there's music playing
but we dance to the beat
of our own black hearts
and draw diagrams
of suicide on each other's wrists
then trace them with razorblades

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july 22, 2008.

What am I doing here? I don稚 belong in Seattle.

I don稚 belong. Period.








p.s.
I'm scared.

THE END, Joscelin

where do you go
when everything you know is wrong,
if you know anything at all?
tomorrow always starts so bright
before it fades and all the empty faces,
they all turn again.
when the lights are off,
we're all just dead again.

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july 26, 2008.

Seth's getting married. I never saw that coming. I mean, it's not that surprising, but still. He's always fallen so hard so fast. At least I think that's how it happens. I'm scared he's going to be jumping into something he's not ready for. I mean marriage? Honestly? I just don't know.

Like that's a surprise.

Sometimes I wish I was as lucky as Seth. He's always had boys after him, but he never realized it.

I've never had a boyfriend... or an anybody.

I'm afraid of being alone. I get lost and scared and I just need someone to be there and tell me it's going to be okay.

...Seth used to be that person, but now that he has what's-his-face he can't do it anymore.










I miss him already. This is going to kill me.

THE END, Joscelin