurprisingly very feminine.
Oliver’s weakness was inevitable, despite the fact that he was trying his hardest to keep pleasing Seth. But at the first signs of crumbling, Seth suddenly put on a nurse hat and came to Oli’s aid. Oliver felt himself in the tight grasp of his boyfriend, his head resting comfortably against Seth’s chest. He smiled to himself hearing Seth still stuck in the pleasure he’d developed from Oliver’s mouth. At least Oli had some worth. His breathing quieted as Seth pulled his fingers through the roots of Oliver’s dark hair, starting to calm down now that Seth had him in his arms. Seth pulled Oli into his lap effortlessly and kissed the tired boy’s cheek like some sort of Santa Claus. "Of course you did good, you have the lips of a fucking angel." Oliver grinned faintly, glad that he had done something right for a change. Right enough to be compared to a hit song. He let out a slow sigh of relief as Seth pulled him close to cuddle, something Oli could definitely still manage to do. "I know baby, I know, just calm down, okay?" Blinking sheepishly, Oliver nodded. He hated that his own withdrawal was making Seth go out of his way to keep him from crashing. But all of his thoughts were emptied from his head as Seth slowly crawled on top of him, making his eyes widen with certain arousal. Oli jumped at the thigh forced between his legs, swallowing almost nervously at how intimidatingly sexy Seth looked right now.
Oliver felt his groin throbbing and tensing the more Seth kissed at his hips. He tightened the sheets into his fists, trembling with the expectancy of pleasure. Seth glanced at him noiselessly before slowly taking Oli’s cock into his mouth. Oliver cried out in a gasping moan, bucking his hips involuntarily against Seth’s firmly placed arms. He twisted his shoulders and bit at his lip, his breathing growing considerably heavier with every rise and fall of Seth’s mouth. Oliver was on the verge of an extraordinary climax; Seth gave fantastic blowjobs. Especially this one—he had Oli as far in his mouth as he possibly could. Seth started to go a little faster, and then a lot faster. Oliver was whimpering like an injured animal, squeezing his eyes shut every few seconds and trying desperately to control his lungs. His climax came intensely, as expected. He let out a wail of sheer euphoria, cumming instantly into Seth’s mouth. Exhausted, Oliver lay gasping amid a confusion of sheets, while Seth—being the amazing boy he was—cleaned and swallowed every bit of Oli’s cum. Oli shook his head in awe, grinning with eyes full of ecstasy. Seth slid easily up Oliver’s damp body, pressing his lips to Oli’s in a deep and tender kiss. Oliver widened his mouth to let Seth in, raising an eyebrow at the sweet taste of his cum still on Seth’s tongue. "I love you so much." Seth said when they pulled away; Oliver smiled breathlessly and quivered with fatigue, trying to gather words from his spinning head. “I love you, too,” He whispered hoarsely, not sure what else to say but the bare truth. Oli closed his eyes for a moment, trying to photographically register that moment in his head so that he’d remember it forever.
Eskimo kisses were definitely Oli’s favorite of their affections, mostly because Seth looked like a bunny (or something relatively bunny-like) whenever he scrunched up his nose and smiled like that. Oliver giggled unthinkingly as the tips of their noses pressed together. He shook his head from side to side very gently, his spine tingling with snakes of the shivers Seth always gave him. Oli slowly reached for Seth’s hand, not really knowing where it was at first. He eventually found Seth’s tiny palm and took it into his own, squeezing as delicately as a boyish soul could. The ridges in his spine shuddered again as each shiny black fingernail was imprisoned beneath Seth’s lips. Oliver could only watch in his usual stupefied awe, still trying with great difficulty to fathom how the hell he’d gotten so lucky. He glanced at Seth for a moment, waiting patiently for his warm hazel eyes to reunite with his. A smile puckered its way onto Oli’s pale and shaky lips, twitching fragilely with his pulse. But, for once in a long time, Oliver paid no attention to it.
Oliver blinked ingenuously, looking very much like a child who’d just stolen a cookie before his dinner. It was always so strange when people looked at his eyes and complimented them; he was constantly being asked if they were contacts. After a while, the endless praise reached a sickening point. But when Seth did it, it was a completely different story. It was like he was the only person who could really see what else was behind those pale blue eyes of his. Oli was way past squeamishness under scrutiny though. He was actually beginning to enjoy it—it made him feel almost beautiful, the way Seth looked at him. Like he was the only thing he ever wanted to look at. But what was even better was the way Seth looked at him after Oli spoke words. Words. Oli’s actual words made someone smile and laugh and look genuinely happy. He swallowed pensively as Seth stretched forward to kiss his tears away, smirking faintly and not even worrying about disappointing Seth anymore. In less than a minute, he’d graduated to a stage that took most people their entire lives. But Oli and Seth… well, they were obviously a very unconventional couple with an unconventional relationship. Yet they were more in love than anyone could possibly imagine. "You don't have to say anything else, Oli, that means more to me than you'll ever know." A blush exploded pink feathers on Oliver’s cheeks, leaking down his jaw like wildfire. He smiled his shaky, childish smile and raised an eyebrow in a ‘well, I love you, what do you expect?’ sort of way. Oli purred happily as Seth’s fingers stroked at his hair, feeling a lot like the kitten Seth usually described him as. “Good,” He whispered dreamily, tucking his head against Seth’s warm chest. “Good.”
Being pushed away from Seth wasn’t exactly what Oli had been expecting. As his boyfriend struggled out of his arms, Oliver could only think to distance himself from Seth and hope that he’d come to his senses. He wasn’t necessarily hurt, but still slightly upset. Seth was quick to snap out of his stoicism and within seconds was a sobbing mess in Oli’s lap. Oliver snorted in stale amusement, petting over Seth’s back and neck with his hands. He felt Seth seeking refuge in his chest, smiling tenderly and propping his chin on the top of his lover’s head. "Oli I'm so stupid, please don't leave me, I didn't mean it." Oliver laughed quickly and shook his head inbetween Seth’s hair reassuringly. “It’s okay, baby. You’re not stupid, don’t say that.” He murmured gently, his breath blowing warmly onto Seth’s crown. “Plus, I’d never leave you for anything.” Anticipating a blush in Seth, Oliver automatically felt a blush of his own beginning. This love thing was strangely pleasurable.
Oli’s attempt to comfort Seth was going swimmingly. Seth was beginning to relax the more Oliver touched and kissed him; perhaps Oli had some latent healing power? How odd. Oli usually tended to get people hurt instead of curing them. Dismissing his thoughts, Oliver laid a baby kiss on Seth’s hairline just on the side of his neck, sighing evenly. "I love you darling." Oli smiled. He loved the way that just rolled off Seth’s tongue just for him. Just as Oli closed his eyes he felt a cool sheet of fabric settling on his face. He blinked, suddenly surrounded in darkness and the dim glow of Seattle lights muted by the European stitching. The only thing he could see was the weak glimmer of Seth’s eyes, sparkling at him from under the sheets. Sweat dribbled down Oliver’s neck as he eyed Seth’s figure impatiently, quietly struggling for breath. Seth was cradled into his chest, his hands loosely holding Oli’s hips beneath the curve of the sheets. As he exhaled, a bubble of the fabric floated up and then slowly settled back down onto his head. Seth disappeared from his sight, causing a confusion in Oliver’s mind. He tapped his fingers gently against Seth’s stomach, making sure he could still feel his boyfriend next to him. When his tangibility was confirmed Oliver sighed and slackened his tense body. There was only complete silence in that small space where the two boys rested besides the anxious sound of oxygen between teeth.
Oli turned his face away to bite the European cloth as Seth rummaged through his skin with soft little kisses. The fabric turned wet in his warm mouth and he gasped for a breath of air. He let go as the kisses died away and the grip on his middle became strict. Oli lay in quiet strain, trembling with fatigue against Seth’s body. Seth quickly noticed the tiny tremors in his lover and stretched up for a kiss. Oliver met him effortlessly halfway, their lips tying together as though they were made of butter. They collectively pulled away, matching gazes with quick little glances. "I love you too baby, but why do you love me anyway? I just–I don't know." Oli paused his breathing for a moment, trying to figure out if Seth was being serious. Unfortunately, he was. Oli nervously ran a hand through his hair, waiting for it to fall back down in front of his eyes before speaking. He searched blindly in the dark for Seth’s hand, but, unable to find it, gave up and let his palm shape to the bend of the mattress instead. “I don’t know, Seth; maybe it’s how you put your chin on my head like you don’t want to let me go, or how I know exactly what you’re thinking when you just put a finger on my hip. I don’t know. I don’t need a reason. I just love you, and that’s one thing I’m completely sure of.”
Oliver fell blissfully into another unavoidable kiss, feeling that warm and melting feeling he always did with Seth. Honestly, Seth was the best kisser he’d ever had. He knew when to play dirty and when to play loving, which was exactly what Oli needed. What he wanted. "Screw grammar, kitten, as long as I get to love you I don't give a fuck about rules." A ribbon of laughter collapsed from Oli’s chest as he secured a loud kiss onto Seth’s cheek, his right hand still floating just beside Seth’s face. “And I know how much you just love rules, you little klepto.” Oliver giggled girlishly, beginning to slowly adjust Seth without even thinking, his mouth now lingering by Seth’s ear.
Seth’s initial tension made Oli pause for a moment, his testosterone freezing as he tried to figure out if Seth was okay. His flexibility told Oli he was, but he still wasn’t one-hundred percent sure. Nonetheless, horniness kept him going. Seth was laying comfortably and invitingly below Oliver, whose crotch was aching with anxiety he’d never felt before. He exhaled in silence, letting his inhibitions escape with a ghastly feeling. Straddling Seth in the way that he was, Oli knew how close he was to getting what they both wanted. But somehow, Seth didn’t seem as excited as he was. "Y-you've got to m-move. Please Oli," Seth’s words fell cold and hard on his head, but Oliver immediately obeyed and scrambled away as far as that one leap could take him. He splayed his arms around the white wood of the footboard of the bed, his chest rising and falling in a panicked frenzy. “I’m sorry,” He breathed, trying desperately to calm his craving for sex. “I’m sorry.”
Oliver waited patiently until Seth relaxed, crawling pitifully back into his lap like a puppy caught in the rain. Still afraid he’d done something wrong, Oli tried to atone for it with a few kisses to Seth’s chest. His lips moved flawlessly across his lover’s body, fitting into every curve and crevice, just as they were made to. Oli’s mouth drifted up toward Seth’s face; up his neck and cheeks and focusing on his chin. This continued until Oli found himself just sheer centimeters from Seth’s gorgeous lips. He stifled his urges, though, thinking twice and letting Seth make the move. He had to remember that thing he’d figured out about Seth, the thing Seth didn’t know he’d figured out. Something had happened with Seth that made him so timid and tense. Oli wasn’t sure what it was, but all he could do was try his best to rebuild Seth and let Seth love him. When marriage was, in one way or another confirmed, Seth seemed so much more at ease. A smile was alive and quivering on his face, nearly mirroring the expression Oliver had fashioned himself.
Oliver blinked like a child as Seth leaned forward to kiss his forehead. He shook his hair from his eyes so that he had a clear view of Seth, who somehow looked even more gorgeous than he had the minute before. Goosebumps followed Seth’s fingers in hot pursuit as they fell down his arm repeatedly. "Oli, honestly, look at me. There's nothing 'pretty' about me!" Oli stared at his lover’s hand on his skin for a long time before returning his eyes to Seth’s. He was glad he did. A grin broadened on Oli’s smooth cheeks as Seth masked his amusement with mock modesty. He shook his head gently in protest, and Seth’s act broke down into a smile of his own. As Seth dove into Oliver’s lips, Oli’s hands did the job of once again seducing the boy. Both of his hands lowered to Seth’s hips, threatening to move even lower if Seth should dare turn Oli on even more. He snickered against Seth’s mouth, his boyfriend’s tongue catching his mischievous laughter. “Seth, trust me. I know what pretty is all about, and you put it to shame. You put it to fucking shame.” Oliver spoke between kisses, smirking and giving a tender squeeze to Seth’s slender hipbones.
Oliver held his breath as Seth’s arms met in a hook around his waist. He glanced up at Seth, hoping to see some sort of emotion flickering across his face. Sure enough, there was the slightest bit of fear; stemming from affection, though. In the strangest way, Oli was glad that he was important enough to Seth to make his eyes go wide with concern. It felt good for someone to be worried about him for a change. Feeling rather comfortable, Oliver took advantage of the moment and snuggled further into Seth’s body. There was not one centimeter of air between the two boys’ bodies, not when Oli was around. He was pressed so tightly into Seth that every time he sucked in a breath, he could feel his lover’s lungs breathing the same air. It was simply riveting, the human body. Oli had never noticed it before, but humans were so cultured and intelligent—he just hadn’t realized it until he took the time to appreciate what he’d been given. Seth.
Oliver closed his eyes gently as Seth cuddled closer to him, the goosebumps on his skin calming in the presented warmth. He shuddered happily, feeling Seth’s chin on top of his head. He loved that feeling. "I love you," Another shudder shot up Oli’s spine as Seth whispered into the roots of his hair. Oli pulled his fingers through the spaces in Seth’s, bringing up their sandwiched palms to place a kiss on the back of his lover’s hand. “I love you, too,” He murmured, keeping Seth’s hand against his lips. “I love you so much.” There was nothing else that needed to be said. Oli’s awful shivers had settled, and his heart rate had lessened to something remotely human. Things were calm again. Oliver felt his head being turned and tilted up, his eyes suddenly matched with the large, breathtaking gaze of his boyfriend. There was a slight pause in time as they searched each other’s soulless eyes; Oli’s stomach dropped several stories with every second he continued to swim in those warm hazel pools of Seth’s. Without another moment to spare, Seth took Oliver’s lips into a kiss. Oli smiled faintly against Seth’s teeth, noticing how strangely gentle Seth was being with his lips. He flicked his tongue across the roof of Seth’s mouth, hoping to get a buckling-spine out of it. It was always fun to make Seth smile—like a win-win game.
Oliver suddenly found himself staring up at the ceiling, Seth perching on his body like a curious parrot. He held his breath beneath his tongue as Seth’s hands followed the careful curve of Oli’s petite body. A squeal erupted from his lungs as Seth wreaked his revenge, pulling the tip of his tongue along the top of Oli’s mouth. The squeal broke into a series of unprecedented giggles, followed by a charming, million-dollar smile. Their kiss crumbled slowly, partially fault of their lazy mouths. Oliver was always sad when a kiss of theirs died, but there was always an upside. In this case, it was the cuddling. Seth burrowed quietly into the camber of Oli’s neck, causing tiny shivering snakes to climb up his spine as every breath fell onto Oliver’s skin. The shivers quieted as Seth adjusted Oli’s chin with his skilled nose—which Oli managed to sneak a kiss to on the way—and instigated a pure and virgin little kiss. Easily one of Oliver’s favorites, of course. You know how he loves the cherubic little things.
Oliver’s body swayed gently as he underwent the attack of Seth’s emotional tackle. He smiled weakly, happy that his words had such an effect on his lover. Cold tears stung at Oli’s collar as Seth’s little sobs dampened his skin. “Awhh, baby,” Oli crooned, wrapping his arms around Seth’s waist. “you’re so damn cute.” He giggled boyishly, pressing his fingertips into Seth’s lower back and his lips into the boy’s shoulder. Oliver didn’t get much time to rest. Within a matter of seconds, Seth had him by the jaw line. And, like a damsel in wonderful distress, Oli fell for Seth all over again, and immediately melted in his lips. "If this is a dream... I never want to wake up without you, I just don't think I could make it alone. Not after all of this. Not after you." Oliver stifled another sugary ‘aw’ and instead tried to pick up some other words from the sands in his brain. He tried, he honestly did. But why should he ruin what was already perfect? Physically unable to fathom words, Oli lunged delicately for Seth’s mouth, letting his tongue do the talking instead.
Stress was an awful thing, especially in the incapable hands of Oli. He had absolutely no way to soothe the frayed wires in his head and no way to bring his pupils back to normal size. He felt like a starving child in Africa, except he wasn’t wearing a thong made of itchy palm fronds and his desire was not one for food. Oliver’s mind began to stray from realism and into a tropical place of thatched huts and dancing tribal African, but he was quick to pull it by its balloon strings back into the arms of his lover. He rested his cheek against Seth’s shoulder, shifting it several times uncomfortably until he finally found peace in his boyfriend’s collar. In turn, Seth had taken worriedly Oli into his lap and kissed him fondly on the lips. Oli sighed, feeling rather guilty, and lipped quietly at Seth’s perfect jawbone, still opting for silence and secrecy. But after Oliver emitted his groundbreaking squeak, Seth’s pallor dissipated into his usual rosiness and the tension disappeared from his face. "Oh baby, you had me so worried! Oli you are so beautiful, don't ever think you're not. Not for one second." A shiver scurried up Oli’s spine, causing it to stiffen at the tailbone. It was somehow lovely in the best of ways. Oliver shook his head with a faint smile, realizing his argument was hopeless, and planted a kiss on Seth’s forehead that felt so sweet he could’ve sworn he’d seen it on the big screen somewhere. Suddenly he felt Seth’s lips tickling at his nipple—since when had Seth moved? Wow, he was really out of it. Hearing Seth’s laughter sent another glorious chill rampaging up Oliver’s back. He satisfied his lover with a shrill gasp of pleasure of his own, blinking slowly to try and calm his rapid and excited breathing.
The era of good feelings, so to speak, lasted for only another few minutes. All it took was a fingertip on those tracks of Oli’s and a splitting cry of pain and suddenly Oliver found himself watching in complete horror as Seth gathered his things. “Seth, baby,” Oli scrambled out of bed, ruining his attempt to look gallant as he tripped marvelously over his own pants. "I can't believe I was so stupid..." Oliver leaped like a champion cheetah on the run, but only managed to let a single fingernail brush his boyfriend. Damnit! He yelped in frustration, trying desperately to navigate his way through mountains of pants and boxers and shoes—how many layers of clothing had they been wearing? Holy shit there was a lot. Oliver distracted himself from the amount of clothing on his floor for only a sheer moment before something shiny caught his eye—so typical, yes? A pair of handcuffs lay beautifully distressed on the floor, no doubt either sent by the gods of criminal justice or stolen by his sexy burglar of a boyfriend. Oli glanced at Seth, who was reaching for the cuffs with a trembling hand. Why hadn’t they used those before? Oliver suddenly felt himself get nostalgic for some cops and robbers sex games, but he had no time to fantasize. "Oli please don't, I love you so much, don't you see how hard this is?" Seth wouldn’t look at him. Seth wouldn’t look at Oli! Oli felt a slight twinge in his heart, but pushed it aside with the violence of a sumo wrestler. He pounced at his lover, hooking his little arms around the respectively little waist and refusing to let go until he got his word in.
Words fell short of the other option Oli had—to kiss Seth. If Seth insisted on leaving, Oli couldn’t let him leave without a kiss. He wasn’t really sure who instigated the kiss, but he was glad it happened. Their lips meshed in what was a combined effort of fire and ice. Seth was trying to get away and Oli was trying to ground them both in the moment. When they pulled away—for only a split second—an illustration of adoration captured Seth’s brilliant hazel eyes. Oliver immediately lost his breath and had to shake his head around to resume the job. With Seth still struggling in guilt, Oli had less than a minute to explain himself. He grabbed Seth’s face with both of his hands, firm but gentle, and made him pause. For a minute, the entire world stopped—the rain and rushing cars no longer made a sound. Oliver looked frenziedly in Seth’s eyes, as if searching for an answer, and smoothed his right thumb over the boy’s flawless cheek. “Seth, you’ll break my heart into four million bite-sized pieces if you leave.” He swallowed the saliva that had been gathering at the bottom of his mouth for quite some time now and continued. “Look at me, Seth. I love you so fucking much. Nothing in the world is going to change it—especially not because of this—” Oli nodded toward his exposed, bruised and mangled elbows. “Please look at me, Seth,” He pleaded, waiting miserably for those beautiful eyes of his to finally lock into his own. A gasp of relief rose from Oliver’s chest as his gaze became stuck in temperate hazel irises. Seth was no longer leaning away, but now leaping toward Oli with great force. Oliver grinned the widest he could without looking creepy and kissed Seth wherever his flesh existed. Seth’s fingers waltzed about in the dangerous forest of Oli’s hair, which no doubt looked like a family of vultures had nested there. It was a good thing he didn’t have a five-o-clock shadow, or else he might just look like a hobo, particularly since he was naked.
"I never meant to hurt you. I promise, I'd never do anything like that on purpose. You know that right?" Oliver giggled in agreement, his arms twisted horrendously tight around Seth, still shaking and scared of him leaving. “Yes, baby, I know. I know. C’mere, you puppy.” Oli pulled Seth closer, his lips tingling from not having been kissed in nearly fifteen whole minutes. He decided to cure their ailing and pressed his mouth to Seth’s in soft and almost peck-like kiss. "I'll never leave you, kitten." Oliver exhaled, clearly relieved for two reasons: one, because Seth promised to never leave him and two, because he was still Seth’s kitten. “Good, because if you did, my soul would most likely be a feast for preschoolers—wait—” –Oli paused, snatching the handcuffs away from Seth as though he actually had feline reflexes— “What are these and why do I want to put them in my nightstand?” Oliver laughed almost demonically, stealing Seth’s lower lip between his teeth for a delicate squeezing moment before they fell lazily back into the bed.
Oliver moaned hoarsely as Seth’s skin touched his own in a staccato series of fidgeting and shifting. The only feeling in the world was the friction between Seth and Oli’s bodies, so tired and unraveled but still so eager to please. Seth’s curious hands traveled up and down Oli’s tiny curves, which alone was making Oli grunt so involuntarily in pleasure. Oliver’s mouth was hot and his chin was dripping with saliva—a mixture of his and Seth’s. He closed his eyes as Seth’s kisses became slower and weaker, feeling hands drifting down, down, down… Oliver felt like he was in a Britney Spears music video. He’d never been felt up so wonderfully in his life. A soft wail of satisfaction rose from Oli’s lips as Seth’s fingers teased at his dick; he felt so vulnerable and so utterly high. It was almost similar to heroin. Almost. There was just a huge difference between drugs and sex, and an even greater difference between those and love. Oli gasped quickly for breath, overwhelmed in the best of ways. Seth was marvelous to the highest degree. So much kissing and touching—Oli had never felt more cherished. Like a true pornstar, Seth slid down Oli’s body like it was a stripper pole and pressed his groin to Oli’s, at which, of course, a delightful shiver snaked through Oliver’s anatomy. He grinned between gasps, blinking up at Seth in all of his sweaty glory.
CONTINUED.
« Last Edit: Jun 27, 2008, 1:34pm by oliver logan »
Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #31 on Jun 27, 2008, 2:13pm »
Oli sat up quickly, seizing the opportunity of having Seth in his lap and letting their lips tie into a deep and horribly sexy kiss. He was balanced on his palms behind him, which allowed Seth a perfect chance to make Oli squeal all he wanted. Bloody screams against guitar music suddenly split the air in two, interrupting the boys. Oliver didn’t recognize the ringtone as his own, so he guessed that it was Seth’s. Considering his little white lie about Frank earlier, Oli decided he had no right to wonder who was calling him at… what time was it, anyway? Oliver glanced over at the nightstand, where a digital clock bled red numbers into the room; 2:34am. Oliver groaned. You don’t call someone at 2:34am unless you had their number on speed dial. And you don’t have someone’s number on speed dial unless they’re important to you. Special, even. Oli felt a concrete brick smash into his heart and sandwich it with a granite mountain. He looked nervously to Seth, hoping Seth would leap into the air with fear and tell him his thoughts were wrong. Suddenly the rope of withdrawal tightened around Oli; his surroundings turned to black and white blurs and his heart began to beat slow, slow, slower, slower, slower… He should’ve been dead already. But it was worse. He was heartbroken.
“Seth, please don’t tell me…” He stammered, watching Seth contemplate over the answer button. “Don’t tell me you lo—” Oli couldn’t even say it. He couldn’t even pronounce the word ‘love’ when it was used in context not regarding himself and Seth. “Do you—am—am I—? At two-thirty—but you said…” Oliver trailed off, beginning to lose control of his breathing. He clasped his chest, trying to regulate his heart again. Please don’t do this to me now, he begged his body, not now. Oli let out a wail of discomfort, trembling like a wet rabbit and with eyes the size of pizzas. A panic attack. Nothing major. He’d had them before, but it was always a scary feeling to not have control over his body. “Seth!” Oli cried, reaching out and pulling Seth close to his chest. He buried his face in Seth’s hair, struggling desperately to breathe again. His heart had been beating a million miles per hour just seconds before, and now it was hardly beating at all.
“Don’t leave me, don’t leave me. I love you too much for you to leave. Don’t go.” Oliver hardly had any idea what he was saying. He knew what he was trying to say, but his panicky mouth was running off so much he couldn’t even comprehend anything. But if his head and his heart were connected somehow, he should’ve been telling Seth that he loved him. Oli held Seth by his upper body, keeping one hand on the back of his lover’s head and the other wrapped around until it grabbed the opposite ribcage. He was scared. Mighty kleptomaniac Oliver was afraid, for once in his life. And it wasn’t of alley rats with loaded Glocks. It was of losing the best thing he’d ever been given in life.
Oliver calmed down after a few minutes. His heart had started to beat regularly again, which was good. Oli would’ve hated to have to go to the hospital—again. He’d already had two near death experiences, one of which he asked for and one he didn’t. "He doesn't mean a thing to me, not anymore," Oliver exhaled a teary breath into Seth’s neck. He was both relieved and heartbroken at the same time. The relief stemmed from the fact that Oli was once again the most important thing to Seth, and the heartbreak from the fact that he originally wasn’t. For a split moment Oliver wondered if that boy was the one who made Seth so afraid to be touched and loved. But his thoughts were interrupted as the two boys rubbed their noses in another Eskimo kiss. “I love that,” Oli breathed quietly, stroking his fingers down Seth’s back. He was now just a centimeter from kissing Seth, but he held back. He knew from experience that day that waiting made it worth all the world later. To put a fire under Seth, Oli let the very edges of his lips touch—and kind of stick to—those of Seth’s. He made a slow, groping motion with his mouth as though he were kissing air, and then pulled away smiling.
However, Oli’s smile faded when he saw the fear in Seth’s eyes. It shot a poisoned arrow into his heart to think that Seth was afraid of him. Hopefully Seth wasn’t, in fact, afraid of Oli, but of something Oli reminded him of. Uh oh. Not a good role to play, either. Oliver touched Seth’s cheek very gently with his fingertips, as if checking to make sure Seth was still real. “What happened to you?” He whispered, narrowing his eyes in an attempt to think. It tore him apart to think that someone had made Seth so horribly afraid. On the one hand he wanted to disembowel whoever had [potentially] done it to him, yet on the other he just wanted to take Seth into his arms forever. Oliver chose the former. He held his boyfriend as any husband would do; Oli closed his eyes for a moment. Would he ever make a good husband? Would he ever get to be one, anyway? Oliver squeezed Seth lovingly. He hoped he’d be Seth’s husband, if that was the case. “You’re okay. I promise. I swear to fucking god I won’t let anything touch you.” Or anyone, for that matter, thought Oli.
"You don't know how much that means to me," Oliver smiled breathlessly, his heart shaking in his chest. He really hoped that he would be doing this right. It felt awful to admit that it hadn’t been hardly a week since he’d slept with another boy, but he was going to atone for it. This time it would be with Seth. Seth wasn’t just another boy Oli picked up at a strip joint; he was Oli’s soulmate. Suddenly Oliver wasn’t as confident as he had been a few moments before. What if he messed up? What if he only made it worse? Oli drew in a shallow breath, feeling his lungs begin to ache. But it was forgotten quickly among the stampede of emotions in his head. Lust, desire, and, above all, love. He threw back his head as the boys’ playful touching started to build intensity and bit his lip till it bled. Oliver moaned rather loudly, feeling sexier than he ever had in his life. As Seth’s leg found its way between his, Oli could only gasp helplessly. He swallowed the sticky, hot feeling in his mouth again, trying desperately to keep their kiss alive. They broke away for a moment, both pausing and gathering breath. Seth and Oliver were exhausted and sweaty and looked as though they’d braced the brunt of a hurricane outside. But Oli knew what he had to do. He had to do it, because there was passion and heat and it was unavoidable.
"I love you." Seth said, and Oliver immediately sighed with pleasure in response. He pushed his hips daringly into Seth’s, crying out under the pressure of torturous foreplay. Though hardly over, the foreplay came to an end. Oli decided to take charge; he took the lead and gently guided Seth onto his stomach. Seth reacted by stealing Oli’s arms in such a grip that he could hardly feel his wrists. Oliver winced painfully—Seth’s right hand was on a huge track wound. But he ignored it. Something was wrong. He looked into Seth’s frightened hazel eyes with his calm blue ones, searching for an answer. “Seth, I love you—” "I love you too, but Oli I'm so scared," Oliver’s heart wilted inside of his chest. He hated to see Seth so daunted. And by himself! Oli took Seth’s hands in his own, raising both to his mouth to kiss. He held Seth’s gaze directly by the core, refusing to look away. “Seth, I love you more than anything. I will never, ever hurt you. And I can tell someone has hurt you, and what I want more than anything is to tear that bastard apart. But I want even more than that to be able to show you what this should be like. With me. Just like it’s supposed to be.” Oli paused, bringing Seth’s hands against his lips and kissing them again. He kept them there for a long time, tied into his own and pressed to his mouth. It felt so good just to touch Seth. To hold his hands like lovers really did.
Oliver knew Seth was scared. Trust me, Oli was scared shitless, too. But he had to make this right. Oli breathed in carefully, sliding his hands down the arced curve of Seth’s back. With the utmost caution and gentleness Oli slid into Seth, immediately feeling his stomach drop just like every time it did on a rollercoaster. He started out slow to see how Seth would take it. The tense fear that Oliver felt in Seth’s hips suddenly melted away. Oli smiled quickly, overwhelmed with pleasure as he vied for a deeper pleasure. Seth moaned in reply, which told nervous Oli that he was doing okay. Oliver leaned forward to kiss the back of Seth’s neck and whispered in his ear, “I love you, Seth, before straightening back out. Oli’s thrusts became quicker and stronger as his climax rushed nearer. Oli was as deep into Seth as possible, his hands gently holding Seth’s thighs and his throat filled with delightful sexual noises of pleasure. He came a little after Seth, his heart pounding in his head as he caught his breath. When all was quiet and still again, Oliver pulled out from Seth, leading a sticky trail of white in his wake. He swooped forward, kissing Seth’s tailbone lightly, and then all along up his back until he reached his tired lover’s lips. And with that, Oli collapsed beside Seth.
He wiped his hands, covered in cum, on the bedspread so that he could hold Seth. Seth burrowed instantly into Oli’s chest, as he was wont to do. Oliver grinned weakly, stroking a hand down Seth’s back and kissing the top of his head. “I’m sorry, Seth. I shouldn’tve… I shouldn’tve made you do that…” He apologized handsomely, his fingertips still kissing at Seth’s spine. Oliver pressed his lips to Seth’s warm shoulder, resting his chin there thoughtfully.
Seth withdrew from Oliver’s arms, which sounded a tiny, automatic grunt from Oli. He always hated to let go of Seth. It was like taking away a baby’s favorite toy; he never wanted to let go. Seth was tremblingas he lowered his lips to Oli’s chest, depositing a handful of kisses onto it before sitting back up to face Oli. “Seth, you’re—you’re shaking. Is everything okay?” Oliver felt his eyes being penetrated by Seth’s warm hazel gaze; uh oh. He felt something serious coming on. It could either be unbelievably wonderful or heartbreakingly devastating. Oli’s muscles clenched and his pupils widened like an oil spill. He grabbed for Seth’s hands, twining their fingers through each other nervously and squeezing tight. "I love you too, kitten, more than anyone else in the world but can I ask you something?" Oliver tried to nod, but, realizing his nervous system was failing to function, replied with words instead. “Of course. Ask away.” Seth nestled onto Oli’s body, settling onto his stomach and chest. Oli braced his boyfriend with his palm pressed on the small of Seth’s back. "You don't have to answer me if you don't want to. I mean, I understand, because we only met each other today, but I feel like I've known you my whole entire life and I never ever want to leave you. You make me so damn happy, I- well, I guess I wanted to ask if you'd marry me?"
Oliver’s lungs were, in that instant, immediately covered with fast-acting cement. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe! He could—oh, wait, there it was. He inhaled shakily, staring at Seth without any words to speak. What was he supposed to say? Yes? No? Maybe? Oli felt his heart rate begin to climb dramatically and prayed to the god he didn’t believe in that his body wouldn’t do this to him now. “Seth,” He breathed, his eyes wide and bluer than ever. "I don't think I'm doing this right. I'm not sure, I've never done this before, so if I'm messing it all up then I'm sorry baby... But I know it's kind of all of the sudden and I don't even have a ring or anything, but you're the boy of my dreams Oli and I want to stay with you forever." Oliver’s eyes had filled up with warm tears and were now being tossed into the air by the sobs racking his body. He had stopped squeezing Seth’s hand after the circulation in his fingers had vanished, but he desperately wished now to be holding it. Seth rocked back into an upright position, motioning Oli forward by his limp and unfeeling hand. "Oliver Logan, will you marry me and make me the happiest boy in the whole entire world?"
Oliver’s brain had literally stopped working. He couldn’t think. He felt like he was trying to write on a whiteboard with a dead marker. He sputtered tears, sobbing as though Seth had just died in his arms. Thank god, that wasn’t the case. But he had been through this before… once. When Brendan had proposed to him the night before he died while Oli was attempting to make cookies. “Oli,” Brendan had said, “marry me and let me make you happy.” “Ohmigod,” Oliver whispered, his vision suddenly blurred with tears. Brendan was in his head again. He felt Brendan’s calm voice vibrating with the husky, slightly raspy tone they’d always carried. What do I do, Brendan? Oli asked in his head, clearly now definitely insane. “I dunno. Don’t ask me. I’m dead.” Please, Brendan. Help me. I don’t even know what I’m doing. “Okay, I’ll try. Um, well, do you love him?” Yes. I do. So much. “…more than me?” Yeah. Sorry, but yeah. “Wow. Thanks, Oli. ‘Preciate it.” Brendan! “What? You just answered your own question. Marry him. You love him, and he obviously loves you. What are you afraid of?” Disappointing you. “Not possible, Woli. Not possible. You’re happy, now. Carpe diem, Oliver.” Okay. One more question. “What?” Am I insane? “I think we both know the answer to that.”
Brendan’s voice disappeared, and Oliver returned to his surroundings. The room, the full-window wall, the balcony and Seattle lights… and a boy on his bed, waiting for an answer to his marriage proposal. Oliver hiccupped, a new stream of tears winding down his cheek. He brought his hand to the side of Seth’s face, where it always wanted to be, his fingers combing briefly through Seth’s dark hair. “I’m so scared, Seth. What if I fuck up? What if I can’t make you happy?” He pulled his thumb along Seth’s jaw line slowly, marveling at how beautiful this boy was. “I just… I dunno. I never thought I’d get married, because I’ve seen it fail so many times. I mean, my parents… And Noelle’s even been married once… and everyone’s just always told me that marriage was a waste of time.” Oli paused to take in a breath, sounding stuffy from crying so much. It made his already round, boyish face seem even younger. “But you know what? Yes. Yes, Seth, I will marry you. Because I love you. I’ll marry you, Seth Matthews; at an altar, with a priest or whatever you fucking call them. I’ll wear a tux and waddle around like a penguin. I’ll even write my own vows or whatever, too. Because I love you. Consider me yours forever.” Oliver laughed through his tears, his throat sore from crying and his heart aching from pounding so hard. He suddenly lunged at Seth, forcing open the boy’s mouth for a few seconds of a lush little kiss. Then, hit by an epiphany, Oliver sprang from the bed, his eyes wide with realization. He stared at Seth for a long time, grinning. “I’m… I’m getting married. We’re. We’re… getting married. Ohmygod!”Oli grabbed Seth’s hand, sprinted to the glass door leading to the balcony, threw it open and pulled Seth outside. He held up Seth’s hand and leaned over the Victorian arches of the balcony lining. At the top of his lungs, he shouted to the people below. “I’M MARRYING THE MOST AMAZING BOY IN THE WORLD!”
Oliver ran back inside, throwing himself onto the bed with Seth in tow. Now that all of Seattle and probably Norway knew that he was engaged, his work was done. He stretched his body up to kiss Seth gently, pausing and tilting his head from time to time and resuming the kiss. “I love you. Forever and always.” That was the last thing Oli remembered before falling asleep, his head pressed to Seth’s chest and their hands locked together.
Morning drew in slowly, bleeding an array of warm colors into the sky. Oli stirred at seven. He awoke with Seth in his arms, the two boys pressed together like yin and yang. Oli smiled, relieved, and propped his head on his elbow so that he could admire Seth sleeping soundly in a patch of sunshine. Seth was so beautiful. He still took Oli’s breath away. Realizing his incredible urge to pee, Oliver planted a gentle kiss to Seth’s cheek and snuck off to the bathroom. After he was finished, he decided to reacquaint himself with the shower. Last night had made him sweatier than he’d ever been in his whole life, to say the least. Oli jumped as he turned on the shower, a cascade of warm water exploding from the showerhead. The shower didn’t even have a curtain; it was just indented into the wall of marble. That was it. He was definitely not used to Noelle’s rich and famous lifestyle. Oli spent most of his shower thinking about Seth and how he had fallen so hard so fast. Thank god for his kleptomania. Once he was squeaky clean, Oliver hopped out of the shower, donned some fresh boxers and went searching for a comb. In the steamy bathroom, he groped through drawers and drawers until he found something in the sink—but it wasn’t a comb. It was a syringe, filled to the top with ominous-looking black-tar heroin. A post it note was under it with a poorly handwritten message. It was from Frank. Thought you might want this. You can pay me later. Oliver was thrilled, but somehow disgusted all the same. Had he not promised Seth he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him? Wasn’t injecting liquid death a little hurtful to Seth? But the syringe looked so pretty. And his veins were so thirsty…
Oliver didn’t even bother to get his tourniquet. He could find a vein without it easy. He sized up the blue snake in his forearm, slowly sliding the syringe under his skin. A cry of both pain and excruciating pleasure escaped him. He watched the heroin pass 5 milliliters. That was where he should’ve stopped. But he didn’t . It felt too good. It passed 6 milliliters… 7… And then it was gone. And Oli was high as a kite, his entire world distorted into his alternate reality. He had to show Seth. He had to show Seth how wonderful he felt. With pupils the size of atoms, Oliver staggered into the bedroom. “Seth!” He cried jubilantly. But he didn’t get much farther than the doorway. His heart began to beat slower again. Slower. Slower. Slower until he couldn’t feel his heart at all. His lungs weren’t working either. With several valiant attempts, Oliver tried to breathe. He felt his blood turn ice cold, and the room shaking violently around him. No, wait. That was just him. He sunk to the floor, crying out in pain. Something was hurting him from the inside out. It was in his head, his heart, his lungs… Everywhere. Panicking, Oliver desperately tried to consume oxygen, but it was useless. He dug his nails into the carpet until they bled, wailing for Seth until he fell unconscious.
At that moment, Noelle entered the room with an ashen face. She had clearly been fearing this long before she reached the door. She threw a frightened look to Seth, and then collapsed at Oli’s side. “Oli, Oli wake up. Oli! Oli! Don’t…” Noelle stopped as she saw the syringe still stuck deep in his arm. Her eyes quivered with tears. “Ohmygod, Oli. You didn’t. Oliver! Oliver Alexandre Nathaniel Logan, get the fuck up! Please! I promised I wouldn’t let you do this again!” Noelle was in a fit of sobs by now, trying miserably to perform CPR by pounding at Oli’s chest and then pausing to fall limply on his chest. Oli’s lips were leaking blood and his body was convulsing. Noelle bit her lip, clearly still confused from her awful hangover. Oliver then lurched forward, choking on a cough, a mouthful of blood spilling onto the carpet. “Oh…Oh. He’s breathing! He’s breathing. Oh, god…” Noelle had her ear pressed to his chest, yet she wasn’t sure if he would keep breathing. Oliver was slightly conscious, though everything was blurry. Voices. Touches. “Seth,” He croaked, sobbing. His body was shaking and seizing so violently that he could no longer feel it. His lips were dark blue and his words came out in pieces. “Don’t—don’t call for help. Don’t—do it. I can’t—let—them find—it in me.”
There was nothing Oliver was more afraid of than hospitals. Every time he was rushed in for narrowly sidestepping death by heroin overdose, they had to open him up, get the heroin out and then arrest him for using it. He couldn’t be arrested. Not with Seth in his life now. Noelle looked helplessly to Seth, then back at Oliver. “Oli, Oli no. No.” Noelle fumbled in her pocket for her cell phone, flipping it open and dialing 911. “I need an ambulance… My friend—had a heroin overdose, I think. Yeah, yeah, he’s breathing. But his—his lips are blue and he keeps shaking—” Noelle continued describing the situation through tears, while Oliver tried desperately to hold onto the image of Seth. “Seth, I’m sorry,” He whispered, reaching out for Seth’s hand. It shook in the air and fell to the floor as Oli slipped into unconsciousness again, lacking the ability to breathe, but still somehow feeling delirious and euphoric. Seth’s body split into five and was the last thing he saw before blackness again.
The ambulance came, as expected, with Oliver hanging onto life by a thread on the stretcher. “How much did he take?” The paramedics asked. “I don’t—I don’t know. I think the whole syringe… “ Sirens blared and oxygen masked wheezed. Oliver wasn’t dead, though. Not by a longshot. There was still an episode of life going on in his unconscious and near comatose brain—and it was him and Seth.
OHMIGOD. FINALLY DONE. i know, i'm horrible. i snuck drama in there. but sethiver is still the cutest thing ever. :]
« Last Edit: Jul 2, 2008, 1:38am by oliver logan »
Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #32 on Jul 8, 2008, 7:33pm »
I just can't get you off my mind, and why would I even try? Even when I close my eyes, I dream about you all the time.
And even if the moon fell down tonight, there'd be nothing to worry about at all, because you make the whole world shine. As long as you're here everything will be alright.
“How do you know I’m risking death, baby? I’m perfectly fine. Just a little feverish, that’s all. Nothing a kiss can’t cure, right?” Thoughts suddenly flooded his mind but Seth was quick to repress them, his lips hardening into a thin line. Because Gavin was just like this, because he kept putting it off, because he refused to take another hit until his heart failed, he wanted to say but as Oli picked his head up and pressed his lips against Seth’s own in a desperately chaste kiss, he pushed those morbid thoughts away instead saying, “I…I Jus––I guess so. K-kiss me again.” His voice was soft and pleading as he lifted his chin from Oli’s shoulder, his nose abandoning it’s warm, comforting nest of sweet smelling black hairs as he peered up at his boyfriend, his hazel eyes not able to hide the edge of desperation. “Seth, I want you to listen to me—I am not leaving. Not now, not ever. Okay? I’ve been through much worse than this, baby. You’d be surprised how strong I am.” Seth whimpered haplessly as he listened to Oli’s even paced and gentle words and the delicate laughter that followed, his palm seeking the warmth of Oliver’s own before he hesitantly reached out and cupped the other boy’s chin in one tiny palm, encouraging Oli’s head upwards. As cool blue irises meshed with hazel, Seth took his time as he studied the hundreds of layers of chilling blue and silver colors, searching for the promise that Oliver would be just fine.
But he couldn’t find it.
Seth had long since buried his face into the comforting burrow of Oli’s neck, his arms curled shakily about his boyfriend’s ribs as he cuddled himself against Oliver’s body until there wasn’t a millimeter of space between them. Seth smiled shyly as the soft skin of his cheek trembled gently with the soft vibrations of Oliver’s voice, his eyes lulled closed to the gentle sounds until he realized just exactly what Oli said. “Seth, I’ve been choked against walls, I’ve thrown up blood, and I’ve... I’ve been shot right on my neck. See?” He pulled away as if he’d been slapped in the face, his hazel eyes large as he stared up at Oliver, his breathing rate picking up steadily as the boy gestured to aforementioned scar. “.357 caliber. Went right through my shoulder and now I have a titanium rod in my collar. If I could survive that, I can survive a little withdrawal.” Curios fingertips explored the off shade patch of skin before Seth’s lips came whispering over the scar, over zealous teeth nipping before his lips came to sooth the soft marks before Seth suddenly jerked away with a soft whimper as he realized just exactly what Oliver’s words had meant. “But who would do something like that to you?” Seth asked incredulously, his right hand floating up to frame Oliver’s face delicately as he leaned forward, his lips tying into Oliver’s own as if they were made of whipped cream.
“No.” At Oliver’s sudden curt interruption, Seth cocked his head to the left like a confused bird, his lips twisting into a subtle frown as he worked over that particular word and what Oli could have possibly meant by it. Seth bit his bottom lip quietly as he pulled Oliver into his lap, his chin resting on Oli’s shoulder as he fingers slid through the other boy’s silky black locks. Seth continued to fondle his lover’s gorgeous hair before he slowly adjusted his chin so that it was resting comfortably atop Oli’s crown, his gentle breathing musing the boy’s air silently. Without a word, Seth’s hold on Oliver became subtly tighter as he leant forward to tie a few tender kisses to the other boy’s scalp, his breath falling gently against Oli’s air as he suddenly buried his face into his boyfriend’s delicious smelling hair, soft words of litany falling past his tired lips. The panic that had slowly began to wind itself around Seth’s lungs suddenly began to diminish as the lingering warmth of Oli’s palm found his lower back, Seth executed a tired sigh as he felt Oli push gently into his skin, the boy’s fingertips dimpling his skin lightly as he loosened his death grip on the other boy. Seth sighed happily as he felt the other boy’s jaw perch on his shoulder, his face ducked down o that he could nuzzle Oliver’s neck gently, his lips whispering over pale skin slowly. “Okay, got it—Wait, I forgot how to breathe…” Seth couldn’t help but giggle as he heard the boy’s teasing words, a soft pink color flushing his cheeks as he hid his face in Oliver’s neck, a small patch of goose bumps cropping up where Oli’s lips touched his skin, a warm smile lingering against his lips as he shifted his head upwards, his lips pressing a slow kiss to the hollow of Oliver’s throat.
Seth had since shifted his head so that his cheek was pressed faintly into Oli’s hair, his eyes closed comfortably as he pressed a hand gently to Oliver’s tailbone, his lips melting into Oli’s hair. Somehow, he had managed to convey exactly what he didn’t know how to say to Oliver from one simple touch. Seth had somehow managed to promise that he would never let Oli fall; that his hand would be there to get them through the worst of times. That he would never leave Oliver’s side and that no harm would ever bare it’s ugly teeth at him. “Promise?” Seth felt Oliver’s breath blowing gently at his neck, the other boy’s hair brushing against his neck as he nodded softly. Removing his chin from Oli’s hair, Seth reached up and gently took Oli’s face in his palms; with a soft smile twitching at his lips Seth slowly tipped Oliver’s head up just enough so that he could see into those beautiful blue eyes. “Yeah, kitten, I promise. But Oli, look at me. I’ll never let you get hurt, I promise.” He murmured quietly before leaning forward and placing a delicate little peck against Oli’s lips, as he pulled away he dropped his hands from the other boy’s face, giggling as Oli buried his head back against Seth’s neck. A tender smile played at Seth’s lips as Oliver stretched up and pressed his lips to the tender underbelly of his chin, his eyes fluttering closed as he tightened his hold around his love’s ribcage once more.
Seth was suddenly ripped away from his thoughts as he felt a set of curiously gentle fingertips stroking over the smooth flesh stretched across his jaw that sliding up to press at the delicate skin surrounding his nose. A soft smile twitched at the corner of his lips as Oliver lovingly explored every curve and dish of his face although Seth managed to hide his amusement with Oli’s loving empathy. As Oli’s fingertips stilled at his lips, Seth suddenly reached up, his fingers wrapped about Oliver’s tiny wrist as he drew the boy’s fingertips away from his mouth, his body stretching up as he united their lips into a passionate kiss. How in the hell had he survived this long without this boy?
Startled, Seth blinked furiously as Oliver suddenly seemed to melt into place, his delicate lashes batting frantically against another pair like a pair of butterflies doing some fatally attractive dance. Seth breathed a slow exhale, his lips parting gently against Oli’s own as his body fell into a synchronized, unplanned yet perfectly choreographic routine. His arms slowly slipped upwards to curl slowly about Oliver’s neck in a vain attempt to bring their bodies closer together––as if that was even possible. Seth kept his breathing slow and regular, although in his chest his heart was pounding against his ribcage as if, given the chance, it would burst right out of his chest. “I love you, more than I ever thought a person could.” Seth couldn’t help the soft blush that began to heat up the flesh of his cheeks, honestly, it was like there was a crazy little man living in there with a red crayon just waiting for the chance to go wild. And it seemed like he got the chance after just about anything Oliver said. Seth breathed slowly, his heart still beating a mile a minute as he peered into the other boy’s dazzling blue eyes, his breathing catching in his chest at the millions of cool, icy colors swirled into those beautiful irises, hiding something just beneath their fragile surface. “I love you too, baby, I love you too.” Seth tried to think of something witty and adorable, he honestly did, but he couldn’t seem to grasp anything other than the bare truth from the balloon strings of his fickle mind. Oliver had utterly captivated Seth as they fell into a synchronized routine; their bodies moving with precise synchronization, soft smile flickering across both boys’ anxious lips. As Oli giggled, Seth’s heart melted into an oozing puddle of adoration, his own soft giggle falling from his lips as he nuzzled the tip of his own nose against Oliver’s own in their now infamous Eskimo kiss, his eyelids fluttering shut as he melted further against the other boy’s warmth.
Seth giggled quietly as Oli shook his head in disagreement, Oliver’s lips tickling his own gently with each pass they made, a small whine given as he lipped playfully at the other boy’s lips in an aching desire to be kissed. “Do I look like Beyonce?” Settling back slightly Seth tipped his head and studied Oliver curiously, his hazel eyes light and playful as he pursed his lips thoughtfully, a smile beginning to curl his lips up like a dog-eared page. “Well, now that you mention it…” Seth trailed off slowly before swooping forward and planting his lips firmly against Oliver’s own in a surprisingly chaste kiss, his eyes fluttering closed for a sheer moment before he forced them open once more. “Kitten, Beyonce has nothing on you; you put her to fucking shame.” Seth purred softly as he settled into the loving palm that Oli offered up, his lips melting against Oliver’s own like whipped cream.
Seth allowed his teeth to dip into the soft skin of is lower lip as Oliver cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy, his own head hung slightly so that his fringe cascaded down over his eyes dejectedly. “Don’t be,” Seth frowned gently as he head his boyfriend speak, his own cocked to the right slightly as he studied Oli curiously, his noose gently nuzzling at the other boy’s temple in an attempted solace, though as Oli returned the soft gesture, a warm blush exploded along his jaw line, sending tiny shivering snakes racing down his spine. “I love you. There’s not enough words to describe how much you mean to me, pumpkin.” He was prattling on again about nonsense that Oliver had already heard a thousand times that night, his eyes screwed shut and his nose nestled into the haven of Oli’s hair tenderly, his lips brushing gently at the hairline just inside of Oliver’s neck. As the hold around his middle became ever so tighter, Seth blinked rapidly and gazed at Oli curiously, his brows furrowed slightly in his haste to comfort his tense boyfriend. “Shh, kitten, I’m here.” He murmured smoothly before hesitantly reaching out and taking Oli’s chin into his palm, murmuring that same string of words that had grown to be nothing more than a soft mumble of syllable, yet held all of the emotions in the world. The three simple words that had become the reason for everything that had happened. It didn’t matter anymore that Oli and Seth had agreed to fuck each other senseless in the interrogation room of the local mall, or that they’d only known each other for a handful of hours. All of that was simply a locale for what was to come. Seth was roused out of his thoughts by the gentle weight of Oliver’ shaking palm placed softly against the bruise littered flesh of his once flawless neck, his eyes fluttering closed as he heard the soft, husky vibrations of Oliver’s voice. “Seth, I will always love you, too. No matter what.” That was the only voice ever wanted to hear before he went to sleep at night, the only thumb he wanted to ever soothe away his fears; the only boy he ever wanted. He finally forced his eyes open euphorically as he peered up into those breathtaking blue eyes, his head inclined gently towards the caress being placed on his jaw line. “Always.” Seth grinned faintly and stretched upwards so that his lips tied into Oli’s own tenderly, “Always.”
–––––––
A soft smile twisted the corner of Seth’s lips up into a lopsided grin as he felt Oli’s hand floating up to frame the right side of his face, knowing just what would be coming next. Oli always knew when a kiss was in order. Blinking quietly, Seth felt his lips melt against Oliver’s in a gentle kiss, a soft sigh managing it’s way past his lips as he squirmed softly against Oli’s chest, his arms drifting upwards to curl about the other boy’s neck. As they drifted away due to Seth’s finicky mouth, Seth felt himself eave a soft whine into the quiet air though it evaporated quickly beneath the low murmur of his own playful words. Seth couldn’t resist the temptation of the bright grin that floundered across his lips as Oliver giggled and placed a rather loud kiss to his cheek, the soft skin around his hazel eyes crinkling up faintly as he scrunched his nose up into the face that he knew Oliver adored. “And I know how much you just love rules, you little klepto.” At Oli’s words, Seth struck an indignant pose, his hand clasped over his heart dramatically as he gazed up at his boyfriend in a faux wounded manner. “Oli! How could you say something like that! I’m not a kleptomaniacccc,” Seth drawled out playfully, pushing his cheek into the palm that lingered just away from his face before giggling softly. “ I told you already! I only stole that silly iPod because I got this crazy little––what do you call them, psychic?–– message thing that was like ‘Seth, you have to steal something and get arrested because this amazing boy is going to get arrested so you two have to meet… and make out and go home together. Because he’s yummy and I said so.’ So I’m more like a nymphomaniac? Yeah, that.” Seth grinned up at Oliver slyly, his muscles tensing slightly as he felt Oliver turning him onto his back though he pushed the urge to panic away with the need to please Oli, a soft gasp given as he felt the very margins of Oli’s lips grazing against his ear, the soft shiver of heat coiling in his stomach forcing all other thoughts away.
Seth shifted uncomfortably beneath Oli, his heart slowly beginning it's steepened climb as he was pinned to the mattress; his hazel eyes squeezed closed gently as he attempted to calm his aching nerves. As Oliver paused, Seth gasped softly and opened his eyes quickly, fashioning a quick little smile against his lips. He couldn't stop Oli's fun, not when he was so close to getting what they had both been gunning for all night. Though as soon as Oliver shifted that last inch and straddled his hips with such blaring confidence Seth suddenly froze, his heart stuttering against his breastbone as his bones suddenly hardened to brass, his words falling in short, forcibly calm sentences. Suddenly Oliver wasn't there. Seth nearly doubled over as he attempted to calm his overreacting nerves, tears welling hotly in his lower eyelids as he struggled to climb into a sitting position. Seth's legs tangled in the creamy sheets as he stretched out quietly against the European linens, his palms cradling his skull as he fought to calm his frantic breathing. Fuck. With a miserable wail, Seth buried his fingertips into the cool black of his roots, “Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Whimpering quietly, Seth shook his head softly before untangling his fingers from his hair and slowly crawled towards the other boy, collapsing as he reached Oliver's side and pulling his boyfriend into his lap without a word. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
A shaky breath was suddenly pushed past Seth's lips in a trembling exhale as he felt Oliver's lips slowly beginning to explore up his chest, his fingers tightened momentarily about Oli’s side, the warm feeling of skin beneath his fingernails a wordless warning. Seth suddenly sucked in a violent gasp for air, his eyes squeezed shut tightly as he felt Oliver’s lips slowly crawling up his neck, a low whimper given as he slowly forced himself to relax, his arms loosening their vice like hold around his boyfriend’s ribs. As Oliver molded himself to Seth’s chest, Seth took a shaky breath, his head tipping back ever so slightly as his boyfriend’s lips scoured up his neck and focused on his chin before hovering mere centimeters from his own set of lips. Seth blinked softly as he waited for the soft warmth of Oliver’s lips pressing against his own but, strangely, it never came. As his eyes fluttered open, Seth noticed the quiet hesitance as Oli let his lips linger only inches away, with a gentle smile Seth leant forward slowly, his lips melting against Oliver’s own like butter.
“It's fine baby, just calm down and listen to me okay? I'm going to tell you something that I've never ever told anyone else about and I don't want you to freak out on me, alright?” Seth's words were murmured quietly against Oliver's temple as he attempted to solace the pitiful boy, his arms carefully shifting Oli in his lap so that his nose was pressed delicately into the other boy's neck. “What just happened; none of that was your fault, I just kind of…panicked a little. So ju–just listen to me and I'll try and let you know why, kay?” His slender fingers curled hesitantly about Oli's own, his hazel eyes squeezed shut tightly as he struggled for a gasp of air, wondering how in the sweet hell he was possibly going to tell Oliver something that he had never uttered a word about to another soul in this world. Because you love him, Seth, and he's going to take you however you are, Seth blinked in quiet surprise at the truth that little thing he so called his conscious supplied, a low sigh heaved as he cuddled nervously against his boyfriend's side.
“Three months ago,” Seth began warily, wincing faintly as he recalled just how many months ago it had been–– he remembered exactly how long ago it had began; the day he had met him. Seventy-two days ago. It didn't seem that long ago if you put it that way. “I met him. I thought he was perfect, just what I thought was looking for since Aiden left me. Never thought I'd find anyone after he left, never thought anyone wanted to help me pick up the pieces again. But then there was Josh.” Seth shivered involuntarily as his name rolled off the tip of his tongue, his body nuzzled warmly against Oli's back with a low whimper. “Things were...amazing. Or so I thought. We didn't take long to get to know each other and then I moved in. Hell, it was better than sleeping out in bus stations or bumming a bed from my Aunt. The first night we actually did anything was two days after I met him. I didn't want to do it. Not then. Not so soon. I was drunk. I knew he was too. I knew it was going to be sloppy and unplanned and... and I just didn't want him.”
Seth hadn't realized that he had begun to cry until he felt Oliver's quickened breaths grazing the skin on his cheeks and turning the damp, salty trails on his cheeks icy. With a faint shudder Seth reached up absently and brushed the moisture away with a pale knuckle, a hesitant breath sucked into his lungs. He couldn't quit now. “The way you were just...pinning me down. He used to pin me down like that. He did it the first time we ever did anything. It started out okay I guess, I didn't want to do it but he just kept cutting at me with these quiet little remarks... He said if I loved him then I wouldn't have a problem with it. That I'd just let him fuck me. But I didn't want to! He never fucking cared what I wanted!” Seth suddenly burst into quiet sobs, his body trembling violently as he attempted to gain some type of control over his emotions, continuing on through jagged breathing and soft sobs. “I was just his doll... his plaything... his pet,” He spat the last word out with so much quiet venom that he blinked quietly in surprise before shaking his head and continuing.
"No matter how many times I told him no he just kept on, telling me how I should be gracious that he let some fucked up kid ––me–– come live with him. And I was. I guess I tried to fall asleep or something––I don’t remember–– because, suddenly, he was hitting me, he didn't care that his pet had to bleed to make him happy. He liked it that way. The next thing I know he's all over me," Seth whimpered helplessly and cuddled up quietly against Oliver as if the boy could somehow lessen the pain of those cooped up memories before plowing on pitifully. “He tasted like cigarettes and whiskey. H-he was disgusting. There were so many promises; promises that I was going to love it, and that if I didn't he'd do it over and over again until I did. I tried to get out that very minute. I didn't want him or his stupid apartment or his stupid alcohol. He knew I wanted to leave so he just started hitting me again, telling me how much of a stupid bitch for not wanting it.” Seth's next statement was just a mere whisper, barely audible over that bustle of the sleepless city.
“Th-th-then he raped me.” His body shook with such force that he was surprised that the whole mattress wasn't shivering just as violently. “He always said that it wasn't rape, but I know it was. He told me that no one would believe me because I lived with him and we were dating, so it wasn't even rape at all. And I believed him... I don't know why I didn't leave him after that. Maybe it was because I was scared of what he'd do to me if I did.”
Seth shuddered softly as he attempted to push away the memories from his mind, his hands searching for Oliver’s lips as he tugged his boyfriend into his lap, his lips pressing a clumsy kiss to the boy’s forehead, his eyes still shut against repressed memories. If only he could relax, then everything would go away, the bad things couldn’t hurt him when he had Oli. As his fingers trailed lackadaisically down Oliver’s arm, he threw a sloppy, lopsided smile the other boy’s way as he teased Oli about his supposed good looks. Pfft, whatever. As Oliver simply stared at Seth’s hand on his arm, Seth whimpered ever so quietly and bumped his nose against Oli’s jawbone gently, concern welling in the pit of his stomach like a balloon. As Oli slowly locked eyes with him, a twitching smile came alive against his lips and his nose scrunched up ever so slightly so that the wrinkles of faintly tanned skin hid the soft splashes of freckles that peppered themselves across the bridge of his nose. Seth giggled softly as he locked lips with Oliver before humming in appreciation, his fingertips slowly slipping over Oli’s prominent shoulder blades. As Oli’s hands slowly slipped down to cup the curve of his hips, Seth giggled mischievously, his back arced upwards so that he cold grind himself gently against his boyfriend’s warm body, daring him to slip those tempted hands lower. “Seth, trust me. I know what pretty is all about, and you put it to shame. You put it to fucking shame.” At Oli’s words, Seth snorted in stale amusement before crinkling his nose up faintly and giving a tired snicker, his nose rubbed gently against the underside of Oliver’s chin.
–––––––
Seth slowly began to panic as he collected his scattered belongs from the floor, navigating trough the mountains of clothes that they had so carelessly discarded in their haste to uncover pale flesh. His chest heaved softly and his heart was beating furiously, Seth had to pause for a moment in an attempt to catch his breath, his fickle mind teetering on the indecisive limb of consciousness. Why could he get a grip on reality? His surroundings slipped slowly away from him like sand falling between his fingers, his hazel eyes were the size of the moon as he numbly ambled around the dark bedroom, trying desperately to distract himself from the boy on the bed by sorting through the clothes on the floor and trying to discern what was his. “Seth, baby,” Seth flinched softly as he heard Oli’s trepid little voice over the sound of raindrops against the wall of glass, his gaze slanted towards his boyfriend in hesitant curiosity, his fingers pausing briefly and his muscles turning to stone as Oli stumbled drunkenly towards him. As soon as his mind managed to piece together the fact that Oli was leaping towards him, Seth jerked out of his trance and swiftly moved away, feeling Oliver’s nail snagging against his skin before he moved further away, his eyes dead set on the soft heather gray material of his jacket. The soft, insistent pain of the soft scratch Oliver’s finger had left was the only thing keeping him anchored to this world, pushing him further and further towards the door. How could he have been so fucking stupid?
A hint of a smirk twisted insistently at the corners of his mouth as he sent a side long glance Oliver’s way as he reached for the handcuffs before roughly shaking his head and forcing himself to focus on finding his things as he looped the handcuffs over his index finger. Refusing to look at his boyfriend, Seth stood trembling in front of the glass wall, his fingertips leaving a soft smudge against the otherwise spotless glass. He was too busy staring at the cars speeding by with enough malice to incinerate them on the spot to notice Oli slowly creeping up n him until the other boy had him wrapped into an all out, smothering hug. It would’ve been devastating had Seth not melted and hugged him back, wouldn’t it? And so Seth turned into Oliver, and buried his face into the boy’s collar for a few timeless moments before attempting to wriggle his way out of Oli’s death grip.
Suddenly his mouth was being smothered by Oliver’s own, his eyes falling shut for a long moment as he simply allowed Oliver to take control and kiss him, though after he forced his eyes open once more he whimpered frantically and tried to fight Oli away from him, his eyes widened softly. It wasn’t Oli forcing him to be kissed, it was Josh, and he knew it was. It had to be. Oli would have never done this to him. But why, Seth wondered, does he smell so beautiful? Oli was the only boy Seth had ever met that honestly smelt beautiful, sure he had looks to die for, but there was just something about his presence that drove Seth insane. He had first noticed it in the holding room, it had been so subtle and faint that Seth could have sworn he was only imagining it, that maybe someone was peddling delicious chocolates and mints in the food court. As they pulled away, his eyes sparkled softly in the subdued lighting with what could only be considered complete and utter love. You hurt him, remember Sethy? He surely doesn’t want to love something that’s going to hurt him because of their stupidity. Grow up and face the facts, lovely. He was right. Who could love someone so broken and worthless? With a panicked whimper, Seth began struggling against Oliver with renewed vigor, his eyes widening to the size of pizzas, his gaze stuck on Oli like a deer in headlights.
“Seth, you’ll break my heart into four million bite-sized pieces if you leave.” The soft feeling of Oli’s finger dancing across the skin of his cheek forced a soft sigh from his exhausted lungs, before dropping his head dejectedly and simply standing there like a child being reprimanded by his mother. Seth floundered for words briefly before sighing heavily and promptly snapping his mouth shut as he heard Oliver continuing on. “Look at me, Seth. I love you so fucking much. Nothing in the world is going to change it—especially not because of this—” As Oli emphasized his last word, Seth cringed away gently as a picture of the huge track wounds welled up in his mind, a childish whimper slipping from his delicate lips as he heard that same sudden scream. “Oli, please.” His breath was coming in short shallow gasps, his hazel eyes wide and blinking, but still not seeing as he stared vacantly at the hickey little flesh of Oliver’s chest, his fingers tightening against Oli’s ribs momentarily. Why did it hurt so much to hear Oli say that Seth hadn’t done anything wrong? It was a lie. “No, no, no.” Seth’s voice was just a low murmur above the restless Seattle sounds, his teeth clicked together stubbornly as he suddenly tried to push Oli away. “NO! It’s not going to be okay! I fucking hurt you and now you’re not going to love me because I’m a defect! It’s not my fault I got broken before!” His voice was simply a low wail of misery as he suddenly smushed his cheek up against the place where Oliver’s heartbeat pounded steadily through his breast bone, his voice taking on a cracked disparity. “Please look at me, Seth,” Seth hesitated. How could he possibly bear to let Oli look at him? He knew if he did Oli would have that same disappointed frown on his beautiful lips that every one of his ex boyfriend’s had when they realized he was broken and possibly beyond repair.
“…Okay.”
Looking into Oli’s pale blues was like coming home. It was salvation. And Seth couldn’t contain himself any longer. Seth lunged towards Oli with a delighted squeal, his hazel eyes wide as he latched onto his boyfriend’s tiny frame, one set of fingers dancing dangerously through the other boy’s wildly mused hair, unprecedented peals of laughter were coxed from his lips as Oliver’s lips fell across every inch of Seth’s pale skin that they could reach. As feather light kisses were rained down across his face, neck, and shoulders, Seth attempted to worm his way towards Oli so that there wasn’t a millimeter of space between their bodies. “Oliver, I’m sorry. So, so sorry. I’ll never do anything like that ever again. I’m so fucking selfish.” Seth relished in the vice like grip Oli wound him into, his face nuzzled delicately into the hickey littered flesh of his lover’s neck, his fingers continually stroking down Oli’s trembling arm. And he was still apologizing, his finicky mouth running away all over the place and trying to get the reassurance he so desperately needed: that the only thing that even mattered anymore wasn’t gong to leave him. “Yes, baby, I know. I know. C’mere, you puppy.” Seth melted like a candy bar in a small child’s hand, a soft, girlish giggle slipping past his lips as Oli towed him forwards, his arms snaking around the other boy‘s neck. “I love you, kitten. I love you so fucking much.” Seth’s voice was murmured quietly against Oli’s lips, his nose nuzzled into the other boy’s collar with a faint sigh as they pulled away. “Good, because if you did, my soul would most likely be a feast for preschoolers—wait—” Seth giggled softly as he heard the first of Oli’s statement, a soft shiver crawling up his spin at the reality of just what he’d said. It was true, preschoolers where like miniature cannibals or something…Still giggling quietly, Seth drug the tip of his nose up the shell of Oliver’s ear. “Oli, that’s…just creepy and weird and true.” He murmured quietly before nuzzling his nose into the ashen skin of Oli’s warm cheek, his eyes fluttering closed as he inhaled the smell of Oli’s skin. It smelled just as delicious as it had hours ago, only now it held a slight edge of saltiness to it. “What are these and why do I want to put them in my nightstand?” Seth let go of the handcuffs easily as Oli snatched them away, his nose absently nuzzling a trail across the other boy’s cheek, his lips leaving a small trail of saliva in their wake as he pressed little lingering kisses into the flushed skin of his boyfriend’s cheek. “Uhm… handcuffs. Those are handcuffs.” Sentences were hard to come across in Seth’s flickering mind, his attention more so focused on kissing every inch of skin he could possibly reach at the moment. Suddenly the room snapped into focus as he felt Oli’s teeth capturing his bottom lip, a soft sigh slipping past his occupied mouth as he took the boy’s own upper lip into his mouth, tenderly sucking at it as his arms plaited around Oliver’s neck. As they fell back onto the bed, Seth giggled quietly and snuggled up against Oli’s side, his warm hazel gaze flickering up towards Oli. “I stole them. It sounded like a rather promising idea at the moment,” Seth purred softly as he attempted to tug the handcuffs from Oli’s warm fingers, his nose surreptitiously brushing across the boy’s chest. “and I wanted them, so I took them. They’ll be put to good use, promise.” He added with a smile, his nose crinkling up faintly as he dropped the handcuffs back to the floor distractedly, his mouth already focused on Oliver’s chest.
Seth had never felt so completely and utterly high like Oli made him feel, his mind had been reduced to only an acute awareness of pleasure and the boy beneath him. But the intimacy between the was suddenly interrupted with the chorus of bloody screams and complex guitar riffs, causing Seth to sit back in Oli’s lips and pout softly down at his boyfriend. Then, the lyrics suddenly seemed to make sense and Seth panicked. Torn between the thoughts of just how badly it would hurt Oliver if he figured out just who was on the other end of that phone and just how badly he would be physically hurt if he didn’t answer the phone Seth whimpered softly in mental defeat, a hand struck quickly out to snatch the phone up before the chorus begun to play over again, his other hand shaking like a leaf as he searched out Oli’s palm. “Seth, please don’t tell me… Don’t tell me you lo—” Oli’s stammering panic seemed to snap Seth out of his dilemma, his eyes swiftly moving from the flashing lights of his Sidekick to Oli. What was he trying to say? Frowning faintly, Seth whimpered quietly like a frightened puppy, his thumb brushing across the answer button indecisively. “What do I do? Oli, I’m so scared. I’ve––” “Do you—am—am I—? At two-thirty—but you said…” Seth gasped softly, his eyes widening incredulously as he pieced together Oli’s panicked sentences, his chest heaving as he stared at Oli wide eyed and frenzied. How could Oli even think that? He knew Seth loved him! He knew! As Oli’s ear splitting wail shattered the panicked air of the bedroom, Seth seemed to snap out of his trance, his own hazel eyes widening as Oli lunged towards him, crushing him into his chest. “Seth!”
With Oli so worked up, Seth tossed his cell phone away easily, his attention now centered on solacing the pitifully frightened boy holding him hostage in his arms. “ Oli, Oli, shhh. It’s okay baby, I don’t care about him anymore, only you.” Seth whispered quietly as he squirmed closer in the vice like grip Oli had pined his into, a hand rising up to stroke the smooth skin of Oli’s jaw comfortingly as he planted various kisses along the soft underbelly of his boyfriend’s jaw. “Don’t leave me, don’t leave me. I love you too much for you to leave. Don’t go.” Seth smiled softly at Oli’s worry, his cheek pressed into Oliver’s collar as he hooked his arms around his boyfriend’s tiny waist, his nose pressing softly into the hollow of Oli’s throat quietly. “Shhh, baby, I’m not leaving you. I promise, I’d never ever leave you. Not in a million years, kitten, not in a million years. You’ll always be my baby, and I swear on my life I’ll never leave. I swear.” He murmured consolingly into the soft skin of Oliver’s neck, his lips grazing the boy’s ashen flesh ever so gently as he felt Oli’s hand trembling against the back of his head, Seth’s arms wrapping around Oli’s waist comfortingly as he attempted to loosen the other boy’s suffocation hold on his rib cage.
After Oli had calmed down and begun to relax the death grip on Seth’s sides, Seth carefully extracted himself from his boyfriend’s lap, immediately taking Oliver into his arms, his face buried into the fathomless canyon of sweet smelling dark hair. Still attempting to console the frightened boy, Seth stroked his hands slowly down Oliver’s spine, his fingers lingering against the pitch writing that was scrawled across Oliver’ tailbone, a soft sigh given as he nuzzled his face deeper into Oli’s dark hair. “You’re the only thing that even matters to me kitten…” Seth mumbled pitifully into his boyfriend’s damp locks, still hurt by the fact that Oli would even think that he would leave him for someone else. Though, honestly, Seth didn’t exactly blame poor Oliver; the two boy’s had only met each other not even a full twenty-four hours ago. But Seth still felt that he had known Oli all of his life. As a few lingering moments passed, Seth soon extracted his face from it’s home in Oli’s hair to place a series of soft butterfly kisses along the other boy’s cheekbone. Pulling back, Seth noticed the soft lines of concentration creasing Oliver’s perfect forehead, a wave of nauseous panic swelling in his throat. Don’t let him put it together, Seth, get his mind away from that fucking phone call! Seth nodded briefly to himself before twitching nervously and reaching up, his hand framing Oli’s cheek softly as he brought their noses together in a delicate Eskimo kiss. “I love that,” A soft smile graced his lips as he glanced away shyly, a blush exploding like pink paintballs in his cheeks, his nose nuzzled against Oli’s collar slowly, Goosebumps cropping up in the wake of Oliver‘s warm fingertips. “I love you.” Seth whispered quietly, a crooked smile gracing his rosy lips as his hazel eyes became stuck in Oli’s icy blue irises, his lips twitching impatiently as they begged to be kissed. As Oli simply decided on teasing him with one of those barely there kisses that got Seth so worked up, with a short, desperate wail Seth buried his fingers gently into Oli’s soft locks and slammed their lips together in a kiss that was all tongues and teeth.
“What happened to you?” As soon as Seth felt the soft press of Oliver’s fingers against his cheek and he heard the soft spoken words, everything came rushing over him in a sudden, crashing wave. He was suffocating. Whimpering desperately, Seth suddenly crushed himself into Oli’s chest, his lower lip jutting out into an enormous, trembling pout, tears prickling the back of his eyes as he shook his head quietly against Oliver’s chest. Still whimpering piteously, Seth attempted to push himself further into his boyfriend’s chest as his mind busy took advantage of the weakness that Oli had brought up in order to play the horror reel that his and Josh’s relationship had been. “Oli…” Seth whispered shakily, his hazel eyes round and watering as he attempted to meld their two bodies into one, his fingers shaking violently as they curled about the boy’s wrist slowly. Seth relaxed minutely as he felt Oliver take him into his arms, his face immediately burrowed into his boyfriend’s neck, his arms tied tightly around the boy’s waist. “You’re okay. I promise. I swear to fucking god I won’t let anything touch you.” As Oli spoke, Seth simply burrowed deeper into his chest, his entire body trembling softly as he pushed his nose into the frail skin of Oliver’s pale neck. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please just don’t hurt me. I didn’t mean to do anything wrong, I promise.”
After Seth had calmed down, the two boys returned to their play; soft giggles and quiet moans stirring the quiet air surrounding them as their playfully touching and stroking began to build intensity. Seth realized that it was completely and utterly unavoidable, and he was scared. As Oli guided him onto his stomach, Seth tried to relax and calm himself down enough to get them both through this situation he’d helped create, he honestly did. All he wanted was Oli to take him and make him his, but the fear curling in the pit of his stomach like a venomous snake ready to strike had other plans. As Soon as Oli had him halfway to his stomach, his brain ceased to function logically, all he knew was that he had to make it stop, and make it stop right now; before he could get hurt. Seth restrained the painful whimper that caught in his throat as he felt Oli’s soft wince as he stole the boy’s arms into a death grip, his hazel eyes expanded to the size of the moon. “Seth, I love you—” At any other moment Seth would have melted into a melted puddle of worthlessness at those words, but not now. His body wasn’t letting his fickle and ill advised emotions get in the way, his mind was on lockdown, not letting a single thing get past it’s defenses. He wasn’t going to get hurt again. Not on anyone’s account. Seth’s rigid fingers relaxed minutely as Oli attempted to pry them away from his arms, his eyes closed tightly and his nostrils flaring slowly. “Seth, I love you more than anything. I will never, ever hurt you. And I can tell someone has hurt you, and what I want more than anything is to tear that bastard apart. But I want even more than that to be able to show you what this should be like. With me. Just like it’s supposed to be.” Seth’s eyes opened slowly, his gaze locked with Oli’s own as his hands were brought to the other boy’s lips, a soft, awed sigh fluttering from his lips before he suddenly surged upwards, his lips clashing with Oli’s own, and their palms remaining linked together.
Making love to Oli was like making love to an angel, it was remarkable in the best of ways, and Seth wouldn’t have traded it for anything in the world. And the best part was that that angel was his.
Seth gave a soft, sleepy, purring sound as he felt Oliver wipe his hands on the mangled bed spread and take him into his arms. Trembling softly, Seth gulped in several deep breaths as he realized exactly what he had just done, a soft distraught whimper floating up from his lips like a soft whisper of smoke as panic rose like a wailing siren in his brain. Tightly coiled muscles relaxed slowly beneath the gentle comfort of Oli’s skilled fingertips as they massaged themselves slowly into Seth’s back, the soft warmth of Oliver’s lips pressing down against his scalp cueing Seth’s lungs to crumple tiredly. “I’m sorry, Seth. I shouldn’tve… I shouldn’tve made you do that…” Oliver’s voice suddenly swept the panic from his mind like a soft breeze blowing away spring thunder storms, a gentle smile curling the edges of his lips upwards as he arched his back into Oli’s palms, his warm hazel eyes fluttering closed to the smooth sound of his boyfriend’s apologies. “Kitten, it’s okay. I… I needed that. As silly as it sounds, I needed you.” Seth turned his face away into his boyfriend’s collar quietly to hide his face away from the restless lights of the Seattle traffic, his lips working over Oliver’s smooth, pale skin. “I need you, kitten.”
At Oli’s soft grunt, Seth couldn’t help the smile that broadened against his smooth cheeks, his nose scrunching up briefly as he giggled faintly in an attempt to break the suddenly brittle atmosphere. Taking a few shallow gulps of air, Seth lowered his lips to Oliver’s chest in an attempt to distract himself away from the looming task before him, his eyes squeezed shut tightly a he felt Oli’s chest vibrating in a series of complex pitches. “Seth, you’re—you’re shaking. Is everything okay?” Sitting back up to face the boy who had the opportunity to completely crush every single one of Seth’s dreams, Seth wrung his hands nervously before nodding yes, then shaking his head no, before nodding yes once more. Giving a frustrated sigh, Seth simply leant forwards and placed a delicate peck to Oli’s lips before leaning back against and cocking his head to the side, not trusting his voice enough to speak. Finally working up his courage, Seth glanced upwards like a shy schoolgirl; a faint pink blush stained his cheeks as he locked gazes with Oliver, his breathing becoming shallower and shallower, and his mouth feeling as if it’d been filled with cotton. Suddenly, he felt his fingers being twined tightly with Oliver’s own, his own hazel eyes widening incredulously as he subconsciously shifted closer to Oliver, his teeth edging into his lower lip as he attempted to pull his thoughts into order in an attempt to speak logical sentences.
And somehow he managed.
After he’d spoken, Seth lapsed back into silence, his gaze stuck on their intertwined hands, marveling at just how perfectly they fit together. Almost as if they’d been made just for one another. Shaking his head softly, Seth pulled his mind back into the present as he rubbed his thumb across Oli’s knuckles, concentrating on taking deep, even breaths. “Of course. Ask away.” Seth gulped audibly as he heard Oli’s reply, his breathing speeding up rapidly as he settled lovingly against Oliver’s chest and stomach, keeping a set of their fingers tied together tightly as he worked up the nerve to speak, the warmth of Oli‘s palm pressed so lovingly into the small of his back prompting the words that had been building up in the backs of his mind since the moment he had first laid eyes on Oliver to rush out in a jumbled and very unromantic proposal. Don’t let him say no…
“I’m so scared, Seth. What if I fuck up? What if I can’t make you happy?” Seth forced himself away from the feeling of Oli’s fingers combing through his hair, his eyes forced open as he swooped forwards and wound his arms comfortingly about Oliver’s body. He murmured a smooth string of litany to the distraught boy tangled in his arms, his lips grazing Oliver’s ear every once in a while as he tried to soothe his panic stricken boyfriend. “Shh, kitten, it’s okay. You can’t fuck this up, Bear, you’re the reason I’m happy. You. Nothing else.” Seth had settled Oliver away from his chest so that he could peer up into those muddled blue eyes as he attempted to explain the reason why it was impossible that Oli could fuck up and disappoint him. A soft, content sigh fell from Seth’s lips as Oli pulled his thumb along his jaw line, his eyes fluttering closed as he melted into the touch, his head tilted gently into the caress, barely resisting the urge to purr like a happy kitten. “I just… I dunno. I never thought I’d get married, because I’ve seen it fail so many times. I mean, my parents… And Noelle’s even been married once… and everyone’s just always told me that marriage was a waste of time.” Seth suppressed a low whimper as he listened to Oliver prattling on nervously, his eyes turned to the mangled sheets as his teeth edged sharply into his lower lip. He should have known better than to think that Oliver would honestly think that their marriage could work. Silly boy. As Oli paused to take a shaking breath, ensuring that words would follow, Seth cringed away, expecting the blunt ‘no’ that would shatter his entire existence. Instead he got something much different. ““But you know what? Yes. Yes, Seth, I will marry you. Because I love you. I’ll marry you, Seth Matthews; at an altar, with a priest or whatever you fucking call them. I’ll wear a tux and waddle around like a penguin. I’ll even write my own vows or whatever, too. Because I love you. Consider me yours forever.”
Seth could have sworn he died.
Seth yelped softly in surprise as he was suddenly tackled into the pillow top mattress by a very determined Oliver, his arms snaking up to curl protectively about Oli’s waist as he arched up off the bed to rub his chest teasingly against the other boy’s own. A delighted peal of laughter sprang from his lips as he face was smothered in kisses before Oli’s lips latched onto his own, the boy’s tongue prying open Seth’s mouth and instigating a delicious little kiss. Surprised, Seth simply let himself be kissed, his hazel eyes widened incredulously at the sudden…bubbliness of the other boy’s mood, though before he could clear his mind of the paralyzing shock, Oliver leapt from the bed and simply stared at him. Baffled, Seth forced himself into an upright position, his tongue sneaking out to lap up the last remnants of Oliver’s taste on his lips, a piteous whine given as he noticed just how far away Oliver had gotten.
“I’m… I’m getting married. We’re. We’re… getting married. Ohmygod!” At Oliver’s dumbfounded words, Seth couldn’t help the swell of happiness that rose up in his chest, barely suppressing a girlish squeal as he bounced in place atop the springy mattress, his eyes alight with overwhelming thrill. And being the witty individual he was, Seth simply giggled like an excited school girl, nodding zealously before suddenly finding himself being towed towards the balcony just beyond the glass door as fast as his stumbling legs could take him. “I’M MARRYING THE MOST AMAZING BOY IN THE WORLD!” Seth giggled softly and squirmed closer to Oliver as he shuddered against the soft downpour of rain, his face lodged firmly into the other boy’s collar, his free arm snaking about Oli’s waist to pull the boy closer as he shuddered faintly. “You’re also very, very naked. And standing outside… In the rain… Where it’s cold.” He teased softly as he lipped playfully at the ends of Oli’s hair where it brushed softly against his lips, a childish giggle falling from his lips as he wrapped himself further about Oliver’s body.
Seth giggled and scurried after Oli obligingly as the boy towed him towards the bed, his eyes widening faintly as Oliver threw himself into the welcoming embrace of the mattress and yanked Seth down with him. Seth, still damp and shivering, had already wormed himself beneath the mountain of blankets and had skillfully––okay, so he fucked it up a few times, but he finally got it right–– pulled Oli under them, too, as he cuddled up against his boyfriend’s fiancé’s side. His eyes had already begun slipping closed as he was slowly tempted to sleep by the consistent warmth of Oli’s body and the exhaustion that clung like wet blanket to his mind when suddenly he felt the soft press of familiar lips. Seth giggled against Oliver’s lips before sliding a hand through the other boy’s damp hair as he wiggled around until he found a comfortable position to kiss and be kissed. Ever so often, Oli would break their intimate little kiss to tilt his head before picking it right back up where he had left off, but every time he did, Seth whined quietly, hating that their lips weren’t touching. “I love you. Forever and always.” Seth couldn’t contain the sugary ‘awh’ that slipped past his lips, his free hand reaching out to cusp Oli’s jaw as he turned the boy’s head up ever so slightly to press a small kiss to his forehead, a finger waltzing over the purpling hickies scattered over the ornamental character staining his lover’s chest. “I love you too, baby, more than anyone else in the world could.”
–––––––
For the first time in three months Seth had slept wonderfully; the usual nightmares that plagued his mind had subsided and left him surrounded in a shroud of comfort ––he later discovered that it was simply Oli’s arms, but it was the same thing either way. As the morning slowly bled through the full-window wall, Seth felt Oli begin to stir beneath the sheets, a soft whimper falling from his mouth as he clung tighter to his boyfriend, afraid that if Oli left him he’d wake up to the drab walls of his apartment and realize that it’d all be a dream; the boy beside him would simply be a pillow and the wonderful pleasure of that night would have been only some twisted fantasy. Thoughts of Oli flooded Seth’s mind and with a faint twitch of his lips Seth slowly drifted back to sleep, an orange glow of puddled sunlight bathing him in warmth as he curled like a sleepy housecat. As Seth felt Oliver’s lips pressing a soft peck to his cheek he suddenly bolted upright, his arms curled about the other boy’s neck as he suddenly pressed his lips softly into Oli’s own with a sleepy smile before collapsed back into the mattress, drawing his arm over his eyes with a soft groan, sore muscles protesting against movement. “Mmm, dun leave me.” His voice slurred sleepily as he cracked an eye and moved his forearm slightly as he peeked up at his boyfriend with a slightly dazed smile before yawning softly, his pink tongue lolling from his lips as he stretched quietly before falling slack against the mattress and drifting once more.
“Seth!” Seth giggled sleepily in response to Oli’s jubilant cry, his body curling tighter about the lonesome blue pillow as he wriggled further under the sheets with a soft grunt. He was never a morning person. Seth was almost asleep when a sudden, loud thump roused him from his burrow of sheets and blankets, his hazel eyes blinked open drowsily as he peered around the burlesque of bedroom. The view he was faced with took his breath away, but what concerned him more was the fact that Oliver was nowhere to be seen. With a soft whimper Seth crawled trepidly towards the white footboard of the bed, dragging the sheets along with him. What Seth saw next would haunt him for the rest of his life. “Oliver…? Oh my fucking god, Oli, no!” Seth nearly screamed, his voice doused with complete concern and sorrow as he was greeted with the sight of his boyfriend lying like a crumpled candy wrapper against the pale carpet, his beautiful fingertips bloodied and staining the flawless carpet. “No, no, no, please! Get up, Oli, it’s not funny!” Seth cried out with a voice so laced with shock that is was nearly impossible to discern any rational emotion from it, his body nearly numb from shock as he stumbled to the floor and then quickly to Oliver’s side, stumbling over his unfeeling feet as he collapsed in a shivering, helpless heap at his lover’s side.
He clutched Oli’s limp body against his own, his fingers repeatedly smoothing over the side of the boy’s face whose head was cradled carefully into Seth’s lap. Suddenly, Seth realized that there was no steady rising and falling of Oliver’s chest, his eyes widening to the size of pizza as he suddenly bent over Oli. Pinching the boy’s nose closed, Seth parted the boy’s bluing lips and pressed own mouth firmly down against Oliver’s own, slowly breathing into the boy’s mouth and watching as his chest rose steadily. Thank god for year nine health class.
As Noelle burst into the room Seth had long since stopped with his failing attempts at CPR, his fingers tied into the dark roots of Oliver’s hair as he bawled profusely over the boy’s limp body, sputtering nonsensical pleas for the boy to wake up. “Oli, Oli wake up. Oli! Oli! Don’t…Ohmygod, Oli. You didn’t. Oliver! Oliver Alexander Nathaniel Logan, get the fuck up! Please! I promised I wouldn’t let you do this again!” Seth had long since given up hopes of waking the unconscious boy, instead he remained stooped over Oli’s head, his fingers stroking wildly through Oli’s damp hair as his other fingers remained tied into Oliver’s, resisting the childishly selfish urge to hiss at Noelle and push her away. Seth bent lower and began kissing away the blood trickling from is boyfriend’s lips, tears continuing to leak from his frightened hazel eyes before Oliver’s body suddenly convulsed violently and lurched upright.
“Oliver! Oh god, Oliver!” he wailed and crushed the boy delicately into his bare chest, ignoring the cold splash of blood that splattered up away from the carpet to stain his pale thigh, the hand that had been busily running through the boy’s hair now rose, tremoring violently as he gently wiped away at the bloody stains about Oli’s lips. “Stay alive, Oli. Please keep breathing, oh god please.” Seth had long since forgotten about his nudity in the presence of Noelle, his mind focused on one thing and one thing only: Oliver Alexandre Nathaniel Logan. “Seth, don’t—don’t call for help. Don’t—do it. I can’t—let—them find—it in me.” 911. Why hadn’t he thought of that? Still keeping a protective and reassuring hold on his lover Seth suddenly scrambled for the phone lying in pieces against the snow-white carpet, the Sidekick just out of his fingers’ grasp. Fuck! Seth sobbed helplessly as he clung to Oliver, his face buried into the crown of the boy’s dark hair. “No, Oli, I’ve got to! I can’t let you die!” He pleaded desperately, his eyes wild and panicked. Oli didn’t really think he would just sit here and watch him die, did he? “We’re getting married, ‘member?”
Seth barely registered the faint murmuring of Noelle’s panicked voice as she dialed an ambulance, ignoring Oliver’s earlier pleas to keep the paramedics away. But he couldn’t honestly believe that Seth and Noelle where just going to sit back and watch life slip away from Oli’s incapable hands. Seth held Oliver gently against his chest as he cooed gently to his distraught lover, his fingers fumbling as they stroked slowly over Oli’s dark locks. “Shh, baby, just breathe for me. We’re going to be okay; come on Bear, breathe in,” he encouraged gently as Oli struggled for a breath, Seth’s eyes closed gently against the slow burn of tears that managed to snake across his gaunt cheekbones. “Seth, I’m sorry,” Seth sucked in a sharp breath as he heard his boyfriend’s shaky apology, a delicate frown knitting his brow as he leaned forward to brush his lips tenderly against Oliver’s own in the last few struggling moments of consciousness. “No, it’s not your fault. I'm sorry Oli; I should've kept my hands to myself.. I didn't know it was going to end up like… this." his voice was murmured low into Oliver’s ear as he heard the muffled ding of a distant elevator as the bedroom was suddenly flooded with paramedics rushing to Oliver’s side voices quick and concerned as they pried him from Seth’s vice like grip.
It was the first time Oliver had been taken from his arms, and it would certainly be the last.
Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #33 on Sept 7, 2008, 9:37pm »
“Oliver Logan?” Seth froze as a doctor hovered just in front of the pair of doors behind which his beloved Oliver had been whisked away, his heart leaping into his throat as he eyed the doctor nervously. “Oliver Logan?” Louder this time. Swallowing that lump that had caught in his throat, Seth stood anxiously and hurried to the doctor’s side, hazel eyes wide and expectant as he peered up at the older man. “H-how is m-my kit–– Oli? How is he?” The doctor sighed heavily and took the glasses from the bridge of his nose before shaking his head and placing them back onto his nose. “He suffered from a severe overdose of heroin, but luckily he was brought to us in time to open him up and pump the drugs out of his system. At the moment Oliver is in stable condition, but we are unable to tell if he’s slipped into a coma or not. He hasn’t woken since he fell unconscious at his home, and we’re not sure when––if––he’ll wake up.” Why was everything spinning? Seth gasped softly for air as he processed the particular implications of the doctor’s words, his eyes widening to the size of saucers, barely registering the firm grasp of the doctor’s hands on his shoulders. “Take me to him.”
As soon as the door clicked shut, Seth collapsed like an exhausted puppy at the sleeping Oliver’s bedside. His cheek pressed softly into his fiancé’s hipbone, an arm curled protectively about one of the boy’s tiny thighs, his hazel eyes squeezed shut tightly against the sudden rush of tears that burned at the backs of his eyes. “Hey Oli Bear, they said you would probably be asleep for a long time ‘cause they weren’t sure when you’d wake up, hell, they said you might not even wake up. They’re just being irrational. Of course you’re going to wake up... Right? They also said that you probably couldn’t hear me if I talked to you, but it can’t hurt, can it? I’m sorry I didn’t wake up when you did, maybe if I had you wouldn’t be here and we’d still be in bed. I’m sorry you had to do it because of me; I thought I was making you happy. I don’t want to do anything but make you happy, and it probably sounds cliché but it’s all true. You mean the world to me, baby.” Seth’s head jerked up as he heard the door creak open quietly, his hold on Oliver becoming possessively tighter as the doctor eyed him suspiciously. “Visiting hours will be over shortly, unless you’re immediate family…?” Seth all but climbed into the hospital bed beside his lover his hazel eyes the size of the moon as he nodded weakly up at the man standing in the doorway. “I-I’m his fiancé.” The doctor was quick to hide the shocked expression behind a carefully blank façade and nodded curtly as he turned and closed the door carefully behind him.
Seth’s lungs crumpled like brown paper bags as the doctor left, his head turned as he buried his face into Oliver’s hip, tears readily dampening the papery, hospital shrug they had clothed his boyfriend in. Seth hesitated and glanced back warily at the door before cautiously clambering into the bed with Oliver. He made sure to be as gentle as possible as he climbed nervously towards the head of the bed, his teeth sunk deeply into his bottom lip as he slowly crept towards his boyfriend, taking the utmost care in making sure that he didn’t jostle the peaceful boy lying like a broken angel against the hospital mattress. Once he had reached the top of the bed, he curled gingerly beside Oliver’s sleeping form, hesitantly taking the boy’s hand in his own, his fingers intertwined with Oliver’s own wordlessly. “Oh Oli, I hate this.” Seth whimpered softly into the pitch black mop of hair atop Oli’s head, his lips securing tender little kisses to the crown of the boy’s head. Suddenly, Seth remembered the small ‘gift’ that he had managed to pick up in his ten minute trip consisting of a quick dash to his apartment for a much needed shower and a change of clothes, and the hurried rush into the small jewelry store down the street from the hospital. With a weak smile Seth reached into the pocket of his jacket and produced a small black box, a shaky smile playing against his pale pink lips as he stumbled with opening the small black velvet hinged box. How the hell was he supposed make his proposal valiant and charming if he was shaking like a leaf and Oliver was asleep beside him?
The uncanny fluorescent lighting glinted off the polished band of metal, striking the small diamond encrusted in the shell of gold and causing it to glitter beautifully. How did Seth think he was going to be able to support himself and Oliver when it had damn near taken all the money he had been saving away for a rainy day to buy Oli a ring? And a pathetic one at that. Seth had seen the way Oliver lived: high class and untouchable. Seth sighed heavily and cuddled closer against Oli’s side lovingly, his nose nuzzling a trail leading from the end of Oli’s jaw line down his neck. “Oli, I don’t deserve you, I’m just some kid from the wrong side of the city. But you know what? I don’t care. I fucking love you more than anything else in the whole wide world.” Seth giggled softly and sunk down beside Oli with a sleepy yawn, but he wasn’t about to go to sleep just yet; not until he was physically incapable of staying awake any longer. “When we get married I’m going to get us a cute little house with a white picket fence and everything. We can get a dog and go for walks in the park and we’ll hold hands and kiss and cuddle and do cute things together and people can stare but we won’t give a damn.” Seth sighed softly and leant forward carefully, his lips placed warmly against Oliver’s own, his fingers tightening about Oli’s own as he pulled away. A delicate frown puzzled Seth’s lips briefly as he studied the small trail of dried blood crusted to the corner of his boyfriend’s mouth, his head shaken softly as he licked the pad of his index fingers and gently wiped away at the imposing red with the tenderness of a mother bird caring for her chicks. “We’re going to get through this Oliver, I promise. No matter what happens, I’m going to be there for you.” With a soft smile Seth hesitantly plucked the ring from it’s velvet bed with a set of trembling fingers and with the utmost care slid it onto Oli’s finger, his lips buried in the boy’s dark roots. “I love you, kitten.”
Suddenly the door flew open and Seth jerked away from Oliver as though he’d been electrocuted as he yanked the sleeping boy’s hand away from his lips, staring at the lanky intruder as if he’d seen a ghost. “W-Wil?” The intruding boy glanced towards the pale boy lying in the hospital bed for a split second before grimacing faintly and rolling his eyes in feigned exasperation. “No shit, Captain Obvious.” Seth, oddly, stayed motionless on the bed and blinked over at the boy quietly, as if he didn’t quite trust his eyes before slowly leaning down to press a lingering kiss to his sleeping boyfriend’s lips before he crawled gingerly out of the bed, glancing down at the floor tiles momentarily as he rubbed the toe of is shoe against the slightly off white tiles awkwardly for a brief moment and glancing trepidly up at the boy standing in front of the closed door. “Bum-bum?” Seth jerked his head up at the other boy’s soft spoken words, gasping quietly as he rushed into the boy’s outstretched arms, his own arms thrown about Wil’s shoulders. “B-but how’d you know? Why aren’t you in Colorado? Wher–” “Chill out Sethy, none of that’s important right now.” Seth blinked ingeniously up at Wil as the other boy abruptly cut him off and pressed a slender finger to his lips, a soft frown puzzled Seth’s brow as he was pushed away until he was arms length away from the other boy. Wil raised a brow questioningly as Seth simply stood there blinking up at him blankly, his head shaken softly as he wrapped an arm around the younger boy’s shoulder and led Seth to the chair placed in the corner of the room. Sitting down, Will patted his leg, giving Seth a quiet smile. “C’mere Bum-bum, you need to talk…Now.” Seth reluctantly slunk forwards until he collapsed into the other boy’s arms, his face buried into Wil’s collar as he began to sob silently. “Wil he’s been this way since this morning! What do I do? I’m so fuckin’ scared! I can’t lose him! I can’t!” Seth wailed quietly, sniffling miserably as Wil sat patiently and listened to Seth’s broken sobs, his hand rubbing soothing circles against the sobbing boy’s spine. “Shh, Seth, honey, calm down. He’s going to be fine. Now slow down and tell me what happened.”
After Seth had recounted everything that had happened to his Oliver, he’d turned into nothing but a trembling, sobbing mess in Wil’s lap, his face pressed against the other boy’s chest and his fingers curled so tightly in the bright pink material of Wil’s shirt that his knuckles had turned white. “Seth, baby, why do you always get so tangled up in these boys? Whatever happened to that one boy you’d been so head-over-heels in love with; Caden was it? The only problem you ever told me he had was blackouts. He has to be better than Oliver. Hell, don’t you see that fucking ring on his finger?” As Wil carried on exasperatedly, Seth shook his head vehemently in disagreement, his eyes widened to the size of pizzas as he leaned away from Wil as if he’d gone insane. “You don’t fucking understand, Wil! I never loved Aiden half as much as I love him, and that so called ‘fucking ring’ on his finger is mine!” His voice had slowly reduced itself into a vicious growl that so contrasted the soft cuddling position he’d taken up in Wil’s lap, his cheek smashed up against the boy’s chest in an attempt to hide from the reaction he knew was coming. “Bum-bum, you’ve known him for a day how coul–– wait, what the fuck did you just say? I could have sworn you just said that was your ring. But that can’t be right, can it? The Seth Matthews I knew got hurt ––bad–– not even four months ago, and was scared to fucking death of falling in love with anyone else because some stupid mother fucking asshole raped him.” Wil was holding Seth away at an arm’s length by his shoulders so tightly that Seth knew it was going to bruise by the next morning, his lips drawn together in a tight line. “Wil, that hurts! Stop!” “Seth, I really don’t give a flying fuck if it hurts or not; suck it up and quit whining like a bitch! I don’t want you to have your whole world fall down around you again just because some stupid boy got your hopes up that he was going to settle down with you and then fucking blow you off! That’s going to hurt a whole hell of a lot worse than anything I’m fucking doing to you!” Wil ignored Seth’s quiet pleas to calm down and be quieter, not really caring that he was going to wake up that Oliver boy; if he had his way he’d make sure he never woke up. Seth had been reduced to a whimpered heap in Wil’s hands, his body jolted with each rough shake Wil jostled him with, his eyes squeezed shut against the insistent burn that grew with each passing second Wil dug his fingertips deeper into Seth’s shoulders.
Thirty minutes later Seth carefully closed the door behind Wil, still sniffling miserably as a tired sigh deflated his worn lungs as he hesitantly crept back into the bed with Oliver, his body instantly melting against the boy’s irreplaceable warmth, though his shoulders throbbed with the insistent pain of already darkening bruises. Seth cuddled miserably against Oliver’s side, his fingers absently dancing their way up the unresponsive boy’s arm as he pressed a series of tender kisses along his fiancé’s jaw line. As the television mounted in the corner of the room kicked on, Seth moaned piteously and curled an arm about Oli’s waist, flickering occasional glances at the flashing lights on the television screen. Seth sniffled softly beneath the low murmur of voices filling the room as he glanced back down at his kitten lying so helpless against the pale sheets, his red and swollen eyelids stinging with withheld tears, a finger rising to brush a stray lock of Oliver’s hair from his eyes. So much for those perfect families Hollywood advertised. “I love you kitten, I love you so fucking much. Please, just be okay.” Seth murmured quietly, his lips stumbling to press a gentle kiss to Oli’s own pale lips before he curled into a small lump against Oliver’s side, his chin tucked protectively over his lover’s shoulder as he drifted to sleep to the soft mumblings of the drama on the television.
–––––––
Black.
Endless.
Alone.
Falling.
Save me.
ooc; DONE. ohmigod. I AM SO So SO SO SO SO SO SOOO SORRY. that took for fucking everr. but my life was pretty much falling apart , and as much as i hate to admit it, i had to save myself before i could even think about working at this.
Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #34 on Sept 8, 2008, 8:30pm »
you can hide underneath me, AND COME OUT AT NIGHT.
Easy blackness; that’s all he saw. It was cool against his eyes—were they even his eyes?—and it felt good against his skin. No light, no color. Just black. Oliver curled his fingers into a fist, liking the feeling of the darkness under his fingernails. This was, sick as it seemed, his paradise. What he’d wanted ever since he pulled that trigger. But as hard as he tried, Oli couldn’t seem to remember that feeling. The feeling of his head hitting the floor, the feeling of life slipping away from him so sadly. He couldn’t even remember anything. But even though he liked this blackness, something was missing. Something that would complete his paradise and then some. It was a boy… what was his name? His face appeared in the dark, his boyish nose crinkling over the little freckles. What was his name? What was his name? Oliver knew that he knew. He knew that this face was important to him. But he couldn’t quite grasp the concept of faces yet.
Time was nonexistent in this mysterious black plane, but Oli recognized the hours as they significantly passed. He tried to curl himself up, to make himself comfortable. But he didn’t feel anything. Only the numbness. But out of the darkness, a sound clamored. It was small and soft, like a pin dropping on tiled floors. Nonetheless, it was there. “Hello?” Oli called out, noticing how strange his own voice sounded. “Is anyone there?” Was this even his voice? He could’ve had another voice. One that was sweet and mellow, one that made his bones shiver. But wait. Could that voice have belonged to someone else? That voice that he could so vaguely recall? Was it that boy’s? The one with the dark hair and the crooked smile? The one with hazel eyes that made his blood run cold?
The noise. It echoed again, this time louder. “Hello!” Oli demanded, stepping forward once, then rocking back on his heels. A figure had appeared before him. Dressed in a striped hoodie, an unidentified band tee, and the tightest jeans he’d ever seen. Ohmygod, thought Oli, I know him. Oliver stumbled toward the boy, straining his eyes to see in the dark. “Who—who are you?” Oli questioned, warily leaning his body forth. The figure turned around, a bright smile lighting up on his face. The blackness disappeared suddenly, leaving only greyness to take over. “Are you serious, Oli? You don’t recognize me? C’mon, that’s bullshit.” Oli blinked once and shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t remember anything.” The boy rolled his eyes and sighed, taking his hands out of his hoodie pockets. He ran one of them through his sidebangs. “Oli, it’s me, Brendan.”
Oliver’s heart began to beat a little faster. Brendan? Suddenly, his brain was being filled with memories. Kissing. Touching. Grabbing. Laughter. He shut his eyes as the aching in his head heightened, giving him more pictures to see. Smiling, this time. Brendan’s smile. And another smile he didn’t quite recognize—a sweet smile that was set under a pair of hazel eyes that weren’t Brendan’s. But it disappeared too quickly for him to analyze it. “Brendan?” He whispered, stepping closer. “You’re. Dead.” He remembered the bloody, mangled body of his lover on the street. There was no pulse—so Brendan was dead. How was he here, then?
“Yes, I am. And so are you. Kind of.” Brendan grinned. Oliver’s eyes widened and he sucked in a breath of air that he couldn’t seem to breathe. “What do you mean?” Brendan shrugged, shifting his weight. “You overdosed on heroin again. Remember?” Oli shook his head. Brendan sighed again, tsking under his tongue. “Oli, Oli. You know what this does to you. How could you put Seth in this kind of position? What’s the matter with you?”
Seth.
Oli’s Seth?
Seth. Seth. Seth.
The name rung in his ears a hundred times over. “You… do remember Seth, don’t you?” Oliver stood still for a long time, giving Brendan time to groan and slap his hand to his face. “Good lord. More work for me, I guess. Follow me.” Before Brendan could go anywhere, Oli reached out and grabbed his arm. “Tell me the truth. Am I dead?” He whispered, trembling. Brendan’s eyes saddened considerably. He looked nervously to the ground. “You’re inbetween life and death, Oli. You’re not dead. But you’re not alive, either.”
Now that was a hard pill to swallow. Oliver gulped, his eyes ballooning into pupils the size of a pie plate. “Seth,” He murmured, not sure why, exactly, his mouth chose that name to speak. Brendan furrowed his brow, sliding his hand down Oliver’s arm. “Come on, we have work to do.” And they vanished.
Oli found himself in a familiar place. An apartment, no less, with ratty rugs and a vintage refrigerator. He recognized it. Definitely. “Your apartment?” He questioned, raising a thick eyebrow. Brendon shoved his hands in his pockets, slouching back on his heels. He shrugged. “Yeah. I miss it. Even though it’s a little… shabby? I miss it.” “I do, too.” “Yeah, I thought you might. Oh, wait. Here. Watch this.” Brendan paused and pointed to the treshold of the door, where the French white wood opened to reveal Brendan, carrying Oli in his delicate arms. Oli had his lips pressed to Brendan’s cheek, which was spread out with the biggest smile he’d ever seen. Oliver felt tears pressing at his eyes as he watched. “Can they see us?” He asked, watching Brendan spin Oli around. Oli squealed happily. Brendan shook his head and jumped up on the counter, swinging his legs around like the little kid he should’ve been. “Oh, please don’t make me watch this.” Oli begged as the two others disappeared onto the couch. “You have to. It’s part of the—process.” Oliver scrunched up his lips in confusion, but followed Brendan to the couch nonetheless. It was there that the two teenagers were making out, ruffling their fingers through each other’s hair and slipping hands down each other’s jeans. Brendan smiled sadly. “Your Pikachu jammies…” He started, then trailed off when he realized he’d struck a nerve. Oli had taken to the corner of the room, where he stood stiff and aloof. “Why are you doing this to me?” He asked Brendan, the tears maturing in his eyes. “Why are you making me hurt?” Brendan shuffled closer to Oli, reaching out so that his fingertips were just centimeters from Oli’s face. Oli turned his cheek away, feeling it glisten with wet tears. “So you know that you can hurt, Oli.”
“Wh-where are we?” Oli’s teeth were chattering in the coldness of the street. A street he well recognized, but he asked anyway. Brendan looked gravely toward Oli, then back at where a queue of people had gathered. Oli recognized himself at once, knelt over a splayed body on the sidewalk. The next thing he recognized was Brendan’s limp carriage, no longer able to draw in breath. Oliver buckled over forward with an enormous sob, burying his face in his hands. The body had been shot straight through with large bullets, gauging holes in Brendan’s pretty pale skin. “Oh my god,” Oli screeched, turning away immediately. He stared down the infinite blackness of the opposite side of the street, listening with wavering sniffles to his own wails in the background. Brendan was disturbingly silent, to a point where Oliver could take it no more. He reached out for Brendan’s hand, gasping for breath and refusing to look at the bloody remains of his dead boyfriend. “Please don’t do this to me,” He begged, falling to his shaky knees at the end of his sentence. “Please…” Brendan wrenched his hand away to wipe a tear from his own bright blue eye. He seemed almost upset with Oli for being this way. For being this… dead. “Let’s go,” He insisted, guiding Oli with his fingertips pressing to his back. A cool breeze passed through Oliver’s body, and within moments the world had changed from an unreadable blur to the setting of a quiet apartment room, one Oli realized as his own. It was a bit rugged, but somewhat homey, in a way. “Why are we here?” Oli asked abstractedly, beginning to wander around the room. He traced his hands lightly over the walls and tables and furniture as he walked. The sight of a newspaper on the couch caught his eye. He picked it up, his eyes searching for the date. October 18, 2007. The blue of his eyes suddenly swallowed his pupils, and he staggered back and dropped the paper. He shot an astonished look to Brendan, who leaned casually against one of the white walls. “You brought me… here? Today?” Oli whispered. Brendan nodded and closed his eyes. “Not one of my favorite days.” Oli dropped his head, knowing very well what was going to happen today.
“We have to get out of here,” Oli begged Brendan, gasping for air. “You know what happens today. We have to get—” Brendan shushed him softly, nudging his chin toward the door. At that exact moment, the white threshold was bared by the hands of none other than Oliver himself. Oli looked a good deal younger and significantly more depressed than he ever had been. Oli paused to watch himself reach for the couch and then began to panic. He grabbed Brendan’s jacketed arm and pulled forward. “Brendan! No!” Oli screamed, tossing his frightened eyes over his shoulder. There was nineteen year old Oliver, cocking a gun. Oliver’s screams became lessened as he continued to watch the scene unfold before him. Past Oliver was sobbing, similarly to the present Oliver. Oli watched as his past self pushed the gun up to his heart, feeling his nails digging beds into his palms. Brendan turned away as the shot fired and blood erupted from the wound, leaving past Oli unconscious and tangled on the floor.
The next locale was a familiar one. It was a crowded mall filled to the very brim with people. Oli shied away as someone nearly passed right through him. “Why—” “—are we here? Oli, you keep asking me that same question.” Oli sighed. “I know, but why would you bring me to a mall? I mean, honestly. Nothing ever happened to me at a mall. Not that I remember, anyway.” Brendan rolled his eyes, clearly agitated with the amnesiac boy. “What do you mean ‘nothing happened’? Are you fucking kidding me? This is the place that you—nevermind. You’ll find out for yourself.” Oliver cocked his head, a puzzled look surfacing onto his face. But as Brendan began to walk toward the more deserted part of the mall, Oliver followed without question. Brendan paused at one of the doors, looking back to make sure Oli was still behind him.
There was a long silence as the two boys hovered by the door, each looking hesitant to open it. After what felt like half an hour, Brendan tossed a glance in Oli’s way, heaving a troubled sigh and motioning Oli forward. Oli resisted, unsure of what it looked like Brendan was about to do: pass through the door. They leveled eyes, each boy’s pupils arguing against each other in a silent battle. Several minutes passed where this went on, until Oliver was defeated by the other boy. Brendan took Oli’s hand into his own and ducked through the wall. Oliver held his breath instinctively, feeling a cool breeze kissing his cheeks as they stepped into a small room. In it sat two boys in two different chairs next to each other in front of a cheap-looking desk. They were both dark-haired and fair-skinned, one with tiny freckles and the other with stunning blue eyes. The blue-eyed one, Oliver recognized as himself.
“I don’t—I don’t remember this,” He admitted, quite upset with his shitty memory at the moment. His eyes drifted down to his cuffed hands. Brendan took to leaning against the desk, narrowing his eyes at the other boy and then dropping his head as though he’d lost some tournament. In a way, he had. “You will,” Brendan reassured him, and looked away. Confused, Oli led himself behind the desk. He didn’t sit in the chair—he was afraid his translucent body might fall through it. With a careful eye he looked over the two boys in front of him, taking his time with each one. They both had their heads tucked to their chests and their brows furrowed in deep thought. It was quiet. That is, it was quiet until Oliver saw himself raise his head from its thoughtful position and turn it toward the other boy. His other self was now studying the other boy in the same manner as he himself had just done. The other boy blinked up at Oli in his chair, and in that instant, a ripple caressed the air. It was unseen, apparently, by the two in the chairs, but it was very clear that he and Brendan had seen it. “What was that?” Oli whispered, worried he might disturb the silence if he spoke too loudly. Brendan turned away. “That was…love.”
Love?
That very second, a tidal wave of memories crashed down on Oliver. They flashed in his head over and over in a fast-forwarded movie clip until it slowed to more distinct ones. He and the boy locking lips in one of the chairs. He and the boy dashing through the food court. He and the boy crouching in bushes and making out like two teenagers. He and the boy… in his bed. Then he saw the most touching sight of all—Oli was naked and propping himself up by his arms on either side of this boy, and the look in their eyes was purely magical. There was no other way to describe it. It gave him butterflies, now that he thought about it. The rush suddenly began again, and Oliver emerged in the blackness again, Brendan at his side. “Seth!” He gasped. Everything had made it back to him. And now all he had to do was find Seth again.
“Brendan!” Oli called Brendan’s name incessantly, but no reply came. Oli was stuck in the blackness. Feeling overwhelmed, Oliver lowered himself warily to the floor and drew his knees to his chin. He closed his eyes—not that it would’ve mattered, anyway. It was too black for him to even discern open eyes from closed. Aside from the eternal darkness, the only other thing on Oli’s mind was Seth. And oh, how Seth was destroying his mind. He was taking every sinewy fiber and cutting it in complete half. All Oliver could think about was Seth’s smile, his gentle eyes and his alluring touch. A sad smile pricked at his lips as he recalled the memory of the two in the mall. It had been the most fun Oli had ever had in one single day. It had also been the most Oli had ever felt in a single day as well. Love had never been on his side from the start, but now he had something good. And he had to go fuck it all up, as per usual.
Voices. Oliver heard voices emerging from the darkness, all by themselves. “Hey Oli Bear, they said you would probably be asleep for a long time ‘cause they weren’t sure when you’d wake up, hell, they said you might not even wake up.” He knew that voice. That husky, boyish tone was so familiar as it vibrated in his chest. “Seth,” He whispered, looking up from the ground. But what he saw was not the cool blackness that he had become so used to. It was a quiet hospital room with pale, flowered wallpaper and eggshell curtains. His eyes drifted over to the boy in the hospital bed, which he recognized immediately as his sleeping self. Draped over him was the tiny figure of Seth, speaking softly to the dormant Oli. He hung back in the corner and listened, knowing still that he would be invisible to the naked eye.
“They’re just being irrational. Of course you’re going to wake up... Right?” Oliver held his breath, a long pause ensuing Seth’s words. Only the heart monitor dared to make a noise, bleating feebly with Oli’s weak heartbeat. “Seth,” Oli breathed, but quickly pursed his lips together. What was he doing? Seth couldn’t hear him. Oliver sunk further into the corner. “They also said that you probably couldn’t hear me if I talked to you, but it can’t hurt, can it? I’m sorry I didn’t wake up when you did, maybe if I had you wouldn’t be here and we’d still be in bed.” Oliver felt a sob squeeze through his ribcage. He buried his face in his translucent hands, crying for his limp body on the bed and for the boy beside him. He was even crying for little kids in Africa. Just a teensy bit.
“It’s not your fault,” Oli admitted softly, shuffling closer to Seth. He moved to get closer, but a voice in the background halted him. “I was wondering when you’d get here.” Oli snapped his head to the right, his eyes taunting him with the image of Brendan. Brendan was leaning in his notorious stance against the wall, arms crossed, eyes narrow and mellow. “Brendan,” He murmured. “how long have you been here?” Brendan shrugged. “Longer than you have.” Oli’s eyes widened considerably for a split second. “Brendan—am I… dying?” Brendan’s throat tightened. He looked from Oliver’s body to Oliver and back again. “A little.” Another sob took a blow at Oli. Without another thought, Oli leaped forward onto Seth’s body, feeling weightless and nonexistent. He couldn’t quite feel the warmth of his lover’s body, but he imagined it so well that he very well could’ve.
“I’m sorry you had to do it because of me; I thought I was making you happy. I don’t want to do anything but make you happy, and it probably sounds cliché but it’s all true. You mean the world to me, baby.” Oliver’s grip around Seth tightened, though part of his arm was slipping through Seth’s body in a ghostly way. He propped his chin up by Seth’s ear, softening his bear hug. “It wasn’t your fault, Seth. It was mine. It was all me. It was my stupid fucking head that got me—us—into this,” Oli whispered and tried to kiss Seth’s neck. But his lips fell right through. His hold suddenly became even tighter. As the doctor opened the door, Oli felt Seth look up, but he himself didn’t bother to. He took to murmuring his apologies some more. “I’m so sorry, Seth. You don’t deserve this. You deserve so much better than a low-class druggie.” A sob pushed through his lips. He heard Brendan shift uncomfortably behind him. Oli raised his hand and rested it on top of Seth’s head, wanting so badly just to hold him. “I know you can’t feel me, but I’m right here. I’m just not quite… there.” Oli’s eyes darted to his sleeping body on the hospital bed, wondering somewhere in the back of his mind if he’d ever wake up.
As the doctor took his leave, Seth moved from under Oli’s spiritual form. Oli fell forward as his only means of support curled up beside his real body up on the bed. He tried to move forward, but decided against it. He should just leave Seth alone. He’d done enough damage already. “Oh Oli, I hate this.” Oli blinked quietly from his place at the foot of the bed. He brought his legs up to his chin, then crossed them Indian-style and watched the perfect pair before him. An aching awoke in his body—an aching to be alive again. The two were quiet for a long time, during which Oliver exchanged several glances with Brendan. In a way, he felt sorry for Brendan, having to stand there and watch his past love connecting with another new one. But he also had Brendan to thank, of course, for allowing him to accept the marriage proposal that had changed his life forever.
Oliver watched as Seth reached for something in his pocket. There was a faraway glow in his eyes—what could it be? Surely nothing he deserved, of course. Oli was no longer worthy of the love Seth kept giving. He had lost that privilege the moment he lost consciousness. Oliver’s eyes widened as the object was produced from Seth’s delicate hand. It was a small black box, tinged with blue in the fluorescent hospital light. Oli’s eyes widened considerably. He heard Brendan snort sarcastically behind him. “What?” He breathed, unable to control his thoughts for a moment. Is that what he thought it was? Seth opened the box to reveal a beautiful ring which glinted in the stream of white light and smiled up at Oliver cheekily. Oliver pressed his hand to his chest, his cheeks now streaked with tears that he couldn’t feel.
“Oli, I don’t deserve you, I’m just some kid from the wrong side of the city. But you know what? I don’t care. I fucking love you more than anything else in the whole wide world.” Oliver coughed up a sob. How had he gotten so lucky? How could anyone in the world have gotten so lucky? He sniffled as Seth nuzzled at his body, touching the very spot on his own translucent self and pretending to feel it. “When we get married I’m going to get us a cute little house with a white picket fence and everything. We can get a dog and go for walks in the park and we’ll hold hands and kiss and cuddle and do cute things together and people can stare but we won’t give a damn.” Another cough, another sob. Oli was nearly choking with tears at this point, but he didn’t care. Seth was so sweet and definitely the best thing that had ever happened to him. Oli’s nails dug into his chest the more he thought about how much he loved this boy. When Seth leaned forward to secure a kiss to Oli’s lips, Oli cried out with pain. How could Brendan do this to him? Letting him watch as his entire life slipped away at his fingertips, that he couldn’t do a damn thing about? He crumpled weakly into a ball on the bed, feeling himself getting more transparent by the second.
“We’re going to get through this Oliver, I promise. No matter what happens, I’m going to be there for you.” Oliver saw Brendan’s face twist with agony out of the corner of his eye. He shivered hopelessly, at which the heart monitor blipped a beat shorter than the rest. His eyes widened; he threw a look at Brendan. “Wha—?” He stammered, incredulous. “How did that happen?” He wondered aloud, still looking at Brendan for an answer. Brendan shifted his weight and shrugged nonchalantly. “I dunno. Guess there’s a ghost in the machine,” He smirked at his little joke, which Oli found far from amusing. Scowling, Oli whipped his head back to his body, brushing his fingertips along Seth’s calf. “I love you, kitten.”
The door suddenly yanked itself open, revealing a slender trespasser. Oliver growled under his breath, but softened as he realized that Seth recognized this boy. A faraway wilt began in his heart as Seth gave a last kiss to Oli’s lips and teetered out of the hospital bed. There was a moment of stunned silence before the boy, evidently called ‘Wil’, whispered an odd nickname. Seth then stumbled toward the boy like a leggy colt, throwing his arms about Wil’s neck. “B-but how’d you know? Why aren’t you in Colorado? Wher–” “Chill out Sethy, none of that’s important right now.” Oliver watched with jealous eyes as Seth clung to this mysterious boy, though Brendan seemed a lot cheekier than usual. Oli coughed abruptly in shock as one of Seth’s fingers ended up on Wil’s lips. “No,” Oli hissed, tensing. His heart monitor blipped again.
“C’mere Bum-bum, you need to talk…Now.” As Wil and Seth proceeded to talk, Oli turned to Brendan. Brendan was smiling, proud as a peacock from where he stood. Oli’s eyes narrowed to slits. “Looks like someone’s got a few skeletons in the closet,” Brendan sang, flitting over to Oli’s side. He grinned, but Oliver could only look down in defeat. “Who is he? Why didn’t I ever get a memo that he existed?” Oli’s body wrenched the more the other two touched. Brendan hooked an arm around Oli’s shoulders, looking quite smug. “Maybe he didn’t want you to know he existed.” Oliver leapt from Brendan’s arm, springing to his feet on the floor. He glared malevolently in Brendan’s direction, exhaling hard to emphasize his anger. “No! Seth would never—” Brendan cut Oli off by pressing one of his fingers to his lips, nodding towards where the two boys were talking. “Listen,”
“You don’t fucking understand, Wil! I never loved Aiden half as much as I love him, and that so called ‘fucking ring’ on his finger is mine!” Oliver’s eyebrows raised high into his smooth forehead. He looked curiously to Brendan, who looked significantly crestfallen at this justification of Sethiver’s love. “Bum-bum, you’ve known him for a day how coul–– wait, what the fuck did you just say? I could have sworn you just said that was your ring. But that can’t be right, can it? The Seth Matthews I knew got hurt ––bad–– not even four months ago, and was scared to fucking death of falling in love with anyone else because some stupid mother fucking asshole raped him.” Seth’s cry of pain made Oliver twitch with nostalgia. If only he could wake up and kick this kid in the fucking ass…
“Seth, I really don’t give a flying fuck if it hurts or not; suck it up and quit whining like a bitch! I don’t want you to have your whole world fall down around you again just because some stupid boy got your hopes up that he was going to settle down with you and then fucking blow you off! That’s going to hurt a whole hell of a lot worse than anything I’m fucking doing to you!” Oliver roared in rage. He jumped at Wil, only stopping himself halfway and remembering that neither of them would be able to feel anything he did to them. He shook his head, trembling with fury as Brendan pulled him into a warm bear-hug. “You fucking bitch!” Oli screamed, over and over until Brendan quieted him with lulling shushes. “Easy, baby. Easy. That’s it, calm down,” The way Brendan was looking at him gave Oli the darkest of feelings deep in the pit of his stomach. But he didn’t know why.
Half an hour passed where Oli lay in the arms of another boy while Seth did the same, perhaps less comfortably, though. There were dozens of times that Oli tried to jerk himself free to save his Seth, but Brendan wouldn’t let him each time. When Seth finally rose to his feet, Oliver let out a sigh of relief. But the look of mounting pain on Seth’s face erased that relief just as quickly as it had arrived. “I love you kitten, I love you so fucking much. Please, just be okay.” And Seth fell asleep, and Oliver turned into Brendan’s chest with a sob.
“Send me back,” Oli whimpered, struggling against Brendan’s arms. “Send me back, you son of a bitch!” He breathed, hoarse from crying so much. Brendan, however, refused to let go. And he wasn’t caving easily. “Oli, Oli,” Brendan crooned, using one hand to feverishly stroke through Oli’s hair. “Oli, calm down baby. Calm down.” Oliver shook his head suddenly. “Don’t you dare call me ‘baby’, Brendan. Don’t you dare—call me that.” He choked, finally scrambling free of Brendan’s grip. He staggered at first, but then turned around to face the spirit before him. “Brendan, you goddamn bastard, send me back now,” Oli demanded, his dark eyebrows furrowed together into an angry line. Brendan’s eyes widened with hurt. Oli softened then. “Brendan, I can’t stand to see him like this. Please,” Oli whispered, now begging.
“Oli, I—I can’t. I can’t send you back.” Brendan closed his eyes gently, meanwhile Oliver’s eyes stretched across with panic. “You what?” He cried, giving a cursory glance to Seth’s sleeping body. “What do you mean, ‘I can’t send you back’?! Brendan, stop bullshitting me! I know you can. I know you can fix this, Brendan. Wha—” Oli stopped himself as Brendan seemed to grow more and more timid. He sucked in a deep breath, attempting with renewed patience to calm himself down. “Why, Brendan? Why can’t you send me back? Why can’t you give me back the one thing I love most, huh? Why?” Oli took a seat beside Brendan, planting his hands on either knee. He’d need support for the answer that was about to come.
CONT.
« Last Edit: Oct 12, 2008, 3:45pm by oliver logan »
Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #35 on Oct 12, 2008, 3:51pm »
“Because I love you, Oli,” Brendan said, dropping his head into his hands. Oli twitched a little, his sparkling blue eyes faltering. “You what?” He asked, not sure what to make of Brendan’s little confession. After all, this was all in his head. Brendan sighed and glanced at an angle up at Oliver. His eyes fell again to the hospital floor. “Oli, I can’t send you back because I don’t want to.” Oli tilted his head slightly, still looking quite doubtful. “Why, Brendan?” He kept his voice low, as not to stir the two beside him. Not like he could, anyway, though. Brendan stood up, taking Oli with him. He took both of Oliver’s hands into his, swinging them to the right a little before leveling their eyes together. Oli noticed that, in the fluorescent light, Brendan was more beautiful than ever. “Stay with me, Oli.”
“What?” Oli exclaimed, leaning back a bit. His eyes were the size of pie plates, now. “Stay with you?” He echoed. “You want me to stay with you?” Brendan nodded sheepishly, quickly allowing his fingers onto Oli’s cheek. He brought their faces closer. “I know it’s selfish of me, to make you give up so much. But—” Brendan threw his eyes suddenly to Seth. “you said you loved me, once. You said we’d get married one day and that we’d be together forever. Well, now we can be. Just as long as you’re—” “—Dead?” Oli finished with a cracked voice. His face had completely lost its flushing color, and stressful lines were beginning to crease around his nose and mouth. Brendan shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“‘Dead’, as in ‘not living’?” Oli squeaked, laughing darkly. He shook his head and took a step back. Brendan, still linking their hands together, followed. “‘Dead’, as in ‘with me’, Oli.” Brendan moved closer. Their bodies got warmer. Oli’s heart beat faster. He swallowed. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” Oli whispered, as though afraid someone might hear. Brendan smiled sadly. “Yeah, I am. Oli, I still love you. I always will. And it kills me to see you with someone else. And I know you love him and all, but didn’t you say you loved me, too? Didn’t you cry for months after I died? Didn’t you wish just once that we could be together again?” Brendan exhaled slowly, waiting for Oli’s answer.
Oli dropped one of his hands from Brendan’s. They both looked solemnly at it as though it held some capital relevance to his feelings. “Brendan, that was a long time ago,” Oli murmured, turning his face to the floor. Brendan jerked back in anger, now looking rather pissed off. “How long ago, Oli? How fucking long ago did you bury me? Yeah, you better look ashamed. Because now you’ve got someone new. Already! How could you, Oli?” Oli’s mouth tightened to a thin line. “I’m sorry, Brendan. But that’s just how love is, you know?” “No, I don’t know, Oli.” Brendan snapped, his eyes aglow with rage and hurt. And that’s when Oli knew. He had an awful decision to make.
“Brendan, do you really think it’s fair of me to leave Seth?” Oli asked gently, his brow furrowed in thought. He had migrated over to the chair next to his hospital bed and had his chin in his palm. “Do you think it was fair for you to go off and fall in love again?” Brendan mocked, gritting his teeth. “Brendan,” Oli whined, clearly hoping to retire this argument. Brendan gave him an abrasive look in protest, his upper lip curled slightly as though he were a wolf. “Oli,” Brendan began, pulling himself to his feet. “do you realize that we could be together again? For good?” Oliver refused to look at Brendan, instead staring at the shadow that the bed cast. Brendan stepped closer. “Nothing could break us up, no one could get in our way…” He taunted, tossing a glance to Seth. “Nothing could ever, ever get in our way.” Tears pricked at Oli’s eyes and began to weave down his pale, porcelain cheek. “But I love him,” Oli whispered, looking longingly at Seth. Brendan kneeled down by Oli’s side, running his fingers along Oli’s wet jaw. He kissed it softly, sending shivers up Oliver’s spine. “But I love you, baby,” He murmured, making trails of kisses until he reached Oli’s mouth. Oli leaned away as the tips of Brendan’s lips touched his, but Brendan pulled him in by the back of his head. The kiss was gentle and melted perfectly, as they always had in the past.
Oli pulled away first, a little dazed and confused. His eyes grew large as he looked from Brendan to Seth, Brendan to Seth. “Brendan,” He gasped, but Brendan didn’t give him another chance to talk. He stole Oli’s lips into his again, this time more fiercely. “I love you, Oli,” He breathed. “I love you too,” Oli said dreamily. Realizing what he’d said, Oli leaped backwards into the chair, their mouths coming apart with a loud smack. His eyes widened. “Brendan, I didn’t mean that. I mean, yes, I did, but not in the way you think I meant it.” Brendan smiled and shook his head, sitting back on his heels. “I should’ve known.” He eased up onto his feet, leaning over and kissing Oli on the neck. He paused, his lips just millimeters from the hairs on Oli’s nape, speaking softly. “I’ll always love you, just know that,”
Oliver lurched upward, sucking in the largest gasp of air he’d ever had in his lifetime. He began to choke on the air that hitched in his throat, convulsing violently. Through his thrashing, he recognized the too-vivid colors of the world spinning around him. He also recognized a warm body next to him, one that could only be his Seth.
Oli screamed at the top of his lungs, clawing at his neck and trying to breathe. Doctors and nurses rushed to his side, completely disregarding Seth, performing CPR as he fell into unconsciousness again. The heart monitor flatlined as Oli grew limper by the second, his mouth gaping open. A nurse suddenly shoved an oxygen tube down his throat and his pulse strengthened. Screams sounded throughout the hospital, demanding thirty cc’s of this and eighty cc’s of that. They injected Oli countless times with dozens of drugs, practically beating on his chest so that he would breathe. One doctor even cried, ‘Breathe, damn you!’
But it was only black for Oli.
He was back in the darkness, where Brendan clung to the shadows quite a ways away. Oli squinted his eyes. He was flashing inbetween life and death so quickly that Brendan looked like he was an animation on flipping pages. “Brendan!” Oli shrieked. It came out muffled by the oxygen tube. Brendan was waving goodbye, smirking that beautifully mysterious smirk of his. And suddenly the flashing became faster and faster and faster until Oli saw only white.
The hospital ceiling came into focus rather slowly. It warped and twisted in so many ways that Oli could hardly tell it was a ceiling at all. But after what felt like thirty minutes, the little air vents were as clear as they’d ever be. Oli felt weak. He ached in places he didn’t remember aching in. Mostly, he was afraid. Afraid of what condition he was in, afraid of what had happened to Seth and Noelle. Just… afraid. Oli tried hard to raise his hand to his throbbing head, but he found that it was far too difficult for him to do. His eyes fluttered a few times as he inspected every particle of his field of vision. But he was dying to see more, to make positive that he was really alive. He gathered together all of his little but existent strength, and turned his head a little to the left. Two figures were standing by him, one of them—the curvier one—he recognized as Noelle. She came into focus just as the ceiling had—slowly, gradually. “Noelle,” He croaked feebly, noticing how dry his lips were. Noelle let out a cry of relief, flitting to Oli’s side like a mothering hummingbird. She kissed him all over, hugging him as gently as she could, murmuring his name over and over again. Her blonde hair swept in front of his nose—it smelled of strawberries and rose petals. He liked it. “Oh, Oli! I was so fucking worried. You almost fucken died, baby. They said you might not remember anything, but you remembered me! Ohmigod, I’m just so glad you’re okay…” She was rambling, but Oli didn’t care. He just smiled sorely up at her. Noelle’s facial expression suddenly darkened, and she slapped him clear across the cheek. He yelped in pain, but he knew why she’d hit him. It was obvious. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again! Promise me you’ll get help this time, Oli, please. I can’t lose you, of all people.” Oli groaned, nodding tenderly. “Promise.”
“Ok. Well, in that case, I’ll leave you two alone.” Noelle disappeared from Oli’s side as quickly as she’d come. That left Oli and Seth all alone in that big white room, blinds drawn, doctors away. Oliver swallowed hard, trying hard to recall all the memories they’d had. It was difficult. Some parts he couldn’t remember, but most of them he did. He refused to look at Seth, scared of the disappointment that he was sure Seth felt. “Sorry,” Oliver said weakly, a tear rolling down his pale cheek. It landed at his mouth, but he was too weak to wipe it off. He let his chin fall to his chest ashamedly. “So… sorry.”
« Last Edit: Oct 18, 2008, 12:15pm by oliver logan »
Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #37 on Oct 23, 2008, 9:54pm »
“i would leave to return more lost than before a little more tired a little less sure”
Seth was shaken awake by some violent thrashing beside him, a soft moan rippling up from his throat as a warm hand flung itself into his cool cheek. “What the he–– Oli!” His voice had been a soft slur, one that could only belong to a person who had just awoken from a restless sleep, though as soon as he recognized the commotion as his lover beside him his voice had sharpened much light the sound of a priceless vase shattering against the unforgiving cement. “SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP! HE CAN’T FUCKING BREATHE!” Seth screamed towards the closed door where the sound of scrambling doctors increased as the heart rate on the small beeping monitor began to pick up speed at an alarming pace, the once calm and predictable beeps now going off irregularly at a horrific speed, clinging to the asphyxiating boy for dear life and abandoning care for the stinging cuts on his wrists that had been so diligently cared for by a kind nurse on his return to the large hospital. Love was not like anything, especially a fucking knife.
The sudden scream that rose up from Oli’s mouth made Seth’s heart freeze in his chest, his panicked hazel eyes growing the size pie plates and the various temperate shades of greens and golds swallowing his pupils until they were no larger than two black grains of sand in a viridian sea. A wave of doctors and nurses burst through the thick door like a furious wave, the sounds of shuffling feet and barking orders filling Seth’s head as he was pushed from the bed, his body hitting the cool tiles with a sickening thump before he managed to drag himself through the swarms and tangle of legs, all the while nursing his shoulder painfully. Curled into a small shivering lump in a corner of the room, Seth stared unseeing at the teeming mass of doctors and nurses dressed in white, tears burning furiously at his eyes until the dam of his eyelids could no longer contain them and released them in a flood. A sudden, shrill siren sounded in one prolonged bleat.
Seth panicked.
Frenzied and desperate he struggled to his feat with renewed vigor, pushing through various teams of white-cloaked nurses until he flung himself over the edge of the mattress and clung to his dying lover’s hand. “Oli, no! Please don’t do this to me! Please!” Seth’s desperate wails were barely audible over the bustle and cries of doctors as they frantically tried to revive the boy who’s body refused to live. As a nurse shoved what Seth presumed was an oxygen tube down Oliver’s delicate throat, the feeble bleating built slowly, dying out occasionally as men in white pounded on the small boy’s frail chest and tried to get him to breathe. “Someone get that damn kid out of here!” One of the doctors pointed a meaty finger in Seth’s direction and at least three nurses rushed to his side, desperately trying to pull him away from Oliver’s side as Seth fought back just as desperately. “Brendan!” Seth froze as his eyes shot to Oli where he lay tangled in a mass of tubes and arms, the screams in the background fading away as he stared accusingly at the other boy before hanging his head in defeat and following after the women like a puppy that had been kicked too many times, his arm ripped out of one woman’s hand with unnecessary malice.
––––––
Seth shifted uneasily as the door clicked closed, the shamed silence billowing up like a balloon and sucking the life out of the pale wallpapers. Huffing softly he edged towards the bed before balking several feet away, a flicker of hope flashing across Seth’s face as he saw Oli draw in an anticipatory breath that assured words would follow. “Sorry,” At Oli’s words, Seth frowned in confusion and furrowed his brows together in an attempt to piece together what exactly Oliver had to be sorry for. “Baby–– I-I mean Oli–– you didn’t––” “So… sorry.” Seth frowned even deeper at Oli’s words, his mouth twitching to one side faintly as he tried to think of anything Oliver could have done.. What about overdosing? Or calling out for some other boy when you were right by his side? Or picking Noe–– “No! No, no, no, he didn’t mean anything by that! He lov… Uhm, sorry..” Seth trailed off ashamedly as he realized he‘d been talking to himself aloud, a warm, rosy color bubbling up beneath the pale skin of his cheeks as he shuffled around and rubbed his hands along his arms uncomfortably. Glancing up shyly at Oli through the protection of his hair, Seth cocked his head curiously as the fluorescent light caught a weak glimmer slipping down the curve of Oli’s round cheek. Oli was…crying? “Oli? Oli, baby what’s wrong?” Seth pushed all thoughts of reason from his mind as he scrambled over to the other boy’s side and quickly pulled Oli’s hand into the chilled grasp of his own small hands. “Oh Oli, you didn’t do anything! None of this is your fault, baby, none of it!” A childish pout could be heard in his voice as he bent over the small railing and nuzzled his delicate nose behind the tender curve of Oli’s ear, his lips brushing slow, gentle kisses against the ticklish skin. Securing one last kiss to Oli’s neck, Seth pulled away, his gaze flickering down to where his hands still held Oliver’s own captive, a small press of cold metal prompting him to drop Oli’s hand quickly, a blush of pink trickling across his jaw wordlessly.
Bashfully slinking backwards, Seth chewed harshly t his lower lip, and insistent clinking sound filling the uncomfortable silence as he teeth clashed with the cold metal in his lip. Had Oliver even noticed the small band on his finger? Did he even care? Seth gave a soft, distressed whine as he shifted from foot to foot like a fluttering dove, his warm hazel eyes flickering to the small engagement ring adorning the other boy’s finger as he feverishly hoped that Oli wouldn’t notice the silly thing. It’s not like he wants me around anymore, the sharp nagging in the back of his mind cutting in persistently though Seth fought to push it away, his lower lip pouting out faintly as he shifted uncertainly towards the bed. “Can I sit with you? It’s okay if you tell me no..” Seth trailed off uncertainly, his lips twitching briefly as he almost brought up the case of whether Oli had noticed the petty ring or if he should try and take the small gold band back from the boy’s finger without him noticing. Hell, why would Oliver want to marry him know? He had already pushed the boy into one overdose, what would Oli do if he to fall asleep with Seth and wake up next to him every morning? Seth was honestly afraid of that answer. Heaving a resigned sigh Seth crawled hesitantly onto the foot of the bed and curled up against the footboard with a low sob.
“I promised I wouldn‘t let you get hurt, Oli! I fucking promised! And now look what it’s gotten me!” Seth whimpered softly as he sniffled defiantly, his lower lip still jutting out into the most enormous pout he had ever seen as tears welled up hotly in his eyes. Glancing towards Oliver, Seth shifted uncomfortably as he leant towards the boy before thinking better of it and huffing a small sigh as he continued to pout against the footboard of the bed. Casting a longing look in Oli’s direction Seth hesitantly stretched out against the extreme edge of the bed, his fingers brushing up against Oliver’s own with a shy hesitance, his gaze locked on the small glint of gold peeking out from beneath the folds of blankets and sheets where Oliver’s hands hid away. “Kit––Oli? I still love you, you know that, right?” Pulling his hand away from Oli’s own Seth heaved a miserable sigh and curled up slightly on his side, making sure not to touch the other boy in fear of hurting him. “I-I understand if you don’t anymore.. I didn’t mean to hurt you, honest! You should have just told me to fuck off last night.” A miserable pout could be heard in Seth’s soft spoken words, his fingers curling in the blankets uneasily as he cast his gaze away from this other boy’s face reluctantly. “I don’t blame you if you don’t want me anymore, I’m sorry I couldn’t be ‘Brendan’ or whoever that is. I tried.”
ooc;UGH, sorry it's so shorttt. my freaked out/uber depressed/whole world is falling down seth muse is like kshdjfhsdjkfhEW right now. buttt, maybe you can get something out of it? if not just let me knowww. :D
Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #38 on Oct 24, 2008, 6:55am »
i live to let you shine
“Baby–– I-I mean Oli–– you didn’t––” “Yes, I did,” Oli croaked, closing his eyes. His heart monitor suddenly got weaker. How could he have done this to Seth? Making him panic and panic over and over again only to get disappointed again? Oliver shook his head lightly. He didn’t feel as though he deserved to live right now. Perhaps he should’ve let Brendan take him. Then he would’ve saved Seth from this awful heartbreak. “No! No, no, no, he didn’t mean anything by that! He lov… Uhm, sorry..” Oli smiled sadly. Seth was so damn cute. He blinked with his long, doe-like eyelashes up at Seth, knowing exactly what Seth had been mumbling about. Oli let his eyes fall ashamedly. “Seth,” Oli reached out a trembling hand, offering it to Seth. He wanted to feel Seth’s skin on his. He wanted to kiss his fingers and make everything better. But he knew he was a hell of a long way from that.
“Oli? Oli, baby what’s wrong?” Oliver batted a tear away with a swift blink, his lips shaking with every breath he took. “Seth, I’m so sorry. So, so, so sorry. So sorry.” He kept repeating his apologies over and over until he fell into a sobbing mess, unable to speak anymore. “Oh Oli, you didn’t do anything! None of this is your fault, baby, none of it!” Oliver coughed out another sob and shook his head. Seth was too good to be true. “Seth, it’s all my fault and you know it. I was the one… who shot up in the first place. I’m the one that got you into this.” He wheezed a difficult breath. Why was he so horrible? How could he have done this to the love of his fucking life? Another sob forced its way out. Seth took Oli’s hand into his, which immediately prompted the heart monitor to begin beeping faster. Oli smirked fleetingly. Maybe now Seth would know how one touch made him feel.
As Seth dropped his hand, Oli whimpered weakly. All he had ever wanted was the boy’s touch. And now he couldn’t even get that much. That’s how bad he’d hurt Seth. Tears began to trickle faster down Oli’s face and to his lips, stinging at the dry and chapping skin. He flexed his left hand, suddenly remembering the ring that he had watched Seth put on him. He breathed out gently as he held it up to admire it before his hand began to quake and fell limply beside his body. “Seth, it’s so beautiful. You’re too good to me,” Oli grinned feebly. His smile was crooked and boyish, just as it had been the first time they’d met. He hoped Seth knew he was talking about the ring and not, perhaps, his hospital gown. “I love you, you know,” He whispered, wishing Seth was next to him now.
“Can I sit with you? It’s okay if you tell me no..” “Seth, why would I ever tell you no? Come here, please. I want you next to me,” Forever. He added silently. Instead, though, Seth curled up at the foot of the bed with a gentle sob. Oliver felt his heart breaking as the seconds ticked by. How could he have done this to such a perfect boy? “Seth…” Oli began, hesitating. “Seth, come here. I need to feel you next to me, just… please.” He whispered. “I promised I wouldn‘t let you get hurt, Oli! I fucking promised! And now look what it’s gotten me!” Oliver lurched forward with great pain, sitting up even though his doctors had advised him not to. He reached for Seth’s hand, took it in his own, and squeezed as tight as his tired body would allow. “Seth, listen to me. Look at me. This is not, I repeat, not your fault. It was all my doing. I was the fucking stupid one. I did this to myself. To you. And to be honest, I don’t even deserve you right now. I’m too thickheaded to have even thought about what this would do to you. To Noelle. I don’t know if you still love me, but I want you to know that I still love you. I always will.” Oliver fell back into his bed, exhausted from his speech. It was only then that he noticed a nurse standing in the doorway, who had been listening to far too much for her own ears. Oliver snarled in her direction, and she immediately jumped and shut the door. He then looked to Seth, extending his arms in hopes of being able to hold his cupcake one more time.
Seth was now peeking up at Oliver from the folds of the bedcovers, looking as adorable as he had when they’d been in bed together. Oli smiled intimately, closing his eyes for a moment. If only he could just hold Seth… “Kit––Oli? I still love you, you know that, right?” Oli’s heart sank as Seth caught himself before calling him ‘kitten’. Had he fucked up that badly that he didn’t even deserve a pet name anymore? Oliver reached for Seth, guiding him up next to him and holding him close. Oli rested his ear on Seth’s chest, listening to the steady heartbeat of his lover. “I know. I was scared you didn’t, for a moment, anyway. I just… I love you too much to lose you this way.”
As Seth pulled away, Oliver let out a cry of surprise. He thrust his arms around Seth’s waist, pulling him closer than he’d ever been before, if that was even possible. “Please don’t leave me. Don’t ever leave me.” Oli whispered into Seth’s tricep, kissing it lightly. It felt so good to kiss his lover. He wanted to do it again and again. But he refrained, in fear of Seth pulling away again. “I-I understand if you don’t anymore.. I didn’t mean to hurt you, honest! You should have just told me to fuck off last night.” Oliver sat forward again, just as suddenly as he had the last time. He never let go of Seth, only holding him closer. Oli reached for Seth’s face, cupping his chin with his IV-ridden hand. He pulled Seth into a soft and tender kiss, melting into it as if he were a teenager again. When they pulled away, Oliver kept his hand on Seth’s face so that he couldn’t turn away again. He locked eyes with his fiancée, never once faltering. “Seth, don’t ever say that. I will always, always love you. Forever and ever until the day I die. Till death do us part.” Oli whispered, the cusps of his lips just barely touching Seth’s. He was so close that he could feel Seth’s warm breaths on his upper lip. Oli closed his eyes again, enjoying the feeling of being so close.
“I don’t blame you if you don’t want me anymore, I’m sorry I couldn’t be ‘Brendan’ or whoever that is. I tried.” Oliver gasped, his eyes widening. Had he really said Brendan’s name out loud? He squeezed his eyes shut. How could he have done such a thing? Seth must have been heartbroken! Oliver opened his eyes again, clutching Seth’s hand in his own and refusing to let him go. “Seth, Seth, wait. Don’t ever, ever say that either. I love you so, so much. More than I ever thought I could love a person. I love you more than I ever loved Brendan. Ever. I promise you, I won’t ever touch a syringe again. Because I want you in my life, Seth. I want to wake up to you every morning and I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. That’s all I ask for. And we will get married, and we’ll have the house and dog like you said. I love you, Seth, and I’ll never stop.” Oli just hoped Seth didn’t realize that Oli had been unconscious when Seth had mentioned the house and dog. He had a feeling he had some explaining to do.
Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #39 on Oct 30, 2008, 12:33am »
i always believed you when you swore to me, you'd pull through, so i plugged my heart into yours, a life support, so see, you can't leave, because i always believed.
Still hesitant Seth nervously sucked on the tip of his index finger anxiously as he surreptitiously watched Oli through the protection of his dark hair, his lips twisting to the side like a curious bird. “Yes, I did,” Huffing an exasperated breath, Seth narrowed his eyes faintly and stepped forward determinedly before realizing just exactly what he was doing and coming to a stuttering halt and letting his chilled fingers pull fretfully at his bottom lip, afraid of getting too close to the boy in the bed in fear of hurting him. “No you didn’t, Oliver. Please don’t apologize, especially to me.” Seth whimpered haplessly as he pouted quietly towards Oli, his arms wrapped around his upper body nervously as if it would help him keep himself from breaking down into a sobbing mess. He’d already had enough of that to last a life time. Still shuffling from foot to foot, Seth kept his gaze on everything but Oliver, afraid of just what might happen if he saw the pain in his fiancé’s blue eyes. Seth hadn’t realized he’d been talking aloud until it was too late, a warm blush coloring his feet as he shifted uncomfortably in the center of the room, feeling oddly like he was on display. “Seth,” Oli’s soft voice broke the unbearably nervous air that was beginning to bubble up in the quiet room, Seth’s head raised reluctantly as he looked towards Oliver with heartbroken green eyes. “Oli..” Seth broke off uncertainly before shuffling towards Oliver until he was only a few steps away from the other boy, his slender fingers trembling nervously as he curled them around Oli’s first two fingers hesitantly, his teeth worrying away at his lower lip. “Oli I’m sorry I made you want to hurt yourself, I just thought I was making you happy! If you just would have told me…” His voice trailed off again quietly before he sighed and shook his head lightly, the tips of his charcoal hair swaying slightly before he huffed and let go of Oliver’s fingers and wrapped his arms back around his upper body.
“Seth, I’m so sorry. So, so, so sorry. So sorry.” As Oli crumbled into a sobbing heap, Seth fluttered over to his side and threw his arms about the boy wordlessly, his cheek nuzzled up against Oliver’s hair. “Shh, shh kitten it’s okay. Shh, calm down baby, everything’s going to be fine.” Seth’s words were a continuous murmur of soothing litany, his lips pressing delicate kisses along Oliver’s temple and carefully kissing away the tears that continued to trickle from the boy’s eyes. “Seth, it’s all my fault and you know it. I was the one… who shot up in the first place. I’m the one that got you into this.” Sighing gently into his lover’s dark mess of hair, Seth carefully raised one hand to frame the side of Oli’s hair as he bent his head and secured a gentle kiss to the side of Oliver’s neck with the grace of a mother hummingbird. “Oli, listen,” Seth began slowly before he hesitantly perched on the extreme edge of the mattress and took one of Oli’s hands in both of his, his thumb nervously stroking over the bony knuckles in Oliver’s hand as he sucked in a slow breath. As the heart monitor quickened Seth cast it a wary look before allowing the soft smile bubbling up beneath his lips to surface, his head dipped quickly to hide the smile and regain his serious composure. “None of this is your fault, baby, none of it. I know, I know, you’re the one who shot up, but I don’t care anymore, Oli. The only thing that matters is that your still here. I don’t know what I would have done if you wouldn’t have come back.” After he’d finished speaking, Seth hesitated before finally gathering up enough courage to look up at Oli, his heart rate picking up drastically as temperate hazel meshed with chilling blue. A soft smile flickered across his lips before he leant forward and brushed a strand of black hair away from Oli’s eyes, his lips pressing a brief kiss to the other boy’s forehead before he stood. “You’ll always be my kitten, no matter what happens,” Seth whispered softly, his hands finally releasing Oliver’s own.
Seth remained standing near Oli’s bedside, his fingers twisting thick strands of his dark hair nervously as he leant towards Oliver before thinking better of it and stepping away. Oli’s soft whimper tore Seth’s heart into, his own distressed whine given before he suddenly pushed away the irrationalities in his mind and stepped towards Oli. “Please don’t cry..” He pleaded softly as he brushed the warm tears away from Oliver’s cheeks with a cool fingertip, his eyes squeezed shut as he dipped his head down and pressed his lips against Oliver’s own. Brushing a small section of Oli’s side bangs behind his ear, Seth stepped back and attempted a small smile, hoping like hell Oli wasn’t going to tell him to leave. He shifted continuously from one foot to the next, one arm wrapped around his waist the other raised so that he could pull softly at the small silver hoop adorning his lower lip, studying the scuffed drawings on the toe caps of his converse as if they held some cardinal significance. “Seth, it’s so beautiful. You’re too good to me,” At the other boy’s words, Seth snapped his head up suddenly, his hazel eyes growing to the size of pizzas as he gazed down at Oliver like a stunned child, opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish as he searched for words. He’d never expected Oli to honestly like the ring, much less call it beautiful. “I-It’s nothing––I mean it’s not really that special.. I couldn’t find anything else so I just thought that.. Ohmigod, I fucking love you.” Seth couldn’t help the bubby feeling of accomplishment welling in his throat as a sunny grin suddenly burst across his features, a warm blush exploding like wild fire across his jaw line. “I love you, you know,” Seth breathed carefully as he heard Oli speak, a soft assenting noise rising up from his lips before he sighed pleasurably, a warm smile forming on the rind of his lips. “Mm, yeah..”
The era of good feelings, so to speak, only lasted a brief while longer before nagging thoughts started up once more and washed away Seth’s bubbly sense of accomplishment. Pouting quietly, Seth huffed softly and curled his arms back around his torso as he stared down at the toe caps of his battered old converse, the bright rainbow shoelaces standing out as a stark contrast against the fading black canvas material. Seth crawled reluctantly into the bed, tears welling up and burning at the backs of his eyes as he curled up against the cold plastic and metal footboard, his knees drawn up to his chest and his arms wrapped tightly about his legs to keep the pieces of himself together in fear of falling apart. “Seth… Seth, come here. I need to feel you next to me, just… please.” Shivering miserably, Seth shook his head against his kneecaps and pressed himself back up against the footboard of the bed. Oli deserved so much better than Seth, why couldn’t he just see that for himself? Seth promised that he wouldn’t let Oliver get hurt, and then it was all his stupid, selfish fault for wanting to stay in bed just a little longer. If only he’d gotten up, then maybe none of this would have happened.. Seth’s thoughts suddenly dissipated as a warm hand wrapped around his own, a soft gasp sucked sharply into his lungs as he brought his head up. His normally vibrant hazel eyes were foggy and dull as tears welled up hotly in his lower lids, his lower lip jutting out into a massive pout as he shuffled around until he was stretched out against Oliver’s legs, their joined hands rested gently on Oli’s hip. “Seth, listen to me. Look at me. This is not, I repeat, not your fault. It was all my doing. I was the fucking stupid one. I did this to myself. To you. And to be honest, I don’t even deserve you right now. I’m too thickheaded to have even thought about what this would do to you. To Noelle. I don’t know if you still love me, but I want you to know that I still love you. I always will.” As Oliver ended his speech, Seth whimpered quietly and shuffled closer atop the pale bedding, his face angled up towards Oli as he absently allowed his thumb to smooth over Oliver’s delicate veins weaved beneath a layer of sheer skin. “Oli I prom––” The malicious snarl ushered past his fiancé’s lips prompted Seth to glance over his shoulder in the direction that the sound had been directed, his eyes widening briefly as he spotted the nurse who had assisted in ushering him from Oliver’s side. Curling slightly, Seth immediately turned back to Oli and buried his face into his lover’s hipbone, one arm hesitantly draped over the other boy’s stomach.
Seth wriggled around atop the sheets quietly, his small nose buried beneath a ripple in the material as he peeked shyly up at Oliver from beneath the waves of white fabric. Yawning softly Seth squirmed around until he was lying on his stomach, one arm crooked beneath his chin as he watched Oliver with an open fascination, his mouth quirking to the side in a delicate smile. Fidgeting impatiently Seth reached out and brushed his fingers along the backside of Oli’s hand, his brows furrowed gently as he studied the blanket draped over his Oliver as if it were the most intriguing thing he’d ever seen. As soon as he’d spoken, Seth chanced a fleeting glance upwards and caught the tail end of the shattered look that passed over Oli’s face, his lower lip immediately jutting out in a childish pout as he buried his face into the crook of his arm. Couldn’t he do anything right? I mean, c’mon.. As Oli wrapped his fingers loosely about the material of his jacket and began pulling Seth towards him Seth frowned gently and crawled clumsily across the small section of mattress until he was at the other boy’s side. “maybe I shouldn’t, I don’t want to hur––” Seth trailed off with a warm sigh as Oli pulled him close, his body squirming about until he was lying pressed closely against Oliver’s side. Feeling rather strong for once in the presence of his frail kitten, Seth took pity on the poor boy and pulled him into his embrace, his cheek nestled contently in the dark haven of black hair. “I know. I was scared you didn’t, for a moment, anyway. I just… I love you too much to lose you this way.” Seth smiled sadly, his lips tying a delicate kiss into the crown of Oliver’s mused hair. “Oli bear, look at me.” Hooking his fingers gently below Oli’s chin, Seth tilted the boy’s head upwards, his hazel eyes searching Oli’s own cool blue gaze. “No matter what, I’ll always love you. There’s not a thing in the world that could make me stop loving you baby, you’re everything to me.”
Blushing a pale rose color, Seth secured one last kiss to the very margins of Oli’s lips, a soft frown tugging at his lips as he leaned away from the other boy. As soon as Oliver cried out in sudden surprise Seth flinched back with a soft whimper, his eyes widening to the size of balloons as he threw his hands up in innocent surrender. “I didn’t mean––” “Please don’t leave me. Don’t ever leave me.” “Huh?” Being the brilliant boy he is, Seth cocked his head and pushed softly at Oliver’s shoulders in attempt to pry the other boy from him long enough to look at him, but Oliver had too much of a death grip on his ribcage. Frowning gently Seth nuzzled his nose into the dark canyon of Oli’s hair, all the while planting tender little kisses against the boy’s scalp as he brushed n set of fingers through Oliver’s hair. “Kitten why would I ever leave you?” A quiet ‘awh’ fell from Seth’s lips as Oliver pressed a small kiss to his tricep, his arms curling protectively about his frail Oliver, his eyes closed as he let out a measured breath, guilt tearing him down from the inside out. Seth gasped softly as Oli shot forward again, immediately clinging tighter to the other boy and burying his face deeper in the small space of sweet smelling skin of Oliver’s neck where the papery gown had fallen askew on the boy’s shoulders. Seth whimpered quietly as he felt Oli take his chin into the palm of his palm, a soft sigh heaved as he reluctantly lifted his head from where it lay on Oliver’s shoulder, his eyes cast down to the wrinkled bed sheets ashamedly. A delicate moan stuttered past Seth’s lips as he felt them being pulled into a tender kiss, his eyelids suddenly growing to heavy to keep open any longer as he hooked one arm around Oliver’s neck and melted easily into the warm kiss, his fingers tangled in the soft hairs at the nape of his fiancé’s neck. When the soft kiss died away Seth sighed gently before he blushed furiously and tried to turn his face away, his warm cheek pressing into Oliver’s cool palm. Heaving a resigned sigh Seth nervously worried away at his bottom lip before reluctantly raising his eyes to meet Oliver’s own, his fingers nervously curled around the other boy’s wrist as he struggled to calm the wild racing of his heart. “Seth, don’t ever say that. I will always, always love you. Forever and ever until the day I die. Till death do us part.” Oli’s words seemed to be Seth’s breaking point as he suddenly threw his arms about the boy’s neck, clinging to him like a scared child would cling to their teddy bear. “Promise?”
“Seth, Seth, wait. Don’t ever, ever say that either. I love you so, so much. More than I ever thought I could love a person. I love you more than I ever loved Brendan. Ever. I promise you, I won’t ever touch a syringe again. Because I want you in my life, Seth. I want to wake up to you every morning and I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. That’s all I ask for. And we will get married, and we’ll have the house and dog like you said.” As Oli spoke, Seth slumped tiredly against his shoulder and nuzzled a cool trail along the graceful curve of the other boy’s throat with the tip of his nose, occasionally placing fleeting butterfly kisses against the ticklish skin. Sighing halfheartedly, Seth tugged absently at the boy’s fingers as he hid his face away in Oli’s collar shyly. “I-I really don’t know what to say to tell you how much I love you, I mean.. You’re everything, bear, absolutely everything. And when you were,” Seth choked quietly, trying desperately to say how he had slowly watched his fiancé’s life slipping chaotically through his fingers like sand. “Well, you know what I mean! And then you said Brendan’s name and I was afraid that I didn’t mean anything to you anymore..” A miserable pout could be heard in Seth’s voice as he absently placed their linked hands into his lap, his head tipped awkward to rest against Oliver’s shoulder tiredly. Still sulking quietly to himself Seth sighed detachedly and lightly pressed his fingertip to Oli’s chest where he knew the inked black design on his pale lover’s flesh lay embedded, absently doodling the rough outline of a ‘B’. “[color-386B7D]That was for him, huh?[/color]” Seth whispered quietly as he kissed Oli’s neck quickly before burrowing his face back into the boy’s collar wordlessly. Thinking back to Oliver’s words, Seth suddenly pulled away and furrowed his dark brows as he cocked his head and stared curiously up at the other boy. “Kitten, how did you know about the house and the dog? I didn’t tell you about that, did I?” Seth pouted quietly and crossed his arms over his chest as he huffed playfully, his dark hair falling haphazardly across his bright hazel eyes. “I love you, Seth, and I’ll never stop.” Suddenly nothing mattered anymore. Seth smiled faintly and flushed quietly as he ducked his head and giggled girlishly, swarms of butterflies fluttering pleasurably in the pit of his stomach as he cuddled his way as close to Oli as possible without quite literally crawling in his lap.
“I love you too kitten.”
ooc;sorry for the crappy endingg, i rewrote and rewrote and rewrote but it never got better.
Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #40 on Nov 1, 2008, 9:53pm »
( WHEN YOU'RE WITH ME ) b a b y t h e s k i e s w i l l b e b l u e , f o r a l l my l i f e
“No you didn’t, Oliver. Please don’t apologize, especially to me.” Bullshit, thought Oli. He shook his head weakly, looking helplessly to Seth. He laid his cheek on his pillow, wishing desperately that Seth was next to him. “But Seth, I did, and you know it,” He admitted softly. He didn’t want Seth to have to defend him. He just wanted his punishment already. Shouldn’t Seth be screaming at him or something? Breaking up with him? Oli’s heart twitched at the thought of that happening. “Oli..” Oliver closed his eyes happily as Seth wrapped his hand around two of Oli’s five fingers. Oli sighed gently, raising both of their hands to his face. He pressed Seth’s index finger to his lips, kissing it feebly. “Oli I’m sorry I made you want to hurt yourself, I just thought I was making you happy! If you just would have told me…” Oliver cried out in exclamation, yanking Seth closer to him. Couldn’t Seth see the truth? That Oli was the one who had done all of this? That even after he’d almost died, the one thing he wanted more than his own life was Seth? “Seth! You never, ever made me want to hurt myself. Ever. Don’t ever say that, because you were making me happy. You are making me happy, baby. You are, I swear… I swear…” Oli trailed off in sobs, shaking his head.
“Shh, shh kitten it’s okay. Shh, calm down baby, everything’s going to be fine.” Oliver whimpered helplessly in his hospital bed, feeling something relative to weakness as Seth flung his arms around him. He hiccupped softly at Seth’s tender kiss, leaning his face into Seth’s gentle hand. He kissed the heel of Seth’s palm, letting a single tear trickle onto his lover’s skin. “Oli, listen,” Oli held his breath as Seth took his hand. What was he going to say? Was he going to admit he was wrong and that it was all Oli’s fault? Was he—god forbid—going to leave Oli? Oli’s heart wrenched painfully at all of these ideas running through his head. He finally decided to repress them and allow Seth to say what he wanted to say. “None of this is your fault, baby, none of it. I know, I know, you’re the one who shot up, but I don’t care anymore, Oli. The only thing that matters is that your still here. I don’t know what I would have done if you wouldn’t have come back.” Oliver let a ragged sob escape from his lungs. There was something about the way Seth said ‘wouldn’t have come back’ that sent a chill crawling up his spine. That got him thinking. What if he hadn’t come back? Would Seth have settled with that Wil guy or whoever? Again, Oli’s heart did a little two-step dance inside his chest. None of this was going to turn out all right. He knew it. Nevertheless, he brought Seth’s hand to his lips and kissed it gently, smiling with thin and sickly lips. “Seth, I don’t know what I’d do without you. Honestly.” Oli leaned forward, looking like he was about to kiss Seth, but stopped just before their lips touched. “I love you, baby,”
“Please don’t cry..” Oliver closed his eyes as Seth wiped a tear from his cheek, wishing so much that Seth would just kiss him. He would’ve done it himself, but he was far too weak to reach up anymore. Just as he made his wish, no sooner was it granted as Seth swooped down and pushed his lips against Oli’s very delicately. He opened his eyes, smiling weakly up at his lover who was most definitely the love of his life. Oli puckered his lips in an over exaggerated fashion, looking somewhat akin to a cartoon character as he begged for another kiss. It was then that he noticed the ring. “I-It’s nothing––I mean it’s not really that special.. I couldn’t find anything else so I just thought that.. Ohmigod, I fucking love you.” Oli let out a feeble laugh, reaching his arms up to hold Seth. “I fucking love you too, cupcake.” Oli flexed the hand that held the ring, grinning. “Mm, yeah..”
Oli took Seth’s hand in his as he explained himself wholly. He couldn’t let Seth take the fall for this. Not today, not ever. Oli wouldn’t let him. “Oli I prom––” Oli didn’t let Seth finish the sentence, because of the nurse that had intruded so rudely. He snarled, cutting Seth off, and scaring away the nurse. He looked back down at Seth, who was snuggled up by his hip with one arm draped over his stomach. He smiled with what could only be adoration and squeezed Seth’s hand gently, letting him know he’d always be there in a subtle sort of way. Oli watched quietly as Seth adjusted and readjusted himself on the small space left on the hospital bed. First he was on his side, now he was on his stomach, with one arm under his chin and his eyes fixated on the blanket on top of Oliver. Oli reached out to cup Seth’s chin, tilting it up so that he could see the fluorescent lighting reflected in his fiancée’s eyes. God, he loved Seth so much.
“maybe I shouldn’t, I don’t want to hur––” Oli shook his head, pulling Seth closer to quiet him. But Seth turned right around and took Oli in his embrace, resting his face in Oli’s dark hair. Oli shut his eyes, smiling warmly. This was why he loved Seth so much. He felt Seth’s kiss through his hair, his smile broadening. “Oli bear, look at me.” Seth tilted Oli’s head up, forcing Oli’s crystal blue eyes into Seth’s warm hazel ones. “What?” He asked weakly, pouting. “No matter what, I’ll always love you. There’s not a thing in the world that could make me stop loving you baby, you’re everything to me.” Oliver swallowed the lump that had gathered in his throat, his eyes shimmering against Seth’s. “Really?” He whispered, incredulous. He’d never meant that much to anyone before. Probably not even Brendan.
“I didn’t mean––” Oli shook his head again, trying to assure Seth he’d done nothing wrong. “Huh?” Oliver sighed, grinning for a moment. Seth was so goddamn cute it was almost overwhelming sometimes. “Just don’t leave me,” He murmured, reaching out for Seth’s embrace again. “Kitten why would I ever leave you?” Oli dipped his head innocently, his eyes growing big as he considered the possibilities. “Because of what I did,” He admitted softly, averting his eyes from Seth’s. He pressed a kiss to Seth’s tricep, at which Seth wrapped his arms protectively around Oli’s feeble body. Oli lurched forward suddenly, grabbing under Seth’s chin with his trembling hand, and pulling Seth’s lips into his. They melted wonderfully into the kiss, just as they had the night before. Oli shivered happily at the arm that curled around his neck. They fell away slowly, reluctantly, as Oli started to speak again. That seemed to reassure Seth more than anything he’d said so far, because Seth leapt at Oli and threw his arms lovingly around the boy in the hospital gown. “Promise?” Oli smiled. “Forever and ever,”
Oli shuddered gratefully as Seth nuzzled into his throat, fondling his fingers and kissing his neck. Seth suddenly buried his face in Oliver’s collarbone, looking shier than he’d ever been before. Oli smiled with admiration, pulling a weak hand along the back of Seth’s head. “I-I really don’t know what to say to tell you how much I love you, I mean.. You’re everything, bear, absolutely everything. And when you were,” Oli swallowed, waiting for Seth to say it. “Dying?” He choked the word out, trying hard to grin. But it was too difficult a word to follow with something like that. “Well, you know what I mean! And then you said Brendan’s name and I was afraid that I didn’t mean anything to you anymore..” Oliver cried out painfully, squeezing Seth tightly in his arms as if he might disappear at any given moment. “Seth! Seth, no! Don’t even scare me like that. You mean everything to me and more, baby. Everything. Don’t ever forget that.” He paused, sucking in a deep breath. He knew he’d have to explain Brendan sooner or later. Better now than when they were back in his apartment bed again. “The reason I said that, I think, was because I—I saw Brendan. I was with him—nevermind, you probably wouldn’t believe me anyway.” Oli chuckled, shaking his head.
“That was for him, huh?” Oliver blinked rapidly as Seth’s hand found itself at his chest, and at the tattoo, no less. He tensed his throat, afraid of what might come out of Seth’s mouth now that they were on the subject of Brendan. Would he yell? Would he scream? Oli winced just thinking about it. “Yeah, it was,” Oli replied hoarsely, looking out the window. “After he—after he died.” A tear pricked at Oli’s silver-blue eyes, trickling down his cheek and stopping at his chin. He closed his eyes to prevent any more tears from furthering. A rough sigh rose from his lungs as Seth kissed his neck. It was good to feel that again. “Kitten, how did you know about the house and the dog? I didn’t tell you about that, did I?” Oliver’s heart wrenched in his chest. He tilted his head down, looking at his stomach, and letting his dark hair veil over his eyes. “Another thing you wouldn’t believe,” He smiled as Seth nudged his way closer to Oli. “I love you too kitten.” “Wedding date,” Oli suddenly said, looking for Seth’s eyes. “When—when are we…” Oli paused, trying to gesture his way into an understanding. “Getting married?”
« Last Edit: Nov 9, 2008, 5:00pm by oliver logan »
Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #42 on Nov 22, 2008, 8:05pm »
how in the world did i find someone like you; why in the world after all that we've been through? if you weren't here with me right now, then i don't know what i'd do. in all of the world i found my heart in you.
A gentle smile bubbled its way to the surface of Seth’s lips in a childish grin as Oli brought their hands to his lips, a swarm of butterflies battering gently inside his stomach warmly. God, he loved Oli. Seth snapped out of his own bubbly little world as Oliver gave a sudden cry and yanked him closer, his warm hazel eyes ballooning to the size of dinner plates. Seth gave a sharp whimper and stumbled towards the boy lying in bed, tripping brilliantly over his own feet as he bumped into the bed like a leggy colt learning to stand. “Ohmigod Oli I didn’t mean to,” he cried out and clapped his free hand over his mouth quickly, the fingers tangled with Oliver’s own trembling violently. “Fuck, why can’t I do this right?” Seth’s voice was a miserable wail as he absently attempted to pull his fingers out of Oli’s grip, his delicate lips curled in the perfect little pout as he sulked miserably. Oli deserved so much better. “Seth! You never, ever made me want to hurt myself. Ever. Don’t ever say that, because you were making me happy. You are making me happy, baby. You are, I swear… I swear…”
Seth’s heart lurched with loving sympathy as he heard the anguish in the soft, broken, sobbing words Oli whimpered so helplessly his way. Way to go Seth. With a soft cry, Seth fluttered to Oliver’s bedside and flung his arms around his fiancé, who seemed so small and fragile floating in his sea of crisp, clean sheets and tangles of tubes disappearing beneath his nearly translucent skin. With a soft whimper Seth suddenly burrowed his face into the sweet smelling skin of Oliver’s neck, leaving a string of lingering kisses and a discreet trail of vanilla scented slobbers glistening weakly in the fluorescent lighting. Pulling his face away from it’s warm hiding place buried away in Oliver’s warm shoulder, Seth glanced around carefully before warily clambering onto the small space of mattress left beside Oli, one hand floating up to frame the other boy’s face gently as he nuzzled the tip of his nose against Oli’s temple with a gentle sigh. How was he suppose to get Oliver to believe that none of this had been his fault when the boy would hardly listen when Seth tried to console him? Suddenly there was a soft swell of those damn butterflies that he always got when Oliver said something that hit a particularly good nerve or threaded his fingers with Seth’s just so, and he was suddenly certain that absolutely everything would be just fine as he slowly recognized the gentle weight of Oli’s face resting against his hand acting as a crutch for the world wearied angle lying at his disposal and the barely there pressure of his fiancé’s lips against the heel of his palm followed by the warm chill of a single salty tear. Settling more comfortably at Oli’s side, Seth absently pressed his nose into the delicate cleft just behind his lover’s ear, his free set of fingers threaded through Oliver’s own just as they were meant to be. He took a moment to marvel at just how perfectly they fit each other, each boy’s small hands just the right size to match up like those awkward little puzzle pieces that had so much potential to fit into other pieces but never clicked until they had each other. A gentle smile tugged at his rosy lips a moment before he slowly brought their joined hands upwards and brushed his thumb over Oliver’s jaw line, his lips pressing a sugary kiss into the fragile skin of the other boy’s neck just above the faint pulsing of blood pumping so steadily through Oliver’s jugular. “Has anyone told you just how absolutely and completely perfect you are.” Not a question, as odd as it seemed. Seth honestly didn’t give a fuck if anyone had told Oli that before, just so long as the other boy knew that is exactly how Seth perceived him; addiction, kleptomania, Brendan, and all. Perfection personified, perhaps?
Seth smiled.
“Seth, I don’t know what I’d do without you. Honestly.” Seth attempted a small lopsided smile as he heard Oli spoke softly, although he was afraid it came out in a grimace and let it slide from his face quickly. Yes he does, a small voice whined insistently in his mind though Seth was quick to brush it away, his temperate green eyes widening briefly as Oliver leant forward in the pretense of a kiss. Though, oddly enough, it never came. Biting his upper lip gently, Seth cocked his head to the left like a curious bird before sighing softly and twisting his lips to the side considering before he leant forward suddenly and placed a delicate peck against the boy’s lips. “I love you, baby,” A warm smile suddenly lit up his face and the soft skin surrounding his eyes crinkled up faintly as he beamed down at the boy who was most certainly the love of his entire life. Reaching out Seth stroked a few fingers over the baby soft skin of Oliver’s round, boyish cheeks, his nose pulled up into a face much resembling a small bunny–– or at least something relatively bunny like–– a few wrinkle of pale skin rippling up and hiding the small dusting of pale freckles frosting over the bridge of his nose. “Forever and ever, kitten.” Though before he knew it, all those smiles and endearing words were swept away like a pile of leaves, left in their wake were only a handful of tears and a sharp tugging at Seth’s heart. “Oh Oli,” Seth murmured quietly as he hesitantly began to kiss away the salty trails of tears from his lover’s cheeks before they could turn stiff and cold, though as his lips lingered near Oli’s own, Seth’s breathing shallowed considerably as a bombardment of memories flashed through his mind in a fast forward movie reel, his fingers tightening impulsively about the other boy’s own as a faint whimper fell past the brim of his lips. What if even after all of this Oli still left? What if Oliver had already decided that Seth wasn’t worth all of the risks and heartache? Pushing all of these thoughts from his mind Seth suddenly swooped forwards and planted his lips delicately against Oliver’s own, his thumb gently stroking over Oli’s round cheek for a fleeting moment before he pulled away with a nervous smile still lingering against his kiss flushed lips. Dipping his head, Seth hid shyly away from Oliver’s gaze as he absently followed the trail of tubes that began beneath the tender skin of Oliver’s wrist and curled haphazardly across the pale blue blankets draped over his lover’s tiny body and then tumbling carelessly over the edge of the mattress only to climb back up to various beeping and blurping machines. With a fleeting glance upwards, Seth caught sight of the comical expression Oli had molded onto his face, soft peals of bubbly laughter suddenly sprouting up into the robotic atmosphere of the hospital room, his free hand floating up to frame Oli’s cheek as Seth leant forwards and pressed his lips against the other boy’s own lovingly. They melted perfectly, just as they had the night before when they were safely locked away in Oli’s bedroom. Feeling rather devious, Seth took the poor boy’s upper lip between his teeth, lovingly alternating between gently biting at Oli’s lip and absently sucking at it to sooth the tender bite marks, though after some time the kiss faded slowly. Seth always so sad when one of their kisses died, it was like taking a child’s favorite toy away. “I fucking love you too, cupcake.” Seth allowed a bubbly white grin to surface as he settled happily into Oliver’s embrace, his face nuzzled up against the boy’s chest lovingly as he curled his fingers into the papery fabric of his fiancé’s hospital gown and clinging to the boy for dear life.
At Oli’s weak little pout, Seth could only smile as he pulled his thumb along his lover’s pouting bottom lip slowly, the pale skin around Seth’s bright green eyes crinkling with adoration as he stooped closer to the other boy. God, Oliver was so adorable. “What?” Seth smiled dotingly and leaned closer, his lips brushing up against Oli’s own to lovingly silence the boy before he pulled away reluctantly to speak. Oliver seemed speechless at Seth’s words and so he capitalized on the few moments of silence as he brushed the back of his hand against the warm blush that had sprung up in his fiancé’s round, pink frosted cheeks before he eased his lips into Oli’s own, the two boys melting together like whipped cream and butter. “Really?” The pair reluctantly fell away as Oliver began to speak, Seth’s small fingers still tangled in the pitch mop of sweet smelling hair at the back of his lover’s head, a warm smile coming alive on his weary lips. “Always, Oli, always.” A warm glitter came alive in Seth’s temperate irises as he watched Oliver with a look that could only be considered complete and utter infatuation. He loved everything about Oli–– from his stunning silver-blue eyes, to the way he always had that little inkling of a pout pulling at his bottom lip, right down to the way he always seemed to look at Seth like he was the most important thing in the world. “Forever and ever, I do, kitten.” he whispered lovingly as he felt himself being pulled into Oliver’s arms, a warm grin bubbling to the surface of his lips as his nose sought refuge under the sloping curve of Oliver’s jaw line, his blushing skin warm against Oli’s cool neck. Though, much to Seth’s dismay, the pair drifted apart due to Seth’s own undying curiosity and ‘brilliance’. Honestly, he was the next Einstein; I swear. “Just don’t leave me,” A rueful smile found its way to Seth’s lips as he heard Oli speak and reach out towards him like a child just begging to be held and so Seth complied, taking the boy into his arms and murmuring soft strings of soothing litany into the boy’s ear. Poor Oliver, so afraid that Seth was going to leave him high and dry, if only Seth could find the right words to express just how completely and utterly lost he was without Oliver by his side; if only Oliver had been there when he was comatose. “Because of what I did,” When Oli dropped his eyes from Seth’s own, Seth reached out slowly as if handling a frightened animal and lifted the boy’s chin until chilling blue collided with compassionate hazel, Seth’s mouth suddenly going dry as he found himself lost and swimming desperately for the concept he’d had in mind. “Don’t,” Seth stated simply before a small smile quirked his lips to the side quickly, “don’t ever think that this was your fault. I’ll love you no matter what happens.” As he spoke Seth slowly eased his arms about Oliver’s frail body, pressing a clumsily maneuvered, but loving all the same, to his fiancé’s temple before giggling faintly as the boy’s lips brushed the ticklish skin of his tricep in a gentle kiss. As Oliver lurched forwards, Seth flinched back a few centimeters before exhaling slowly and settling right where he was, his eyelashes batting delicately against a similar pair as the tip of his nose brushed up against Oliver’s own in a fleeting movement, a chaste little Eskimo kiss. Suddenly there was a hand beneath his chin pulling him forwards and Seth rushed forward to greet the boy pulling him in so greedily, one arm slithering it’s way up and around Oli’s neck as Seth broke the kiss briefly to tip his head for a better angle before he began to devour the other boy’s mouth in a ferocious kiss, his nose dimpling the tender skin of Oliver’s cheek. Each boy fell away swollen lipped and rosy cheeked, chests heaving faintly at the sudden intensity of passion that had welled up in a straining bubble and burst in a matter of moments. Seth clung to Oliver suddenly, his face burrowed away in the small amount of space between the boy’s neck and shoulder, his warm breath falling heavily on the small sliver of milky flesh revealed as he fought away the sobs building in his lungs.
The atmosphere of the room had suddenly gotten much more intimate as the two boys basked in quiet contentment, each serene as they simply allowed themselves to snuggle and cuddle, Seth’s round nose mapping out soft trails along the pale flesh of his lover’s throat whilst he allowed his fingers to fondle Oli’s own with a loving delicacy. All the while Seth tried desperately to soothe the impatient thoughts swelling in his mind and the nauseous feeling curling in the pit of his stomach before he suddenly could no longer bear the invisible weight pressing down on his stress wearied bones and simply buried himself into Oliver’s arms, face to neck and arms clinging like a child to a feeble teddy bear held together by only a few last dark strings. The thoughts that crashed violently around the torments of his mind suddenly calmed into delicate ripples as a familiar hand wound it’s self through his messily styled hair, his taught muscles relaxing slowly and his hold becoming less desperate. The calm mood, however, only lasted a few lingering moments before Seth voiced his fears; with each passing words his muscles winding tighter and tighter, his fingers curling closer and closer until he had a full fledged white knuckled death grip on the gown Oli was decked out in, his eyes squeezed shut as if too ward away any harm that could come his way, his muscles quivering faintly from being so tightly restrained––or maybe it was only Seth’s desperately frightened shivers. They hurt either way. “Dying?” A painful cry split the air as Oliver spoke. It physically hurt to Oliver say that he was, undoubtedly, dying and there was nothing Seth could have done about it. And it hurt even more to think that Seth had thought that for a few long moments while he was curled next to the unresponsive boy that Oli really wasn’t going to come back to him. “Seth! Seth, no! Don’t even scare me like that. You mean everything to me and more, baby. Everything. Don’t ever forget that.” He hadn’t known he was crying until he felt the tears cooling on his gaunt cheekbones and turning stiff, a soft sniffle given as he leaned away slightly and smoothed his fingers over the large wet spot on Oliver’s gown ashamedly, a ragged breath sucked into his lungs as he tried to calm the tears still pooling in his eyes. Instead of saying something comforting and soothing, Seth simply continued to smooth the wet spot on Oliver’s gown, still sniffling away miserably. “I’m getting you all wet..” Seth attempted a small, wry smile up at Oliver as he wiped away at the cool tears on his cheeks with rough swipes of his knuckles. “The reason I said that, I think, was because I—I saw Brendan. I was with him—nevermind, you probably wouldn’t believe me anyway.” Seth paused shakily as he heard Oliver speak, his breathing still much too fast and uneven, though he was undoubtedly kindled by curiosity as he finished wiping the tears away from his cheeks and slowly tipped his head like a befuddled bird, wondering why he felt a churn of fear and jealously spring alive in his heart as he said “Tell me.”
Seth frowned gently as he felt Oliver’s body begin to tense, his fingers moving in slow, smooth, soothing circles against the boy’s chest as he stretched up and peck a delicate kiss on the vertex of Oli’s lips, his fingers splayed out against the papery gown that hid the hickey littered tattoo he knew was just beneath that pale blue shrug. A soft simper curled up at the edges of his lips as Seth recalled what else was also under that thin gown; lean and pale and perfect–– stop it, Seth drew in a slow breath and settle for simply curling up at Oliver’s side, his cheek resting comfortably on the boy’s narrow shoulder. “Yeah, it was,” Seth froze for a fleeting moment as he heard Oliver’s confessed words, a thick lump rising in his throat as he floundered for words like a fish out of water and clamped his eyes closed against the sting of sharp tears prickling in his eyes. Why did it hurt so much, he wondered, when Oli hadn’t even known Seth two days ago? “After he—after he died.” Seth winced faintly as he heard Oli’s struggling words before he forged a sad little sympathetic smile and curled an arm around the boy’s middle and nuzzled himself closer to Oliver’s side, his nose dimpling the pale skin of Oli’s neck as he cocked his head to the side and laid a series of delicate kisses against the ticklish skin there. Pausing briefly Seth breathed softly against the now dampened skin of his lover’s neck as he absently reached up and trailed his thumb across Oli’s jaw line to carefully brush that solitary tear away from the boy’s flawlessly flushed skin. “I’m so sorry baby, I didn’t know..” He murmured quietly as he trailed a series of loving kisses along the graceful curve of Oliver’s neck slowly, one set of fingers tied dutifully into the boy’s own. “It’s too bad you lost what you loved, but I’m so damn glad you moved to the city. It’s an ugly world but you can smile all you want, bear, ‘cause I’ll never let anything happen to you.” Seth smiled warmly as he spoke, his nose nestled delicately into the hollow of Oli’s throat as he recalled the lyrics to the song he’d heard briefly when he’d went home for a quick shower and a handful of clothes. It wasn’t likely he was going home anytime soon, anyways; he was just fine spending every waking second he possibly could with Oli.
“Wedding date. At Oliver’s sudden demand Seth flinched slightly and snapped his head up quickly, the tips of his shaggy, charcoal-black hair flaring out in a hundred different directions at the sudden movement and his placid hazel eyes suddenly wide and surprised. Oli still wanted to marry him? Or was he just going to tell him there would be no wedding? Seth’s heart did a panicked little two-step in his chest before it caught in his chest, his breath caught in his mouth. “When—when are we… Getting married?” Seth was ecstatic. With a delighted squeal Seth quickly scrambled so that he was sitting up next to Oliver and threaded his fingers through the other boy’s own. A bright grin peeked out from behind his pale pink lips and his tired hazel eyes were suddenly bright with excitement, his nose scrunched up slightly with the force of his boyish grin and causing soft folds of pale, baby soft skin to wrinkle and cover the small dusting of freckles across the bridge of his nose. “Right now.” Seth giggled and his cheeks flushed a faint warm rose color before his lips coiled into the perfect little ringlet of a pout, the back of his free hand gingerly grazing the pale skin of Oli’s cheek as he stooped and tied his lips into his fiancé’s own in a purely chaste kiss. “As soon as you’re ready, cupcake.” He breathed gently, his warm breath fluttering across Oliver’s pale lips before he stretched up to kiss the tip of Oli’s round nose with the grace of a butterfly, a bubbly grin once more bobbing to the surface of his lips at the thought of being married to the most beautiful boy in the world: Oliver Logan.
To be perfectly honest, the wedding date couldn’t come quick enough for Seth. A day gone by without Oliver was a day wasted. Seth had already wasted seven thousand six hundred and sixty-six of those precious days without the boy in his life, now each day that passed without the one thing that he needed so desperately seemed like punishment. Really–– unless Oliver wanted it–– Seth saw no need for a huge get together and an extravagant wedding, the thought of only a small group of their closest friends and family and themselves seemed romantic. It seemed so much more intimate. But then again, you could simply blame that on the fact that Seth had no family to invite for an extravagant occasion. His mother had died soon after he was born, and his father had disowned him only two years ago when he discovered that his one and only son was gay and practically severed his last struggling bonds with any of his remaining family members. That left his Aunt Pam, and to be perfectly blunt, Seth highly doubted that she would show up to give her ‘son’ away to another man, no matter how much she claimed to love him. As for his friends, the only people could possibly think invite would have to be the small group of struggling friends that populated the desolate Seattle streets as of late: Joscelin, Aiden, and Wil–– Wil would be a bit of a stretch, though Seth believed he would show up no matter the circumstances, always hoping for that sliver of a chance that he be left at the altar, heart in hand; and after his rocky relationship with Aiden, he wasn’t sure he would even want to come in the first place. So that left Jos.
Seth squirmed impatiently beside Oliver before he sighed breathily and lay down beside his lover, his slender fingers absently brushed through the boy’s dark side bangs as he stared wistfully up at his fiancé through the thick veil of dark hair that fell haphazardly into his warm hazel eyes. Smiling like a shy schoolgirl Seth absently twirled a lock of Oliver’s dark hair around his slender index finger, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip gently as he hummed a song trapped in the depths of his mind half-heartedly, a soft sigh rising up from his lips like a curl of fog on a cold morning. Settling down slowly beside Oli, Seth cuddled up against the boy’s side innocently enough as he absently pressed a series of lingering little butterfly kisses along the thin line of milky white flesh revealed by that papery hospital gown Oliver was so fashionably sporting–– this winter’s new trend, apparently ––at this thought, Seth snorted in stale amusement and allowed his fingers to waltz across the bumpy plane of Oli’s ribs and down past his waist, his fingers absently pressing abstract designs into the slender bone of Oliver’s hip with his index fingernail, a devious little glimmer coming alive in his warm eyes. Leaning forward Seth nuzzled a warm trail long Oliver’s flushed jaw line with the tip of his nose, his lips securing warm little kisses against the boy’s skin along the way before hesitantly hitching one knee up over Oli’s hip and pushing himself up into a sitting position so that he was straddling the feeble boy’s lap, that stark little twinkle glimmering playfully out at Oli from behind the veil of dark hair falling haphazardly into his eyes. It was playtime.
Re: show your eyes, seth « Reply #44 on Dec 13, 2008, 10:34am »
( EVERYTIME I CLOSE MY EYES ) i d r e a m a b o u t y o u a l l t h e t i m e
“Fuck, why can’t I do this right?” Oliver shot a hand out from his crumpled body, using it to frame Seth’s face with all the gentleness he had in him. “Shh, baby, don’t worry,” Oli was never good at comforting anyone, but he decided to try his hand at it now. Besides, who better to console than the love of his life? A slow gasp trilled from Oli’s lungs as Seth burrowed his face into the crook of his neck, his body beginning to tremble with pleasure at the tiny kisses Seth left him along his skin. Oli turned his cheek away as Seth attempted to frame his face, still harboring a horribly shameful feeling inside of his stomach. All he could do right now was pull his fingers through Seth’s and pray to the god he didn’t believe in that everything was going to be okay, even though somewhere deep down in him told him that it would only get harder from here.
It felt good to have Seth at his side again, just as Oli believed they were meant to be. Always together, never apart. What a wonderful philosophy, and one that Oliver could definitely get used to. Oli shuddered pleasantly as Seth stuck his nose behind his ear; what an exotic feeling, Seth’s slow breaths on the baby-soft skin of his body. He shivered softly, feeling especially and wonderfully provoked by the small and childish kiss pressed just above his jugular vein. “Has anyone told you just how absolutely and completely perfect you are.” A buoyant and happy blush warmed beneath Oliver’s cheek, and he tucked his chin closer to his chest in a bashful sort of way. “Not exactly,” He murmured, recalling several instances where Brendan was rather close to telling him that he was perfect, but stopped himself abruptly. And all of his other boyfriends, and the one girlfriend, had only ever told him that he was wonderful, not that he was perfect. Seth was undoubtedly the first.
NOT DONE. obv. but i just wanted to get the first part up here. i'll finish it for sure sometime this week. (: btw, sethiver is so fucking adorableeee.
« Last Edit: Dec 13, 2008, 10:34am by oliver logan »
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